Chapter 6: Child of the Past

Krystal stopped staring at me during lessons, but in exchange for that relief- she started to ask me out after school. It frightened me, not because she wanted me to go somewhere with her, but because she kept asking me to go with her to the playground. Our playground.

"Myungsoo, it's not weird right? I mean am I going too far as a friend- asking you out after school?" Krystal gave a half-smile. The rusty swing made a high, squeaky and sharp sound that hurt my ear tremendously. The playground was a small field of five meters long and seven meters wide. Some part of the ancient playground was breaking apart, as though it's story was coming to end. Swings were rusty and not oiled, the unmaintained rubber floor was peeling off, bits and pieces of the playground floor were lying around, waiting to be cleared away. Somehow these pieces could never be cleared, these memories can never be erased, because they were our memories. They were ours.

I did not reply. She tilted her head, repeating,"Myungsoo, did you hear me?" I ignored her again. The playground was like a beating heart, it was alive, old and dying- but nonetheless, alive. The playground was my impression of her, dying but alive- somehow. This metaphor brought me nowhere, it only brought me deeper into confusion. "Help," i would chant at night, "I'm drowning in my own thoughts" i would scream.

"Myungsoo?" Krystal tapped my shoulder gently, for the first time she felt as if she was pitying me. I don't want that. I shuffled my feet, keeping my direction of sight straight and focused. Don't look, don't remind yourself. I don't want to think about a girl I can't remember!

"L." Her face darkened and i finally strayed from the path, it was Krystal staring at me with tear-stained eyes, full of emotion. 

"I'm not L! Don't ever call me L again." I thundered, taking one last glance at our playground and eventually stomping off. I could hear sobbing getting softer as I walked further away. 

"I'm sorry I'm not her..." she cried softly, my footsteps slowed down but then the pace quickened and my feet carried me far away from our playground.

I hadn't talked to Sungyeol in three days, which to me was considered to be a century. He was my best friend and it was terribly painful to ignore each other for three whole days. It was in class during first period when we awkwardly exchanged glances. 

It seemed like he was waiting for me to make the first move, which I volunteered to do so. Glancing back and forth,  i took the first step and gave a curled smile to him, which he immediately returned. Our smiles then dissolved into a friendly invitation, which I then opened my mouth to say something but got interrupted by Sungyeol who was a step further from I. 

"I'm sorry, for the other day." Sungyeol awkwardly scratched his head, avoiding my eyes. 

"It's alright, i forgive you." I gave a gentle smile, placing a reassuring hand on his right shoulder. It felt tensed up, as if he had something else to say.

"I like Krystal, and I'm not going to give up on her." His gaze changed as he mentioned something that was expected. I kind of knew beforehand that he liked her, i mean that boy can't stop staring! I chuckled, patting his back,"You'll make it buddy, she'll definitely be yours one day." Then, he smiled back respectfully.

The last three nights since that night were terrible. I would drag myself into bed, feeling empty and worse than ever. The feeling of fake nausea overwhelmed me, questions begun to circle in my head. What am I doing with my life? Why am I here? Why did she leave me? Why must this happen? Why me. 

And who is Krystal?

My palms clenched onto the acid white sheets, they crumpled up as I curled up into foetus position. No tears came out, I hadn't cried in awhile. It was funny how after a long time of going through hardships, your troubles become everyday things, they don't make you disappointed anymore- it's normal. I can't cry anymore, even if I force myself. Am i normal?

"She'll definitely be mine one day." Sungyeol pulled me back from the depth of my deep thoughts.

Looking down from our row, Krystal sat at the fifth seat, writing some words onto a black notebook. Sungyeol's gaze was directed on her, full of desire.

Occasionally, she would turn around to take a peek at us, or me. Our eyes would immediately avoid each other as she did. I felt suffocated in that room and wanted the lecture to end right there and then. 

The visions became clearer. The child's hair were just like hers- bloody red. She was clenching onto the bedroom door as I watched my greatest nightmare reveal right before my eyes. 

I had to pinch myself before I could plunge my body back into the cold night of what was assumedly my life now. I missed her. I missed her soft brown hair, her gentle black eyes, her loving touch...

 I missed the girl that I murdered.

That child is the sister of Jessica.

Krystal is Jessica's younger sister.

A/N: Ooo plot twist although many of you kinda already knew cause i used Jessica and Krystal as characters who are really sisters in real life :-) Anyway thank you for following this story so far. I know I've been a bad author who hasn't finished her other story 'Switched!' but i suddenly felt like the characters there weren't in depth enough so I may take some time to rethink that. Thank you so much, love you all!