I don’t remember what happened after manager had secured me in my seat, but when I started to feel better I realized I was in a hospital bed. My manager was pacing back and forth at the end of my bed, his cell phone in one hand and his free hand rubbing his head ferociously. When he saw that I had opened my eyes, he rushed to my side.

“Kyuri-yah, how do you feel?”

“What happened? Did you tell the others?”

“Yes, everyone knows.” My manager sighed. “The doctors aren’t sure but they think you may have fainted due to stress.” He paused for a moment, seeming to think over his word choices before speaking again. “You know, I get that this may be a difficult decision for you, but you really need to –“

“-I’ve already made a decision.”

My manager looked at me in surprise. “You already….THEN WHY HAVEN’T YOU SAID ANYTHING?”

“It didn’t feel like the right time.” I sighed and looked out the window. Queue the lecture in three, two, one.

“YOO KYURI! YOU NEED TO THINK ABOUT YOURSELF! YOU’RE STRESSING YOURSELF OUT SO MUCH AND IT’S TAKING A TOLL ON NOT ONLY THOSE AROUND YOU BUT NOW ON YOUR BODY! WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TAKE RESPONSIBLITLY?”

I tried my best to tune my manager out, but his yelling triggered all of my pent up frustration. I just couldn’t hold it in any longer. Everyone kept expecting so much from me. They wanted me to make a decision. They wanted me to take it easy. Did anyone realize how much stress they were putting me under? And they all needed to make up their minds themselves. Did they want me to relax or work hard? I couldn’t do both at the same time. Also why where they all questioning me when I really didn’t have to go through all of this alone?

“I haven’t been taking responsibility? So all of this is my fault? It’s not like Leo oppa couldn’t have said something or you know here’s a thought, maybe this all started because of his actions in the first place. So please explain to me how this is all MY decision and all MY fault when really it should be a couple’s effort. OUR decision. OUR fault.” Tears started to stream down my face as the words spilling past my lips made me realize that maybe all of this wasn’t worth it. “O-oppa.” I sobbed. “I don’t think any of this is worth it.”

“Kyuri.” My manager sounded worried again.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Both of us looked towards the door and saw Leo and the other VIXX members walking into the room. I didn’t know how much they heard but now I was really in a mess of trouble.

“Kyuri-yah, do you really feel that way?” N asked, rushing to my side and grabbing my hand.

I pulled my hand away from his and rolled onto my side so my back was to everyone. “Oppa, please. You guys should be at the venue getting ready. Don’t worry about me. I just want to be here alone.”

“I really think we should talk though.” N said. He looked back at the other members before looking back at me. “I think we all have things we need to say.”

“No. I don’t think we do. I’ve made up my mind and that’s that. I’m calling the CEO in the morning.”

“Noona, please. Don’t be upset.” Hyuk frowned.

“Oppa, can you please ask them to leave? I’m tired and not in the mood to talk.” I looked up at my manager with a pleading look. I just really didn’t want to deal with this right now.

He frowned and apologized to the guys before ushering them out. I closed my eyes and lay on my back, throwing my arm across my eyes to make the room seem dark. I heard the door open and close again so I assumed my manager had come back inside after telling VIXX to leave.

“Oppa, you don’t have to hang around too. I’ll be fine here on my own.” There was nothing but silence. “Oppa, I’m sure there’s things you need to take care of.”

“Well I have to perform in a few hours but I think this is a bit more important.”

The sound of Leo’s voice almost caused me to jump out of bed. Why hadn’t he gone back with the others? Had my manager let him in? My manager should have understood that I didn’t want to talk to anyone at the moment and that included Jung Taekwoon. However now that he’s here I guess I had no choice but to hear him out and talk to him.

“Then why are you here? What’s more important, me or VIXX?” I already knew the answer but I wanted Leo to understand what kind of position everyone was putting me in.

Leo was going to say VIXX was most important. I don’t blame him. VIXX was his family. VIXX was his life. Why would he choose a troublesome trainee who he had some romantic feelings for come in between any of that? I’d almost question his sanity if he were to say otherwise.

“Kyuri-yah, you know VIXX is more important to me.” He sighed. I was glad to hear he was thinking clearly.

“So shouldn’t my career be my decision?” Leo looked up at me, seeming surprised by my words.

“But the other night you said –“

“- Woonie oppa, I love you, but right now what’s most important is my career. You have helped me so much to get to where I am and you’ve helped me realize a few things about myself along the way.” I smiled at him the best I could. His expression seemed so lost and confused. It broke my heart to see him this way, however it needed to happen. “I’m going to finish out the showcase with you guys, but then I’m leaving. I’m going to go to a different company, if anyone else will take me, and I’m going to follow my dreams of being an idol.”

Leo stood speechless at my bedside. His gaze had traveled from me to the floor as all of my words floated through his ears and he tried to comprehend the situation I had just presented to him. When we talked about this before he told me I had to pick what was most important to me. If VIXX was most important to him, he should understand my decision. However I didn’t seemed to think that accepting my decision would be this difficult.

“When you said you needed to sleep on your decision…” He started slowly. “Was this your decision all along?” I shook my head. “You know I wouldn’t be able to give up VIXX, but I was hoping you would choose me.”

“Oppa, nothing says we can’t try again someday. What’s most important at the moment is our careers. We have a lifetime to worry about being together.” I told him.

“So we’re breaking up?” The words hurt to hear but it’s what needed to be. I nodded and Leo nodded in understanding.

“We have two more shows. We should cherish the time we have left together for a while.” I told him.

Leo and I just sat in silence after that. He hung around as long as he could before he really had to get back to the venue so he wouldn’t miss tonight’s showcase. I told him to do his best and not to tell the other members about my decision. I wanted to tell them myself after I had talked to the CEO. My manager had walked in after Leo had walked out and he shared the same sad eyes and Leo and I. Leaving Jellyfish Entertainment also meant I was leaving my manager, who I had known even longer than I had known VIXX. I had to cherish the time I had left with him as well.

The next morning I stayed true to my word and explained to the CEO my wishes. He seemed sad to hear that I wanted to leave, seeing as the deal was if I chose my career over my relationship I could stay in the company no problem, but he agreed and all I had to do was come in and sign off my contract. After I got off the phone, I felt a wave of emotions come over me. Now I would have to go through the auditioning process all over again. What companies would even want me now? I’ve already had myself in some drama. Would any of the companies be ready to accept my pre-debut baggage?

When I saw VIXX again, the members all bared heavy hearts. Leo didn’t have to tell them what was going on. They all had picked up on it from the atmosphere around us. The way we desperately held the other’s hand. The way Leo wouldn’t let me go more than a few inches away from his side before pulling me back. We had never shown so much skinship in front of anyone before so everyone could tell things were not well.

The last stages I shared with Hongbin and Hyuk I danced harder than I had ever danced before. I wanted to leave with no regrets. There was no reason for our off stage emotions to affect our performances. After my last stage I just hung around in the wings, watching VIXX perform and encouraging them as they would step backstage for brief costume changes or for another members’ solo stage. Leo would take every chance he could to stand close to me. No one protested. All of us were just trying to keep ourselves together.

“Kids, I know you don’t want to hear this but you all won’t be going back together tomorrow.” VIXX’s manager said as we all sat in the dressing room together after the showcase.

“What? Why? We all aren’t going back to Seoul tomorrow?” Ken asked.

The manager shook his head. “You guys have schedule in Busan tomorrow. We’re going opposite directions.”

I looked at Leo and his embrace grew tighter around my waist. “Well it’s not like we all won’t be able to stay in touch right? We all have our phones. We can text and tweet at each other.” I looked around at all the other members. “This doesn’t have to be a goodbye forever.”

“Noona’s right. We’ll all keep in touch.” Hyuk smiled.

N had started to cry and wiped his eyes quickly. “You better debut soon! I’m sure any company you audition for will snag you up in a heartbeat. You’ve come so far. They would all be lucky to have you.” He rushed over to me and hugged me tight, ignoring the fact that Leo was holding me tight to his side. “You better keep in touch. I want to see my trainee winning awards and I want to see you having solo showcases!”

“Yes oppa.”

Leo loosened his grip so each member could hug me as they too bid me goodbye. By the time I had hugged everyone, we were all crying alligator tears.

“Come on, now. It’s time for Kyuri-yah to head back.” VIXX’s manager said.

“We’re going back to Seoul tonight?” I looked at my manager with a pleading glance.

“I’m sorry but we have to get you back tonight. Tomorrow you have schedule as well.” My manager said.

“How? My contract is over.”

My manager was able to smile. “The CEO was able to get you a few auditions, so we have to leave tonight so you can rest and do well in the morning.”

Everyone congratulated me and cheered. That news had changed the atmosphere a little, however Leo and I still felt melancholy.

“Walk me out to my van?” I asked him.

No one stopped us as we left the room and made our way to the parking garage. Hand in hand, we wordlessly walked next to each other, just basking in each other’s presence for what we knew to be the last time for a good while. This was for the best though.

Stopping in front of the van, Leo pulled me into a hug before kissing my hard and passionately. I kissed him back, not wanting to pull away. He rested his chin on my head after pecking my lips one last time.

“I love you. I’m sorry things have been so crazy and I’ve made things hard for you. Please do well.”

I buried my face in his chest. “I love you too. This has been my fault too so don’t blame yourself.” I was surprised no more tears came. I must have cried as much as I possibly could. “I’m so thankful you have been here for me through all of this. I don’t know where I would be without you or the others. I promise we’ll cross paths again one day.”

I pulled myself away from Leo begrudgingly. Kissing him one last time I glanced over his shoulder and saw my manager and VIXX walking towards us. I smiled at them before smiling up at Leo and getting into my van. As we pulled away, I waved goodbye out the window.

This was the start of my new journey. Of course I still wished Leo and I could be a couple but only time will tell. Right now, I just needed to focus on passing those auditions in the morning.

A/N: Hello readers. Thank you for reading and being so patient for this update. This may seem like the end but there is one more chapter to this story. I want to say how thankful I am that all of you have enjoyed this story so much. I hope you all enjoyed this update and please anticipate the last chapter!