The last time they talked it was raining. It was spring, yet the rain felt piercingly cold against his skin, as if it was burning small holes in it. One stupid phone call made him completely crumble and stop thinking rationally. But he kept walking and walking aimlessly without looking at what was in front of him, his mind subconsciously following the city lights during this unnaturally freezing night. Or was it just the words he said that were non-stop echoing in his mind the ones that made him shiver and forget to breathe every now and then? Or was it the blank look in the other’s eyes while he said those words as if it was the easiest thing to say then? He didn’t know, but it was cold.

“I think it would be better for you if you found someone else who would appreciate you more.”

Bull. Taehyung knew Hoseok was bullting his way out of the situation, saying a pathetic excuse like this. Somebody else? There was nobody else Taehyung needed and Hoseok knew that well because they both really ing needed each other. But Jung Hoseok thought that six year difference in age was a really big ing deal and Taehyung was only confused, and what he felt wasn’t love. And he had the nerve to say this after nine months of them being each other’s only support and hell if that was only ‘confusion’. They just clicked and fully completed each other because, no, life wasn’t easy and it did not come with any kind of instructions and humans have to struggle daily to survive, but it was like this and it was okay because in the end of the day there was the other there and that was enough for both of them to continue. When they first met at some idiotic circumstances neither of them remembered, Hoseok was quite low and unwilling to get up, but it was blatantly obvious that this changed right after Taehyungs appeared in his life. His eyes always lit up when they were together, when they would endure life and its attacks together but also cherish the little moments that made it all worth it together, those eyes completely transformed into something similar to an everlasting eye-smile. Jung Hoseok’s eyes never lied. But his actions always, always did. Whenever he would touch Taehyung, he would be hesitant to; he would never truly express how much he loved the other because it was like imprinted on his mind and even conscious that those six years they had apart were something wrong and Taehyung, even at 19 years old age, was probably going to regret all of this in the future so he felt like he was using him and being selfish. And he was, Jung Hoseok was really selfish because he decided to ignore Taehyung pleads, promises and his sincere feelings and always kept blaming himself for something such as ‘dragging him down’. Because Kim Taehyung never once in his life felt more alive than those nine months he spent next someone who understood him, gave him comfort and whispered the sweetest words whenever he found himself unable to stop crying, touched him ever so gently, as if he was the finest piece of porcelain in the set, embraced him and kissed him sweetly whenever he would feel like giving up. Yet Hoseok always thought it was the reverse and that Taehyung was only miserable because of him. Just like the natural human response or some twisted law of nature in the end those who loved each other the most had to be separated, no matter how many promises and ‘forevers’ were mentioned before. It was just the way love worked and it was never not unfair because that only led to two lost souls lose their only support because of some unwritten, yet followed by everyone moral said so. Taehyung was more than convinced that whatever he felt when he was next to Hoseok wasn’t something that could be felt with another person, it would never be the same and feel the same, and that was the feeling that made him the happiest he’d ever been. But he was going to show him exactly how convincing a nineteen year old boy could be and how something as stupid as few years apart wasn’t going to completely break what was built during those nine months. But even if it did so what! He would just start all over again and build it until he finally reaches the point of Jung Hoseoks mind and completely erase every reason he had to doubt his love ever again. The rain quietly continued to soak through his clothes until he wasn’t able to think anymore.