CHAPTER 15 Reason to Love

 

      There Eunji was standing with a book close to her chest watching Key from a distance. He was in the lounge of the rehabilitation center and this was the first time she would be visiting him after he woke up from his coma. No one can deny how nervous she was with her fingers unconsciously brushing through the ends of the book. She had her expectations low for this encounter since she knew very well that memory loss was just so common. To her, it’s not going to be about their past memories at all. She figured she just had to start again.

      Beside her stood Suho, her good Oppa from church who was also holding a book. She didn’t want to be completely alone to face Key. She didn’t want to drag along her friends from school either. If there was anyone that would be perfect to bring along, it was Suho, and he was glad to be invited by Eunji. He used to volunteer helping the people in the rehabilitation center. Situations similar to Key have occurred in the past and he knew a thing or two about how to entertain and keep patients like him company.

      “Oh, I think they’re your first guest that aren’t your family, Key,” The nurse said. Slouching Key did not reply back. He just stared off into a distance, ignoring everything that the nurse was saying. He didn’t even bother to bat an eye at anything or anyone. He just had no reaction.

      The nurse got up and greeted the two guests. She informed them that Key has indeed lost his memories and is going through a rehabilitation program at the moment. The nurse also told them that he has not yet been taught about whom he’s friends were so they should be careful about approaching him with certain things.

      “We understand,” Suho bowed his head.

      Eunji just simply nodded and the nurse left them.

      “Hello,” Suho friendly greeted Key as he pulled up a seat for Eunji. Key didn’t pay any attention. He still looked at the wide windows of the building, avoiding contact of their faces.

      “Hi…” Eunji awkwardly sat across Key on the round table. Suho took the seat beside Key.

      “I know you can’t really read properly yet… but I figured you might want to practice with this book. You’ll probably like it,” Suho said, sliding the book “Easiest Ways to Bring Back Memories.”

      “Oh, what?” Eunji’s eyebrows crumpled and she picked up Suho’s book. “My dad read this. He said it .”

      “Really?” Suho tilted his head. “I thought it was pretty nice… I actually reminisced while reading this book.”

      “Forget about that book,” Eunji gave the book to Suho and slid her own book in front of Key. “This is much better."

      Key was a bit startled by how Suho and Eunji were acting. Other than the nurses and doctors, the people that visited him so far introduced themselves as someone expecting to be remembered. He was fed with facts and information everyday even though he knew nothing about them. He totally hated it. But what’s with these teenagers all of a sudden? A book? Aren’t they going to introduce themselves? He glanced at Eunji’s book and slowly read the title: “The Tale of the Neon Lights.”

      He decided to look up and see who this girl was. He blinked and remembered it was the same girl who he saw the moment he woke up. It was the girl that had been giving him comfort the whole time he was trapped in his coma.

      “W-why…” He stammered, trying hard to ask why she’s bringing this book to him. The title did seem familiar.

      “It’s pretty boring here, yeah?” Suho spoke and Key looked at him. “We’re not allowed to bring any games because they said it could stress you out so this is the least we could do. Besides, books are nice.”

      “Not much the reading part,” Eunji shyly said. “What’s nice is the story.”

      “Hey, reading is nice. It makes you smarter,” Suho said.

      Key closed his eyes and shook his head. For the first time, he wanted to know who this girl was. “W-who… are you?” He roughly stammered as he stared at Eunji.

      “O-oh, m-me?” Eunji stuttered. Suho and Eunji exchanged glances. “Right… I’m Eunji.”

      “Eunji?” Key repeated as the name echoed in his brain. He remembered waking up and instantly having the name Eunji click on his head. Could she perhaps be someone he knew well from before?

      “I’m Suho,” Suho pitched in. Key gave him a simple smile. That name didn’t click to anything.

      “Can you... read for me?” Key said to Eunji all of a sudden. Since he remembered her voice clearly, it excited him a bit. He just wanted to hear Eunji’s voice for as long as possible to gain some kind of peace of mind. Staying in the rehabilitation center has been driving him crazy and it has only been a week.

      “H-huh? Sure,” Eunji nodded and smiled. She picked up the Tale of the Neon Lights, tucked her hair back to her ears, and took a deep breath. Before she started, she noticed the corner of Key’s mouth go up. He was smiling for the first time ever since they arrived. It gave her a bubbly feeling. It was the same smile that made her realize she liked him that one time they hung out in the living room. It was that same smile that made her hang onto him even though he was a silly, unusual, and outgoing kid.

      And so, she started, “In a time, place, and universe far from the planet of earth, there stood a tree…”

      As Eunji read, Suho’s reactions were priceless. He was shocked and thrilled at every scene in only the first chapter. This amused Key very much. Besides, Key could not understand some words that came out of Eunji’s mouth anyway because of his destroyed memory. Still, he enjoyed spending this time with them. Well, he did… until three nervous teenagers were pushing each other towards his table. The group was two boys, and a girl. One boy was tall and sport-bodied, the other, sleek and somewhat smaller, and the girl was pretty yet tall for a girl’s average height.

      “Is he even okay?” “Shh! He looks fine. Just shut up and take it easy.” “He doesn’t look so pleasant to see us though… I mean look, he’s staring at us right now!”

      Eunji heard the uneasy whispers of these three teenagers. She stopped reading as he noticed Key’s attention was not on her anymore. She turned her head to see who it was. It was Sulli, Minho, the athletic guy in school, and Jonghyun, the sleek and handsome guy, famous for winning most of the singing competitions next to Eunji. They were Key’s set of best friends. She didn’t know them well, but Key did talk about them a few times before.

      “Eunji, Suho Oppa, you’re here?” Sulli saw Eunji and Suho.

      “Oh… yeah,” Eunji pitied them because Key does not even remember them. She knows the pain of losing a friend will hit Sulli, Minho, and Jonghyun harder than she did. They have known him since they were kids. It will be hard for them to believe all the memories were erased because of one accident.

      “We were just about to leave,” Eunji said knowing the three would want some time with Key. Besides, she was content to have at least half an hour with him. It was a satisfying to see his bright face again alive and breathing—talking and moving.

      “Already? Are you sure you don’t want to stay with us?” Sulli kindly suggested.

      “I’d rather not,” Eunji sighed and wryly smiled. “Besides, you guys are his close friends. I don’t want to steal your time with him.”

      “Don’t leave… please,” Key suddenly spoke, his voice much clearer than before. The three turned to Eunji and Suho. Eunji turned to Key. She didn’t want to stay, but Key’s haggard and pleading eyes dropped a stone in her heart. She felt trapped by his request and she could not resist it. This was the very first time Key had pleaded her to do something. All the times they have spent together, she was the one making the requests and Key could never resist. Now she wondered if this was how Key had felt saying yes to her irresistible eyes when his whole being wanted to say no. With a slight nod, Eunji and Suho sat back to their seats. The three slowly followed, sitting themselves around Key.

      “Hi Key,” Sulli greeted. “I’m Sulli and this is Minho and Jonghyun. We’re your friends. You know us, right?” she carefully said.

      Key turned his eyes to the fingers on his lap and sat silently after Sulli stopped speaking. “No, and I don’t care.” he thought bitterly. He doesn’t even know who he was and they expect him to know them? It frustrated him that his peaceful storybook reading with Suho and Eunji were interrupted by another session of “Do you remember me?” It’s already sickening enough to memorize details about his family, now there’s already new batch of people added to the queue?

      Silence fell over them and an awkward atmosphere enveloped them. It felt deafening and painful being in it. Having a feeling that Key did not want to answer, Suho said, “The nurse told us that he lost his memories for the time being.”

      The three exchanged shocked glances and no one could speak a word for a few moments. In disbelief, they started telling stories to Key about the things they did in the past thinking they were impossible to forget, but Key could only shake his head to say he recalls nothing. It was too hard for them to believe that they even joked around that maybe he was pranking them. Key was not pleased with being accused of this but tried not to give a reaction.

      Eunji, who only observed the situation, suddenly spoke after noticing Key’s bitter expression. “Maybe you guys shouldn’t push it like that,” she gently said. “Memory loss is a serious thing.”

      The three of them turned to Eunji and their spirits withered down. Key was denying everything, after all. There is nothing else to do but to accept the truth. However, after taking it in as the reality, they began to tell him stories not to prove that he remembers something, but to help him remember things. Key was not happy with this at all.

      Although Eunji tried to give Key a bit of a break, it seemed like the three wouldn’t stop until he recalls something. It worried her that this could annoy and stress him out even though he did not show it. The pressure was just too much, and all these information being shot at him definitely won’t stick in just one day. On the other hand, she also understood the grief that his friends were going through. It’s not easy to lose someone you thought would normally always be around. So who exactly was she supposed to pity in this situation? One thing was for sure, though. Taking sides in this situation will eventually cause some kind of trouble, and she will avoid doing so as much as possible.

 

 

      Every day, Eunji and Suho visited Key in the rehabilitation center. They brought books that Key used to read, shared some laughs and stories about their day in school, and cheered him up whenever he felt down.

      Eunji didn’t mention anything about their simple history together. She tried not to. All she wanted was to spend time with him—be friends with him all over again.

      Key, on the other hand, was still dying to know who she might be. The name Eunji always rang a bell in his mind. He couldn’t quite place why his heart thumped every time he heard that name. One thing was for sure, though. Eunji was the only one who was making him really happy.

      There he sat on the same round table in the rehabilitation center. Eunji was unavailable today and only Suho had the chance to visit. That didn’t bring him down. He was already quite comfortable with Suho. He was a fun guy to have around—a much more comfortable company than the people who always tried to make him remember things. He actually wished that Suho had been his brother in the past.

      “So, Key, how’s your progress going?” Suho asked as he flipped through some of the books he had given to Key.

      “I can read now,” He happily said. “I can write too.”

      “That’s brilliant!” Suho high-fived Key. “You’re progressing faster than I expected. You’ll probably be out here in no time!”

      “Thanks, Hyung,” he chuckled. “Let me read you something.” He picked up the Tale of the Neon Lights and flipped to a random page.

      “He waas in a st-state of confffussion. How was he suppposed to tell her “I love you” when he was not allowed to love? He was a guuaaardian angel, not a human being. He was not supposed to fall in love…” He started reading slowly like kids from kindergarten. Suho grinned widely like a mother who was hearing its child say words for the first time.

      “That’s all I can do. It’s too much effort reading the whole thing,” Key said.

      “That’s actually pretty great! You did great. The story though was a bit… hmm. What is this book about? I don’t think I’ve read this before or seen it anywhere in the stores,” Suho said, picking up the book.

      “Don’t ask me,” Key laughed. “Eunji is the one who owns that book.”

      “Oh right.” Suho looked at the book and started reading where he left off. He became curious to know what the plot was about and began reading quietly on his own. It became silent and Key didn’t want that.

      “Um… Hyung,” he began. He thought of something to talk about. Now that Eunji wasn’t here, maybe he could talk about her with Suho. “I would like to know who Eunji is.”

      “Eunji?” Suho glanced at Key then back to the book.

      “Yeah… I’ve been so curious to know who she is. Who is she in my life? Is she someone special?”

      “Special?” Suho chuckled. “You guys were not close friends the first time I saw you together, but I think she came to like you in time. Right now, all I know is that you are special to her.”

      “I am? Do you have a clue as to why?” Key asked.

      “I don’t know… she never really told me about her feelings. I just assume she likes you since it’s clearly written all over her face,” Suho chuckled. “Especially since she keeps visiting you here. That girl is not a charity type of girl until this happened to you!”

      “Do have a clue on how she started to like me?” Key asked.

      “I don’t know,” Suho wondered. “Hmm... oh, there was this one time,” he smiled.

      “What happened?”

      “Well, Eunji’s dad got into a car accident a few months ago. You, Eunji, and I witnessed it. She didn’t know he was his father yet at that time, but she was still so troubled about it. Only you were the one who stood beside her and comforted her in those days. I think she felt lonely during those times. You were the only one who could truly keep her company since your houses were both close to each other. I suppose that’s how it started. I don’t really know,” Suho shrugged.

      “So I was the one keeping her company during hard days?” Key wondered.

      “Yeah. Now, ever since you got into your coma, she’s been keeping you company—keeping you company on harder days,” Suho smiled.

      “So is she really the one singing to me while I was in my coma?” Key wondered.

      “I don’t know, but that’s probably her since she visited often. She has a lovely voice; I’m sure that’s her.”

      “I want to hear her sing again...”

      “I’m sure if you kindly ask her, she will sing for you.”

 

 

2 WEEKS LATER

      “I’m going to be released from this place tomorrow,” Key happily declared before Eunji headed for home.

      “Really? Wow, I’m so happy for you!” Eunji squealed and hugged him from excitement. “I can hardly believe you were like a vegetable just a month ago!”

      Key’s heart suddenly thumped louder and faster. Whatever he was feeling, he couldn’t understand, but he liked it… up until a sharp static sound entered his ears. His vision blurred and a vision of him under an umbrella kissing Eunji flashed before his eyes. There were also visions of him feeding some kind of dish to Eunji and even singing a song to her. He could not believe what he just saw. Now he was more curious than ever to know who Eunji really was.

      However, he brushed it off and focused on reality. “Eunji, do you have maybe some place we could go tomorrow to celebrate?”

      “Don’t you want to spend your first day out of here with your family?”

      “You’re my only friend,” Key pouted. “You’re the only one I know and feel comfortable with. Please,” he pleaded. Once again, Eunji could not turn him down.

      “Sure,” Eunji smiled. “I’ll take you somewhere.”

***

      It was a quiet afternoon in Tiffany’s house. The variety show Happy Together was playing on TV but neither TaeYeon nor Tiffany could continue watching it when one of the guests concern was about marriage. After the night back at the farm, things have turned awkward between them whenever marriage was mentioned. They also haven’t been latched onto each other as often before. They always sat on both ends of the couch with a huge gap between them. Although they still acted like everything was okay and normal between them, they haven’t been speaking their thoughts out clearly to each other anymore.

      Tiffany glanced at TaeYeon and sighed. She knew this stale air shouldn’t continue between them. It just wasn’t right to drag on this silence but how was she supposed to stop it? TaeYeon is very persistent when he doesn’t want to talk about something, especially when the topic is sensitive.  She could just ask him, but she feared that it would bother and eventually anger him. Was time really all that he needed? It’s just ridiculous considering how long they have been separated together. Was this really where all the waiting went—another season of waiting?

      She picked up her phone and messaged Jessica.

      “ — TaeYeon doesn’t want to marry me.”

 

      In less than five seconds, her best friend replied,

      “ — Huh

        — qhat

        — WHAT??

        — are you serious

        — Youre not serious right??

        — Fany????????

        — DID HE SAY THAT?

        — WHAT DOES HE MEAN BY THAT OH MY GOSH WHAT

        — I SWEAR I’M GONNA KILL HIM

        — FIFTEEN FRIGGIN YEARS

        — U MEAN TO TELL ME U CRIED FOR NOTHING

        — I THOT U GUYS WERE IN LOVE???

        — Is he not in love???

        — GIRL

        — GILLR
        — WHAT BAUT EUNJI OH GOSH WHAT A ”

 

      Jessica’s texts went by too fast that Tiffany had a hard time butting in. TaeYeon couldn’t help but be curious about who was causing those notification sounds.

      “Who are you texting?”

      “It’s just Jessica,” Tiffany casually said as she lowered the notification volume of her phone. TaeYeon’s worries were eased and he didn’t think any more about it.

      Before Jessica started swearing, Tiffany immediately sent,

        “ — omg sica calm down pls

        — ok sorry he didn’t actually say that but kinda something like that…

        — We’re just kinda awkward right now because of something. Let’s talk at your house.”

 

***

      When Tiffany arrived at the Kwon apartment, Jessica was just about to finish washing the dishes and the lively kids were dancing along to a replay of an episode of Mnet countdown. Yoona was giving it her all as she flailed her arms about while her younger sister SooJung just stood on one spot while moving up and down with a doll clutched to her chest. Yoona kept trying to force SooJung to move more but the toddler didn’t want to budge at all, let alone even let her older sister take hold of her hand. When Tiffany was about to greet them, Yoona touched her little sister’s doll, causing SooJung to screech. Tiffany got startled and laughed her head off. Oh, what lovely sight it was to see that the house was really bright and noisy with the kids, unlike back at home when she could not even talk to TaeYeon properly and Eunji who always drifted off because of Key.

      As soon as Tiffany and Jessica finished drying the dishes, Jessica said, “So, what’s the problem? What’s that about you being awkward with TaeYeon?”

      “Okay, here’s the thing… he didn’t tell me he doesn’t want to marry me. That’s just what I think. But seriously, every time marriage gets brought up, it becomes so quiet between us, and it goes on for the rest of the day.”

      “Why? Haven’t you guys talked about it yet? You know eventually you guys have to face that.”

      “Yeah, yeah, I know. We did talk about it… for a moment, anyway,” Tiffany sighed. “And it was right before Sunny and SooYoung got engaged in front of our eyes, too.”

      “Oooh, that timing. What did he say?”

      “He said, and I quote, ‘I’m not ready. And I don’t know if I will ever be.’”

      “What? He really said that? After everything?” Jessica scoffed.

      “I don’t know his reason for it… When I asked why, he was way too vague and hesitant to tell me. I remember before that conversation was even brought up I was talking about my life back when I lived in Yuchiri. And in the middle of that conversation, he suddenly says how he regrets hurting me back then when he didn’t know I was pregnant and all that. But he said that wasn’t the reason either. I can’t figure out what is really going on. Now it’s like we’re together, but not really because it’s like there’s no more end goal for all the things we’re doing together.”

      “Gosh, if he’s cheating on you, I’ll be the first one to kill him,” Jessica mumbled.

      “Cheating!? No way! How can you even think that of him? I don’t think that’s even possible after everything!”

      “You just told me you couldn’t figure him out. Now you’re telling me it’s impossible for him to cheat on you? He’s been gone from your life for 15 years, for goodness sake! How would you know if he’s keeping a side-chick from you or something all this time?”

      Tiffany opened to argue but she shut it immediately not knowing what to say. Jessica has a point but it just didn’t fit TaeYeon’s loyal and careful personality. She lowered her head and replied, “Still, out of all things, cheating would never be his reason to feel that way.”

      “If you say so… But I’m just wondering, have you even talked or I don’t know, wondered carefully about what bothered him about marriage? I remember I myself was quite against it too.”

      “I guess I got scared to ask him because he told me he might never be ready and he was very hesitant to say anything more after that… it’s just so awkward if I bring it up and I’m scared he might show or say something I fear if I press on. But did you really feel that way, too? What was your reason?”

      “I felt like I didn’t deserve Yuri,” Jessica said. “I felt like I will never be able to make him as happy as her past girlfriends did.”

      “Really? And I thought all this time you always wanted him for yourself.”

      “Yeah, and that’s how I used to think for a long time. I always thought I deserved him. I always thought I was better than all of his girlfriends. And I guess, if I think about it now, yeah, I am better than all of them since I’m now married to him,” Jessica giggled. “But anyway, there was a time when I thought I was the worst for him.”

      “Is it because you guys fought a lot?”

      “Yeah, we were on-and-off for a long time because I was very stubborn and he was a little naïve. I mean I guess he did have his own mistakes towards me too, but I still felt like my mistakes towards him were far worse. So I thought he deserved someone better. With us breaking up many times, I thought we were not meant for each other.”

      “TaeYeon and I, though… we haven’t really fought much,” Tiffany said. “Not yet, at least…”

      “Hm… Then look at it this way… don’t you think he’s a little pressured?”

      “Pressured?”

      “I mean, c’mon, everyone gets pressured at some point at the mention of marriage. After all, it’s not just about marrying one person—you have to consider the partner’s family as your family, too. That’s what makes marriage so special and also a very hard thing to commit to. Yuri had no problem getting my parents approval because apparently Dad kind of already gave him his blessings at 18 without me even knowing about it, and it’s crazy to think how we haven’t even started dating at that age… But anyway, I didn’t have it easy and was scared to marry Yuri because his mother didn’t like me. Because Yuri and I had a long and tiring history being together, of course she didn’t want his son to hurt over and over again because of me. So trying to prove to her that I’ll be a good wife was a big burden to bear. I thought I might disappoint her. With your situation, even though he doesn’t have to worry about any of your parents’ approval, he still has to worry about Eunji, and Eunji is not only your daughter. Remember, Eunji is his daughter, too.”

      “But TaeYeon gets along with Eunji better than he does with me so what’s there to worry about?”

      “Yeah, okay, but what I’m trying to say is that TaeYeon wants to be a good father to her or a good husband to you. It’s not just about getting along well with both of you. He wants to treat you both well.”

      Tiffany slumped into her seat and nodded, fully understanding what she was saying. TaeYeon always wanted to be at his best in everything that he does, and treating her and Eunji is no