A week and half passed since that incident at Sehun’s house, and Luhan hadn’t been there since. He didn’t need to make excuses, it seemed, because Sehun hadn’t been pestering Luhan at all about it, which he was relieved about. Still, it was the longest week and a half for Luhan.

He had been avoiding Sehun, replying not so frequently anymore. After a while, the spams Sehun sent ceased until the only texts they sent were ‘Good morning’ and ‘Good night’. Luhan, although knowing this was better for Sehun, still missed him a lot. Something felt missing when he wasn’t talking to Sehun, and at times he would spent long moments reliving their memories in his mind. Often during lectures, his mind would drift off to Sehun, thinking thoughts like Usually he’d be pestering me about something right now or I wonder what he’s doing. When thinking about Sehun, Luhan would at times smile, but other times his heart would ache, yearning to talk to Sehun again. By now, Luhan would’ve given in and type something random to Sehun, but this time what kept him stubbornly rooted to his spot was the fact that Sehun was not doing so well in his exams and that he needed to study.

I wonder if he feels the same. Luhan thought to himself at night, tossing and turning because this would usually be the time when they either joked about the silliest things or talked about their innermost fears.

Luhan remembered the time when they both dared each other to tell what they were most scared of losing. At first, neither compromised, too embarrassed to say anything, their prides stopping them, and just as Luhan was about to give up and move to another topic, his phone sang. He had stared at it, not believing his eyes when he saw what was upon his screen. ‘Sehunnie is calling. Answer?’

Sehun had certainly never been that brave to call him before, and Luhan wondered what was up. Heart threatening to leave his chest, thumping loud and distinct, his hands shook as he held the vibrating phone. What should I do? He thought blindly, and after a few moments of deciding, he chose to press the green button and brought the phone to his ear, his whole body shaking with excitement.

“Y-Yes?” He stuttered, face burning when he realised how stupid he must have sounded. The phone was quiet on the other end for a while, then:

“Why did you take so long to pick up?” It demanded. Sehun’s voice sounded more static, making his lisp even more prominent with the phone call.

“Well, I was…” Both lines went silent, a sort of unfinished quiet that needed words filling in.

“What did you call me for?” Luhan asked, thinking back to all the times when he tried to call Sehun but Sehun had refused to answer.

“Uh … well … you know … the question…” Luhan could tell Sehun was being timid, and for a moment Luhan had forgotten what question it was.

“The one …” Sehun began when the answer he got was confused silence. “… It’s you.” Luhan was stunned into silence once again, at first not registering. What’s me? He thought to himself, brain spinning wildly in confusion.

“… It’s you, okay. Goodbye.” With that Sehun hung up.  Luhan gaped at his phone, watching the line go dead, and when he realised what Sehun had meant, he nearly dropped his phone. He fumbled over his phone, hands shaking in disbelief, lips pulled high into a wide, silly grin. The phone buzzed again and Luhan got a new message.

Sehun: >>Hyunngggg~ someone just texted me about math homework … 

Luhan: >>Do you really need your friends to remind you?

Sehun: >> … … This number is unknown.

Luhan: >> …oh

Sehun: >> …
             >>…
             >>…
             >> … It’s my math teacher.

Their conversation went on as if nothing had happened and that the phone call never existed, but even after bidding Sehun goodnight and lying on his bed, Luhan’s thoughts had traced back to Sehun’s embarrassed voice, the way he so timidly but courageously confessed, and Luhan could not stop smiling for the rest of the night.

Thinking back, Luhan missed those days – their silly messages, Sehun’s unnecessary spams, their trips to the bubble tea shop, and even Luhan’s visits to Sehun’s house. Luhan missed the subtle touches they shared and the indirect displays of affection they showed every now and then. One week and a half without speaking properly to Sehun was akin to a lifetime. He missed Sehun so much he couldn’t think, couldn’t concentrate.

Why do you do this to me, Oh Sehun… He thought to himself, turning over and watching the vase of flowers that Sehun had given him on their first meeting. The flowers were still alive because Luhan had tried so hard to keep them alive, but he could tell that the flowers were beginning to dry out, ever so slightly.

A loud buzz woke Luhan up in the middle of the night. Half asleep, Luhan groaned and got up to check his phone, groaning again when he realised it was 2:13 in the morning. For a while he thought they were back to the way they were, with Sehun texting because of a nightmare, but this time it was different. Luhan realised that he hadn’t received a message in the middle of the night for over two weeks.

>>I’m coming to your house and staying the night. Please.

It was a simple message, so casual, and yet that was what worried Luhan. The seriousness in the message after not speaking with each other properly for so long was what woke Luhan up fully. Without question he replied back with the address, relieved that his parents had gone back to China for work – they would freak out if someone approached their doorstep at 3 in the morning.

Luhan dressed while waiting for Sehun to come, thinking of all the possibilities that Sehun might’ve wanted to come. He could hardly believe that Sehun was coming here just for the fun of it, after all. Whenever he tried to think of the reason Sehun might come, he was interrupted with other thoughts. I’m going to see Sehun again, Luhan thought to himself while making a cup of coffee, his heart beating wilder than it ever had in two weeks of not seeing Sehun. There was no denying the excitement that overwhelmed Luhan, and Luhan was beginning to feel as if he couldn’t push Sehun away anymore. It was so hard, being forced to choose between his desire and Sehun’s future. He hated himself for feeling like this, knowing that his own feelings were getting in the way between Sehun and his successful future.

The knock on the door startled Luhan even though he had been expecting it. Luhan rushed towards it, heart beating erratically in his chest as shaking fingers touched the cold doorknob. Without thinking about whether this was a prank or that there might be a serial killer on the other side of the door, Luhan wrenched it open and his eyes met the object of his desire.

Sehun was wearing a tank top and shorts, as if he had just suddenly decided to come. He was carrying a backpack but otherwise had nothing else on him. He was shivering from head to toe in the cold, his face pale as death and, oh, his eyes were bloodshot and had dark circles under them.

“You look horrible,” Luhan whispered while pulling Sehun inside. Sehun stumbled a bit and leaned into Luhan, as if Luhan was the only thing keeping him standing. Luhan immediately went and got him a blanket, wrapping it around his shoulders as he sat on the kitchen chair.

“What’s wrong?” Luhan asked, concerned. Sehun hadn’t talked at all when he got here, which was unusual even for the usually quiet boy. Sehun was shaking even though the thick blanket had been covered around him for nearly ten minutes. His head was kept down as he stared at his lap, and Luhan couldn’t read his expression.

It was only when Luhan finished making warm coffee for Sehun and had sat facing him did Sehun begin to speak.

“I … I can’t stay there anymore,” Sehun croaked; even his voice sounded horrible, as if he had spent it screaming out his lungs or not speaking at all. He rested his head on his hand, fingers splayed and covering his face from view.

“Where?” Luhan asked gently, placing a hesitant hand on Sehun’s knee, still wary, cautious; not wanting to feel his feelings burst again and then make the wrong decision. “Start from the start, Sehun. It’s okay, we have time.”

Sehun started spluttering, but did as he told. His voice was laced with misery and anger as he spoke about how recently his dad had been trying to control him.

“He … He told me to move to America to take over his business once I finish school, because he’s afraid I’ll fail my exams,” Sehun choked, eyes either trained on the floor or shutting tightly. “I don’t want to go there, because it’s full of people I don’t know. No one’s going to be supporting me, and, and …” He trailed off, as if too pained or embarrassed to say more.

“Is that it?” Luhan asked softly, and before he realised what was happening, had reached a hand up to move Sehun’s hair out of his eyes.

“I’m sure you’ll be able to talk it out with your father,” Luhan suggested softly, but Sehun continued to shake his head, dismissing Luhan’s option.

“You don’t understand,” He started, his voice a mix of choked sobs, as if it was hard to speak those words aloud. Suddenly warm hands emerged from the blanket, one grabbing the hand Luhan had rested on his knee and the other placed over the one almost his face. “The reason I’ve been avoiding you.”

Luhan was almost surprised to hear those words come out of Sehun’s mouth, and would’ve blinked in disbelief if he weren’t blushing over the contact of their hands. Sehun clutched tightly – oh, so tightly – as if Luhan would disappear the moment he loosened his hold. In the back of his mind, Luhan had noticed that the amount of texts from Sehun had decreased but he hadn’t put it forward because all that mattered was that Sehun had stopped, even though it hurt Luhan to watch him do so.

“It’s okay,” Luhan reassured after a while, willing away the loud beating of his heart and the flush on his cheeks – or trying to. “I know your studies are more important. Just focus on them and we’ll be f– ”

“No, it’s not that,” Sehun cut in, exasperation and impatience in his voice, and his grip tightened even more. The action was so sudden that Luhan let out a small gasp.

“Luhan,” He whispered, and, for once since his whole time at Luhan’s house, lifted his head to meet Luhan’s eyes. His expression was full of desperation, frustration and hopelessness. Not only that, but Sehun just looked so tired. It struck Luhan later that Sehun had only called out Luhan’s name whenever he was absolutely serious and, much to Luhan’s fear, asking for forgiveness.

“I’m engaged.”

When Luhan registered what Sehun had said, his immediate thought was ‘Why is he here then, holding my hands?’ Out of instinct, and the hurt surfacing on his heart like a thousand pins had been buried deep into it, Luhan pulled away in disgust. He knew he needed to hear Sehun out, but the words that had left Sehun’s lips were utterly heartbreaking. Jealousy wound itself around Luhan’s heart, gripping him like cold ice.

However, he shook out of it, shook himself out of the bitter feelings that began to form, willed himself out of the resentment he felt towards whoever that had engaged themselves to Sehun. Luhan stopped pitying himself, stopped hurting because right now Sehun had come here for a reason, and right now he needed Luhan more than he needed anyone else.

“All right,” Luhan spoke after a few moments of redeeming himself, noting in the back of his mind that Sehun had been more patient than usual. He lifted his head from the ground and met Sehun’s gaze, making sure he looked confident, unbreakable but also concerned and caring. “I’ll hear you out.”

The vulnerable look on Sehun’s expression morphed into one of relief and gratefulness, but the look of sadness and anger still remained evident on his face.

“My father was the one who arranged this marriage.” Sehun explained, his voice barely a whisper, and Luhan could see that Sehun’s hands were trembling.

“I-I told him I wasn’t ready, but he wouldn’t listen to me. He’s been pestering me for months but he said he’d never engage me this early.” Sehun put his face in his hands again, and Luhan felt his heart ache. He hated seeing Sehun like this: confused and pressured.

“Father said that she’s coming tomorrow and … and we’re supposed to have our first engagement meeting. Father … just … wouldn’t listen. He didn’t … even ask me if … if it was okay.

“Luhan, I don’t know what I should do … I don’t want to go …” Sehun lifted his face from his hands, searching in Luhan for an answer, the corner of his eyes glistening with the first signs of tears.

“I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you. I’m sorry I’m engaged … I’m sorry to come here like this… I’m…” Sehun continued his chorus of apologies, looking down at himself, firsts clenched, glaring fiercely at his lap; blaming himself for all that had been thrown onto his shoulders. Luhan couldn’t bear to watch his dongsaeng, couldn’t bear to hear those words any longer.

His hands, those that earlier had so repulsively recoiled from Sehun, had now subconsciously lifted to cup Sehun’s tear-stained cheeks.

“That’s enough,” he whispered, chest tight, heart hurting, but this time not for himself. Sehun’s watery eyes widened as he watched Luhan pull him closer until their faces were inches apart. Luhan’s eyes were aware, alert, and, in Sehun’s opinion (even though he was so tired and so stressed), so beautiful. The spark was still there, if not more intense than he’d ever seen it to be, and just looking into them were enough for Sehun to stop talking for a while.

“We’ll work this out, won’t we?” Luhan asked, eyes intent as they stared into Sehun’s. Sehun opened his mouth, ready to apologise again, but didn’t get the chance to.

“Sehun. We’ll work it out. There’s nothing we can’t solve.” Sehun searched inside Luhan’s gaze, and there he found something. Something that reassured Sehun that Luhan would always help him out no matter what happened. It was all there in Luhan’s eyes. ‘I’ll be there for you when you need me. Always.’  was what Luhan’s stare seemed to say. Sehun nodded, tears welling up in his eyes as he let them fall once again.

“I-I’ve been avoiding you but every day I can’t do anything because I’m not talking to you anymore. The only thing I look forward to each morning and night is greeting you on the phone.” Sehun stopped with a small hiccup, eyes darting around nervously as he continued to blabber. “I can’t think nowadays because you’re always occupying my mind, and I’m sorry, but no matter how hard I try, I just can’t stop. I’m sorry, Luhan, I – “

Sehun was cut off when he felt something warm and soft press against his lips. His eyes widened in shock when he saw how close Luhan was. For a moment, Sehun was about to move away, but Luhan used his grip on Sehun’s face to pull him closer. Luhan’s lips were small, and so, so tender. Sehun could taste coffee on Luhan’s lips, and despite the panicked state of his mind, his heart responded wholeheartedly. Eventually Sehun closed his eyes and pushed himself back against Luhan’s lips.

Luhan could feel Sehun wanting to apologise again, but he made sure to drink in every ‘sorry’ Sehun had planned to say through the first ever kiss they shared. He could feel the tears spilling down Sehun’s cheeks and on his own, and used his thumbs to wipe them away, brushing every tear that threatened to roll off his chin. The kiss they shared was as combination of sadness, comfort, reassurance and something more. Their kiss was gentle, cautious, as if one hard press of their lips would cause the other to disappear; nonetheless, it was a kiss full of emotion, confusion and understanding. Luhan only pulled away when he knew Sehun had calmed down a little more. Their eyes met, gazes shy but content.

“It’s us against the world, remember?” Luhan’s voice was quiet, but sure, hands leaving Sehun’s cheeks to grab his hands, gripping them tightly in his own. “If you ever think you’re alone, always remember that it’s ‘us’, not ‘you’.” Sehun nodded, gulping down tears that threatened to surface.

“I missed you, so much. “ Sehun confessed between hiccoughs, and even though his eyes were beginning to droop out of exhaustion, the grip he had on Luhan’s hands remained tight.

“I missed you, too.” Luhan replied truthfully, the tone of his voice soft. They were silent for a while, their bodies shivering from the cold but their hands hot from the grip they had on each other.

Minutes passed, and slowly Sehun inched closer, resting his forehead against Luhan’s shoulder while mumbling something incoherent into Luhan’s collarbone.

“What?” Luhan asked, heart racing against his chest and praying that Sehun wouldn’t hear it. Sehun was just so close.

“…After not being able to talk to you properly for so long, I’ve come to realise something.” Luhan could feel Sehun nuzzling into his shoulder more; almost as if he were shy. “I … don’t want to lose you, hyung.” The timid, almost embarrassed act of hiding himself into Luhan’s shoulder meant that Sehun was sincere. Sehun, leaning into Luhan, made the older man realise that right now Sehun did need him. All thoughts of previously avoiding Sehun for his own benefit were gone in an instant, replaced by the urge to protect his dongsaeng and his desire to be with him.

“We’ll be all right,” Sehun whispered, his tone dripping with sleepiness and the weight on Luhan’s shoulder getting heavier. “I’m not going to the meeting. I decide on my own life.” It seemed now as if Sehun was talking to himself. Slowly Luhan pulled Sehun up and led him to the couch, all this time their hands not parting and Sehun’s head not once leaving Luhan’ shoulder – even though he had to lean down a lot.

While Sehun mumbled reassuring words to himself, Luhan was thinking otherwise; thinking of Sehun’s strict life and their forbidden feelings for each other because of the fact that both their parents wouldn’t accept it; thinking of the distractions that they continue to impose on each other and their need for each other. At most, Luhan wished to stay by Sehun’s side as a friend or a brother, because he knew they wouldn’t work out. He was beginning to see the harsh reality that both he and Sehun lived in, and although it hurt him a lot to admit, it was something he had to accept no matter what.

A soft snoring woke Luhan up from his trance, and he looked down at Sehun, peacefully asleep as if he hadn’t sleep well in a long time. ‘Well, in his case, it’s probably true,’ Luhan observed, the corners of his mouth twitching up into a small smile. ‘I want to stay with him,’ Luhan thought to himself while absentmindedly running his hands through Sehun’s soft, blond hair. With each his eyelids drooped further down until he slipped into the world of dreams, one desire clear and prominent even in his subconscious mind. ‘Let me stay with him.’

ㅋㅋㅋI've made the chapters a bit longer. What do you guys think of this one?  ^u^

Once again thank you for subscibing and commenting XD