☂

"Hello this is the Young Women Help Center Suicidal Hotline, what is your situation?"

"I don't know what to do."

"Miss are you contemplating of harming yourself."

"I was going to do it, why can't I?"

"Miss? I need you to listen to me. Do not do anything to cause harm to yourself. Is there anyone you can speak to?"

"I'll see him tomorrow. It's been two months."

"Have you told anyone of your situation, Miss? You need to recieve immediate help. Ending your life is not the solution. It is never the solution."

"I need him to smile, I-I can't tell him."

"Please you need to, we can give you the help. Please call-"

"—"

"Miss?"

"—"

☂

"Hey I tried calling you last night you never answered," Chanyeol said as he leaned his large hand against his cheek, head tilted to the side. The familiar brown eyes, calculated every move I take.

My throat became dry and tight, "Sorry, business calls." I peered at his body, he's different. Not only was his hair different lenth, but different shade. He was so different. Has it really been two months? It felt like years, he was foreign, a stranger. "You look..."

"I know, I know." A lot has changed, "You look different too."

I gave him a look as I swirled my coffee around with the spoon, "I didn't change at all." 

Chanyeol gave a smile, as he leaned over and brushed my bangs back with his fingers, "Your hair, it's been growing." He paused with a gentle smile, "I like it." I could never get over how deep and booming his voice was, even if he was softly whispering. The tips of my ears burn, I bit my lip not able to look into his eyes. I always knew Chanyeol liked how my hair stayed the natural black color, unlike how girl idols changed their hair color every week. "Ah Noona wants to see you soon, so do my parents."

Almost choking on the drink, I cleared my throat as I patted my throat with my hand. "Your sister? She still remembers me?"

He gave a bell ringing laugh and poked my cheek, "Of course she would, why wouldn't she?" 

"I just assumed..."

"Well you assumed wrong, so when are you free?" 

My fingers drummer on the table and I let my shoulders shrug, "Not sure busy schedule." Liar. "But I can check," Liar.  Chanyeol gave me a look and nodded. Could he tell I was lying? We stayed there in silence, but our conversation went up again as we laughed, told jokes, and talked about how his promotions were going.

But everything good comes to an end and we were once again outside of my "apartment" as he was ready to leave. 

"Chanyeol?" I said quietly, I placed the crumpled letter in his hand. "Open this in three days, alright? It's an explanation of such."

The humor that always hid in his eyes disappeared. "Explanation? Can't I just-"

My hand stopped him from opening it, "Please just open it in three days okay?" Chanyeol nodded and I hooked his pinky with his in a promise. As we hugged for our last, and final time. I inhaled his sent deeply, and the moment I turned away from him I felt the tears dripping down my face. I didn't even bother to wave goodbye.

When I came home. I stripped from my street clothes, to sweatpants and a t-shirt, not bothering to wash my make up off, or even brush my wind blown hair. In the morning I would change my bandages around my thighs and stomach for the last time, and see the sun for the last time. Was I so exhausted from the fact in two days I will be ending my horrid life? Or was it the lack of blood I had in my body from last night's dream? 

In a feeble position I shivered under the sheets, despite the thick wool blankets. Before I knew it I slipped into another endless abyss.

☂

"Yunhee! Kim Yunhee!" A loud pounding from my door stirred me up early in the morning. It was non rhythmatic, harsh loud pounds and the stretching of wood. My body lurched up. I felt disconnect with my legs, not being use to the early morning alarms. Not bothering to grab anything I slipped on my glasses, as the pounding became prominent. Someone was trying to get in. 

Now the door pounding became erratic, in harsh beats and yells that sounded like... my name. What the hell? When I finally reached the door, I opened it to see Kris was there, "Kris?" I asked groggily. He was leaning against the door frame with his phone in his hand.

"Thank god." Kris said before he picked up his phone, "Chanyeol, I got her, I found her." 

"Chanyeol?" I muttered under my breath not understanding it. "Kris what..." 

He looked tired, and I saw he was not in his everyday Kris attire. His chest was heaving up and down, and I heard complaining voices down the hall from other neighboors. "Do you understand what hell we went through to find you?" He asked in deep crazed voice. "You're alive, that's all I care about." Wait... we?

Kris towering body enveloped me into a hug. As I confusingly pat his back, not knowing what was going. I peered behind him, alive? What was he talking about? Oh no. Chanyeol. He read the letter early. He knew! When I pulled back from Kris I stumbled to the table to find my phone over thirty calls from Chanyeol and other members from EXO. Fifty percent of them was from Baekhyun and Suho. Text messages galore, and two alerts saying some device is tracking my phone. "He'll be here in ten minutes." Kris said watching me carefully. 

He was warning me to clean myself up, I probably looked terribly. my chapped lips I slowly headed to my bed room.

I didn't even complain as he stood outside my door, and expected every corner of the room. As if one small move a knife would fall from the ceiling and cut me straight through. "I need to change my bandages." I said quietly, in shame, not even having the courage to meet his eyes.

"It's okay, I'll stay here." With a nod of my head, I began to rewrapped my thighs and stomach, the raw cuts hissing in the fresh air. After that was done, I dressed in sweats and a baggy sweatshirt. About to sit up from my bed, I plummeted back down. "Do you need help?" The deep voice asked.

Kris, was an angel hidden behind a shadow of a city. Until now I didn't realize how much he cared about Chanyeol, he reminded me of the city lights Chanyeol showed me the other night. Maybe that's why he took me to see sunset burning the city. "Yes." I need so much more help. Not just walking. Everything. 

With his arm around me he steadied me to the kitchen counter, right now, I wasn't even embarassed at the state of my home. I had other things on my plate. "Hyung?" Called a voice. A familiar deep voice that made me cringe. 

"In here." Kris called.

Chanyeol once said in an interview that no matter what happens, how he screws up he will always smiles. That Chanyeol was gone, and the person that walked into my home was not my Chanyeol. With red raw eyes, and jittery body I felt myself break. I wanted to run into the bathroom, lock myself there but I couldn't. This is all my fault, why did I... 

The City Man left, as the Gentle Giant stood in front of my hunched over body. Instead of harsh yell, or a series of fowl words a broken sob filled the apartment. My guts churned and I could feel my lungs collapse into my heart. I destroyed the Gentle Giant, I have torn down his walls and leaked his emotions across the stainless white walls of virtue. I disgusted myself. Chanyeol did nothing at all. He was suppose to be okay, and be happy. 

I have destroyed Park Chanyeol.

I have destroyed myself. 

 A/N: Hi^^ I just wanted to say thank you for reading and that there will only two-three chapters left~ 

A/N 3/2/14: Yay! Freshly edited with a few more details. Thank you for reading~