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Dear Chanyeol, 
When you get this I won't be here. No I haven't moved to a different country, I've left this world, for a greater doing. I'm sorry I never got to see you perform. I knew how well you would have done. Baekhyun even texted me saying how much you wanted me to go see you... I'm sorry I won't be able to make it and I want you to know the reason

Chanyeol I wish I could tell why

Maybe

I need you to know that you will always be my best friend. 

You need to know why I'm writing this is for you to know why I left. I miss you Chanyeol.  You are the greatest friend I have ever had. You are never the reason why I decided to do what I did. But don't cry please that's the last thing I want you to do. Park Chanyeol frown? That's not possible. You are the only reason why I kept being alive smiling. Never blame yourself, do you hear? 

I'm leaving you my camera, and I want you to take pictures of your life. I want you to live Chanyeol, please live for me. Please, Chanyeol. I am so sorry for doing this, but I can never let you know why. You're going to see how much of a liar I have been, how much of my life has been fake. 

I'm sorry.  Goodbye Chanyeol, I love you, keeping being the happy virus I know you are.

From,

Kim Yunhee

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Tear marks splattered across the paper, smearing the black ink. My finger tips traced the ridged lines that crossed out the words I meant to say, but I could never bring myself to write down. Did I have the heart to rewrite another letter? This was my second one, I only had two. One for my parents, and the other for the boy that caused me so much serenity then it is possible.

It's been a month since I've seen Chanyeol, and his text became less and less. I would send him the letter he may never find it. I will leave it in my home, and when the come to collect my—body he will receive it. How terrible am I? Would he care? My head snapped up, and the unsteady shaking in my hands almost vanish. How could have I thought that? The fear threatened to spill over now, how bad was I? How messed up in the head have I become? 

My phone vibrated softly in my pocket, with the end of my sleeve I wiped my tears and glanced at the glowing screen.

From: Channie

Yunhee! Let's hang out! ^^~ Coffee?

A laugh bursted from my lips as the tears began to fall. Why was this so funny? Why was I laughing? But I couldn't stop the fits of giggles, and large fat tears that rolled down my cheeks and fogged my glasses. I would give it to him tonight,  the letter, and he will open it in a week. 

To: Channie

Alright Oppa, meet you there.

"So sorry," I whispered to the phone and closed my eyes of exhaustion. "Sorry."

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We sat in the same cafe, with the same drinks and same food. "So you're going right?" This was the third time he had asked me. This was third time I became uncomfortable. 

"I'm really not sure Chanyeol." I said eating piece of the cake I ordered. "We'll see okay?" He gave out a dramatic sigh maybe I should give it to him now. It was burning a hole in my jacket pocket, just give it to him. You coward, do something right! Tell him you are going to end your life because you are too weak. "Chanyeol," I bluntly said and peered up, "I-"

"Oh! Come on! That's what I wanted to show you!"

So he pulled me away like he always did. His warm large hand surronding mine, but this time instead of focusing not to trip, or stumble on the unbalanced earth. I watched Chanyeol, I saw how his face lightened up. How his dorky smile would appear even when he was hurt, he would still smile. Even the way his ears stuck out more so than others, and I couldn't help to feel a soft blush across my pale cheeks.

He can't see you cry. I chanted in my head. I never wanted him to see me cry. Chanyeol broke me out of my thoughts as we walked up a large hill near the cafe, it was steep and caused Chanyeol to wrap his arm around my shoulders and help me up. I was weak, I knew I was. My bandages burned against my thighs as they rubbed against the scratchy denim. I wanted to be home, in my bed asleep. Not here facing someone I will have to leave. "Look," he said breathlessly. 

When I pulled my hazel eyes from his I saw the overlapping city in awe. How the city lights kissed the rosy fingers of the setting sun, and glimmered and set a blaze on Seoul. But this fire, was gentle and pulsing with life. My eyes shifted to my pocket, letting my lips part in a sigh. Give it to him, don't be a coward.

"Chanyeol I need to give you something." Do it Yunhee, do it. 

He turned, all of his attention on to me. Not only did my heart flip flop but my knees began to weaken. "I do too," Chanyeol proced to pull out a silver chain with a flower. Not any flower, a lotus flower. "Your name right?" My mouth parted wider and the letter in my hand slacked to my side. "I saw it, and I thought of you." 

"Wh-what?" Chanyeol placed the necklace around my neck. "Why did you..."

His deep set brown eyes focused on my hazel ones hidden behind the thick black frames. "You've been there for my whole life, I couldn't give the person I care the most about a gift?" Care about?! No Chanyeol, why, why, why!  Tears were ready to fall I can't do this, I feel sick. "What were you going to give to me?" 

"Uh it I uh," Don't you idiot! Look what he gave you. The necklace was hotter then the letter, the necklace was pure happiness, slicked with red hotness of trust. Chanyeol trusted me, and here I was about to give him a letter telling me to harm myself. "It was—nothing." I closed my eyes for a brief second before I stuffed the letter into my pocket. 

Chanyeol pulled a sloppy smile and clapped his hands, "Well if that's over let us get you home." You are my home Chanyeol, you have always been my home. The normal long arm draped around my shoulders in the same position as many times ago. The warm spicy scent, clean, something I relied on. "Are you alright Yunhee?" He asked laughing in his voice shook me, "You can't be falling asleep on me."

"N-no, I'm just..." My voice trailed off as I found his eyes again. "Happy." 

My house was too close, and he left too soon. Another promise in two weeks we would see each other. His warm tight hug, and a steady wave before he disappeared at night. Though this night did not end nicely. It ended with me in my porcelain kingdom. My crumbled body huddled in the corner of the tub, shaky breaths as red hope poured from my soul. "Chanyeol," I slurred out, feeling faint, and dizzy. "Sorry." 

In my dreams, I sit upon a cloud safe away from myself. Where two birds sing themselves to sleep every night, with their lullaby of the future and tuning of life. Where the world can never touch their softening feathers. A place where X's turns to O's, hates turn to I love you's and lotus flowers turns to stunning pink roses with budding blossoms. Instead of a rustic scent, a rich heavenly smell lures the one person I wanted to be next to me closer. 

In my dreams, I am Kim Yunhee.

In my dreams, no one can touch me. 

Except one young man I have relied on all my life. 

Park Chanyeol save me from my cloud. 

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