I couldn't understand why nothing in my life goes smoothly.

I'm disgusted with myself. And I am all alone. My friends all left me when I spent too much time at work and having no time for them. And my best friend started ignoring me, ever since I confessed I was gay.

Yes, I like girls.

I never felt comfortable around guys. Neither romantically nor physically. But the more I treat guys like they're my brothers, the more they think that can take advantage of me. But I had no one to talk to about it, since my parents are in the province, and I no longer had friends.

I feel all lonely inside, my workplace being a hole doesn't help at all, especially when I need to support my parents with my pay check. 

But what I miss the most, were the times I spent hanging out with my best friend. Making her reveal her charming eye smiles, having skin ships with each other while at the mall, having movie marathons at my place while cuddling and munching on chocolates.

I'm not even sure if I'm falling for her. All I know is I miss her a lot. I didn't even confessed to her, all I said was that I was gay, and I got avoided like I was a pest. Occasionally seeing her walking oh so gracefully down the streets makes me feel happy because I get to see her since we still live near each other, but sad at the same time because every time we make eye contact, she would end up breaking it within seconds. Was that hurt and betrayal in her eyes? I'm probably just overthinking things. 

So much for being so depressed, I guess I still have that tiny bit of positivity within me.

Having turned from best friends to strangers all in one sentence was killing me. And it still is.

I miss her husky voice telling me about how her day went without stopping. I miss the days she would come to my place without warning just to tell me she missed her family and needed a hug. I miss her laughs when we were watching romantic comedies, her squeals when we were watching horror movies, her excited expressions when we were watching horror movies and her sobs when we watch sad movies. Do I sound too much like a stalker? Because all I did was to pay a lot of attention to this wonderful angel I used to call my best friend.