Life is not fair. Get used to it.
I kept telling myself that in my thoughts, I confessed to Sooyoung but she didn't accept my feelings.
I can't understand her reasons...It's like she constantly hurts herself in some form of punishment.
Why does she do this to herself?
And Jessica. Why did she say she loves me when I know clearly that it isn't true. I've know all along that deep inside her she loved Yuri. I've always been a person with dreams and this time my dream was Sooyoung. She's the dream I couldn't make real. They say a dreamer lives for eternity. Now I can only see that as a punishment because dreamers will always be punished to see ripped apart the dreams they couldn't make real. A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and is punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.
I think that I finally found out the truth. It's never hard to find the truth.
What is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it.
Sooyoung was simply a coward who couldn't accept her own feelings.

I can't help but question what she wants me to do now. Do you want me to act like we've never talked?
Do you want me to forget?
Pretend that we've never met?
I could try and try but I simply wouldn't be able...
As soon as you walk by I'll fall to pieces.
I trusted Sooyoung but trust is like a vase and once it's broken although you can fix it...
The vase will never be the same again.
I kept telling my heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering it self, and that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dream. But that was just a lie to keep myself from quiting on Sooyoung. 
Cause I know many people will see Sooyoung and say, "Why?"
But I see her and say "Why not?".Cause after all you begin saving the world by saving one person. And I wanted to save Sooyoung even if that meant saving her from herself. In the end I just couldn't do it.

Bright. The daylight woke me up, I didn't sleep much.
Thinking about Sooyoung and all the things that happened between us...
I felt hopeless. Destroyed. Heartbroken, I wasn't in no shape to go to school or anywhere else.

Tiffany entered my life and I pushed her away I didn't care I loved her.
She was everything I've ever dreamed of but in the end the wounds she had, I had created them and in the end...
I resent what I did to her. I've never resented anything but this I do.
If I'm not good at loving myself, I will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you'll resent the time and energy you give to another person, that you aren't even giving to yourself.
She was such an angel and I broke her heart. Maybe some would even view me as a sinner, for doing this to such a beautiful girl. They say that every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.
I simply don't know what to do anymore. This is life for you. It's all about what happens while you're busy making other plans.


What do you want me to say Tiffany?
I could try to talk to you, but I wouldn't know what to say. I am afraid you wouldn't want me to say anything. So I wouldn't.
But inside me are words waiting to come out and tell you how I feel like, how I miss you. And how I love you despite my broken spirit and weird personality. How I need you in my life and especially how much I want you. But those words may forever stay in my heart...locked inside. Sometimes I would wonder if there were words locked inside you too...but after last night I know there aren't any.
No. No, I simply can't be this anymore. What the hell am i doing? She said she loved you Sooyoung. I'm not going to be the person I'm expected to be anymore. It's not about how others look at me. It's about how I look at myself, and I simply can't accept this anymore.
After all there is nothing wrong with change. It just has to be in the right direction. 
In the end there are no shortcuts to any place worth going. And that place for me was Tiffany's heart.

I got up from my bed, dressed and left my house.