I came home from school, I greeted my mom and sister and went straight to my bedroom. I can't bear to see their disappointed looks. Tiffany didn't come to school today, the teacher asked me to take her some notes from class.But I had Yuri deliver them even though Tiffany lives so close to me...well Tiffany is my neighbour she lives right in front of me. It's actually weird that she lives so close and we never went to school together.
Probably because I'm always late...
Her words...she told me she loved me.
Why? Why did I have to be such a failure?
Tiffany, you pity me? Well I pity myself too. For not being able to tell you and show you how much I love you. This night, I may not be able to resist it like I did with all the others of this past month.
My eyes are filled with longing for you. It seems as if I was left alone, in the blind hours of this splendid city. In the coldest corners of my imagination I cannot grasp you. I dream but I dream alone.
Swallowing up my tears I went to sleep. Thinking of how I failed Tiffany, I'm such a coward.

-"Sooyoungie?"

-"Sooyoungie?

I could hear someone call me but I didn't want to open my eyes. I was just too destroyed to go anywhere or see anyone.
Tiffany's voice? I quickly sat up in my bed. I looked arround and saw no one. She's haunting me in my dreams again...
I couldn't sleep. I went to my bedroom window and opened it. The night sky truly becomes beautiful when you can see all the stars. But unfortunately this is the city we're talking about so stars aren't the main decoration of the city skyline.
People and cars and lights lots and lots of lights. I looked at those people and tried to imagine their days. Some had families they were going to return to, others were lone wolves longing for someone to warm their bed. Pitiful...how we always are in need of somebody. Pitiful? Each of us represents a star in heaven. Sometimes we shine with the rest, sometimes we twinkle alone. And when we least expect it, we make someone else's dreams come true. Too bad I couldn't make Tiffany's dreams reality.
I'm such a coward. It's not like I don't love her back...it's just that...I'm afraid of getting hurt. Or worse...of hurting her too much.

It's simple to describe us. Some of us are just simple failures.
We failed in life, in love, we even failed at being us...that's why we always say we're tired when we are just sad and waiting for someone to care. We failed so hard that when we fall in love we keep it to ourselves, cause we don't believe in fairytales.
But don't pity us failures. No. No, when we fail we just want to fail again, fail harder, fail better until we get it right.
We are the ones who grew up too soon and maybe there isn't anyone who can understand us but that's no problem cause we understand ourselves. We all get lost once in a while, sometimes by choice, sometimes due to forces beyond our control. That's just what happened to us.

We failures got lost
 

I failed at the right time to get Tiffany.
And now I may not get another chance. There is a time for risky love. There is a time for extravagant gestures. There is a time to pour out your affections on the one you love.And when the times comes...seize it, don't miss it. Did she get hurt? Does it pain her that I rejected her feelings? I wish I could know. I wish I could now change the path my life walks but you see, there are always two choices. Two paths to take.
One is easy, and it's only reward is that it's easy. I could easily be someone else, pretend...but you should always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a secon-rate version of somebody else. Because in this earth, no people are the same. We are all different. That's why some of us are failures and some are not.

I woke up, lied down on the floor, I could feel the dry tears on my face...
Another day of school another day of seeing Tiffany's broken hearted face.
I wish I could change that moment. I wish a lot don't I? Maybe instead of wishing so much I should just act more.
I took a long shower and put on my school uniform and left without saying goodbye to my mother and sister. I pratically don't talk to them anymore...it's complicated.
My earplugs were on, I could be on my own little world for a few minu-

-"Sooyoung!" I heard someone call as they grabbed my ear plug.

-"Yuri?" I said in a low voice.

Pain, the left side of my face was burning up. A slap? Yuri slaped me?

-"That's what you deserve for what you did..." She said as she glared me.

-"..." I simply couldn't answer Yuri, I knew she was right, I broke Tiffany's heart and this what I deserved for it.

-"Yuri? Why did you do that?"

-"Why? Because I'm your friend and it hurts me to see you rejecting your own happiness. You are the one who's hurting only yourself Sooyoung"

-"Then what about you and Jessica? Aren't you hurting yourself aswell?"

-"No, Sooyoung that's different"

-"How so?"

-"Every person has their sorrows that the world can't know and we often call people cold when they are only sad"

-"Oh I see, so Jessica treating you as trash is her form of being sad? Are you listening to what you are saying? That doesn't make any sense at all"

-"It can't make for you Sooyoung but it isn't you who loves her are you?" Yuri asked me trying to stop the tears in her eyes.

Now not only did I hurt the girl I loved, but also the only one that supported me. What the hell am I doing? Am I aiming to be alone? Do I want to be alone at all? Yuri was now far away from me, she ran to school tears dropping from her eyes. I couldn't go to school. Just the thought of seeing those girls hurtful faces looking at me. I couldn't bear it.
I walked away from school, no destination in mind just walked. A swing set? I stoped in a park and sat on the swing. I didn't know what to do. My life had been simple until these days. I didn't talk to anyone weren't friends with anyone and everyone would leave me alone. In a way everyone feared me.
Maybe those were better times...didn't feel so much hurt.

-"What's wrong with you?" Someone asked. I looked up and saw a smiling deer eyed girl looking at me. She was pretty.
Her beautiful auburn hair came to her shoulders. She had an angel like face.

-"Broken heart?" She said as she sat beside me. I continued to look at her still not uttering a single word.

-"Ah, failed confession?" I flinched as she said that.

-"Hummm, it's that but not that?"

-"Who are you?" I asked as she continued guessing.

-"Oh, me? I'm Im Yoona"

-"Im Yoona?" Wait i've heard that name before. This is that girl from class that never comes to school.

-"Why are you here? Shouldn't you be in school?" I told her, trying to send her away.

-"Back at you" She said smiling.

We both just sat there, not saying anything to each other. She ocasionally looked at me and then looked away again.

-"Well, you seem to be okay now" She said smiling.

-"I was never...Yeah" I said looking down.

-"Sooyoung?"

-"Yes?"

-"Bye bye" She said as she left. Wait? How the hell does she know my name?

Im Yoona huh? Quite the character. I still didn't move from the swing.
I couldn't stop thinking about all the things I did wrong. Should I change, can I change?
For the first time in my life I feel, lost. People lie so much don't they? People lie so much they end up lying to themselves and believing their own lies, and that's when they truly become hipocrites.
Maybe I became one of those hipocrites. I believed so much in the lie that I always told myself.
To be alone is good, no one can hurt you.
But now I know I lied to myself, I know, I lost all my faith in myself.
Maybe it's not too late?
Too late to save the things I failed to tell her and show her.

I went to the game arcade. I played the games but my mind was elsewhere. Is Tiffany okay?
Is she worried I'm not at school? I left the arcade and went home.

-"Sooyoung?" My sister called me. But I didn't care and went to my bedroom and laid down on the bed covering my eyes with my arm.

If Tiffany could see me the way I see myself.
If she could live my memories...
Would she still love me? Maybe yes, maybe no. They say love is about accepting the other person.
Could Tiffany easily accept me? Even if she knew my darkest nature and secrets? Cause we all have secrets.
How far would Tiffany go for love?

-"Sooyoung?" I heard Tiffany's voice calling me. I'm probably just dreaming again.

-"Sooyoung?" This time it's getting strong-

I felt something soft touch my lips. Kiss?
A hand pulled my arm from my eyes. I opened my eyes and saw...Tiffany?

-"Sooyoungie...I love you"

-"Tiffany...No"

-"Yes, yes it has to be a yes!"

-"Why Sooyoung? Why are you like this?" She asked me with tears pouring down her face.

-"..." I didn't have an answer to her question. Why was I like this? Not even I knew the answer to that question.
I was like this. Because of my thoughts? Because no matter what happened I wanted to be alone. All that we are is the result of what we have thought.
What we think. We become.

-"Tiffany, I can't love you back..."

-"Sooyoungie" She said grabbing my arms. She was desperate, she was hopeless...

-"I promise you, never to hurt you again but I simply can't love you the way you love me"

-"Forgive me" She said looking me in the eye. Why are you asking forgiveness? I should be the one to ask for it.
Making such an angel cry.

-"Forgive me Sooyoung, Forgive me if my love is not enough for you" She said and then Tiffany left my house. Maybe forever.
This would be like all the other times someone said they loved me. I can just pretend nothing happened.
Remember me and smile Tiffany, for it's better to forget than remember me and cry.
I know some people might judge me for what I did to that beautiful girl. But remember, people will judge you by your actions and not your intentions. Even if my intention is to let Tiffany go to someone better than me. I may have a heart of gold...but so does a hard-boiled egg.