Chapter 7

I’m Not Okay

Joon POV

I was entering campus when someone bumps into me. I heard a mumbled Mianhae; as she rushed away I followed. I could tell she was crying since her back kept shaking. She finally reached her apartment unit and went in. Sighing I turned around and left; as I walked away I noticed that this apartment complex looked familiar. I also lived here.

Since I had already ditched school I decided to go sleep. Instead of taking the elevator I took the stairs and saw her. She climbed slowly as if in a daze until she reached the fifth level. I followed and noticed her go into number 35 I was 36 in the unit right beside her.

I went in and started listening to different songs. Though the band battle was 4 months away I wanted to get started around 5 pm I decided to make some ramen to eat. As I was cooking I remembered Rae wondering if she was alright. I normally don’t care about anything else except music, but she looked like she was hurting so I became curious. After the ramen finished cooking I went and knocked on her door.

Rae POV

At first I thought I was hallucinating but I heard it again the tapping at my door. I slowly got up and checked myself while a small sigh escaped; my eyes where still red from all the crying but at least the puffiness around them had vanished. I slowly opened the door and was surprised to see him, Sung Joon, standing there.

“I made ramen come eat some.”

His authoritative voice left no room for disagreement so I followed, especially since I had skipped lunch and it was now 5. I became even more shocked when he walked down the corridor to the next apartment. 

Unlike Jonghyun or YongHwa who shared a messy apartment his was clean and tidy. There were no clothes lying around the living room except for a red guitar and the kitchen was clean.

He served me a bowl of ramen and served himself.

I took a bite and lost myself in its tastiness. I had never tried ramen like this before, the texture was perfect it wasn’t too chew nor soggy they taste wasn’t to strong nor to bland it was just…..perfect.

As I devoured the rest of it to could sense him looking at me.

“Is it that good?”

“Deh, kamsahamnida.” I said.

“I don’t mean to be nosy, but why where you crying. How do I know? Because you bumped into me as you ran out.”

I was stunned he read my face before I could ask him how he knew and now I was in an awkward situation. How do you tell a complete stranger, since truthfully I don’t really know him and why did I even come to his apartment, that the boy you liked for a year and two months kissed another girl.

“Well how should I say this…..I umm well the boy I’ve liked for a really long time kissed another girl.”

He stared quietly at me for a long time before saying “I’m Sorry.”

I was confused at his words but soon realized he probably didn’t know what to say in a situation like this.

We stayed quiet for a few minutes then I said goodbye and quickly left. When I opened the door someone was waiting for me in front of my apartment.

Jonghyun POV

After I sent Jiwon away I waited for Rae but she never came I headed to the lunch room but didn’t see her either.

“Shin Hye have you seen Rae.”

“Ani I thought she was with you.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Well she told me she was going to meet you.”

“We were supposed to meet but she didn’t show up.”

“Maybe something came up and she had to stay in her art class or maybe she had to go to the library and work on something.”

I checked my phone to see if I had a message but it didn’t turn on. I held the power button and it came to life. I quickly checked my messages and nothing. Third period went by in a blur and I quickly went to fourth. I finally reached the practice room.

“She isn’t here Jong. Actually someone told me they saw her leave early today after 2^nd period maybe she wasn’t feeling well.”

“Oh…thanks YongHwa.”

We practiced our instruments and began searching for possible songs to sing at the band battle.

Once practice was over I headed to her place. Once I got there and knocked on the door, nothing.

I knocked again a bit harder. I was about to call her name when the apartment next door opened and Rae stepped out.

Rae POV

As I walked out of Joon’s apartment I came face to face with Jonghyun.

I really didn’t want to talk to him, but the shock that flashed across his face somehow comforted me. Pretending like I had not just walked out of the apartment next door I quickly opened mine and stepped in as he followed in as well.

“Gwenchana, why did you leave like that?”

“Deh I was just having an upset stomach.”

His eyes narrowed.

“Than what were you doing next door?”

 “I ran out of medicine so I went next door to ask for some painkillers.”

I was appalled at how easily I could lie to him and straight to his face. I had never lied to him before and it scared me how easily I could do it, it seem like we really had drifted apart in just two days.

“I need to talk to you and its very important.”

I wanted to say no and refuse to have this conversation but before I could say anything he began to talk.

“I ….Got myself into trouble and don’t know what to do. Jiwon confessed her feelings for me but I only see her as a friend yet she wouldn’t stop crying so I said I would give it a try eottokae.”  

I was quiet. I really couldn’t think my head hurt I wanted him to leave. The tears felt like they would fall again so I closed my eyes.

“Jonghyun I really don’t know what to say. If you really didn’t like her you should have kept refusing even when she cried.”

“Once I told her that just one time I would go out with her and see if it worked out or not.”

Changing the subject I asked why he didn’t reply to any of the three messages I had sent him.

“What, I only received one last night asking me to meet you behind the library I went but didn’t see you.”

“I did I send you two more during 2^nd period look ill even show you the messages.”

I pulled out my phone and showed him he was surprised as he pulled his out and revealed that he really hadn’t received them.

“Maybe I should get a new phone mine has been acting funny lately it even turned itself off when it still had full battery.”

“So when will you two have your date.”

“On Saturday…. So two days from today.”

I nodded even though I felt broken.

“Hey after my date with Jiwon do you want to hang out and do something we really haven’t been hanging out lately.”

My heart thumped and I heard myself agreeing to it.

Saturday

Jonghyun POV

Our date had gone great until we arrived at the Han River. We were walking when she began to talk.

“I really like oppa.”

I could see the tears began to form in her eyes. I really couldn’t handle seeing girls cry, but I didn’t want her to get her hopes up besides I had someone else I liked but still wasn’t sure if it was as friends or something more.

“I’m Sorry,” was all I could say.

The tears fell and I slowly embraced her into a hug.

“Mianhae for being such a pain, but I’m not going to give up one day I’ll make you look at me.”

She cried for a long time and when she finally stopped she asked to be taken home. I complied once I knew she was save a sound I checked the time and swore.

I had invited Rae to the movies at 8 hoping the date would be over around 7 it was now 9:30. I tried messaging her but my phone was dead. I quickly made my way to the theater hoping she hadn’t waited. Once I arrived I didn’t see any sign of her. Sulking I went home and charged my money when it had enough power I turned it one and messaged her Mianhae it took longer than expected and my phone died.

I waited but she didn’t respond I was about to message her again when I received her message.

Rae POV

I waited for Jonghyun but he didn’t come. It was already 9:15 just as I was about to give up I see Joon walking across the street so I followed him. He went into a café and sat on the stage. He introduced himself and began to play. The song he sang was sad almost causing me to cry.

Nan sumeul swil su obseoyo

Kireul ilheo beoryeotjyo

Nae kieoki maemalra beoryeoseo

Geureondedo geudaen taeyeonhi ahmu sanggwan obketjyo

Majimak ilkeorago aeseo kkeonaejyo

Mianhae chongmal mianhae

Yi malchochado mianhae

Chamsimyeon urin modu ilke dwildenikka

Sarang cham apeuda neomu ahpeuda

Swimeobsi nal utkehago ggeuteobsi nareul ulrinta

Sarang cham uhseumta chongmal duryeomta

Jebal yije geuman ggumeul ggaeke haejwoseumyeon johketda

Itjima jebal itjima

Geureon keojitmaldo gwaenchanha

Chamsimyeon urin modu ilke dwildenikka

Sarang cham apeuda neomu ahpeuda

Swimeobsi nal utkehago ggeuteobsi nareul ulrinda

Sarang cham uhseumta chongmal duryeomta

Jebal yije geuman ggumeul ggaeke haejwoseumyeon johketda

Geuriwo ne yireumil bureulddaemada

Keomyi nal mankeum ddeolryeoul mankeum saranghaeseotdago

Mitgosipta

Kaseumyi meomchunta

Nunmulyi chanda

Swimeobsi nal utkehago ggeuteobsi nareul ulrinda

Sarang cham uhseumta chongmal duryeomta

Jebal yije geuman ggumeul ggaeke haejwiseumyeon johketda

As he sang I couldn’t help but feel as if he had lost an important loved one in his life. That’s when I realized I was also close to losing someone important to me. Love really hurts ironically that was also the name of the song.

I noticed the place was a bit crowded for a café and was surprised that so many people came to see him. He began swinging again this time the song he had sang while I was with him in the practice room. It was called Wake Up.

I spent the rest of the time there forgetting about being stood up when my phone rang it was Jonghyun. I was going to ignore him but in the end I sent him a messaging saying I understood and that it was okay maybe next time.

Around 10 I left heading back to my apartment and like that the days went by and two full weeks passed. We tried making arrangements to hang out together but it seemed I was always being stood up.

Finally we decided to meet after classes Friday and go take a walk in the park while eating ice-cream to talk.

“Rae you gone first I forgot my phone so I’ll go back and get it.”

“Okay”

I walked off and waited for him by the entrance door. 2 minutes went by than 5 until it went to 10. I was going up the stairs when I saw him talking to Jiwon. Since it had already been two weeks since there date I no longer felt jealous of her and we even talked now she seemed nicer.

When they saw me approach they stopped talking.

“Mianhae Rae, but I need to borrow Jonghyun oppa.”

With that said she walked down the stairs and left.

“Eottokae she really needs my help.”

“I'll be okay, Is that what you want me to say?”

“Sorry I’m really sorry.”

“Just go it’s okay.”

With his back to me I in a low voice I muttered it’s not okay I’m not okay.

Sorry if its kind of confusing and boring but I won’t be able to update at all this week so that’s why I uploaded this today hope you guys enjoyed. I tried my hardest to come up for a date for Jiwon and Jonghyun but nothing I could only picture him and Rae so yea…