~DARA’S POV~

 

I don’t know what made me do it or why I’m doing it but the words just poured. Maybe it has something to do with the way his voice sounded. Maybe it has something to with the way he shouted at me or the way he asked me why I’m avoiding him. Maybe it’s simply because I can’t contain it anymore. Maybe it’s because I missed him. Or maybe because it’s just the truth.

 

I saw him stopped in his tracks, his body all-stiff. I took another deep breath. It’s now or never.

 

“I’m scared of how my heart goes wild everytime I see you. I’m scared of how I feel happy everytime I see you or everytime you smile or laugh. I’m scared of how I feel so worried about you. I’m scared of how I wanted to pull Sulli’s hair everytime you talk to her. I’m scared of how I can’t keep you off my mind. I’m scared of how I always look for your presence, your warmth beside me every night. I’m scared of how I always forget about Jae or that I have a boyfriend when I’m with you. I’m scared of how I’m missing you so much that I just want to throw myself at you and never let go. I’m scared of how your face always pops into my mind. I’m scared of how I. . . of how I wanted to feel your lips on mine again. I’m scared of how everytime I’m with Jae, I wanted to be with you instead. And most of all, I’m scared to hurt Jae. I love him, Jiyong and I don’t want to hurt him. That’s why I’m avoiding you. I’m just scared that I’ll give in. . .”

 

I took an unsteady breath as tears started falling. I looked up as I heard strong and determined footsteps. He was marching towards me, wearing a hard look. He grabbed me by the shoulders and pushed me against the wall, his lips conquering mine.

 

I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back hungrily. God, I missed him so much! I missed the way his body was pressed on mine. I missed the feel of his hands. I missed the sensations brought by his touch. But this is wrong!

 

He bit my lower lip lightly, sending tingling sensations all over my system. His tongue went in, brushing lightly and tingly against the roof of my mouth, my tongue and along the edges of my teeth.

 

“I’m really out of the picture, huh?”

 

Buckets of ice washed over me as I heard Jae’s voice. I pushed Jiyong away lightly and stared wide-eyed with fear at Jae.

 

“J-jae…” I whispered. He shook his head and turned away. “Jae, wait!” I called, running after him.

 

What have I done again? He didn’t deserve to get hurt like this. I kept on calling his name while a part of me was silently begging Jiyong to follow me and stop me from running after Jae.

 

“How will you explain that, Dara?” Jae suddenly stopped and faced me.

 

“Jae. . . .” I mumbled. It was all I could come up with.

 

“If you wanted to break up with me, you could have just told me! You don’t have to go and-!”

 

“No! I protested. “It’s not like that. I don’t want to break up with you”

 

“Then why?!”

 

I wasn’t able to answer him.

 

“You said you love me! And I believed you!”

 

“I do!”

 

“Kiss me, then”

 

“J-jae. . .?!” I gasped, stepping back.

 

“If what you say ist rue, kissing me would be an easy thing to do”

 

“Jae, I. . .”

 

Guilt. Pain. Pity. They spread through my body the moment I saw the pain in his eyes. He looked so broken that I just wanted to hurt myself, torture myself. It’s not right for someone like him to be in pain like this. And the moment I saw a tear fell from one of his eyes, I just gave in to his wish.

 

I cupped his face and closed my eyes. Then, I kissed him. I kissed him. I kissed Kim Jaejoong, fully aware that Kwon Jiyong was just a few feet away from us. At the back of my mind, I was silently asking for forgiveness. At the back of my mind, I was hoping he’ll pull me away from Jae. At the back of my mind, I was wishing he’ll take me away and claim me as his property.

 

I waited but nothing happened.

 

Jae then pulled back. With a smile on his face, he hugged me. My eyes eagerly searched for Jiyong but he was gone. He wasn’t there anymore, he was out of sight already.

 

I felt a clog in my throat. He didn’t even do anything. . . .

 

Words weren’t enough to describe the pain I felt with the fact that Jiyong just walked away. With no one to turn to, I hugged Jae back and buried my face in his chest.

 

Jiyong, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

 

“Let’s go to a restaurant” Jae suddenly announced.

 

I went with the flow during the whole meal. But I went silent as Jae drove me home. I just don’t feel right. I felt uneasy, uncomfortable. I looked down at our intertwined hands. Why am I feeling this way? I did the right thing, didn’t I?

 

“Hey, we’re here”

 

I jerked up and looked around, finding myself in front of my house. Jae got out of the cat and quickly ran to my side, opening the door for me.

 

“Thanks” I mumbled as he assisted me off the car. A movement at the corner of my eye caught my attention. I glanced sideways and saw Kwon Jiyong walking out of his gate. He must’ve felt my eyes on him because he looked up. The moment our eyes met, a sarcastic smirk curved his lips. With a shake of his head, he turned away and walked off. My heart was suddenly crushed with pain seeing him walk away from me.

 

I started going after him but a hand stopped me. I looked back at Jae. He shook his head at me.

 

“Jae. . .”

 

“Dara” he mumbled. “No”

 

I bit my lower lip. “I-I’m sorry” I cried and pulled my wrist off his grasp and went after Jiyong.

 

I ran.

 

And ran. . .

 

And continued running but he was nowhere to be found.

 

“JIYONG!” I screamed.

 

A car suddenly stopped in front of me. The window lowered down. “Dara, get in” Jae said.

 

“No. . .” I refused. “I need to find him”

 

“I’ll drive you to him” he said.

 

I hesitated, biting my lower lip. But then, I nodded and stepped inside the car. “Bring me to the cemetery”

 

o=o=o

 

“I’ll go alone” I told him as he offered to accompany me the moment we reached the cemetery.

 

“I’ll wait for you then”

 

“No” I refused. “Don’t wait for me, Jae. Please don’t do this. . .”

 

I stepped off the car and went to the shortcut. It was getting dark already. Though I’m still not that familiar to the place, I just walked straight ahead through the giant trees.

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

My heart skipped a beat the moment I heard his voice. I slowly turned around to face him. The moment I saw him, I was suddenly filled with so much longing that I felt my feet jerked forward. But I was able to stop myself in another throwing-myself-at-Kwon-Jiyong scene.

 

“I’m looking for you”

 

“Why?” he snorted. “To tell me the good news about you and Jaejoong? I think I already saw enough”

 

“No” I shook my head. “I. . . I came here for you”

 

“What for?” he asked. “This better be good, Dara because I don’t have time to listen to any of your stupidity and-.”

 

“I’m here because I chose to be with you” I cut off. Oh God, I’m putting all of me at stake here.

 

“You don’t know what you’re saying” he said.

 

“I’m fully aware of everything”

 

“Dara” he sighed. “You don’t know what you’re talking about”

 

“A-are you. . . are you rejecting me?” I gasped.

 

“Dara, you have to know that I’m not the type of person who’ll give you want. I’m not the type of person who sits down on a beach and whisper the ‘I love you’ words. I’m not the type of person who gives promises of forever or happy ever after or that I’ll be loyal or faithful or-.”

 

“I’m not going to ask you any of that” I butted in. “I just want to be with you. Just let me be with you”

 

He was silent.

 

His silence was torturous – it’s killing me slowly.

 

“Come here” he softly whispered. It was so soft that at first I thought I just imagined it. but when I looked up and saw the look on his face, tears suddenly welled up in my eyes, while my lips started trembling.

 

“Jiyong!” I cried as I ran to him and threw myself in his arms. The moment I was enveloped in his arms, everything inside me rejoiced. “Oh God, you don’t know how much I missed you and how badly jealous I was seeing you being too comfy with Sulli and then. . . and then. . .” I sniffed but I wasn’t able to finish my rant since he pulled my head up and kissed me. And just like before, a sighed of contentment escaped from my lips as my whole body felt warm.

 

o=o=o

 

“So. . . you two are. . . together TOGETHER?” Youngbae asked. I shyly nodded in response. “Seungri’s going to have the shock of his life with this” he added with a chuckle. “Oh well, congratulations”

 

I smiled. “I hope I could say that to you someday, too”

 

He sighed. “It’s hopeless”

 

“She’ll get by” I encouraged.

 

“Youngbae, Jiyong needs help down in the storage room”

 

“I’m on it” he answered. “See you later, Dara”

 

“Okay” I nodded.

 

“ ‘I’m not going to ask that. I just want to be with you. Just let me be with you’ “ Bom’s mocking voice entered my ears.

 

“How did you. . .?”

 

“Girl, I must say that was a nail on”

 

“How did you know about that?” I asked, blushing wildly.

 

“I happened to pass by the place so I decided to eavesdrop” she shrugged.

 

“You eavesdropped?” I asked in disbelief. “Did you. . .did you see. . . .?”

 

“Did I witness the hot making out session? Of course I did! He’s a good kisser, isn’t he?”

 

I stared at her, scandalized. “He’s my boyfriend now” I gritted.

 

“I know that” she waved off.

 

“You don’t look angry” I said.

 

“I’m not” she shrugged and went to sit in front of me. “I already accepted it”

 

“Since when?”

 

“Since you stopped Jiyong from killing you, since you stopped him from totally losing control” she said with a tight smile.

 

“Oh” was all I could say.

 

Silence.

 

“Being Kwon Jiyong’s girlfriend isn’t all sunshine and rainbow” she broke the silence. “You would mostly not hear him say the most coveted ‘I love you’ words because first of all, he doesn’t really believe in it. he would lie to you most of the times and I’m telling you this, he’s the smoothest liar there is. He’s not going to give you promises of being faithful or loyal or honest or that you’re the only one for him ‘til forever or that he’s going to love you forever. Jiyong’s doesn’t believe in forever and partly doesn’t believe in love. A word of advice, don’t believe everything he say, rather, believe in everything he shows you. His actions always sell him, so. . . .”

 

“Why are you telling me all this?” I asked but she just shrugged.