Luhan

Bad luck? yes. But I did not kill Minseok.

My mouth gaped a little. Just a little. I was not someone who could muster various facial expressions. I could only stay blank. It almost felt as if invisible needles were keeping my face frozen that way.   Overall,   it   didn’t   really   matter. Others didn’t need see my expressions. Like why would they need to see me frowning, weeping, or in any sort of pain, it would mean the world for them to see me like that. So, I was better off expressionless anyway.

“He knew something about you, so you killed him, smart-.” Jaejoong continued to look at me through his lashes. Background noises distracted my attention, making me look around me in a rush. Everyone’s face was suddenly so close to mine, even though it really wasn’t. My eyes weren’t focused anymore. I tried to think of something to say that would make them drop the subject and carry on with their day, but my brain was just as pinned as my face.

I did not kill Minseok; I wanted to yell, but knew it was such a weak statement. They never believed me anyway. Heck, they didn’t even believe the policeman when he told them that it was not me who killed my one and only friend. Minseok had committed suicide. He took his own life away, and now I was starting to believe he did that on purpose. Maybe to fulfill a duty. Maybe his intention was to make everyone bully me. Maybe he too was part of the wicked scheme. Minseok-ah, why did you do that to me? Don't you know what I do to bad-bad people?

I bet you knew... but you were smart. What I do, and how I punish can’t affect you now because you are dead anyway.

“What? Got nothing to say to us?” Jaejoong’s voice snapped me back to the time being. His voice was calm, yet strong enough to drown the attention of some of the onlookers, but not all. Some tsked, and others murmured words of disbelief, shame and disgust—all the terms were clear to me, they pierced through my ears and my brain afterwards. Jaejoong walked over to me, only a few steps, and was suddenly towering over me. I didn’t know he was so tall until he stood so close to me. I felt dwarfed. It’s like he swallowed me in his existence. Unable to move a step backwards, I only shrank deeper into my own body as I watched him block the sun from my sight completely.

“What could it be—what could it be? Your tiny little secret, what could it be?” Jaejoong crossed his arms over his chest, bringing his slender, pale fingers to his face, hiding his mouth in thought. After a short moment of thought, Jaejoong gasped in delight. I presumed he had found the reason he was looking for. “Could it be that… you are a little, stupid , who tried something on him, and when he refused you opted to kill him so he won’t spread the word?”

No!

I shook my head and looked around. Everyone’s eyes were on me—not that they ever weren’t—but the look in their eyes told me that they believed what Jaejoong had said just now. “You pushed him off the roof. Broke his bones and caused him a concussion; in short, you put him through three days of painful death.” He reasoned, like he knew. I saw his index finger twirl back and forth right before it poked at my forehead, knocking me a step backwards. I didn’t dare to hiss, or to breathe, but just thought of escaping. There was no place to run, but I was going to try. The door to the dark stairs was only a few steps away.

I turned around and noticed that it was the biggest mistake I could’ve ever done. I should’ve known better than to turn my back on my enemy because just as I turned the knob and opened the door to the staircase, I felt two hands digging themselves into my shoulder-blades from behind. Jaejoong had put all his weight into that push. Suddenly I found myself flying off the first five-so steps before my flailing hands found the railing and spared my pitiful soul its pathetic life. My school bag though, didn’t have as much fortune as I did. It flew all the way down the staircase, emptying itself of all its contents right before it hit the ground.

I cried upon the collision with the railing. My face hurt, and I think I might have twisted an ankle, or both for the matter.

My whole body felt too numb, except for my arms which were holding onto the railing for dear life. And then I realized it; as ty as my life had been, I did not want to die. I haven’t lived my life yet. I haven’t figured out the mystery. I needed to know why the hell was this happening to me of all seven billion people on this goddamn planet. Why me, God? Why ing me up beyond repair?

You're going to pay, Jaejoong. I'm going to throw you into the darkest hole in the universe so deep you would never surface back on top again.

Just   wait   and   you   will   see.

“Ouch!” I dared to wince slowly as I tried to shuffle my body underneath me so I could at least perch my and relax my twisted hands a little, ridding them of the burden that was my weight.

“What’s going on over here?” I heard an authorized voice ring through the hall up the stairs. I didn’t know whether to feel happy or burdened. I wanted to feel happy because someone was going to save me, yet felt burdened because they would have to consult me to investigate about the occurrence. And in all honestly I did not want to talk about it anymore. It has gotten old. Every time teachers pretend they care though they do not. It was just a part of their job and they did it almost robotically. I saw the shadow of the broad-shouldered teacher approach the stairs, and then I heard him shout for the students to leave, “Get back to your class, now!” His coarse voice was stern and within seconds I heard no more stupid noises and pointless mutters. It was only me and him now. I couldn’t turn my head sideways; my neck seemed dangerously strained, but I knew he was on his way down here.

Mr. Hangeng, our art teacher was knelt beside me, and caught my weakened body. Only with his support, I was able to let go of the railing. I felt my whole body tremble and it was almost a phenomenal feeling despite the countless times I’ve felt it. “What did you do this time, Luhan? Why are you always in so much trouble?” he murmured deliberately to himself. I wish I knew, teacher, I wanted to say but saw no point in it and stayed quiet. “Can you stand up?” he asked, his voice surprisingly gentle in contrary to the harsh tone he used upon the savages upstairs.    

I nodded even before trying to move my legs. With one hand I held out to my ankle, I tried to stretch my leg tentatively, very slowly I pushed my weight off the concrete and tried to stand up. Mr. Hangeng tried to help me but I dismissed him and did the work all by myself, even though my legs felt cramped and shaky. I did not want to look weak in front of him too—as if looking totally bumped in front of a whole goddamn school wasn’t enough. Nevertheless, Mr. Hangeng sank his arm around my waist and held me close to the length of his firm body. I didn’t protest for I needed his support to at least descend the remaining of the stairs.

“Figured you’d be the one taking care of that !”

We both froze upon hearing Jaejoong’s voice. It startled me because I thought he had left with the others. I looked at our teacher, and realized that I’ve forgotten that he was rumored to be a queer. I almost laughed; of course it was the gay teacher who would come to my rescue so he would prove Jaejoong’s nasty assumptions about me. Maybe he too was a part of the scheme, I really did not know anymore. I tried to shrink away from the teacher’s grip, sinking closer to the wall in repulsion.   

“Didn’t I say go to class, Kim Jaejoong? Unless you feel like going to the principal’s office first, then stay. I’ll you there myself. I have seen you push him, so there’s really no way out of it this time.” Mr. Hangeng was all furious again. His acting skills were really good, I almost believed him. If I wasn’t holding onto to the railing so dearly, I might’ve brought my hands up together and applauded for his fantastic performance.

“You’ll do that so it earns you a score to get into his pants, teacher. Che. You’re disgusting. The two of you are so disgusting. Filthy homos.”

“Leave immediately, Kim Jaejoong, or you’ll leave with a black eye along with the suspension letter.” I had a feeling Mr. Hangeng was not joking about that. Even if they were teamed up to torment me, Kim Jaejoong might’ve crossed the limits with our teacher who was not very forgiving, from what I heard about him. I didn’t know he would go as far as giving a student the black eye. Beating was not allowed in our school, so I wondered if he would get away with it. Maybe he was going to receive a suspension letter matching Jaejoong’s as well from our not-too-nice principal.

To hell they all shall go, for all I care. I just needed to get out of here; the nurse’s place seemed like a good idea.

Seeing my chance to slip away from them, I took a foolish step down. The pain that shot through my body felt like an electricshock, my ankle was indeed fractured now I was sure of it. It was unable to carry my weight anymore. It gave up trying to hold me up sooner than I’d expected. I hadn’t even had the chance grab onto the railing before cruel gravity started dragging forcefully me down the stairs.

I felt every step of the stairs kicking me in the and face as I rolled my way down all the way. Upon hitting the flat ground, I cried out in pain, unshed tears blurred my vision.

Why Minseok, I thought you were supposed to protect me?  You   betrayed   me.  Our dark stairs too…   Everyone...   Everything…

You went against your word, therefore, expect the same from me. I can’t keep my promise if you can’t keep yours.

I groaned.

My   body   hurts   so   much.  

Feels    like   my   heart   is   swollen   too.

Can’t the nurse come over here instead? I don’t feel like going anymore…

[A/N]: /Smiles/Frowns/sighs heavily/  .. What would you do if the evil inside of you, the one that's sitting in the passenger seat, started convincing you to let go of the wheel and let it drive you to safe shore instead?    You   are   weak! It keeps on reminding you. Luhan had come to terms with his choice of answer, but what would your choice be? Drive or let it drive for you... Live innocently or uncage the beast you know is there... I don't know. Do you?