Kris closed his eyes then opened them. Sleep wasn't coming to him. He wasn't even tired. It was only midnight, but he was eager to wake up later in the morning so he could finally confess to Tao. He was more than excited to finally confess. He could only wish to confess in person, but unfortunately he couldn't do such a thing.

Neither did he have that kind of money. It made Kris wonder when he'd ever be able to meet his perfect boyfriend. It overwhelmed him thinking about what they would do when they finally meet. He planned everything in his head. Tao would wait at the airport for him, and they'd hug tightly. Kris would kiss the lips he so very much desired, and they'd be happy together.

He wanted it so badly. He wanted to be happy with Tao.

"Being in love makes you happy... Right?" 

His phone suddenly began vibrating. He pulled it out and saw Tao was video calling him. He turned his lamp on and answered as he laid against the pillow. Tao smiled at him.

"Hey Tao. Why are you up? Shouldn't you be sleeping?"

The boy frowned slightly, "I can't sleep. I'm not very tired...."

Kris stared at him for a moment. He could hear something in the voice that he knew all to well.

"Tao... What's wrong?" The younger rested back against his computer chair and sighed, "I cut again." The words pained Kris, but he knew. He knew how difficult it was to stop cutting. 

"Why?"

"My dad... He told me I should have died instead of my mother..."

Kris gulped as he gripped his hands into fists. He needed to stay calm.

"Don't listen to him. Remember what I told you? Don't believe a word he says about you."

"I know but.. What if he's right? Maybe I should have died-"

"Tao!"

The boy jumped out of shock.

"Don't you ever ing say that. I care so much about you that it's insane. If you died, if I ever lost you, i'd be ruined. I'd be completely ruined."

"I don't ing deserve to live, Kris."

"DONT ING SAY THAT, TAO!"

"WHY THE CAN'T I?! YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME! NO ONE DOES!"

Kris looked at his boyfriend and deeply sighed, "And why don't I care about you? How do you know that's a fact?"

"Because... No one has ever cared for me..."

He once again took in a deep sigh to collect his breath. He was about to lose his mind.

"Not you... Not Kyungsoo... Not my dad... Not anyone."

And that was all it took to set him off.

"You really think me and Kyungsoo don't care about you? You really ing thinking that?"

Tao did move.

Kris's voice was a threatening one.

"Kyungsoo ing went along his way taking time away from his own life just to ing visit you in the goddamn hospital. And I... Oh man.."

He half laughed as he straightened himself up to sit up with his back arched over. He looked directly into the camera.

"I care so much about you it's ing unhealthy. I think about you when I wake up, when i'm eating, when i'm at work, when I go to bed, when I do anything. You're the only goddamn reason I want to continue living, Tao. So don't you ever say that I don't care about you, because I ing care! I care much more then I ever intended to! I CARE SO MUCH THAT ING FELL FOR YOU! I CARE SO MUCH THAT I'M ING IN LOVE WITH YOU!"

He panted slightly as he closed his eyes. He didn't want to say it, "And if you don't believe me... Then ing hang up the call, and we'll never speak to eachother again."

He had to get Tao to trust him or not at all.

He opened his eyes to looked into Tao's who was staring with his mouth gaping as if he was a fish. They stared at each other. Kris could tell what was happening.

"I love you, Tao." He retold him.

Tao in air and gulped. Tears slipped down his cheeks one by one.

"You d-do?" His voice sounded broken.

"I do." Kris gave him a small warming smile.

"I... I love.. You too..."

The older felt his heart skip over a few beats as he heard the beautiful words coming out of his boyfriend's lips.

"Now please... Believe me when I say I care about you."

Tao nodded as he wiped his tears away with his sleeve, "O-Okay... I will."

"I love you so much. Now get some rest. I don't want you to be tired tomorrow morning."

The boy nodded and sighed, "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, baby."

Tao blushed before ending the call. Kris locked his phone and dropped it on the bed. He looked up at the ceiling before sighing. That wasn't how he intended to confess, but at least he did. He now knew that Tao loved him back.

That was all that mattered, right?

---

Kris bit his lip as he tried to hold back his tears. He gripped his pillow hard as he stuffed his face into it. Why was he feeling so utterly depressed? He couldn't handle it.

Life.

It made him want to curl up into a ball and die. He gulped as he thought about Tao. He couldn't be there with Tao. He couldn't be there for the boy when he needed him the most nor when he himself needed comfort. What kind of boyfriend was he? A terrible one.

He didn't deserve Tao's love. After four months of dating, he loved Tao with all his heart but did he really deserve him?

No.

He was weak.

Weaklings are worthless out in the world. He bit his cheek as he tried not to cry too loud. He was feeling sick. He wanted to throw up. He wanted to throw up then go to sleep forever. He swallowed that feeling away. That's when his phone began ringing. He groaned as he grabbed it. He looked at the lock screen.

His brother was calling him. This made him feel weaker. He was dependent on his brother to help him breathe again. Someone like that shouldn't be with Tao. He answered and pulled the covers over his head. He cried softly as he spoke, "Lu-Luhan H-Hyung?"

"Kris... Are you crying?"

"... Y-Yes."

There was a shifting on the other line. Luhan began to calm him down like he normally would, "It's okay, Kris. Just breathe. You'll be okay."

"H-Hyung, do you remember when I told you I had a boyfriend?"

"Yes. Did you two break up?"

"N-No. You see..."

He couldn't hide it from his brother anymore. He was too desperate for help. For relief.

"Weak."

"He doesn't live here... He lives overseas. We have a long distance relationship."

He heard Luhan sigh, "Go ahead, Kris. Tell me how you're feeling."

"I don't deserve him. I don't deserve him. He's so broken... I'm so broken... Two broken people don't mix. I don't know what to do. I love him so much."

"You're wrong."

His breath stopped.

"Wh-What?"

"My broken friend dated someone also broken. They were like you and your boyfriend, i'm assuming. He was just like you. He thought it wouldn't work out, and he thought he wasn't worth it. But do you know what two broken people do to each other? They fix each other. They know how to fix each other because they know what hurts the most. You and your boyfriend will have struggles, but you two can help each other with it. I believe in you, Kris. You two will make it."

Kris bit his lip.

Luhan was right.

He knew how to help Tao.

Tao knew how to help him.

They could make it through this.

They were just roadblocks that were difficult to pass, but passable nevertheless.

"Thank you... You always know what exactly to say."

"You're welcome. I'll be here for you whenever you need me... Oh, I originally called to tell you some good news."

"Good news?"

Kris could use some of that.

"Yeah. My company is letting me take a month of break so me and Sehun were wondering if we could visit you guys for the month."

The younger froze up.

"Se-Seriously?"

"Yeah. It'll be a week before we get there though."

"Hyung, of course you can stay over! We love you, and we love having you over! And God knows how much I miss you! It only makes it better that you're bringing your boyfriend!"

Luhan laughed slightly, "Well then it's settled. We'll come over this Saturday."

It was Sunday early morning as they spoke.

"That sounds great. I'll tell Chanyeol and Baekhyun tomorrow."

"Alright then. I'll let you go to sleep now. Actually get some sleep alright?"

"Alright, alright."

The two chuckled as they hung up.

Kris half smiled as he ended the call and went to the blogging app. He wanted to make a blog. He kind of hoped Tao wouldn't see it, but he knew he would.

-

Why?

icanfly

I'm in love.

We're in love.

But why are we so depressed still?

Tags: icanfly, love, depression

-

He sighed as he locked his phone. He wondered if he'd actually get any advice or anything really. He sighed as he put his phone on his desk. He sunk into the covers and closed his eyes. He felt slightly tired now due to his mental breakdown earlier. He took a sleeping pill to help himself out just in case though.

---

The next morning his alarm woke him up. He groaned as he turned it off. He wasn't feeling in the mood to go to work. He opened his phone and went straight to the app. He had gotten notifications. His eyes widened when he saw them. He wasn't expecting to get any at all. He clicked on it.

GucciPanda commented on your blog

His lips shaped a small 'o' as he saw it. He didn't want Tao to see it, but he knew it was obvious that the other would. He hesitantly clicked on it.

GucciPanda: Demons don't care if you're in love... They'll still eat your soul.

Kris didn't want to see that. It was the truth though. Demons were ruthless and careless. The demon of depression was one of the worst of them all.

He chuckled slightly as he clicked on Tao's profile. Tao was rubbing off on him. He was calling his problems demons too now. He clicked the video chat button.

---

It was now Thursday.

Kris was worried.

Tao hadn't been on all day after they talked earlier at the beginning of the day. He was sitting on the living room couch with his phone on his lap as he stared at the TV. The moving pictures and sounds coming from it, he had no interest in.

He was worried.

"What if his dad hurt him again?... What if his bullies locked him somewhere?... What if...?" 

He couldn't stop thinking about Tao getting hurt or being trapped somewhere.

Maybe he was overreacting?

He couldn't have cared less.

He loved Tao.

He cared for Tao.

It was his job to wonder whether or not he was safe.

He pouted slightly to himself. He wanted Tao to get on. Almost as if on cue, his phone rang the text ringer. He looked at it, and saw Tao had messaged him.

GucciPanda: Kris.

A chill ran up his spine as he read it.

This wasn't good.

He ran to his bedroom and got on the computer. He video chatted his boyfriend quickly. He didn't accept as quickly as he normally did. Nothing was like it normally was. Tao had his lights off. Only his computer lit his face. He was sitting and holding his legs close to his chest. There were tears rolling down his cheeks.

This was not normal.

If he wasn't feeling fine, but sad, Tao would have bursted into tears.

This was not bursting into tears.

Something was very wrong.

"Tao, what's wrong? What happened?"

The boy only stared at him before looking at his knees.

"Did you cut again? You know you can tell me if you did. I won't get mad at you. You know that."

Tao shook his head.

"Why isn't he speaking?"

"Did your dad hurt you again?"

He shook his head.

"Did your bullies hurt you again?"

Tao slowly nodded.

"What did they do to you?"

Tao didn't move. The tears started falling down faster.

Kris didn't understand why he was reacting like this. He wanted to know the answer. He needed it now.

The younger tried to explain, "H-He.. The leader... He..."

"What did he do, baby?"

Tao held his legs closer and pushed his eyes into them. He shakily sighed as he cried into his jeans. He pulled his head away and grabbed the keyboard. Slowly he typed a reply instead of speaking it.

GucciPanda: He me.

Kris stared at the three words. His heart was stripped into pieces.

He couldn't move.

He couldn't tear his eyes away from the words.

"T-Tao..."

He looked up at the boy who was looking down.

"Are.. Are you alright? Are you alright after all of it?"

"I'm... I'm scared."

Kris felt his heart tug at the response. He was incredibly worried, and he just wanted to help his boyfriend through it, but how could he when they were miles away from each other.

"I'm scared because I still have to go back to school... What if he does it again? I'm so scared, Kris."

"I'm really sorry I can't be there for you. I would help you through it, but the most I can do is tell you to avoid them as best as you can."

"Kris, there is no way to avoid them. They're everywhere. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to disappear. I want to disappear from existence. I want to die."

"Then die."

Tao's eyes widened.

Kris wasn't at all joking though.

"We can die together. We can commit suicide together."

Tao didn't move and only stared at him.

He didn't think Tao believed what he was saying. He pulled his drawer open and grabbed his heavy dosed bottle of sleep pills. He shook them in front of the camera.

"Get your razor. We can do this together. We'll do this as a way to leave our demons."

Tao hesitated, but nodded.

"O-Okay... Let's do it." He reached out of the camera's view and held his razor as he pulled his hand back into view.

Kris gulped when he saw it.

It was the object Tao used to his ruin his skin.

"So, i'll take this whole bottle, and you'll cut your wrist?"

Tao nodded slowly.

"Alright..."

He popped the bottle open and poured it all into his hand.

Tao watched him as he placed the edge of the razor on to his wrist.

"Are you ready?" Kris asked and he nodded.

"Ok. On the count of 3, we'll do it."

Tao nodded again.

"1.... 2.... 3."

Kris slammed his bottle onto the table as he shouted, "TAO, DONT!"

Tao froze up, but got mad as he was told not to do it, "What?! Kris, why not?!"

"Because I don't want you to die. I don't want to die. We both don't want to die. I know it."

"What else are we suppose to do then, Kris?!"

"We live! We ing live! We're here for a reason, Tao! Let's find that reason together! There is a reason we found each other, and I intend to keep it like that!"

"... Kris..." Tao broke as he dropped the razor and cried into his hands.

Kris stared at him.

He loved Tao so much.

He wanted nothing more then to erase those tears from the boy's eyes.

"I love you, Tao. I know we can make it through this. I know we can."

Tao's cries became louder.

Kris let a tear drop out of his own eye as he gulped.

They will make it through this. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi everyone :D

I have updated,

and omfg.

How many of you did I almost get?? XD

Oh man.

This story is so sad, huh?

Maybe I'll write another crackfic afterwards to even it out?

Anyway, thanks for reading this chapter!

Saranghamnida<3