Kris laid in bed as he stared at the ceiling. He sighed heavily. It was late... Or early if you were one of those kinds of people. It was 3:20am, and he still couldn't sleep. He felt so tired. He didn't know how many times he had been in the same situation. Except one thing was different...

He wasn't being reminded of everything he had done wrong. He was being reminded of Tao instead. The boy was making his heart beat faster. He wanted him near his side. He really wished to meet him one day. He sighed once more because even if they tried, it would be hard. Unless, Tao lived down the street or something. He didn't have the money to buy a plane ticket so he could only hope.

He paused before thinking about a life with Tao. It tumbled into more and more until he began to feel sick and worthless. Oh how he hated depression. He couldn't possibly make Tao happy if he wasn't with him. He felt tears fill his eyes.

Raging thoughts filled his head, "I'm so worthless! Why the do I even bother?! Why do I even try?! God, I'm such an idiot!"

His tears pushed out to run down his face. He wanted to scream. His throat was closing up on him. He was crying so hard he couldn't breathe. He laid there, curled into a ball. He wanted to rip his own throat out. He was gasping for air. He was shocked when his phone began ringing. He moved to get it slowly. He tried to push his tears away, but it was difficult.

He looked at the caller ID. He froze. His cries stopped. Then immediately became much worse. It was Luhan. He answered quickly.

"Hey, Kris. How are you?" The older asked.

Kris choked on a sob. "Hyung!" He cried out as he held himself together. Luhan knew everything he did. He knew how bad his depression and insomnia was.

Before Chanyeol, there was Luhan. "Kris. Breathe. Just breathe. You'll be okay."

"I-I ca-nt!"

"Kris. Breathe. Please. You can do it. Breathe for me." Kris took deep breaths to calm himself down.

"That's it. Breathe. Think about something other than what you were thinking about before. Think about happy things, okay? Just calm your breathing, and wipe your tears away. Pretend I'm there your hair. I'm there. Just breathe."

The younger gulped down his cries as he calmed down. He always loved it when Luhan his hair during times like these.

"T-Thank you, hyung..."

He heard Luhan shuffle before whispering, "You're welcome... I'm really sorry I'm not there for you during times like these."

Kris gulped, "It's okay... I'm making it through ok."

He heard the other speaking softly away from the phone. He couldn't make the words out though.

"Hyung, who are you talking to?" He wondered since the time was early morning.

The talking stopped, and Luhan replied, "It's my boyfriend. I accidentally woke him up."

Kris rose an eyebrow, "You have a boyfriend? Since when?"

"Since a year and a half ago actually..."

Kris bit his lip. That was awhile ago. They hadn't talked about something like that when they had their brief conversations before.

"What about you, Kris? Do you have a boyfriend now?" He hesitated. If he told the truth, questions would be asked. Kris decided against it. Now wasn't the right time.

"No, and what's your boyfriend's name, hyung?"

"Oh Sehun."

"Should I call him Sehun hyung then?"

Luhan laughed, "No, no. Don't call him hyung. He's younger then you."

The blonde's eyes widened, "Really? How old is he?"

"Oh, uh..."

He rose his eyebrow. He couldn't be that young.

"He's.. 17..."

His eyes widened once again. "17?!"

"Yeah.."

"So you mean, he's still in school?"

"Well... Yeah, but he's homeschooled... And his parents let him stay with me whenever he wants to."

"Aren't you too busy for romance?"

"That's why he comes over at night, when I'm not as busy." Kris paused for a moment.

He realized how little him and Luhan talk, and it made him realize he might not be able to get another chance to tell him about Tao, "Hyung.."

"Yes?"

"I actually lied about not having a boyfriend."

Luhan gasped, "You have a boyfriend now?! What's his name?! How long have you two been dating?!"

Kris chuckled, "I do. His name is Tao and we've.. Uh... Only been dating for less then a day." He purposely left out the fact that he hadn't actually personally met Tao before.

"Aww~ My baby brother has a new boyfriend! I'm so happy for you~!"

"Yah, I'm not a baby anymore." He whined with a small smile on his lips.

"I know, I know. Kris, I must tell you tips on how to treat your new boy, and how to act on dates! So listen up, ok!?"

He chuckled, "Okay, hyung. I'll listen."

Kris laid there as he listened to his brother's lecture. He mentally sighed thinking about his new boyfriend, the one they were talking about. He wanted to talk to him again.

-

Tao wasn't online in the morning, so Kris decided to get ready early. He took an extra long time in the shower just letting the water run down on him. He felt nice today. There was a genuine smile on his face as well.

Chanyeol noticed it when he walked out to eat breakfast, "Hyung, your smiling pretty happily today. Did something happen?"

Baekhyun continued to set the table as they chatted.

Kris shrugged, "I guess it's because my hyung called me last night."

Chanyeol's eyes widened, "He did? How's he doing?"

Kris scratched his head, "He's been pretty well. He even found himself a boyfriend."

Baekhyun sat down in time to hear those words.

Chanyeol clapped, "Ah, man! I'm proud of him! He must be so happy."

"He is." Kris nodded.

Baekhyun pointed his fork at the oldest, "When are you going to get a boyfriend?"

Kris's smile faded. "Should I tell them?" 

Chanyeol noticed the lack of smile, and elbowed his boyfriend, "Yah! Hyung! Don't bother Kris hyung. He can get a boyfriend wherever he-"

"I'm dating someone."

The two froze with wide eyes. Baekhyun spoke first, "Really?! What's his name!? How did you two meet?!" Kris laughed awkwardly.

He couldn't tell them that they met online or else they'd start thinking things, "His name is Tao... We just... started dating Yesterday."

They luckily didn't notice he changed the last question. "Are we going to meet him soon? Cause I would love to!"

Baekhyun smiled happily. Kris quickly shook his head.

The boy frowned, "Why not?"

The oldest sighed. He was just going to have to tell them, "Because... We actually... Met online, so we haven't exactly met each other in person."

Chanyeol's lips formed a small 'o'.

Baekhyun started, "Hyung... You know-"

"I know how dangerous that is already. We video chatted before, and we know each other very well though."

"How did you two meet online?" Chanyeol questioned placing his cup down after taking a drink.

"Well..." He started. He didn't want to seem so weak that he made a depression blog. They were his friends after all though; they wouldn't make fun of him.

"I joined... Uh... A depression blogging site." He could see their facial expressions change to a pity one.

"I made my first blog, and he commented. His comment made me remember his username, and we just kind of... started talking."

Their was a pause before Baekhyun spoke, "So he has depression too?" Kris nodded.

"If you both have depression, isn't it kind of hard to handle each other?" Chanyeol asked.

The blonde shook his head, "No, it's not. We both get each other, so it helps us bond easier."

The youngest nodded and smiled, "As long as you're happy, I'm happy for you."

"Thanks, Chanyeol." He smiled back.

Baekhyun leaned in as he asked a question, "Where does he live?"

"Well... I've never actually asked him that. He speaks Chinese though, so I assume China."

The boy nodded, "Well... I hope you can handle a long distance relationship."

"I think I can." The two nodded before they all stopped talking about the subject, and moved on. 

-

Kris stared at his boss emotionless as the man squinted his eyes at him. The shorter tapped his chin as he stared into his eyes.

He sighed, "I give up. I don't know why you look so happy today. What happened?" Kris chuckled.

Before he could say anything back, Jongdae gasped, "Wait. You're not dating Kibum, are you? Oh man! I knew you two were a good mat-"

"I'm not."

The other stopped his small celebration, "Then what's going on?"

"I am dating, but not Kibum."

A small 'o' was made with his lips before he smiled, "Well, I'm happy for you. As long as you're happy, that's all that really matters, correct?" Kris nodded with a shy smile.

-

Before dinner, Tao wasn't online. Kris assumed it was because he was still at the hospital being discharged. He, of course, was still worried though.

-

After dinner, he got on the blogging site and saw that D.O was on. He decided to strike up a conversation.

icanfly: Hey, D.O. Has Tao been discharged yet?

It took a moment for the other to reply.

Desolation27: Yeah, I just dropped him off a little while ago. He should be online anytime now.

icanfly: Alright, thank you. Thank you for taking care of him too.

Desolation27: You're welcome~

The two stopped talking after that. Kris began to browse around the internet. Within seconds, he received a video call from Tao. He hesitantly answered. Tao, who was in his room sitting on a computer chair, came onto the screen. Kris's eyes scoped the room behind him.

"Tao, how are you doing?" He slightly smiled.

Tao looked at him. That's when Kris noticed he had another bruise on his cheek.

"Tao, why is-"

"Kris, I have to tell you something." They paused. The older nodded for him to continue.

Tao took in a deep breath, "I'm going to tell you why I hurt myself." Kris was immediately ready to hear it.

He wanted to know more then anything, "I'm ready to listen."

Tao nodded slowly before opened his mouth. He closed it then opened it. Kris could see he was fighting with himself.

"I... I'm... I'm being bullied.." The blonde bit his lip.

"I've been bullied to the point were I've bled through my mouth." The older could feel himself hurt for the boy.

He wanted to help him. He wanted to help him so bad.

"It's not only that though..."

"There's more?"

"The bullying and abuse doesn't stop when I leave school..."

Kris shook his head, "N-No. Don't tell me-"

"My dad abuses me everyday. I'm basically his slave. I have to make him food. I have to clean up after him... It gets worse when he's drunk. It all started when my mother died."

The words 'drunk' and 'mother' clicked inside Kris's head.

"Tao's father was passed out in his room. His mother was nowhere in sight."

He remembered D.O saying that when he told him what he heard about Tao.

"Tao... You didn't... Actually trip... Did you..?" The black haired one lowered his head before pulling his legs into the chair to hold them close to his chest.

That was when Kris noticed the black long sleeves and pants.

Tao sighed and shook his head, "The morning I fell... We were talking and my father started to bang on the door. I told you I had to go, and you told me one last thing. By the time you finished, my father was banging angrily on the door. He was shouting at me to open it. I logged off, and I rushed to open it. He grabbed me, and pulled me to the stairs. He yelled at me to make him breakfast. Without a care. he pushed me down the stairs, and walked away while I fell."

Kris gulped, "T-Tao... I'm so sorry." He felt guilty.

Tao shook his head, "Don't, besides it wasn't your fault."

"But it was. I kept you waiting when I was replying to you. I'm so sorry, Tao. I'm so sorry."

His palms pressed against his eyes as he groaned. He wanted to scream that he was sorry until his throat closed up. He felt more guilty.

"Kris, please don't. It's okay. It really was okay. I was luckily away from him for the time I was in the hospital."

"You have more bruises on your cheek, Tao. He hurt you as soon as you were inside, didn't he?"

The younger had looked at him with begging eyes, "Please... This won't stop happening. He'll never stop beating me until his heart fails from all of the alcohol, so please... I know you care about me, but I want you to relax about this."

Kris opened his mouth and it came out without thinking, "Is he the reason for your self harm?"

Tao paused before nodding slowly. "He is.." He whispered, "He finds it fun to torture my mind with hateful words... They make me feel ashamed, and worthless."

"You're not worthless... Trust me, Tao."

The two looked at each other in silence.

Kris felt the edgy silence. He forced out the words he was dying to ask him, "Tao... Can I see... Your cuts...?"

Tao's fingers played with eachother as he sighed deeply. "You don't want to." Kris tilted his head. "We just started dating, Kris. I don't want to scare you away so soon."

The older gave him an empathic look, "Do you really think I'd be scared off by cuts? The fact that I haven't been scared off yet should reassure you."

Tao paused before sighing, "You're right... Well... To show you, I'd have to remove my clothes because they're everywhere."

A burst of concern spread throughout Kris. "He must be covered in scars... It worries me so much..."

"It's fine. I'll just let you know right now that I'm not a ert."

Tao nodded before standing up. He moved the camera up and forward a little bit, and then he moved his chair out of the way.

He moved out of the view of the screen for a second. Kris gulped as he saw the empty view. He was so nervous his fingers were shaking. He almost regretted asking Tao to see his scars. He wanted to know how badly he had hurt himself though. He wanted to really be there for him, not just pretend he was.

"Okay, are you ready?" He heard Tao's soft voice speak.

"Yeah."

Tao slowly stepped in front of the camera with only underwear on. Kris's eyes widened, and filled with tears. The red lines covered Tao's arms, thighs, calves, and stomach. Bruises were everywhere. His ribs weren't poking out as much as he was expecting, thankfully. He mentally thanked the doctors for feeding him well.

Nevertheless, the boy looked destroyed. His skin was almost unnoticeable. Kris stared in disbelief as tears slowly slipped down his face.

"Kris, are you crying?" Tao's voice sounded weak, but he stood still.

"T-Tao.. I'm so-sorry you have to go through this ev-everyday." The reply was cracked. He wanted to full out cry, but he tried to stay as strong as possible.

"Kris... I'm..."

Tao began, but Kris cut him off, "Don't you dare say you're sorry. Don't you dare say it's ok for me to ignore you now. Don't you dare say . Tao, I care so ing much about you that it pains me to see you do this to yourself. I don't want to see you in so much pain, but me being in Korea, and you being wherever you are isn't going to help us one bit. So I'm going to be here for you through this video chat until the day we finally meet. The day we meet, I'll make up for not being with you, and I'll start by kissing you and your scars. Because I care for you, and the fact you have so many of those doesn't make me like you less, so just remember this please..."

He was crying now, not bothering to keep in his tears, "I'll always be here when you need me. When you feel depressed enough to harm yourself, I'll be here to listen to you and help your mind regulate. I promise." He didn't even care that he was rambling.

The look on Tao's face was enough for him. The boy had the look of shock yet happiness. He bursted into tears as he dropped to the ground, "K-Kris!", and out of Kris's sight.

The older gulped down the feeling he was dealing with as he heard Tao cry out his name. He wanted to hug him more than he could ever want to do anything else.

"I wish I was there to hug and comfort you." Tao's cries became louder at the words. The boy slowly came into the camera's view. Tears were falling down his face.

Kris felt crushed as he saw the tears, but his heart stopped when he saw Tao's lips slowly curl into a small smile.

"Th-Thank yo-you, so mu-much. You d-don't know how m-much you mea-mean to me. I'm going to g-go now. I'm sure y-you don't want to s-see me cry all n-night."

Kris looked at him with soft eyes, "You mean the world to me, Tao. Sleep well, okay?"

Tao sobbed as he nodded, and ended the video. Kris stared at the black screen for a moment before touching his cheeks. They were terribly wet. He sighed deeply. He wanted to be there for Tao more then anything. He really did. He was happy he was able to make him smile though. It was the first sign he was cracking inside the boy's emotions and mind, and that's where he wanted to be. He wanted to know Tao like he knew the palm of his hand. He wanted Tao to stay by his side forever. He made it his goal. 

-

It was the middle of the night, and Kris stared at the pitch black ceiling while clutching his phone to his chest. He wanted Luhan to call again. He wanted to tell him what happened. He didn't know why he wanted to tell him so badly, but he did.

A couple minutes later, his ringer went off as he was about to fall into sleep. He opened his eyes, and checked. The blog app notified him. Tao had sent him a message. He quickly went to check it. It was a short simple message,

GucciPanda: I live in China...

He sighed as he knew what Tao was getting at.

icanfly: It's okay. It doesn't matter where we live. We can still video chat online. It'll be alright. I believe in us. Now get some sleep, okay? I want you to be ready for a new day tomorrow.

GucciPanda: Okay... Goodnight.

icanfly: Goodnight.

He felt awkward for just saying goodnight, but what else could he say? He couldn't say the three words, I love you, yet because it was too soon. He had to get over it for now. He locked his phone and faced it face first on the bed. He held his blanket close to his body. He fell asleep repeating a thought in his head, "I'm here to make you happy, Tao; just like you're here to help me as well. You just don't realize it."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Omoooo

I updated~!

I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

It's pretty sad, but it's nice, right?

lol

Anyway, thank you for commenting and subbing if you already have before!

If you haven't, then thank you in advance!