Chapter 26
Forgotten Idols
Game night went on as planned in the attic, though the space was not filled with carefree smiles and laughter, but instead with questions of Shin’s wellbeing and shaken comments. Though he assured them that he was fine, his side and back pained him, and the image of the porcelain vase falling from the sky was seared into his mind.
The mood failed to lighten despite many of Amber’s attempts, and after only a couple rounds of billiards they decided to call it a night.
______________________
The side alarm clock read 4:45 am.
Their two bare bodies laid side by side, the bigger behind the smaller, his arms enveloping her in a loose embrace while his fingers lightly traced shapes on her arms. This position was the norm for them, especially at this time in the night. Their breaths were even and low as their minds jumped from topic to topic in their silence.
“Shin?” she asked suddenly, her voice shattering the quiet night.
“Hmm?” he hummed.
“What’s going on with you and the public affection lately?” IU asked.
Shin cleared his throat, “Why, you don’t like it?”
“It’s just...out of character,” she said.
“I just felt it in the moment,” Shin said.
Back to the breathing, silence.
“I...had an interesting conversation with Eunhyuk the other day,” he said out of the blue, humor in his voice.
IU’s body stiffened, and she hoped Shin couldn’t feel it, “About what?”
“You, actually. He said you two dated or were together or whatever for a while,” he said, “Is that true?”
“Barely,” she said, chuckling through her discomfort, “It wasn’t even that serious.”
His arms winded tighter, “Really? Why didn’t you tell me?”
She tried to shrug, “It wasn’t that serious. There was just nothing to talk about.”
“Oh...well he didn’t make it seem that way.”
“Eunhyuk is delusional, trust me.”
“Yeah, I learned that when he started threatening me,” he laughed.
“Threatened you?”
“Yeah, something like, “Stay the away from her, or else”.”
IU sighed, annoyance coursing through her that after everything, no matter how transparent she was about her feelings for him, he couldn’t let go, “Don’t worry about him, he won’t do anything to you. He’s all talk,” she said, “But how did that conversation even start in the first place?”
“He came in my room and asked if we were together...and after a lot of back and forth, I said yes.”
It was silent for a while, their breaths the only noise in the room as their bodies were splayed across the queen sized mattress.
“But this whole thing just gets me thinking...why are we being so secretive in the first place? When Eunhyuk asked me if we had anything going on, I originally said no. But why? Why did I lie like that? I have nothing to hide, and I’m not ashamed of what we have...so why not tell?” he said, “Can’t we just go public to the rest of the house?”
He was greeted by the same steady breathing.
“Jieun? Jieun?”
Shin glanced over to the clock on the nightstand.
5:15 am.
This was the time he usually left every night, so he took her still figure as his cue.
He slowly unwinded his arms from her body and carefully slid off the bed, dressing himself in the dark with the moonlight as his only aid. After doing this for several weeks, it was no longer a struggle.
He kissed her cheek and closed the bedroom door behind him.
As soon as the door shut, IU to her back and sighed, staring up at the blank ceiling while Shin’s footsteps retreated into the night.
When he finally made it to the east wing of the mansion and up to the second floor, he quietly went to open his bedroom door out of habit in an attempt to not wake his giant rapper roommate. But when he turned the knob, Chanyeol was sitting upright on the bed, staring out the window, wide awake.
Chanyeol turned to look at Shin as he stood in the doorway.
Shin was frozen in his spot. Though his late night rendez-vous were no longer a complete secret, he still felt like he had to come up with a lie to explain himself to the boy, to save himself for some reason.
He tried to brush this off and walked into the room, ignoring his gaze and going to his dresser and messily moving all the contents of the first drawer around in an attempt to find another shirt to sleep in. In his search, a clear cylinder with an orange cap fell onto the floor. Shin reached down to pick it up, Chanyeol’s eyes following him in the dark.
“What’s that?”
“My epi-pen.”
“You have allergies?”
“Yes.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“Yup.”
He watched silently as Shin shoved the epi-pen back into the depths of his drawer and pulled out a plain white t-shirt. Shin walked over to his bed, changed his shirt wordlessly and enveloped himself in the covers, falling asleep without another word to his roommate.
____________________________________
“I’m sorry I couldn’t play with you guys last night, I was just too exhausted,” said Donghae at the dining room table the next morning.
“It’s fine, it wasn’t that much fun anyways. Shin’s near death experience kind of dampened the mood before we could even start,” said Amber.
“Near death experience?”
“You didn’t hear?” Amber asked, “A vase nearly cracked his ing skull in half, fell from thin air.”
“Thankfully Seunghyun was there to push him out of the way or else he might not be sitting here right now,” said Kai.
Donghae turned to the boy at the other end of the table, “Are you okay?”
Shin shrugged, spooning soup into his mouth, “I’m fine.”
“It was just really strange, paranormal almost,” TOP said. He reached to the center of the long table to grab one of the side dishes, but he grimaced midway, grabbing his arm in pain.
“What’s wrong?”asked Amber.
“It’s my arm, it’s been aching for a few weeks now,” he replied, massaging the limb.
“Mine, too actually,” said Henry. It was the first time he had spoken to TOP directly since the alcohol incident, which Hana took as a good sign. Despite some salty glances across the table, Henry was acting relatively normal since they discarded all of the alcohol. This was unexpected but graciously accepted without question, “Is it the crease of your right arm?”
“Yes.”
“I feel it too,” said Amber, followed by Donghae, Eunhyuk, and Shin agreeing.
“It’s probably just sore from shooting practice,” TOP said, “All of that constant recoil must catch up to us at some point.”
“I don’t feel anything,” said Kai and Chanyeol.
“Me neither,” said Hana.
“You don’t feel pain like us normal people anyways so you aren’t really the best judge,” he said jokingly to Hana.
She scoffed, “You’re right.”
Hana looked across the table at Kai, Chanyeol, and Amber, whose heads were bowed as they ate. She could clearly see their black roots growing from their head, contrasting greatly from their brown and blonde dyed locks. All of their hair had grown out to unusual lengths, even Amber’s normally close cropped hair was now shoulder-length. The black flowed into the blonde dye at the ends, giving it an unintentional ombre look.
Without a team of people to take care of their visual “beauty” daily, their looks were now much different than what Hana remembered seeing when she first came across them in the SM kitchen many weeks ago. They were thinner, eye-bags bigger, faces more taut, as if they had seen unspeakable things.
“I’m planning on making a new dish tonight,” Henry said, “With all of the new ingredients we have, I’m going to be able to experiment a little bit. I’m going to mix some peppers, canned anchovies, soy sauce, peanut oil, mushrooms--”
“Peanut oil?” Shin asked, “Not to mess up your plans or anything, but can you try to make it without it? I have a really bad tree nut allergy.”
“Oh really? I had no idea, no problem, thanks for telling me. I’ll just have to improvise I guess...” he sighed, feeling slightly disappointed.
After breakfast, everyone stood around the large dining room making small talk and cleaning off the lasts of their plates. Shin and IU had left before the rest, standing outside the dining room door, talking casually about the rest of the day’s plans. Until then, he didn’t really think much about how the rest of the group (that was unknowing) might perceive their closeness. He assumed they were just too oblivious to even realize that they were often together outside of their group activities or that one was always near the other. But even then, they might just mark it off as mutual friendliness, nothing more.
“Do you want to do anything tonight? Besides...the usual?” Shin asked, “Maybe go night swimming? Watch a movie?” Even to him the question sounded admittedly strange, to have such luxuries under such dire circumstances beyond their walls.
“I don’t know...,” she replied.
As the two talked, IU’s back was facing the entrance and Shin was turned towards it. Only he had a clear view of whoever came and left the room, though she wouldn’t know unless she turned around.
“It’s not that I don’t like the usual,” he said in assurance, “I just realized I haven’t taken you out on a date or anything yet,” he said a bit shyly.
“A...date?” IU said, bewildered. Even in the end of the world he was still trying to take her out on a date?
“Yeah...isn’t that something normal couples do? I’m kind of new to this,” he said. Upon hearing the c-word she took an unintentional half-step back, though Shin didn’t notice. Instead, his eyes were trained on the entrance and the figure emerging from it.
Eunhyuk, in all his blue haired glory, was leaving the dining room alone, but stopped mid-stride when he saw the pair a few meters away. His face was expressionless, as if trying to assess the situation taking place, and Shin took sight of that.
A grin suddenly crept onto his lips. Still looking over IU’s shoulder, Shin casually took his hands and placed them on the singer’s hips, gently pulling her closer, “But it’s whatever you want. If you only want to do the usual tonight, I for sure won’t complain.”
He was speaking a bit louder than he had a few moments ago. His glances switched between Eunhyuk and IU.
“I think I just want to stick with the usual...but it was a nice thought,” she said in a low voice.
“Then the usual it is,” he said. He bent down to give IU a kiss on the cheek, and watched as Eunhyuk clenched his fist and marched away.
Shin smirked and began to internally chuckle at his own pettiness, reveling in the idea that he had won some sort of battle.
“Stay the away from her,” my , he thought.
______________________________________________
Every day at this time it was the same routine. While everyone else was either holed up in their bedrooms or down in the dance studio, Henry was hard at work in the kitchen. Most days, Amber would come and help with meal prep or clearing dirty dishes, but this day Henry was alone, moving from corner to corner of the humongous space like a tornado in the countryland.
Henry bounced from the stove to mix his concoction on the counter top, chopping the limited variety of vegetables he had and dumping them into a large bowl. He was used to the flow of it all now, though difficult in the beginning, he now had total control of the kitchen. At first it was only a job, something he only truly did because no one else could, but now it was way of escaping the external turmoil. It was as if within those tiled floors and marble countertops, between the seasonings and appliances, everything was okay for a little while.
He heard the sound of approaching footsteps from his spot at the stove and didn’t even turn to see who it was, a smile forming on his face now that his best friend had joined him.
“Wow, welcome back stranger! I was starting to miss your , even if your cooking expertise is that of a five year old. How about you make yourself useful and start mixing the sauce, why don’t ya?” Henry joked.
He was expecting the usual stinging retort that kept the banter going between him and Amber, but there was nothing but silence. Expecting to see his usual kitchen helper, he turned around. But standing only feet away was the last person he thought he would see in the kitchen, arms folded, face humorless.
“Are you really speaking to your senior informally like that?” Eunhyuk asked, eye bags darker than usual, making his presence even more striking.
Henry nearly dropped his spoon on the floor he was so shaken. He automatically fell into a ninety degree bow.
“I’m so sorry! I-I thought you were Amber,” just seeing the man in the space was so odd. Even the aura in the room seemed to shift entirely now that he was there, and it sent an inexplicable shiver down Henry’s spine. After a moment he finally got the courage to ask what he had been wondering, “Um...what are you doing here, though?”
“I can’t come into my own kitchen?”
As Super Junior members, it was just as much Henry’s as it was Eunhyuk’s, but he wasn’t going to say that.
“No! I mean, that’s not what I meant, I-I-”
“I wanted to help you with dinner prep tonight,” Eunhyuk said.
Henry’s eyebrows raised up to his hairline, perplexed by this uncharacteristic gesture, “Oh! Great, well could you please help by mixing the sauce?” he pointed over to the sturdy metal bowl close to where he was standing.
Eunhyuk walked over to where he was pointing, awkwardly looking down into the bowl and it’s unfamiliar contents in uncertainty. His eyes began to dart around the room, scanning all the racks and counters, and Henry took this as him not understanding what to do.
He came up behind him and grabbed the spoon, spinning it around in the bowl to demonstrate excitedly, “So you just mix it like this. Don’t do it too hard though or else you might mess up the consistency. It’s looking kind of dry right now so you might need some moisture. We have some sesame oil over there,” he said, pointing over to a nearby rack with various bottles of oils and ingredients, “That’s what we’re using instead of the peanut oil,” he said pointing to the substance placed right next to the sesame, “Just get you a little bit of sesame oil and pour it in until it doesn’t look so dry and then keep mixing. Simple.”
Henry patted him on the back and turned away to continue his work at the stove, “Make sure you pick the right one though, the two bottles look similar, we don’t want want Shin dying on us.”
“Wouldn’t want that,” he heard Eunhyuk say. His echoing footsteps indicated that he had gotten the oil from the rack and was now walking back to the bowl. Henry heard the sounds of the spoon clinking against the side of the bowl as he stirred the contents.
“I’m so glad you came to help today. It gets kind of lonely in here sometimes, that’s why I like it whenever Amber comes,” he said, “Hopefully you coming today will make some of the others get the same idea and start pulling their weight around here. Sure, Hana and Seunghyun run gun training, but what about the others? None of them have jobs and the house is just getting messier. The toilets get clogged and no one wants to admit to it, people leave their dirty clothes in the middle of the hallway like it’s the dorm, it’s nasty. I guess that’s what you have to expect when you have a bunch of guys living together, but still! It would be nice if everyone had a job around the house to keep the place nice, am I right?” he asked. When there was no response, he turned around to see Eunhyuk’s retreating back, walking away from the bowl and towards the exit, “Oh, you’re done already…?” Henry asked in disappointment.
“Yeah, see you at dinner,” Eunhyuk walked out the room and turned the corner, disappearing just as fast as he had come.
“Well thanks for your help, I guess,” Henry muttered as he continued at the stove, leaving him alone in the room once again.
At dinner that night, everyone slowly trickled into the room one by one as Henry set the table with the night’s dish. Amber came in and helped put out the plates from the cabinets. The group assumed their positions at the table and sat in anticipation as all parts of the meal appeared before them at the center of the table. When Hana walked in, she saw that Shin was already seated in his normal place next to IU. In the beginning, she would have occupied the seat on the other side of him, but since their strife began, she found herself sitting a few seats down next to TOP, who sat at the head of the table, across from where Eunhyuk usually sat at the other end.
She went to sit next to the rapper, who greeted her with the daily nod and smile. Coming in a few seconds behind her was Chanyeol, who was unusually late. There was an ongoing inside joke in the house that whenever Hana walked into the room, they knew dinner could begin since she was always the last to arrive, but this night it was different.
“Where have you been? You’re usually the first one here,” Henry remarked.
“I was busy in the garage working on the cabinet,” Chanyeol said. He spared a look over at Shin briefly who had his head bowed and was busy playing with his fork, going on as if he hadn’t heard his roommate. Chanyeol had decided to continue working on the project on his own. He didn’t want to see weeks worth of work go to waste and he was determined to finish it, with or without Shin.
He took a seat and the group dove into the meal, stuffing their faces immediately in anticipation of his new concoction.
“This is really good, Henry,” said Donghae, “Especially the sauce.”
Henry smiled, “Thanks, but the sauce was all Eunhyuk. He came by the kitchen and helped today.”
“It was my pleasure,” Eunhyuk said in a low voice. Like normal, he was looking across the table at Shin, but this night it was not a gaze filled with hatred, but instead it was observant, attentive.
Shin cleared his throat, gripping his chest, “Henry are you sure you didn’t use any peanut oil in this?”
“I’m positive,” Henry said, “Why?”
Shin furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, “Nothing,” he was now scratching his arms under the table, his motions getting faster and more panicked every passing second.
IU saw this and leaned over to whisper in his ear, “Are you okay?”
Shin coughed, “I don’t know.”
His coughs were now loud, more violent than before, his body lurching forward every time. His chest felt oddly tight.
The side conversations were slowly dwindling as everyone turned their gaze to the older cousin and watched as he tried to regain his composure without success.
“Do you need some water?” IU asked, moving his cup closer, but he shook his head.
“Henry,” he managed. His chair was backed away from the table and his head was facing down towards the floor, hidden to the rest of the group as he gripped his thighs, “Are... you...sure?”
“Yeah, Eunhyuk and I were super careful. What’s the matter? Are you okay?”
Shin slowly raised his head and there was an audible gasp from everyone around the room.
Shin’s entire face was covered with pink splotches and hives. His lips were now swollen to nearly twice their original size and his eyes were becoming puffy.
“Holy !” Amber said as she sprung to her feet.
“I...can’t...breathe....” he said as he grabbed at his throat, his words slurred as his tongue swelled. His neck was slowly turning pink with hives, as were his exposed arms.
Hana stood up, “Henry are you sure you didn’t use any peanut oil?!” she yelled, making everyone jump. They had never heard her speak so loudly.
“Why does everyone keep asking me that?! I said no! I promise!” he said defensively. He hadn’t yet tried his own food, wrapped up in the reactions of his comrades. Curious, he dipped his fork into the meal and took a bite.
He tasted carefully, letting the flavors envelop his taste buds as Shin continued to cough. There was a slight hint of something in the food that made Henry pause, as did his heart. He dropped his head next to the bowl to smell his food, just to make sure, and he felt his blood run cold as he smelled exactly what he hoped he wouldn’t.
“There...there is peanut oil in here,” Henry said, dumbfounded.
As if on cue, Shin slipped out of his chair and onto the floor. His chest rose and fell rapidly as he tried to force air into his lungs, but his swelling throat wouldn’t allow it. Majority of the table were now on their feet, rushing over to Shin’s side as he wheezed.
He was laying flat on the floor as the group buzzed around him in borderline hysteria.
“Henry what the hell!?”
“I swear I don’t know how it got in there!”
“He needs help!”
“He needs 911!”
“Where the are we going to get an ambulance from, huh!?”
“Everyone stop crowding, he can’t breathe!” Hana said. She shooed everyone back as she ran up next to him and crouched down. Without a clear plan, she awkwardly rubbed his arm in an attempt to calm him, “It’s okay, Shin. Just- just breathe.”
She wondered if he could tell by her voice that she wasn’t even convincing herself. Shin was now looking around the room as if disoriented at everyone’s faces, trying to form words but failing.
IU was sitting on the opposite side of him across from Hana on the floor, eyes wide like a deer in the headlights as she watched Shin’s slowly changing body, frozen in terror. As the group continued to buzz, she looked through their legs from her spot. Still sitting in his seat at the table was Eunhyuk, holding his face with an expression mixed with amusement and intrigue, what looked like a smile threatening to break through. For reasons unknown to her, she felt a rush of anger in that moment at his reaction, but her thoughts were interrupted when she felt Shin grab her hand tightly.
“E-e-e-” Shin tried to say.
“Shhh, don’t talk you’ll make it worse,” Hana said. She didn’t know it, but she was shaking. She felt a hand on her shoulder trying to steady her and she looked back to see TOP, nodding in reassurance despite the horror he felt inside.
“E-e-ep-epi-” Shin said.
“Shin, stop--” but that’s when she remembered, “He has an epi-pen!”
“Where is it?” TOP asked.
“I don’t know, I just know he brought it with him!”
“It’s in our room!” Chanyeol said, “I’ll be right back!” and with that he was gone. He darted across the length of the marble floors and up the staircase, not paying attention to the fatigue he felt in his airways.
He flung their bedroom door open and immediately went to Shin’s dresser. He roughly pulled out the entire top drawer and dumped all of it’s contents onto the floor. He dropped down on all fours and dug through all of the clothes in a panic, “Come on, come on, come on! Where is it?!”
His hand brushed against something hard and he looked down and saw the unmistakable clear cylinder. He scrambled off the floor and back down the stairs, epi-pen in hand. He made it back to the main floor, nearly slipping in his rush, and back to the smaller dining room.
To his horror, Shin’s body was now covered with even more rashes and hives and his eyes were almost completely swollen shut. TOP was by his side, checking his pulse as he encouraged him to stay calm.
“I got it!” he bent down to Shin’s level and took off the top. His hands were shaking noticeably the closer he got to him with the needle.
TOP saw this, “I’ve got it.”
Thankfully Shin was wearing shorts this night. Without hesitation, TOP drew his hand back and stuck the tool firmly into his exposed thigh. TOP held the epi-pen there, silently praying that he was doing this right. He took it out a few seconds later and checked his pulse again. A few silent moments went by before Shin began to breathe almost normally, though still wheezing. As he laid out on the floor, his face was so swollen he was unrecognizable.
“I think he’ll be okay,” TOP murmured.
Surprising to both parties, Hana enveloped TOP into a hug, wrapping her arms around his torso suddenly. It was after a few seconds that Hana fully realized her action and immediately unwinded herself.
“Thank you,” she whispered, looking away.
Though taken aback by the uncharacteristic gesture, he shrugged, “Just doing my job.”
They decided he just needed to rest. Amber, Chanyeol, and Kai carefully raised Shin from the floor and carried his weight up the stairs. Hana watched as he was lifted away, IU, Donghae, TOP, Henry, and Eunhyuk all sitting there without a clue of what to do next.
A few hours passed.
Hana sat at the bottom of the staircase, mind racing, still trying to process the close call. She wondered if he was better now, if he had stabilized. Was he awake now? It had been a while since the ordeal. Maybe he was feeling better.
She pushed herself up and climbed the forever-reaching staircase, deciding to see for herself. She knew Shin had bad allergies, as he had told her in passing and joked about it a few times before, but she didn’t know to what extent. She didn’t know that it could almost kill him, and so quickly.
She thought back to Henry’s words at the table.
“The sauce was all Eunhyuk.”
No...he couldn’t. He wouldn’t...would he?
Hana had made it to the door. She tapped on it quietly and heard Chanyeol’s voice on the other side say to come in.
Hana opened the door and saw the two boys lying on their beds, one reading and the other fast asleep.
“He’s been knocked out since we put him up here,” Chanyeol said once he saw the look on her face. He appeared to be exhausted and drained himself, whether physically, mentally, or emotionally, she didn’t know, “He’s fine though.”
“Good,” she choked, “Thanks for saving him earlier. I don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t gotten the epi-pen.”
He shrugged, “Don’t mention it. I wasn’t ready to have a room to myself just yet,” he said, “I have to go to the bathroom really fast, can you watch him for a second?” Chanyeol scooted off the bed and jogged past her and closed the door, leaving the two alone in the space.
She slowly walked over to him, standing next to his bed and looking over his unconscious features. His eyes were nowhere as swollen as before, though still noticeably puffy, as were his lips. His skin was still pink and covered in rashes, but they did not look as raised and scary as they had been downstairs. She sighed as she appraised him, arms folded.
Her breath moved the overgrown bangs on his forehead slightly. He began to stir, rolling over to his side and opening his eyes the best he could. When he saw Hana standing over him, he jumped and muttered expletives in his scratchy voice.
“You look scary as hell,” she thought she heard him say.
“Not the first time I’ve heard that,” she said in a flat voice. Awkward silence enveloped the room. She only wanted to check on him and then leave, not get wrapped up in a painful conversation, “How’re you feeling?”
“Exquisite. Never been better. Ama-,”
“Can you stop being an and answer the damn question?” she blurted.
He chuckled, “You’re still the same I see.”
“I’m surprised you can see anything with your eyes swollen like that,” she said. It was quiet again and Shin put his tongue in his cheek. Hana mentally slapped herself, “Sorry.”
The room was cold, and their conversation continued in an uncomfortable rhythm.
“It’s whatever. I’ve had better days obviously but I feel better now than before,” he said curtly.
“It’s good that you remembered to grab your epipen when we left.”
“Yeah I know.”
“You’ve almost died twice in the last 2 days. I’d say that’s some sort of record around here, huh?”
“Lucky me,” he said.
Hana debated bringing it up, but ever since she climbed the stairs it had been in the back of her mind, clawing its way to the front, desperate for her attention, “I can’t help but notice that all of this has happened since the Eunhyuk incident though.”
“You’re starting with that again?” he said, “It’s just a coincidence Hana. The vase falling was bad luck, and someone in the kitchen just messed up tonight. It’s not a big deal.”
“Not a big deal?” she asked, angry now, “You almost died two nights in a row how the hell could that not be a big deal?”
“Because it’s not!” his voice cracked, strained, “Eunhyuk doesn’t have the balls to pull anything like that. He’s not that crazy.”
Hana scoffed, “Why do I get the feeling I care more about your life than you do?”
Shin shrugged, “Maybe you do. Maybe you just care too much.”
In that moment Hana wanted to scream, yell that he was the one that told her to care in the first place. She was perfectly fine not giving a damn about anything until he came along, and now he wanted to use it against her?
All she did was chuckle, “Maybe you’re right. I wonder who taught me how to do that.”
She her heels and left, swinging open the door and slamming it closed behind her. She passed Chanyeol on her way to the stairs and he looked as if he were going to ask if she was okay, but whizzed past him before he could say a word.
As if on auto-pilot, she walked down the stairs seamlessly and without a second thought. Even when she made it to the west wing and walked down the long familiar hallway she wasn’t completely in control of her own mind. It wasn’t until she was knocking on the wide double doors that she realized what she was doing.
She cursed herself, wondering why she came here of all places. She was going to walk back, hoping he hadn’t heard the knock and just leave but she heard a deep, resonating voice yell from within.
“The door’s open!”
She still had time, she could still quietly walk away and he would never know it was her. She was still considering turning away but she heard him say again, “It’s open!”
She gulped and pushed open the door, her hands feeling tiny against the golden knob. The room was the same as always, the heat from the fireplace warming her as soon as she entered. This time he was not seated in his chair, but instead on his bed, a mountain of clothes before him as he folded away.
TOP looked up and saw her standing in the doorway, noticeably uncomfortable and without a clue of her next move or purpose.
“Hi,” he said, “what brings you down here?”
“Not sure actually,” she said.
“Is something wrong?” he had stopped what he was doing and was scanning her expressionless face.
“Just Shin being Shin.”
“Is he doing okay?”
“He’s fine. He’s just being stubborn as usual.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Hana shook her head, “Not really,” she still stood by the door, feeling out of place.
Why did you even come here?
“I don’t know what I’m doing here. I’m leaving now, sorry to bother you” she said in a rush, turning back to leave like she should have in the beginning.
“You’re not bothering me. I really don’t mind,” TOP said. He patted the spot on the bed next to him, “Come on.”
Hana fought the inner battle with herself and before she knew it she was treading over to the bed, sitting cautiously across from him, the clothes in between.
The bed was as soft as she imagined, her body dipping into the mattress and sliding on the silky sheets. He sent a small smile her way, an act that was very different from the usual stoic expression he held around the rest of the group, which continued to take her by surprise whenever it happened. She guessed that’s probably how everyone thought about her on the rare occasion that she smiled in public.
They sat in silence, the cracking of the fire the only background noise. He continued to fold his clothes and place them on the side. Not sure of what else to do, and not wanting to just take up space, she picked up a random shirt form the pile and folded it. One piece after the other, she quickly folded and placed them right next to TOP’s pile. There was something almost therapeutic about the process, the rhythmic folding in their silence, the heat of the fire on her back.
Wrapped up in her ever changing thoughts, she began to look at TOP as he went to work. She watched his large hands, the way they quickly and expertly flowed through the job so seamlessly. She saw his veins as his hands stretched to get new clothes from the pile, and how they became more evident as he tried to stretch a shirt across a hanger. There was a crease in his forehead as his eyebrows furrowed in concentration--
What the hell is wrong with you? Stop thinking about him like that-- interrupted her internal conscience, Of course he’s attractive but he’s only folding clothes, why are you being so weird--
“Are you ready?”
“Huh?!” she nearly shrieked, snapping out of her reverie.
“Are you ready to put the clothes away?”
“Oh,” she breathed in relief, “yeah.”
He took an armful of clothes and Hana followed suit, “Follow me.”
He led her to the very back of the room and through yet another set of double doors. TOP flicked on a lightswitch with a free hand and Hana realized that they had just walked into the biggest “closet” she had ever seen, in person or not. It was a wide and long hall the length of two school buses with racks of shoes, ties, watches, and dress shirts hanging on both sides of the wooden panelled decor. As they walked along she saw there were several smaller rooms dedicated to specific articles of clothing and filled with mirrors. At the end of the hall were a few mannequins wearing tailored suits and a spiral staircase leading up to the heavens.
“Thanks for helping me with the clothes. I probably wouldn’t have finished until the morning without you,” he said.
“No problem, I needed something to do.”
They walked to one of the back rooms and sat them on a bench. They began to stuff them into random drawers and hang the shirts and jackets up on the racks.
“What’s the staircase lead to?” she asked out of curiosity.
“The master study,” he said, “I haven’t had a reason to use it yet, though. There’s already too much to keep track of in this closet alone, an office would just be excessive.”
“There’s so many clothes here, almost too many,” Hana said.
“I guess I have Siwon to thank for that, all of this is his,” he said, “Thankfully we wear the same size. I think he just bought clothes and didn’t have enough space for it at his own house so he stored it all here. I think there’s enough for me to never repeat an outfit for the rest of my life.”
“Yeah, I realized that you never wear the same exact outfit twice,” she said, immediately regretting the words as soon as they left .
Why the would you say that?!
“Oh,” he said, turning with a suggestive smile and his eyebrows raised, “so you pay that much attention to me?”
Hana snorted, trying to find some way to play off her comment, “I can’t just make an observation? Damn,” she rolled her eyes.
He put his hand up on the rack next to her head, and she froze where she was in the middle of hanging a shirt, “But you’re not denying the fact that you pay a lot of attention to me,” he joked. Hana had been avoiding looking at his face this whole conversation, but something told her to look up. He was about a foot away, looking down with a playful expression but something about the look in his deep eyes made it feel more serious.
After a few noiseless moments, Hana cleared and looked away, “You sure are full of yourself.”
TOP laughed and turned away, letting her exhale in peace, “So you’ve told me.”
She hated that whenever she was around him, she wasn’t as sharp as she usually was. While burning, snarky retorts would jump off her tongue around anyone else, around him it was as if her brain conveniently decided to take a vacation, saying “you’re on your own for this one.”
The two continued to hang the clothes, back to back, in their own thoughts in the comfortable midnight silence.
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A few hours prior, only a few remained in the dining room to help with cleanup.
Donghae was busy putting all the untouched food in plastic containers, as they would be leftovers for whoever wanted them another day, while Henry paced back and forth around the room. After much convincing, Donghae managed to get Eunhyuk to stay behind too, who was then clearing the table and putting all the plates in the dishwasher.
He walked with a deadpan expression on his face, not speaking to neither Henry nor Donghae the entire time he was with them. Donghae just marked it off as him not wanting to do the work and didn’t put his attitude into question.
“I still don’t get how it happened!” Henry mused, stressed.
“I don’t know either,” Donghae said.
“They’re going to hate me! They’re never gonna want me to make another meal for them again! Everyone is gonna starve because they think it’s my fault!” he cried.
“No one is going to starve and no one thinks its your fault,” Donghae assured him for the umpteenth time that night. Henry had been having miniature breakdowns since Shin’s allergic reaction and was convinced he wouldn’t be allowed to step foot into the kitchen again because of it.
“Are you sure you didn’t mix up the peanut oil with the sesame on accident?” Donghae asked.
“No I couldn’t have! The only time I would’ve used any oil would have been for the sauce and I told Eunhyuk--” Henry paused, remembering. He turned to the dancer who had just walked back into the dining room after clearing the entire table. He was about to go back upstairs when Henry called after him, “Hey, Eunhyuk...did you by chance put peanut oil in the sauce?”
He stopped in his tracks and spoke over his shoulder, “Yes.”
Henry was stupefied, astounded at how fast he replied. After all of his anxiety and worry that he was the one that had messed up, it wasn’t even his fault to begin with, “WHAT?! W-why didn’t you tell me? Didn’t you hear me say to use the sesame oil instead?”
“I guess I forgot.”
Henry sat down on one of the chairs, feeling as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He took a deep breath, “It’s okay, he’s alive. That’s all that matters. We’re so lucky he brought his epi-pen, without it he would’ve died for sure. And it’s not like there’s an emergency room we could just take him to at a time like this,” he said.
“Lucky is right,” Eunhyuk said.
Though as he walked out of the dining room, Donghae watched him leave, his eyes mirroring the uneasiness and inexplicable suspicion he felt in that moment.
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