She stood over the sofa, “Are you okay?” she whispered to the pillow.

      A hand came up and moved it, exposing a pair of deep, tired eyes and a pitiful grin, “Yeah, I’m just exhausted,” TOP said, “I don’t know what will happen to this group is we lose this boy. Another death would shoot morale down even lower than it has been, and I’m not sure we can take that.”

     “We did all we could. Whatever happens isn’t in our control, it never was,”

     “You’re right,” TOP replied and exhaled deeply, “Is Chanyeol still here?”

     “Yeah, he’s sitting by the bed now.”

      “I should get up and check Sehun’s vitals again,” he said, straining to raise himself up from the sofa.

     Hana stuck her hands out, motioning for him to stay where he was, “No, I’ll do it. You should be tired, get some rest. I’ll let you know if anything’s wrong.”

     His eyes shined with gratitude, “Thank you so much.”

     TOP laid back down and put the pillow over his head. Hana walked back into the bedroom. Seeing Chanyeol look at Sehun from his seat felt as if she had intruded in a very private moment. She would have walked back out if she weren’t reminded of the job she had to do.

     “Just checking his vitals,” she murmured almost inaudibly, and Chanyeol nodded.

     She picked Sehun’s limp arm up from his side as she had done earlier in the day to check for a pulse. She placed her second and third finger along the bony part of his inner wrist and kept them there for a couple seconds. Her eyebrows knit together, wondering if she had done something wrong. She tried again, waiting even longer...same thing.

      She immediately moved to his chest. She placed an ear on his left side, quietly hoping that there would be a difference, but it was still the same. She placed a hand inches away from his nose, praying at this point to feel something, a slight tickling breath, but still it was the same. She could feel eyes on her, and though she tried not to look panicked, it still showed.

    “Is everything okay?” Chanyeol asked from behind her.

     “I-I...um….” was all she could get out.

     She reached clumsily into her backpack and pulled out her flashlight. She immediately pulled up Sehun’s eyelids and shined the light in his face. She probably had the light there for longer than necessary, but she was simply waiting to see if his pupils reacted to the light. Though, after a few moments, it registered that this attempt was just like the others.

     She felt nothing.

     She saw nothing.

      All signs of life….nothing.

     Hana backed away slowly, sure she was shaking at this point.

     “Hana, what’s wrong-?”

     “Seunghyun!” Hana screeched.

     Seconds later, the man came flying into the room, standing in the doorway as his chest rose rapidly. He looked between Hana’s horrified expression, Chanyeol’s worry, and Sehun’s motionless body on the bed and immediately knew.

     “No,” he breathed before running to the bed.

      He checked the boy’s vitals just as Hana did, but in a much more hurried and alarmed fashion. When he saw no signs of a pulse or breathing, he tilted Sehun’s head back and began to perform CPR.

     “Come on, Sehun! Come on, Sehun!” he repeated as he pushed down on his chest.

      Chanyeol was standing now. He had backed against the wall and was looking at the scene with an unreadable expression. Hana just stared numbly as TOP continued to breathe air into the boy’s mouth, watching as his chest rose and fall as he did. TOP pushed down on his chest for what felt like several minutes, saying words of encouragement before he stopped.

      Sehun laid there, pale as ever and still. His lips were blue and his hair stuck to his sweat covered forehead. It was such a saddening, grotesque sight, viewing someone as energetic and sassy as him like this in his finale stage. Hana had to look at her feet, and in her peripheral she saw Chanyeol slide to the floor with his knees drawn to his chest.

      Not a word was spoken when TOP stood up. His expression was stony, and he looked forward as he walked out of the room. He opened the door and walked into the hallway, greeted with many anxious faces looking up at him in expectation. He pressed his lips together in a tight line and shook his head slowly before looking at the ground.

     Everyone burst into a fit of tears, holding each other tight before getting up and walking into the room past him. They stumbled into the bedroom, Kai and Amber getting on their knees as they kneeled on the side of the bed. Donghae stood against the doorway with his arms crossed, a single tear rolled down his cheek. Eunhyuk sat in Chanyeol’s unoccupied chair, a hand covering his face. IU and Shin sat beside Chanyeol on the floor.

     Hana looked on at the mourners, feeling oddly out of place. If she could make a tear fall, this was the time to do it. Yet, she couldn’t.

      She saw Seunghyun stand by the hotel room door and close it behind him, disappearing into the hotel.

_____________________________________

       She couldn’t take the mourning.

      Hana laid in the spot on the sofa TOP had occupied hours earlier, pillow over her head to drown out the cries.  Though, it didn’t help much, and the desperate wails, sniffles, and screaming outbursts still reached her ears.

      Don’t get her wrong, her spirit ached for the loss of life, but she couldn’t show it in that way. She would rather pay her respects to the boy by being alone with her thoughts of him, instead of crying over his dead body in the next room.

      Maybe I am a heartless , she thought.

     Perhaps her peers were right. She never did do well with emotions.

     After the the hundredth sob that night, the hotel room suddenly felt constricting. She jumped up from the couch and threw her backpack over her shoulder. She opened the hotel room door and silently closed it behind her, leaving her alone in the hallway. It was quiet, much different from what was happening inside. The sun had gone down at this point, leaving the entire first floor dark and eery as she walked around.

      She felt like she was in a Scooby Doo episode, looking for clues and waiting for the monster to make his appearance. Coincidentally, she heard groaning coming from behind her. She flashed her light in its direction, seeing that she was face to face with a monster in its own right. The zombie reached out to her, and Hana pushed it against a wall before shoving her knife through its brain. As it sunk to the ground, she noticed that it’s hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail and wearing a uniform with the name of the hotel on the lapel. They had probably been a front desk worker of some sort before the apocalypse.

      Hana continued on, not really knowing where she was going, but anywhere was better than a room full of tearful mourners when she herself couldn’t make herself cry.

      She circled the entire first floor and had run across a few living nightmares along the way, but handled them all the same. She saw a door leading to a stairwell, and opened it cautiously in her attempt to explore. When she shined her light into the spot, she saw a few zombies draped lifelessly across the stairs. As she shined her light up, she saw even more, making it seem as if they were breadcrumbs leading to some distant treasure.  Surely enough, at the top of the landing sat TOP.

     “It’s only me,” he said when the light shined on him. His voice was gruffer than usual, and he sat there with a look in his eyes that was undeniably pain.

      Yet again, Hana felt like she had walked into something private, “Oh, I’ll just leave you alone then,” she said as she began to back out of the stairwell.

      “No,” he said suddenly, “Please stay.”

      Though she was caught off guard by the sudden request, she complied. She slowly stepped over the bodies as she climbed the steps towards him. She wordlessly took a seat by his side, holding her flashlight in her lap as the only source of light in the space.

     Before it could get too awkward, Hana spoke up.

     “We did all we could,” she said for the second time that day, “It wasn’t in our control...it never was.”

     “It still hurts,” he said simply.

      Hana sighed, “I know.”

     “He bled to death, Hana. The only reason it was so easy to wrap his leg up after a while is because there was no more blood left to leave his body. How terrible is that? Especially when there’s flesh-eating monsters everywhere, how can you just die like that?”

      “He didn’t suffer long. He went unconscious after a few seconds...he didn’t feel much pain. If there’s a way to go I’d want it to be like that, instead of being torn apart by a set of teeth.”

     “You’re right,” he nodded, “He was just so...young. He was the youngest in the group, right?”

      “Kind of,” she said, “We were the same age...we had the same birthday...even down to the year,” she noticed that she was using past tense, and her chest suddenly tightened.

      “Really?” TOP said, “That’s a coincidence.”

      “Yeah.”

      “I can’t help but feel like I could have saved him, you know?”

     “And I can’t help but feel like we have this conversation a lot,” Hana said, “Once again, Seunghyun, it wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t save him. No one could. We lost that ability as soon as he fell on that spike. Dammit, stop blaming yourself. It’s getting old now. It’s not going to make you feel any better and it sure as hell isn’t going to bring Sehun back.”

      It was silent in the stairwell as her words hung in the air, and Hana wondered if she had been too harsh yet again.

     TOP scoffed, “Wow, you’d make one hell of a therapist.”

    Even at that, Hana had to laugh. The two sat there, chuckling beyond reason for what felt like ages. All of the sorrow that had been there moments before suddenly slipped away.

     “Why are you even here? Being anti-social as usual?”

     “I couldn’t handle all the crying,” she replied, “You?”

    The flashlight she held illuminated his face. She had never been this close to him. As she looked him over, she noticed stubble growing along his chin and jawline.

    “Same actually. I just had to get my thoughts together, and I couldn’t in that room. I never was one for mourning normally. I guess we’re the same in that way.”

     Sameness.

     In all of her years, Hana had never known anyone to compare themself to her, only contrast. When she thought about it, they were alike in more ways than one. Something about this was oddly comforting.

      Before long, their eyes began to droop as the pressure and stress of the day took its toll on them. TOP’s head was resting against the wall and his eyes were steadily closing shut. Hana was dozing off, head jerking forward when she caught herself falling to the temptation of sleep. At some point in the night, her flashlight ran out of battery and shut off completely, enveloping the stairwell in darkness. Though at that time, it ceased to matter to her. When the light stopped shining Hana fell to sleep, letting the darkness and her tired mind take over.

        TOP awakened with a start. He had planned to go and find a room to sleep in that night but had somehow fallen asleep in the stairwell before that could happen. He was disoriented. The entire space was pitch-black, and he couldn’t see an inch in front of his own face. He had no idea what time it was, as there were no windows to the outside world that would give him a clue. He eventually noticed a weight on his right side. He shook his shoulder slightly, but it didn’t move. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his mini-flashlight, and shined it in the direction of the weight.

       All he could do was laugh and sigh in relief.

      Hana was snoozing soundly, her head against his shoulder as she breathed evenly. Her long black hair covered most of her face, but he could see that was open slightly. He smiled, figuring that he just wouldn’t move for the time being in the fear of waking her up.

      Almost on cue, Hana cleared and nuzzled deeper into his shoulder before realizing that something was off. She immediately opened her eyes and looked around in confusion at her surroundings.

     “What time is it?” she asked as she yawned.

     “No clue, I forgot my watch in the room,” TOP replied, “Did you sleep well?” he asked, teasing evident in his voice.

     She didn’t get it at first, but then he saw her cheeks flush slightly with red, “Oh, God. Did I….?” she began and then saw his grin, “Ugh, I’m...sorry about that...I didn’t mean to,” she said.

    “No problem. I’m going to have to wash my shirt though after all the drool you left on it.”

  Hana gasped, “Bull, I don’t drool!”

   “Whatever you say,” he shrugged, “The wet patches on my shoulder say otherwise, though. I bet you're going to deny the snoring too then, huh?”

      "Okay now I know you're lying, I don't snore either," she said. Hana shook her head and rolled her eyes, internally kicking herself for falling asleep in such a compromising place, “We should get going,” she muttered before pushing herself up and walking past him down the stairs.

     He chuckled and followed her down, stepping over the zombies he killed as he went, "Just for the record, you sound like a cross between a lawn mower and a chainsaw."

   When they opened the door the light was blinding. They staggered back and squinted. The sunlight shined in at full force through the many windows in the hotel.

     The sky was still pink, meaning that it was just daybreak.

     “Thank you for staying with me last night, I just needed someone to talk to. Even if you were a little...blunt,” he said as they walked back to the room.

     “Glad I could help,” Hana said.

      When they made it to the door, they knocked a few times before Donghae opened it. He nodded at them and stepped aside so that they could walk in. Despite being in a place with many bedrooms, the rest of the group decided to all sleep there for the night. They were laid out on the sofa and floor, some still asleep while others looked on with puffy eyes.

     Once everyone was awake they devised the plan for the rest of the day. They would find a place to bury Sehun, have a service for him, eat something and get back on the road. After this was established, Hana, Kai, TOP, and Chanyeol hopped in the Jeep and went to a home improvement store that they saw the day before. They grabbed shovels from a back garden and loaded them in before quickly returning to the hotel to gather up the rest of the group.

      After gathering all their belongings, they somberly walked to the vehicles. They had wrapped Sehun’s body in several bedsheets and blankets and carried him to the truck and laid him down carefully in the back. The boys held back tears as they did, staring at the bundle before getting in their own seats. Once everything was settled, they drove along the empty roads, looking for any place that would fit such an occasion.

     After many miles, they settled on a meadow in the middle of nowhere.

     They parked on the side of the road and trekked through the overgrown grass, shovels in hand. They wordlessly scooped up the dirt, wiping sweat off of their slick foreheads as they did. It was an arduous task to say the least, especially when the reason for digging the hole was so bleak in the first place. Though they huffed on, no one uttering a single complaint. After about half an hour of work, they were satisfied with the size of it. They slowly carried the body, four on one side and five on the other, over to the hole they had just created. They lowered him down and stepped back, the only sound to be heard was the wind brushing over the tulips in the abandoned field.

     One by one they all stepped forward, lowering their heads as they whispered words down in the ditch and put a flower in. In contrast to how they did with Chen, this burial felt a lot more personal. They didn’t say to the group aloud how much Sehun meant to them, but instead to the boy himself when they went up front. Nearly all of their faces were covered with dirt from wiping their tears with filthy hands. Hana, one of the last ones and few clean faces in the group, walked forward and kneeled down before the hole, gazing down at the heap of faceless sheets.

      “I’m really sorry you had to go like this,” she whispered, “But I know you’re in a better place now,” she placed the flower onto the sheet along with the others and walked back to the rest.

      After all final words were spoken, they reached for their shovels and covered him up with dirt, sealing him into the earth forever.

       Leaving was harder than they anticipated.

      They found themselves unable to pull away from the meadow when they were done, and opted to just eat there instead. They sat on the side of the road and in their cars, chowing down on the food they had gotten from the grocery store just the day before. 24 hours seemed so long ago.

       “I can’t help but think that Sehun and Jongdae are somewhere enjoying their zombie free life and laughing at us poor souls down here,” Chanyeol said from his spot in the trunk bed, slurping a thing of canned peaches with an expressionless face.

      “I guess that’s one way of looking at it,” Kai said in a low voice from his seat next to him, eyes low and body sulking.

     “I’m jealous of them, honestly,” Amber said, “They’re probably chillin’, playing cards with God or something and we’re pulled over on the side of the road eating out of cans,” she said trying to lighten the somber mood.

     Hana was sitting with Amber on the asphalt, chewing on can of baked beans, while Kai and Chanyeol were in the back of the truck, leaning down to talk to them. TOP was in the driver’s seat, in his own world as he downed a can of his own. Henry was seated a few feet down from Hana and Amber, and would contribute to the conversation at times, but mostly would sit silent as he took swigs out of his water bottle. Shin and IU were eating together in the Jeep, too far away for the others to hear what they were talking about. Donghae and Eunhyuk were seated on the hood of the truck, Eunhyuk stuffing his face with stale bread, eyes planted on the Jeep while Donghae sat and stared into the meadow.

     Henry saw this and raised from his seat on the ground, swaying slightly as he walked over to the two with a can in his hand.

     “Here,” he grunted, reaching it out to Donghae. He just looked at it, “Take it.”

     “I’m okay,” he said.

     “No you’re not, man. When was the last time you ate something?” through lis lidded eyes, he could tell Donghae was thinking, but all he did was shrug. He took Donghae’s hand and faced it palm up, placing the can there instead, “Eat, please. You need all the nutrients you can get.”

     Donghae sighed, “Fine.”

      Henry stretched, “I’m gonna go pee, I’ll be...right back,” he said, walking away from the group and into a wooded area, stumbling over the brush as he went.

      “Hey, be careful out there!” TOP warned.

      “Don’t worry!” he replied. TOP couldn’t help but think his words sounded a bit slurred.

       “You ever just remember that Kyungsoo is out here somewhere too?” Amber asked, “Like living someplace with that maniac and his goons?”

       The thought did cross Hana’s mind. Just the image of the small singer, roaming the streets with Daewon and his group of murderers was enough to send her flashbacks of the terror they endured that one night in the market. A part of her wondered whether or not they were able to salvage it, or if they had been kicked out and forced to move on.

      “Yeah, it still pisses me off, actually,” Kai said.

      “I still can’t believe he did that,” said Chanyeol.

      “I can’t wait until the next time we see him so I can kick his .”

      “If we see him, we’re probably going to see that bastard Daewon too, so don’t wish it upon us too soon,” Amber said.

      Hana suddenly went into a coughing fit, grabbing her chest as she tried to force the beans down.

      “You okay?” Amber asked.

      “Yeah, it just went down the wrong pipe,” she managed to get out.

      Amber reached to her side and picked up Henry’s water bottle, “Here, drink this. I’m sure Henry wouldn’t mind.”

      Hana desperately took the water bottle from her hands and unscrewed the top. She noticed that it smelled a bit weird, but in her state she could care less. It wasn’t until the liquid passed her lips that she spit it right back out. She was gagging now, more so in shock and disgust.

      “Woah, you okay there?” Amber asked as she patted her back, “That wasn’t pee in there right? Cause I know Henry pees in bottles sometimes when he doesn’t feel like going to the bathroom.”

       “Nope. Definitely not pee,” she said, wiping spit from .

       “You okay?” TOP asked from his spot in the car.

      Hana just shook her head and raised the bottle, “We need to talk to Henry--”

      Just as the name left , he came running out of the woods, urgency and panic in his eyes, “HELP!” he screamed, struggling to hold up his pants as the pooled around his ankles, exposing his bright pink boxers. They were amused for a moment, until they saw what was emerging from behind him in the forest.

    Through the thick greenery, stumbling from between the trees were about twenty living carcasses, groaning loudly with blood thirsty eyes as Henry limped away.   

    "HELP ME!" he screamed.

    “Just when I thought we were catching a break,” Kai said.

    He and Chanyeol jumped down from the truck and stood alongside the rest of the group as they looked on.

    Henry grabbed at his belt and finally was able to raise his pants up to his hips. Though in his attempt, he wasn’t paying much attention to the ground, and failed to see a large branch hidden by the tall grass. His foot caught on the side, and he went careening to the ground. To the people by the cars, they could no longer see him, but saw the monsters approaching his direction with their arms outstretched as the sounds of his screams echoed against the forest walls.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________