COMPASSION ft. Zhang Yixing

The cold feel of the surroundings could easily make anyone sleep at that point. The engine of the air conditioner, along with the engine of the train, was the only one that made noise that morning. A sleepy man’s eyes slowly opened as he looked around the train. He yawned as he rested his head again on the windowsill.

“It’s eight a.m…” Zhang Yixing focused his eyes on his watch and tried to tell an approximate time. “Almost there.”

Yixing leaned on his seat and looked dazed as if he was waiting for something to happen. He sighed and closed his eyes in the hopes of going back to sleep. But minutes passed, and he couldn’t. The excitement of seeing his grandmother again kept getting in his head.

Alas, it was finally his station to go down. He got his backpack and got out of the train. The feeling of going home to the province doesn’t really change as the surroundings still look the same, the scent smells the same, and the people also stay the same. It’s been a tradition for him to spend a Christmas day with his grandmother who lives in the South Korea countryside, just two hours away from Seoul. His parents migrated to South Korea when he was younger and brought his grandmother with them. As the years passed, Yixing’s parents started becoming really busy with work, so they decided to move to metro Seoul, but his grandmother insisted on staying at the quiet life in the countryside.

Beep! Beep-beep!

His mobile phone suddenly vibrated. As he got out his phone, he found out that it was from his good friend, Kim Jongdae.

“Hey guys! I’m only reminding my close friends, so if you receive this text, you’re in luck! Tonight is the annual Christmas Tree-lighting ceremony. It would be really meaningful if you guys attend this year since I am the organizer for the event. Remember, it’s at the Seoul Plaza. The program starts at 8:30p.m. Thank you!”

Yixing was too lazy to reply while walking, so he put it back in his pocket and kept walking until he found the bus station. One bus ride is all it takes for him to reach his grandmother’s house.

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“Grandmom?” Yixing asked as he knocked on the door. “Yixing is here now, grandmom.”

“I’ll go in, okay?” Yixing opened his bag and brought out a spare key he had of the house. He unlocked the door and then went inside.

“Grandmom?” Yixing called again. Right then, Yixing’s grandmother came out from the kitchen and waved her walking cane in the air. Yixing smiled and hugged her as he got to her. “I’ve missed you, grandmom.”

Yixing's grandmother was blessed with old age, but was cursed with fragility—difficult in moving, a weak sense of sight, and although her senses of smell and hearing still work well, she had the inability to speak well.

“You want me finish up your cooking for you grandmom?” Yixing asked, getting in the kitchen and stirring the soup his grandmother left.

His grandmom just nodded and slowly approached Yixing. When she reached her grandson, she tugged on Yixing’s backpack.

“Oh, yes, grandmom?” Yixing looked back at his grandmother.

She pointed at Yixing’s bag and signalled him to put it down. Yixing instantly understood what his grandmother wanted and removed his backpack, then placed it on the dining table chair. He went back to his soup but then, he turned around first and looked at his grandmother.

“Sit down grandmom,” Yixing put his arms around his grandmother’s back. “Or do you want to lie down on your bed?”

Yixing’s grandmother shook her head and waved her hands. She then pointed at the chair and headed for it. Yixing automatically ran for the chair first and pulled it out for his grandmother. He then went back to help his grandmother walk to the chair and then he helped her sit down.

“There you go grandmom,” Yixing smiled. “I’ll just finish up the soup. It looks like it’s almost done.”

A few minutes passed and Yixing finally turned off the gas. He stirred the soup and blew on it, hopefully to reduce the heat, but he knows it wouldn’t really get affected. He got a bowl and tangchi (Chinese soup spoon) from the cupboard and served the soup in it. He then carefully made his way to the dining table and sat beside his grandmother.

“Here, grandmom, I hope your cooking went well,” Yixing joked as he got some soup into the tangchi.

He blew on the soup and then brought it close to his grandmother. “Here you go grandmom, careful, it’s hot.”

Slowly and carefully, Yixing fed his grandmother. It took them almost an hour to finish one bowl. The whole time, Yixing just smiled as his grandmother drank the soup one spoon at a time. His grandmother’s happiness was his own source of happiness. Any action or signs of progress from his grandmother makes him rejoice and tear up with joy. He felt that it was his duty to take care of his grandmother, especially in this time of the year.

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“Then he went on with his reflections,” Yixing read from a book as he sat on a chair in front of his grandmother’s bed. “I thought that I was rich, with a flower that was unique in all the world; and all I had was a common rose. A common rose, and three volcanoes that come up to my knees– and one of them perhaps extinct forever… that doesn’t make me a very great prince…”

Yixing ran his fingers on the page as it guided his sight while he read. “And he lay down in the grass and cried.”

Yixing smiled and sighed. He placed a bookmark on it and closed the book. He looked at his resting grandmother and smiled at her.

“The Little Prince…” He then joked, “Are you sure you remember the story? The last time I read it to you was exactly... last year.”

He then looked down as he caressed the book cover. “This is my favourite book. Remember when you gave it to me as a present when I was a little boy?”

He set the book aside and approached his grandmother. Sitting on her bedside, he got her hand and caressed it. “How I wish I can see you up and well again, grandmom.”

“You know, my parents miss you so much,” He added. “It may not seem like it, but they really do! They’re just so busy with work.”

His grandmother was half-awake, and half-asleep. She always wanted him to tell her stories, or just simply talk to her while she rests. It was comfortable for her that way. She may not look like it, but she’s actually listening to Yixing's every word. But at the same time, she was also asleep. Yixing found it weird, but he does it for her anyway. Old people were like that.

“Oh, by the way,” Yixing suddenly burst up from his seat. “You know my dance troupe right? Remember? Well, we performed at three events the past week. It was so fun.”

Yixing looked at his grandmother. “A-actually, grandmom… I kind of fell in love with one of my dance members… Kim Jongin..? Yeah... the guy I keep telling you about.”

“But I guess you figured that out, haha…” He laughed lightly. “But, be proud of me, grandmom, because I didn’t pursue him. He has a boyfriend. I also learned to let go. The two of them are also good for each other.”

Yixing only dreams of having his grandmother reply to everything he was saying. He just guesses what his grandmother’s reactions would be, and at that point, he figured she might be saying ‘very good’, or something similar.

“Kim Jongin was a talented and charismatic dancer, but he sure wasn’t for me,” Yixing was confident with his answer. “Besides, I think someone else is interested with me… Kim Jongdae. He's no dancer, but he's absolutely handsome and has a good job. Yeah, I know, stop assuming that he likes me, grandmom.”

Yixing burst into laughter. “I know right? What’s with me and guys named ‘Kim Jong-teng*’?”

*teng is the Korean equivalent to 'blank' in English.

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The water poured into the pail as Yixing left the warm water running. He was scrubbing his grandmother’s back in the bath. Not once has he felt that he was like a caregiver, or a nurse, or a babysitter; he loved his grandmother so much. When his parents were out working, he would be left with his grandmother and she would take care of him. Yixing learned most of his values and manners from his grandmother.

“Jjang!” Yixing exclaimed as he carefully poured warm water on his grandmother. “Grandmom, we’re done.”

Yixing brought his grandmother to stand. He then dried her up with a towel and brought her to her room, wherein he clothed her.

“I’ll make tea for you okay, grandmom?” Yixing stood up as his grandmother smiled for a moment and nodded.

Time was already running out and he would be going back to the metro soon. He wanted to stay longer, but he had to head back home to prepare for Christmas Eve. The next day, his parents would be coming over to his grandmother’s, and he’s just glad. He never wanted to visit her at the same time with his parents because he wanted a mother-son time between his father and his grandmother. He wanted it to only be just them. This was the tradition every year.

“Grandmom, I have tea,” he said as he walked in with the tray. He set the tray on the side table and poured tea in the two cups. “Do you want me to help you with your tea, grandmom?”

His grandmother shook her head and pointed at Yixing. He kind of understood that she wanted him to look after his own tea.

“Oh, alright, grandmom,” Yixing said as he handed over one cup of tea to his grandmother and got one for himself. “Careful, it’s hot, grandmom.”

They both drank tea as Yixing just kept talking, like what his grandmother wanted. The whole time, his grandmother just listened.

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The day was slowly getting dim. Yixing took his backpack and wore it. He knocked on his grandmother’s bedroom and entered. “Grandmom, I’ll be going, okay?”

Yixing sat on his grandmother’s bedside, and suddenly, his grandmother was the one who held his hand. She smiled and nodded. A teardrop ran down her cheek as she caressed Yixing’s hand.

“Th-th…a-a-ank… yo-o-o-ou,” his grandmother said in a weird tone.

Yixing’s face brightened up. He hugged his grandmother warmly and sniffed. He cried and said softly, “I’ll miss you grandmom…”

The tears fell uncontrollably from his eyes. “I love you grandmom. Please wait for me. I’ll always try to visit next year; even if it isn’t Christmas or your birthday.”

“I will make time,” Yixing grit his teeth as he cried. His grandmother brought her hand on Yixing’s back and rubbed it slowly. “I promise. Please wait for me.”

Yixing kissed his grandmother’s cheeks before he wiped his tears from his eyes. He bid farewell before heading out of her house. He always enjoyed this day in his Christmas season, and always looked forward to this day every year.

Compassion overflows in people who love so much. They put themselves in the situation of others. The compassion to put others before yourself is a huge sacrifice. Also, put this in a perspective that you feel responsible for the people around you. It is all a huge effort, but these people don’t really care about getting tired.

Jongdae, in the first chapter, puts his efforts not for himself, but for the people around him—those who believed in him, as well as those he didn’t even know personally. He felt responsible for everyone that if he fails, he fails everyone. That is why this miracle is a delicate one. Make the right moves, and you’ll eventually get everything right.

Just like Yixing, compassionate people find happiness in the simplicity of everything. Because of the miracle of compassion, he loved spending time with his grandmother no matter how tiring it was—he never thought about the effort. He just did. He knew all this time that he’s going to miss it. Although he does not know this yet, that visit would’ve been his last.

His grandmother’s birthday never came.