Sneaky Glances

Author : Aishwarya0906

Genre : Romance | Fluff

Status : Completed

Title ( 8/10)

Although it is such a cliche title, the only reason why I gave it such high points is because to be honest, I’m slightly curious on what the story’s about. I just had a feeling that it would be fun and thrilling!

Description&Foreword ( 6/10 )

I wouldn’t look at the grammar in this section, but there are tenses errors that I’m itching to change, actually LOL. But other than that, your description wasn’t so eye catching, and it was a little messy to look at. However, I do like that you added dialogue snippets, because that’s probably my fav part in looking at stories to read xD

Grammar&Language ( 10/20 )

Your grammar, was, I am so sorry, unbearable to see T_T I really would recommend you to get a beta reader, or someone to fix it. Some expressions were so awkward when used, and the way you expressed their feelings were a little too abrupt. I felt like the tenses were all over the place as well:

What if he ignore me? → What if he ignores me?

The other just stare at me → The others just stare at me

“It’s getting so hot in here” the maknae’s complained → “It’s getting so hot in here” the maknaes complained

They’re bickering continues → They’re bickering continue

You have lots of spelling errors too

nosiy → noisy

effected → affected

embarresment → embarrassment

Those are just some of the ones I spotted. I also saw that you use more present tenses than past, but I am not quite sure actually which one is the one you wanted to use, so please address that issue and fix it so the readers wouldn’t have a hard time reading! Get a beta-reader, because this story could be amazing if there are no tenses issues.

Character ( 9/20 )

I couldn’t see any… characterization. LOL. I gave you a pass because I understand that this story is short, but I’ll address why I gave a low mark as well.

I didn’t see the characters growing, reason is that the storyline is too abrupt.

You could’ve further expanded the information, told them their ‘back story’, or even address their relationship before. Let the characters grow in your writing, instead of hiding them behind because the story wasn’t developed enough. If it were me being Eunji, I wouldn’t like it if a guy just kisses me out of nowhere, no matter if he’s my crush or not.

The reason why their loveline was so sudden is because I didn’t know just what the hell they were before this. Once again, if you added more information about their past, it would’ve grew to become a fruitful story.

Originality&Storyline ( 10/20 )

It’s not an original storyline because I mean, it is cliche. Boy meets girl, falls in love, kisses her, the end. However, I would give credit to the fact that you tried making this a non-cliche storyline and that you wanted to express their feelings properly. Props to you!

Overall ( 43/80 )

I think, honestly speaking, you have the understanding, but you just don’t know how to put it into action. If you want to, I am very willing to help you fix them :)

I also apologize sincerely for the low mark. If you have any problems with it, please go to me personally and I’ll try to address the problems even further ;u;

Thank you for requesting and we hope to see you again!

-Vivian