A Shadow Creeping Near

Author : TaviLaulu | Taikatalvi

Genre : Psychological

Status : Completed

Title ( 9/10 )

I think the title fits the story alot and it doesn't sound very common. It basically gives off a chilly and creepy filling like how people feel when they watch horror movies. But one point was deducted because I found the title a littleeeee lengthy.

Description & Foreword ( 10/10 )

Your description was perfect and since this was supposed to be a one shot, I guess you don't really have anything to put in the foreword other than the author's note and the credits, but that's okay. Okay more on the description, like the title; it gives off a creepy and mystic vibe that makes the readers wanna click next. It just sound like those movies where it starts off with the lead actor's narration, simply summarising how the story starts off. Very well done!

Grammar & Language ( 19/20 )

I like your choice of words and all the good descriptive phrases, it's really good. I've read your story over and over again but I couldn't find any mistakes except this one. In the 8th line, "Instead, i'm sitting here — not in fear, but in hatred, and not in excitement, but in pain." I think that sounds more right, and the line below "It's only hate that's flowing through my veins." i'm not sure if you should use the word hatred in that sentence as well, but i'll leave that up to you. Since you did a very good job here, I don't really have much to say xD

Character ( 20/20 )

Your type of story is different. Different in a way that you need not elaborate about the characters, but the readers will still understand. I love how Youngmin is weak and strong at the same time, he seems to want to give up, but on the other hand he also wants to kill his brother so he could get his revenge. About Kwangmin, normally readers would see him as an antagonist but I still feel as though he has a back story; a reason why he dragged Youngmin there and tortured him, he doesn't seem really evil because deep down inside, I guess he still has a fear of something and that there is definitely good in him. I'm not sure if i'm right, but do tell me if i'm wrong haha.

Originality & Storyline ( 20/20 )

Lets say that the first thought that came to my mind when I finished reading your story was, blindscape. I'm not sure if you have heard of this mobile game before, but you should go to the app store and download this game. Basically in this game, you do nothing but listen and close your eyes, imagining yourself as the blind protagonist in the story. Just like your story, even though Youngmin isn't blind(of course), the way you describe his thoughts and the way he viewed his brother, his agony was perfect. I guess this is what you call perfect imagery. I could clearly connect to your story by just imagining it in my mind, seeing through Youngmin's eyes.

Overall ( 78/80 )

Overall I'm kind of amazed by your story, I can tell the amount of effort you two put in this story without having to read the foreword, haha please do make some sort of drabble sequel to this, or maybe a small back story about Kwangmin, I would love to read it haha. Once again, thanks for requesting at KMS & HMH Review Shop, please remember to credit the shop in your foreword so that I can cancel your name off the request list, have a nice day!

-Moon Hae