miracle in the fall :

I felt his eyes boring into my skull, I shifted uncomfortably in my seat afraid to turn around ask him to quit it. I was predicting what he'd say if I did, I had no substantial evidence that he was harrassing me. It could've been just my imagination. I can see it already , him , cornerning me after school like those three would — extorting money, beating me up or just making me their . I shuddered, feeling my body heat up all of a sudden. It was cold for sure, but I was beginning to perspire.

I rested my head in my palms, breathing a little heavier than normal. I was starting to feel a tad dizzy all of a sudden, an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach ; like i was about to throw up. The thoughts started to race, I saw flowers blooming out of a drawing's mouth, my hands dissolving into a pink sea, my bestfriend becoming a butterfly.

" Ya, gwenchana ? It's 14 degrees out and you're perspiring. " Chanyeol asked, half amused - half worried , wiping away a droplet that trickled down my temple. The half smile quickly turned into frown as I let my head fall to the table with a thud. Maybe i'm really not alright. Softly laughing at myself for the Lim Kim reference. I felt a hand on my neck , immediately wincing at the pain, for some odd reason it hurt when he touched me. My skin was so sensitive, I felt like I'd die from his touch.

Kris was still staring me down, I could feel it but somehow his gaze had softened. I very much wanted to turn around and look at him but I couldn't. I could barely open my eyes at this point, my vision was blurry. The heater had broken down in the classrooms, leaving all the students huddled next to their partner for adequate warmth. It was getting colder by the day. My mind drifted like this, and I hadn't realised — I had passed out , Chanyeol shaking me voice dripping with anxiety and worry , the students and teacher turning their head to look at us , Kris' expression had changed entirely.

When I had awaken, it was in the infirmary and Chanyeol had fallen asleep waiting for me to come to. I couldn't help but chuckle at his sleeping face, he wasn't ugly but he did make a weird one sleeping. He lips parted slightly, drool sliding down the side of his lips pooling on the sheets. I grabbed a tissue from the side and carefully wiped it away, making sure I didn't wake him up. I knew Chanyeol was always tired, studying till late in the night and what's worse was that he loved to study. I remember him telling me that he'd rather study a whole night than fawn over a girl like a normal teenager.

I brused his bangs aside, tracing his eyebrows lightly watching it turn into a frown slightly. I wonder what you dream about when you close your eyes  . I was really greatful to him, costantly saving me from everything I could be saved from one being my thoughts. I ran my fingers through his hair, How long has it been since you used a conditioner ? He stirred in sleep and I quickly retreated my hand.

" Tao.... " I heard his mumble under his breath, a blush crept up my cheeks , Was he thinking about me ?

I slipped back under the covers and hid my face, I was being such a girl , it's not as if I liked him or anything why am I being like this. I peeked out and saw him stir once more, quickly hiding back under the covers. He had slowly awaken, rubbing his eyes in the process. He stood up to stretch, I heard the chair screetch against the laminated flooring. He would stretch his back first, bending backwards then over. He would pull his hands next , side to side. Lastly, he would twist his waist , shaking it out to loosen his muscles.

I pretended to have just awoken too, peeking my hands out of the blanket to pull them down. " Channie ? " I called out softly, yawning for real. He scurried to my side, putting his hand on my forehead then my neck then slapping his two hands on my cheeks.

" How're you feeling Taozi ? " He asked, just like a mother would — it was strange yet cute at the same time , how affectionate he could be. It's a shame he doesn't have a girlfriend.

" I'm better, what happened ? " I slapped his hands away playfully, rubbing my cheeks to ease the sting.

" You passed out, I tried to wake you but you just wouldn't. You really scared me there, th-thought I was gonna lose you. " He sniffled, rubbing his eyes. He started to cry, tears rolling down his cheeks. I brought a finger up to wipe one away, pulling in for hug.

" You won't. I'm your Taozi and you're my Channie right ? " My heart hurt when I said that, knowing that I very much wanted to leave this world. I couldn't leave him behind yet I —

Unknowingly, I had started to cry too. I felt so sorry for him and for myself, I hugged him tighter trying to cease the moment presented to us.

" We're best friends till the end of time remember ? " I felt him tense up before relaxing again, hands finding my waist.

" You've gotten skinnier again Tao... " He whispered into my neck, I involuntarily let out a small moan at the gush of warm air on my neck. I blushed hard, praying that he didn't hear that.

" R-really ? I hadn't realised. " I tried to cover up.

" At this rate, you'll be like a girl with that tiny waist of yours. " He giggled sofltly " Maybe you can be my girlfriend then. "

" Ya ! " I hit him, face becoming redder and redder. Why am I acting like this ? " No way ! " I pushed him back, wrapping the blanket around my self as protection.

" I always knew you were secretly a perbert ! " I stuck out my tongue at him causing him to erupt into laughter.

" Aish pabo, it's ert not perbert ! " He ruffled my hair, crawling over and pulling me into an embrace so I was wrapped around his arms like a pillow. He kissed the crown of my head.

" Mianhae Tao, I'm just really happy you're here .. Can you promise me one thing ? "

" What ? "

" Don't ever leave me okay ? I really think I'd die without you. " He gave me a squeeze, resting his head against my shoulder. He had started to cry again , sobbing quietly in to my shoulder. We stayed like this for awhile, both of us swimming in our thoughts searching for each other. Was I able to promise him such when I could barely keeep the promises I made to myself ?

" Never. " The word just came out of my mouth without a thought, I decided to let time decide everything for me. I was just going to let myself sink in every moment. My mind had completely forgotten about Kris, the discomfort he had caused and mostly like he had played a part in making me feel so terrible. He was standing outside the infirmary, listening in. His hand was on the knob but he hesistated coming in and in the end he decided not to. I had noticed his blonde hair through the frosted glass, but I didn't say a word.

The room was quiet, just the sound of our breathing and the ticking of clock indicating that we've been here for far too long. The distant sound of students leaving the compound after afternoon classes. The water dripping from the sink, pitter patter it went.

" Don't you think we should be getting home ? " I finally spoke , feeling the strain in my throat. I pulled away from the hug and cupped his face.

" Look, I'm fine aren't I ? If I pass out on the way home, you can just carry me back. " I rested my forehead against his, feeling his breath hit my lips.

" Y'know, this might be the first Christmas miracle I've ever had. " I laughed, this was first. He was never one to believe in miracles or christmas, I was taken aback for sure but yet I was happy that his life wasn't just studying after all.

I got up from the bed, stumbling a little.

" Woah, how long was I out ? "

" Since second period. " I looked over to the clock,

5 : 40 pm

It's late already.

I walked over to Chanyeol held a hand out for him, he grabbed it and stood up. I had almost forgotten that he was taller than me, he towered over me headlocking me in his elbow.

" Let's go home, I told my mom that I'd be sleeping over at your place. " He grabbed both our bags from the nurse's desk and dragged me out, ignoring the remnants of the student body left in the hallway. The walk home was of a comfortable silence, we walked side by side occasionally bumping into each other on purpose. While walking up the hill, I stopped to look at the flowers by the side of the road again. I poked them lightly with my finger, brushing away the snow that had fallen onto the petals. Chanyeol squatted down beside me, looking at me then at the flowers.

" Don't you think their beautiful ? " I asked him, still playing with the petals.

" Yeah, they are. They kind of remind me of you. " He said, following my actions. His long fingers felt the flowers, accidentally touching mine. I noticed how different our skin colours had become, when I first came I was much tanner now I was paler than he was. I smiled to myself, tucking my hands in my pocket.

" Why ? "

" It's getting cold and all the plants are shedding their leaves but these flowers are still in bloom. Don't you think they're kind of like you ? How strong they are to last a cold day , everyday. The beauty within it , is unmatchable. You're unmatchable. That's what I like about you. " His face heated up, biting his lower lip shyly avoiding my widened eyes.

" When did you become such a smooth operator ? " I joked, trying to ease the tension. I stood and wiggled a little, walking ahead of him. I had barely caught the whisper when I did, my heart almost jumped out of my chest

" I meant every word I said.  " I continued to walk, pretending I didn't hear it. It was weird we managed to reach my house quickly, maybe it was because I was flustered and I wanted to let the cold air hit my face. I don't know.

I turned around to stop Chanyeol, my hands at his chest.

" Channie, you should go home. You know your mom isn't feeling well, I can take care of myself. Look after her. Okay ? Please ? " I looked up at him and his face was scrunched up in deep thought. He was really thinking about this. I sighed, pushing him slighty.

" Go , I'll text you okay ? " I keyed in the passcode to my door and walked in,

" Bye Channie "

I walked into my room and slumped down on the bed. I closed my eyes nearing the state of dreaming until my mother walked in and started to nag. I took out a set of clean clothes and my towel , heading for the shower I couldn't help but think of Kris. I imagined his face looking at me, the way he did as he bored holes into my skull. I wasn't afraid of being alone in the shower but being alone ? The reasons were a plenty.

I hated to be alone the most, and it's not that I was afraid of being lonely but it was being alone that I was afraid of.

Alone with my thoughts, alone with the monster that hid within the cages of my mind. Flashbacks of silver and red flooded my thoughts as I stumbled my way to the bathroom. I rid myself of the confines of a uniform , letting the warm water hit my back. I looked at the small box that was wedged within boxes of tissue paper and other toiletries, Should I ?

I looked at my body, searching for a clean slate amongst those drenched in red. Some of them were fading away but some were still healing.

Scars never really fade away do they ?

I shook my head, remembering the promsie I made to myself the night I saw Chanyeol completely break down. The soap smelt of roses, I imagined being in a garden full of them. I heard my phone ringing on the counter, I stopped the water and checked my phone

As expected that dork texted me first, he's pretty impatient like this.

To : My princess Tao

7 : 34 pm

----------

Taozi, are you there ?

To : Channie ge 

7 : 34 pm

----------

I'm in the shower

ttyl

To :  My princess Tao

7 : 35 pm

------------

oho, send me some nudes

To : Channie ge

7 : 35 pm

------------

bye, don't talk to me anymore

To : My princess Tao

7 : 36 pm

------------

Ahhh, mianhae !!

ttyl <3

I smiled weirdly almost cringing , I quickly washed off the last of the soap suds and got out of the shower, changing into the clothes i'd be sleeping in for the night. I didn't text him back that night, I had collapsed on the bed letting sleep take over my body. I'm pretty sure Chanyeol had called and texted me 100 times and I'm pretty sure he was contemplating as to whether he should come over to check on me since we live a block apart but he didn't.

A part of me was relieved yet a part of me was really disappointed, but he was not the last thing on my mind.

It was Kris.

--------

Haha yo, finally updated.

I was really sick, so I couldnt do much. Btw, did everyone see the MV for Miracles In December ? Oh god I cried so hard, you don't even know. It's so good, I flipped when Tao cried. I literally just burst into tears. But then, this won't be my fav song off the album. First Snow has already captured my heart & I can't wait till Dec 9th !

Please rmb to comment & sub

love u guys ,

`ppyong !!

photo cr : baekintime, jfcexo, merrykrismas