memorial:

Mornings are always the same no matter how I describe it, it all ends up in a word : bleak. I've read in books and watched it movies , how mornings were the best thing that could ever happen to someone who's been in the dark all his or her life. Why don't I feel the same ? Sometimes I wonder if everything is just an illusion and I'm really still trapped in the shadows. My head started to hurt from the rush of thoughts, I pounded my head trying to relieve some of the pain. I heard my phone ring, immediately knowing who it was — Chanyeol hyung. 

I squirmed under the covers, calling him 'hyung' was weird ever since he got held back a year. I stopped calling him hyung or gege since and trying just makes me sick in the stomach. Until today, it's a mystery how the top student ends up last in the level , I tried asking but he wouldn't budge, he even threatened to stop being my friend if I pursued. Shouldn't I be the one threatening him ? Aish this guy is a total choding. I flipped my body over and reached for my phone, answering in a half asleep half annoyed state : 

" Ya, you rascal it's 6 am , extra classes don't start until 10. " 

" Ah, mianhae taozi, it's just ... I really miss you all of a sudden. " 

" Are you insane ? I just saw you yesterday. " I scoffed, slapping my face in disbelief. 

" Yeah... But, you didn't answer any of my calls or texts. I got so worried , I almost came over! " Knew it. 

" So why didn't you then ? " I was honestly curious as to what held him back, on any other day he would've Usain Bolted his way here. I twiddled my sheets, unconciously biting my lower lip between my teeth. 

" My mom... She fainted... " I shouted into the reciever upon hearing the news, scolding Chanyeol for not hurrying home to take care of her and falling asleep watching over me instead, I could almost hear him wince over the phone. 

" C-calm down ! It's nothing serious, she's recovering ! It's just that she stood up too quickly when the phone rang. " His voice getting softer at the end, he almost sounded apologetic though I wasn't sure what for. I sighed, rubbing my tired eyes. I knew he meant well, for both his mom and I but i couldn't stand him being selfless. It almost hurts just to think about it, I got off the bed and rummaged my bag for my wallet. Score, I still have $20 left.

" Araso, araso, do you want to have breakfast before we go to school ? " Throwing my wallet on the table, I balanced the phone between my cheek and shoulder. I shuffled into the bathroom, getting ready to brush my teeth and take a shower.

" Really ? You want to have breakfast !? " Chanyeol asked in an awkward high pitch voice, well it wasn't exactly high seeing how his voice is actually very very .. very low.

" Yeah, drop by my house at 7.30 " I looked at the digital clock, enough time to spare

Chanyeol lived up the street, just a block away to be precise. We were sort of well off you could say, living in the Gangnam area but he's always complaining how he had to walk up the hill and his house was at least 5 minutes away from mine if he took his time. I retorted saying that it was just 5 minutes but he complained again that 5 minutes away from me would mean death. I laughed so hard that day, not actually realising the depth of his words.

I got out of the shower, and changed into my uniform. I smoothed the creases, checking myself out in the mirror. Maybe I should dye my hair red, I think it'll look good on me. I brushed my hair, applying a little wax for volume. I made sure not to forget to put on cologne mainly because I really hate smelling like sweaty socks and pollock in summer. I took a look at my closet, pushing through hangers of coats, What should I wear today ? I found myself giggling like a girl for being such a girl. I picked out a black coat with gold buttons all the way down , Chanyeol bought it for me for my 16th birthday taking me all over Apgujeong blind folded. I smiled fondly as I put it on, hearing the gentle giant whistling me down.

I grabbed my backpack, the small reminder that I didn't do my homework running by me. I shrugged it off, walking to the fridge to write a little note for my mom :

out for breakfast with chanyeol,

see you after school

call me if you need anything

saranghaeyo,

 Tao

This should suffice. My mother was always a er for romantics, a little cooing and she'd melt. It was an advantage and a disadvantage, both I'd rather not bring up right now. I closed the gate behind me, making sure I locked it. Chanyeol greeted me cheerfully, holding out his hand for me to hold. I stood stunned, not really sure if I should take his hand or not, I looked at his leather glove clad hand and then back at his face. His over cheerful expression sent a shudder down my spine, making me rub my biceps with my hands.

" Morning. " I said flatly, raising a brow at his still outstretched hand.

" Morning, feelin' peachy ? " I groaned inwardly at his pun, putting in 1000% of effort in not hitting him with my bag.

" Don't. " I shot him a look, taking the dork's hand to appease him. He held my hand tightly, smiling like an idiot.

" What do you wanna eat ? " He asked, shoving my hands in his peacoat pocket - a light flush forming in my cheeks. You're always like this.  I opened my mouth to say something but somehow my voice was lost in between the minute fragments of time. I cleared my throat trying to find my voice, clearing my head as well.

" How about that cafe.. you know the one 'round the corner ? " I managed, walking down the hill with him.

" There's a lot of corners here Tao. " The yoda look a like made a face, those kind of mixed expressions that you cannot pinpoit exactly with a mere word. I thought hard about that cafe, he remember passing by it a few days back when he was shopping. Think Tao, Think.

" Aha ! " My face brightened suddenly remembering the cafe's location. I grab a hold of Chanyeol's hands once more and led the way, running down the steep slope - having about 3 near death experiences on the way down. I didn't really understand myself, these kind of moments were still as surprising as ever ; the way my body takes control and just goes with wherever it wants me to be even if I don't. We slowed down, soft pants audible and white vapour ghosting our lips before escaping to be with the air. We strolled across the empty street to the cafe, it just opened, the smell of freshly baked bread and coffee dancing in the cold autumn breeze. The owner was putting up the signboard by the door, the day's specials and offers. 

I hadn't realised then that I had completely forgotten about the wildflowers that swayed gently trying to latch onto the wind. It was a first, It didn't even cross my mind.

We entered the cafe, being greeted warmly by the owner. We bowed a respectful 90 degrees before taking our seats at the armchairs near the window. It was nice place, quaint. It took a very rustic and idyllic style, like that of a country house somewhere in France. It was cozy, dimly lit with warm lamps. There were a lot of cushions and blankets, a plus point for eating in comfort. I sunk into the enormous arm chair, covering myself with a blanket. Instead of a heater, there was a fireplace that crackled and roared every once in awhile.

" Hello, I'm Minho. How are you guys ? What would you like to order ? Bacon and eggs are today's special. " A tall and tan man stood before us, he was handsome features gracing his small face. He smiled softly. I looked at the menu carved onto the table, bacon and eggs did sound delicious but I was having a sweet tooth at the moment. I hummed looking up at the handsome man.

" Blueberry Pancakes please, and a latte. " My fingers tapping on the table lightly as I smiled at him, he returned the smile with a grin before giving Chanyeol his attention. The taller boy squinted hard at the menu, lips pursing into a pout.

" I'll have an Egg's Benedict, extra bacon and a strawberry banana smoothie. " The waiter jotted down our orders furiously before running off to the kitchen. He appeared at the bar again, proceeding to make our coffees. We sat in comfortable silence, exchanging glances and soft chuckles. I didn't get what he was secretly telling me inside his head and neither did I but somehow we understood because our palms found each other and our fingers interlocked. Even though Chanyeol was a pain, he was a darling.

He was sweet, understanding and selfless - albeit his bluntness he was quite the romantic. No wonder mother likes him so much. I laughed to myself and we continued to share our peaceful moment of silence.

Bell chirped as the cafe door was pushed open by another customer, footsteps a little heavy.

" Grande mocha with a double shot of espresso, take away. " In a smooth yet familiar voice, the american accent thick in his voice. I turned my head to see a overly tall blonde man, my eyes widened quickly turning back to face Chanyeol who was scowling behind the blonde fella's back.

" Ah hey Kris, long time no see. " The handsome waiter said to him as he came over to the cashier to collect payment.

" Hey. " Kris said coolly, handing him a $10 note.

" We've not seen each other for  2 years and all you can give me is hey ? " Minho scoffed, taking the cheque and opening to cash drawer to take out the change.

" Not my style. " Kris said, handing reaching out to take the change. He walked toward us, spotting us no less than immediately. He towered over us, leaning towards my side.

" Hey. " He said, a smirk playing on his lips. Kris was dangerously close to my face, I felt his breath ghosting my lips, I could taste the flavour of his tooth paste and I moistened my lips with my saliva. I gulped trying to muster up some courage to greet him back

" Hi " Was all I could get out, I began to tremble under the taller man's piercing gaze.

" Saying mushy greetings may not be style but you defintely are. " He whispered too loudy, his slender fingers tracing my chin. While I was flustered and feeling a little hot , Chanyeol burst into laughter. Roaring hysterically, shocking the both of us.

" Dude, that is so cheesy. Grossed me out, too bad Tao isn't a er for baseless flirtation if not youd' have him. " Chanyeol continued erupt in fits of laughter and Kris distanced himself from me now standing at his full height of 6 ft 1. I let out a breath of relief, I felt like my insides were going to explode all over the place. I buried my face in my palms, trying to rub the redness of my cheeks.

Kris rolled his eyes at Chanyeol before looking at me once more, I peeked through my fingers meeting with his stare again. .

" See you 'round . " He winked at me before going to collect his coffee and exit the cafe. I took a good look at him, he isn't wearing his uniform maybe he's not coming for extra classes but then again, it was only a little over 7.30 am. He had plenty of time. The waiter shook us out of our thoughts when he presented us with our meals, serving the coffee as well. I managed to ask before he left. 

" M-minho sshi ! " I yelped. tugging at his sleeve. He turned around, giving attention to me.

' Just call me hyung. "

" Ah okay, h-hyung. " I thought I saw Chanyeol staring Minho down as he placed the tray down on our table.

" Are you close with Kris ? "

" Ah ! Kris hyung ? Yeah I guess so, we met a couple years back in Canada. He was a real asswipe then , seems like he still is. " Minho chuckled. " He's a cool guy, I was just lucky enough to get into his good books. He can be a real devil when he wants too. " Slightly shivering before taking the tray and walking back to the bar.

I looked back at Chanyeol who was glaring at me with a half angry and half shocked expression.

" What's with that look ? " I asked while taking the sugar cubes and putting it into my latte.

" Why would you ask about him. " It wasn't even a question , it was like a statement or an accusation. I squirmed at Chanyeol's seriousness, he's really scary when he's like this. Anger never suited him, I felt a pang in my heart sudden guilt pouring over me. I felt like I couldn't breathe, I gulped trying to force a plausible answer out.

" Just.. curious. " I avoided his fire lit eyes, digging into my pancakes. I took a bite of the maple syrup drenched pancake, and boy it was good but somehow I wasn't fully able to savour it because I felt like I was going to puke from nervousness. It must be written all over my face.

" I see. " was all he said, 49 seconds.  It took him 49 seconds to say two words, he definitely isn't pleased with me but I know he could never be upset totally. Maybe it was a good time to pull out my aegyo tricks, he'd always beg me to do 'buing buing' or 'aing' but I strongly refused saying that it didn't make me manly but in these situations, it was a smart move.

I got my puppy pout on, making my eyes water a little so it sparkled. I poked his hand, making whining sounds.

" Channie ~ " No reply, he just tuned away looking out onto the carless road.

" Channie, don't be angry at me ~ " I whined again, making little sniffling sounds to make it seem like I was upset too but alas he still refused to give in. Usually it would take two tries to complete break his glass wall but it seems like I really over pushed his buttons. I was hurt really.

" Channie ? You're really going to be mad at me ? " I asked a last time, just for a reaction - a small sign that showed he was on the verge of breaking but that didn't seem to be the case. He was really angry this time. Tears started to well up in my eyes, thoughts of me and Chanyeol no longer bestfriends flooded my mind and my heart started to sink down to my stomach. I coughed trying to get rid of this unsettling feeling.

" Channie hyung... " I mumbled, letting the tears roll down my eyes , " please don't be mad at me ? " I pulled on his sleeve, only for him to look at me and pull away.

" Do you even know why I'm mad ? " He asked, scoffing , he folded his arms and looked at me. Truthfully I didn't know why but I know it had something to do with events that took place in this cafe. He sighed, gaze softening as I continued to cry.

"  I don't like the way Kris bent over and touched you like that. Even if you didn't feel violated , I did. He doesn't seem like a good person, I don't want you to get hurt again. " He held my chin and made me look at him,

" Look at me, promise me you won't get yourself hurt ? " He held out his pinky finger and though I didn't say anything we pinky swore. Despite that, I wasn't sure if this was a promise that I'd be able to keep - Kris , this mysterious guy leaves me in a mess and all I can do is think about him. Is it because I don't know him enough that all I want to do is find out more about him and not that I actually like him ? I should hack into the school's records and check him out.

Chanyeol sliced my pancakes and fed one to me, holding it up to my lips.

" Eat, I'm not mad anymore. " He cracked a smile which made me smile too. He was just like that, a happy virus that has infected me. I ate it well, I drank the coffee which was unbelievably aromatic and just the right temperature . The rest of the meal was silent but there wasn't a burden anymore though my mind was still filled with the thoughts of the tall blonde.

We were done eating, we paid for our food and left - MInho hyung waving goodbye before returning to his cafe duties.

" Thank you, come again ! "

" Ah, I don't get it seriously ! What do you mean by impressions on the character at first ? What, compare what !? " I mumbled in annoyance, pen poking into the sheet of the practice paper. I let my head fall to the table with a thud, looking up at Chanyeol who was busy writing down the answers, I groaned at Chanyeol signalling for some help but he was too engrossed in the answers that my effort in trying just dived into the trash.  The tall blonde didn't come to class today, I kept on looking towards the door hoping he'd be late but he was a no show. I was somehow disappointed that he didn't turn up, though I was scared of him I wanted to see more of him. He was so handsome, and cold attitude just drew me in.

I barely knew him but to me he was already something of an idol , he looked like the kind of guy that you would want to worship and shower with your love. Oh god i'm a freak.  That sounded wrong and weird but you know what I mean. I ran my fingers through my hair, taking a second look at the dreadful exam practice questions when I heard the class door slide open.

I looked up and saw Kris face all beaten and bruised, hair dishevelled and clothes a wreck. He staggered to his seat behind me, I stood and tried to help but somehow my hand refused to move. I stood frozen like an idiot, eyes widened and the laughing stock of the class. Chanyeol quickly pulled me down , hitting me lightly at the shoulder with a ' tsk! ' I took a post it and scribbled down a note for the trainwreck behind me :

you look terrible, are you okay ?

I threw it behind me, only half expecting a reply. I ignored the hurt looks Chanyeol tried to shoot me , the reply quickly came to my surprise :

mind your own business & i'm fine

Though I was hurt by the ' mind your own business part ' , I forgave him at ' I'm fine '. I wrote down my reply, furtively glancing at the teacher who didn't realise a single thing because she's way too old.

it is my business.... in a way

and that way is ?

i'd really rather not say....

you're using a load of fullstops , i think i'd rather you say

if you tell me why you got beaten up then i'll tell you mine

I counted the minutes he took to reply me, 10 minutes, he really thought about it - I was partially glad that telling me was an option and even if he didn't it wasn't as much of a big deal I thought it out to be. Everyone had secrets, it was only right as a friend that I respected it. 

Gangsters.

My hands trembled as I read the word ' gangsters ' , memories flashing by in an instant and I felt  cold - very cold. I gulped as I struggled to pick the pen that I had dropped on the floor. I bent down, head spinning as they continued to run amock in my limbic system. I couldn't feel my body as I dropped to ground, hearing a thud and whispers that got louder and louder. I couldn't breathe as shadows shrouded my vision, someone's calling my name

" My son, go to the room and stay there okay ? Hide in the closet if you hear knocking on the door, don't come out until I say so - YOU MUSN'T COME OUT " I saw her crying for the first time, brushing my hair back over and over again. I didn't understand what went on then, people kept on banging on our door - shouting stuff I barely understood as a little kid

I peeked through a crack in the door, my father was by the door holding it up his body bobbing up and down. Everything was loud, my ears hurt and the thundering in my heart didn't stop even though I had little knowledge of what was REALLY going on, this continued for a few moments  before the door finally broke down. Demons were real. They were how as mothers described it to scare their children - Gigantic, Eyes red, spitting fire , threatening to kill all and that was what I saw before my eyes , wielding a knife pointed at my father's neck.

My mother was on her knees, pleading with the demons. I opened the door slightly wanting to be by my parents sides, my mother saw and slammed the door shut leaving us both helpless on either sides. There were some loud mufflings, gruff voice demanding something, all I could make out then was , " no , no , no "

Then , my mother screamed and everything fell silent. I clawed at the door, begging my mother to let me out and it really seemed like I was the only one in the world then. No one hearing my cries, no one to hold me anymore. I remember falling to floor because I was exhausted, still crying I became drenched in my own tears.

Why ?

Daylight would've come sooner or later, when I awoke the door had been unlocked and I saw red on the doors. I looked at my fingers, I had clawed my nails out. It didn't hurt nor was I sickened by the sight of it. Something inside had already died , I walked out seeing my father being taken away by men in blue and my mother talking to them. Something had died in her too. But a far away light shone through the tiny cracks of the darkness I was trapped in, it got brighter and nearer. I was blinded, I peeled my eyes open to see a small child with enormous ears smiling down at me though his eyes were b with tears.

" Taozi. " The child called out to me, taking my small hands in his.

" What happened to your hands ? " His tears dripping onto the broken nails, I felt the sting. I couldn't bring myself to tell him the horror of it all, I didn't know how too. I pulled away, unable to look into his eyes.

" Taozi. " He called out to me again, " Taozi, I love you, I'm here okay ? " 

It must be the second time I've passed out this term, what's happening to me ? Both Kris and Chanyeol were here this time, the two giants having a staredown. I coulddn't but smile at how into it they were, not even realising my prescence. I could almost feel the heat emitting from their eyes. I cleared my throat to get their attention, both of them asking how i'm feeling at the same time.

I chuckled, " I'm fine. "

Both of them shot me the SAME look, I rolled my eyes reassuring them at least ten times that I feel alright.

" I still don't think you're alright but I believe you. I have council duties, see you at home ? " Chanyeol stood up and pecked me on the forehead before leaving the infirmary. I blushed hard, shocked at the gentle giant's new found confidence. I glanced towards Kris who was a little shocked but still shocked.

" So.. you two are going out ? " He finally broke the silence, snapping me out of my blushing fit.

" Huh ? What ? No way ! No no no. That would never happen, he's just a really good friend - my best friend actually. "

" Best friend ? More like boyfriend. " Kris raised a brow, standing up to sit on the bed. He leaned to whisper into my ear, " I don't like that. "

I felt my whole body heat up, he was still positioned by ear but his hands were moving. His rested his left hand on my waist, continuing with what he was saying earlier

" But I think I can change that. " Emphasis on ' that ' , he backed away a little only to lean and connect our lips together. I swear in that moment, sparks erupted in my body and I felt so alive. I could almost cry, he tentatively on my bottom lip and me being a noob at kissing I didn't give way. He pulled away, a string of saliva still connecting our lips from his attempts at prying my lips open.

" Are you playing hard to get ? " He asked, a small smirk playing on his lips as he wiped his oh so kissable lips. I shook my head vigorously , " NO! I-i .. " Contemplating as to whether I should tell him that that was my first full on kiss.

" You what ? You didn't like it ? " Kris almost sounded angry, eyebrows furrowing

" No! I liked it! " I almost shouted, pulling on his sleeve, afraid he would stand up and walk away.

" Then what's the problem ? " He crossed his arms to shrug mine off,

" It's just .. It was my first kiss... " His expression immediately softened, eyes widening a little.

" Really ? " He placed his huge hands atop of mine, I just nodded my head looking down trying to hide my blush.

" I was your first ? " His hands cupping my chin, I nodded again waiting for a response. But he just laid his lips on mine, slow and sweet nothing sensual , it was just like that. Only the two of us existing in this cruel world and amongst the many demons and monsters we're fighting we're happy. Kris, this dangerous man , this dangerous yet vulnerable man was a memorial to an emotion that I now will begin to crave everyday.

------------

Haha.
 

photo cr :

MbraceNsomniafrmKpop