Tears were casually pouring out of chanhee’s eyes. His face spelled no emotions but the hollow tears showed perfectly how broken the boy was.

“you.. knew?”

“yes..”

“Then, don’t you hate me? Please. Hate me. Just don’t… don’t blame it on niel”

“ I was the one who forced him into this. Please… hate only me”

“ of course. That bastard, hating him…. What good can I get. All he ever did was gave me good memories…..”

“exactly… like you did.”

“ THAT’S WHY I NEED BOTH OF YOU TO DISSAPEAR FROM MY MIND! LEAVE US!”

Like a thin wire that had snapped, the screams and shouts were heard miles away. Indeed chanhee was so pained, his heart had gone numb. And each painful breath the lad had took, it was like a jabbing stab to byung’s chest.

“and to admit.. you have feelings for me too”

“are you even sane? How could you? You’ve already took niel and… goodness broke me”

“so now you want to have this heart?!! This worthless shattered heart?!!”

“THE ONE THAT YOU BROKE WITH YOUR OWN HANDS?!”

That sentence had ruptured every ounce of strength within byung. The overflowing tears could never illustrate the anguish he had felt. And apologies were just as meaningless, as he knew of his own faults and nothing could turn that around.

Nothing could fix the damage he had made on chanhee. The love he has for chunji was like a catalyst that burnt him even deeper, slitting his heart bare to all the guilt that would devour him.

“ I never… wanted to own your heart. Chanhee ssi…”

“neither do I want to break it.”

“I just wanted love, niel’s love. But I didn’t know how foolish I was”

“ now seeing you.. your sweet smile. It healed me. So this disgusting feeling I have for you…”

“it is meant nothing but to heal yours too. But…”

“ how could it. With my dirty hands, I took your smile away. How in the world could I return it”

“ I deserved this but not you. It’s unfair that you’re hurting too.”

“ so never …. ever forgive me. I’ll be damned my whole life if it means giving you a new one.”

Looking at chunji with weary pleading eyes, he smiled bitterly as his hand grips his own throbbing chest. One last look before he disappears.

“ and I wouldn’t even mind”

“he is someone who would give the world to the person he loves. And it reminds me of you sunbae”

Then why would his heart waver when he was sure he had given Niel his universe, his own world. Yes the boy was gone but the loyalty he had was the only thing he knew would last, something he could hold proudly. But the world was just as cruel because just when he was content with what he was left with it had disappeared the moment he laid his eyes on lee chanhee.

Packing his clothes, the boy had silently held in his tears. He knew it was no place for him to stay but his heart was heavy and each step he took while packing was practically involuntary. He was dragging himself out of chanhee’s little world.

Marching slowly towards the main gate, the blonde lad took one last whiff of the house and stared at the structure while reminiscing each small moment shared with chanhee. The fact that the house had Niel written all over it was another huge factor why leaving would feel so hard.

“ Goodbye, Niel’ah…..”

“chanhee….”

The house was empty when he left. Cold and vacant from the laughter ljoe had imagined if that world was lived by chunji and Niel. A perfect world he thought destroyed by his own greed.

Then just when he had enough, the moment he turned away chunji was silently standing in front of him. Holding a bag of groceries.

“ you… should stay.. for breakfast”

“at least”

Painting a mournful smile, byung hun looked down and bowed low.

“ its okay… I don’t think we would stand the awkwardness”

“ I don’t think you could stand…. Me. I don’t want to remind you of my mistake with niel..”

“ I don’t want… to make you hate that kind boy because of this filthy face of mine anymore.”

Sneering at ljoe’s words, the wound on chanhee’s heart was as bright as the blinding sunlight. Byunghun was unexceptionally correct; chunji would never be able to stand another minute with the blonde haired lad without flooding himself in disgust.

But still, despising niel would make him suffer more. He knew better.

“ I’m trying…. To forgive. I want to forgive him for all the love we shared”

“ I know...”

“ that he did love me. but maybe in a different way than what I would expect”

A gush of relief washed over byunghun’s heart. At least some of their world was preserved; at least some of their smile was kept untainted.

Smiling faintly, he gathered all his courage and looked straight into chunji’s eyes and stared at it for one last time. As he cherish the pretty lad’s face the boy said,

“ I think, well… you’re very charming. And strong, im sure you’ll be fine”

“right?”

Chunji who was slightly flustered by byung’s intense gaze looked down and silently nodded his head. He would be just fine, he thought to himself. Niel would never forgive the boy if he didn’t move on and live properly. He knew that too well even when he also knows that it would take time for him to forgive his late fiancée.

But what can lee chanhee do, even if he breaks and cursed at niel’s picture. He would be the one who would pick it up and put the picture into a better frame and stared at it all over again. The affection he has for Ahn made him helpless.

“ uhm this might be rude but …. Now that niel’s gone…”

“maybe you can well.. leave and start doing something you really like.”

“I’m sure you’ll do incredible”

Ljoe grinned like a fool. The brightest smile he could ever do, a gift to chunji. But it wasn’t because he wanted the pretty lad to remember him instead it was a symbol of hope, faith. That byung had seen something gleaming within chanhee and he believed that it would bloom. So it was his gift.

One smiling memento.