Soojung sits inside of her first period classroom, staring at all the other students going absolutely nuts around the room with their masterful paper airplanes folded neatly by their hands raining down from the sky like bombs in an air raid, and insults being screamed across the rows of seats with a blank, objective face. Cold. That’s what Soojung is without her, without Sulli. Out of the corner of her eyes she glances at the floor, to the metal leg of the miniature table slid beside hers, where she should be sitting.

The desk next to her has remained vacant for far too long, and Soojung can feel herself missing Sulli deep inside of her bones from the way her image is slightly fuzzing around the edges, and the sensation fills her very being every second the taller girl is torn away from her side. Sulli was like a light, Soojung’s light. The thing Soojung’s been searching for the moment she found herself without what everyone around her seemed to have: someone they would die without. Soojung’s so caught up in her own thoughts, she doesn’t notice the way everyone stills around her and silences till she can her hear heart drop in her chest when Luna Park, one of Sulli’s best friends, shouts at the top of her lungs, “Choi Jinri!”  

When I hear your name, it feels like there are thorns on it.

All at once, time freezes, and with it, Soojung’s body. It takes more than a few seconds for Soojung’s blood to start pumping through her veins again, and when she finally stops holding her breath, she whips her head around faster than a tornado to witness Sulli being tackled by a out of control Luna. The sight of the tall girl drives Soojung wild and tame.

My heart feels electrified and numb as if I swallowed rose thorns.

Their eyes meet, instantly, at the same time, and Soojung can feel daggers of love slicing right through her warm and tender heart: she wants to love Sulli, but only if Sulli lets her. 

My deeply pierced heart, my pierced heart, my bruised heart.

In a daze, and a half day dream, Soojung watches as she reaches into her rib cage and rips out the beating organ from its place, handing it over to a tear-streaked cheek Sulli with a weak smile as she bleeds her love out for the Choi.

Hold out your hand and embrace it.

Soojung can’t tell what Sulli’s thinking as she peels away from the short energy pill with drained movements and slowly makes her way towards Soojung with her paled face paling and the sweat on her brow accumulation, and Soojung could tell that she’s still sick, even though with every step, Sulli seems to get better, but also seems to get sicker, as well. Just as she’s a foot away from Soojung, with her hand grasping for the back of her chair, someone tugs at Sulli’s backpack strap, yanking her backwards to face the most popular boy in school, freaking Choi Minho. 

You pretend to give me a chance as you come close then get far away.

Soojung can feel the distain showing on her face as her lips curl up in a grimace at the scene of Minho hugging Sulli hard, pulling her into his chest, “Are you okay, Sulli?” His fake concern feels like a whip lashing across Soojung’s back, “Do you wanna sit next to me instead of Krystal?”

Like a doll, I get dragged around but in front of you, my breath stops.

Sulli recovers fast enough to catch the thrown out question, and manages to break free from his strong grasp. Her eyes meander over to Soojung’s.

Your cold eyes digs into my heart, cutting deeply through the center.

A faint smile taints her sickly cheeks.

If I don’t cure this wound, I might die, I might go crazy, I don’t know what will happen. 

“No,” Sulli whispers for the whole room to hear, “I wanna sit by Soojung, thanks though.” In a way, rejecting Minho was like confessing to Soojung, and the entire class saw this, snickering behind cupped hands and whispering into their friends’ ears at Minho’s utter rejection while the two girls looked at him with smug expressions. Soojung stares up into the shocked face of Minho, who is used to getting exactly what he wants, when he wants it, who stutters a shaky “okay” and stumbles away to his seat across the room, just as the teacher walks in and the bell rings for class to begin. Soojung attempts to control her urge to slam Sulli against the wall and molesting by biting her lip, hard, when she feels fingers spidering over her back as Sulli grasps her chair for balance while she lowers herself into her desk.

If I don’t cure this wound, I might die, I might go crazy, I don’t know what will happen.

It doesn’t help that the teacher notices Sulli’s return, and asks her to go to the nearest empty classroom to explain their past lessons and homework. “Take all the time you two need, I know Ms. Choi has missed a lot,” the teacher reassures them as the two girls walk out of the classroom with all of their things and down the hallway, and Soojung knows that the teacher doesn’t expect to see the two of them in class again.

This can’t be good, Soojung thinks as she flips the light switch on in an empty classroom and plops herself down in a random desk, an hour and fifteen minutes, alone, with her. She watches Sulli with a predator-like gaze as the other girl carefully settles down in the seat next to her, and a half smile paints across her lips at the way Sulli does so, thinking silently to herself that here there was no way of distracting herself from Sulli anymore. And Soojung knows exactly how gentle Sulli can be, when it came to anything at all. Her tongue lashes out to moisten her dry lips, but she wants to find out how rough Sulli can be, too.