It had been a few days since the flight and I was given a few days off since this year was so busy that I couldn't take my vacation. I made plans with my friends Amber and Sulli. They were coming over to my place and we wanted to have a movie night. I already got the snacks and drinks, also I wanted to talk with them, in hopes that maybe they can help me understand what I feel. 

Just as I was looking through a list of movies I heard a knock on the door. 

"Just a moment!" I said as I got up. 

I put down my phone and walked over to the door, opening it. Sulli and Amber rushed to hug me. I chuckled and hugged them back. I was really happy to see them. We have known each other for a very long time, since 1st grade of Elementary to be exact.  I let them in and closed the door behind them. They went straight into the living room and I followed them. 

Amber and Sulli carried their PJs with them and they decided to have a sleepover, that wasn't part of the plan but I didn't complain. I liked the idea. We all sat down and started talking about our day. Amber and Sulli weren't busy recently so most of their time shopping. I wanted to go with them but it was a bit bothersome since I was exhausted from work and I didn't feel like leaving my apartment. 

"So, what's going on?" Amber asked and grabbed a cookie from a table.

"About Ryeowook or?" I asked

"Both," Sulli replied and took a sip out of her drink. 

I thought about it for a second and realized I don't know where to start. It was complicated to sort out my feelings. I had many questions that I asked myself but I couldn't find the answers, nor was I able to put my feelings into words. I stared into a blank space. Sulli and Amber poked my shoulder and brought me back to reality. 

"Alright, let me help you. First about your boyfriend, what's going on?" Amber asked.

"I guess it's okay, but recently..." I stopped. 

"Recently what?" Sulli leaned on the pillows. 

"We had a few arguments recently, and mostly over Ryeowook. There was a fight that happened between TOP and Ryeowook, of course when I saw it, I stepped in and stopped it." I said and sighed. 

"What kind of argument did they have?" Amber asked again. 

"Ryeowook and I would text often, but all of a sudden TOP got angry over it, so he told Ryeowook to stop," I replied.

"It didn't bother him before. hat changed?" Sulli added.

"A lot. But even for me, it's hard to explain." I said.

The three of us kept quiet for a few minutes Amber seemed deep in thought, and she tilted her head while looking into the blank space. Neither I nor Sulli touched her, we just let her be. She usually always came up with a solution, advice, or conclusion. She always knew how to help. If you have a problem she was the person to turn to. 

"I want an honest answer." Amber suddenly said and looked at me. 

I nodded my head. 

"Have you talked with Ryeowook?" Amber then asked.

"He's ignoring me," I replied.

"I mean before the argument, have you talked about certain things?" Amber asked again. 

***

"Can we talk?" I asked. 

Ryeowook didn't look at me. He was sitting on the bench in the park and he wasn't giving any reaction. I walked up to him and put my hand on his shoulder. Once again no reaction.

"Please talk to me," I said. 

"About what? So your boyfriend can pick a fight again?" He said. 

By the tone of his voice, I could tell he was angry. 

"I'm sorry... I don't .." I got cut off. 

"Why do I have to let go?" He said.

"Huh?" I looked at him confused.

"I tried hiding it, but I can't anymore." He said and stood up.

For a few seconds, he didn't say, he just stood there and looked up at the sky. 

"I have feelings for you. It's not something that I recently feel, but I had feelings for you for a long time." He turned around and looked at me. 

***

I told them what happened and why he is acting the way he is acting. That day when he told me that I felt a strong pain in my heart. I felt like I had betrayed him, and to be honest that's when I started getting mixed feelings. Although before he confessed I already had second doubts about TOP as well, but I always had a habit of giving second chances to people. 

I know that I can sometimes be difficult to deal with in terms of my personality and temper. I can seem cold and distant but in reality, I have the soft side, it just depends on what a person wakes up in me. I know Ryeowook for a long time and he knew all of my stages, in a way I knew that maybe he might have some feelings for me, but I never took it seriously. 

My feelings for him? Well he is dear to me.. and from time to time my heart will skip a beat, but I don't know honestly. Is it hard ever since we don't talk? Yes. Do I miss him? Yes. Do I wish to see him? Yes. 

"Did you ever think that maybe Ryeowook saw something you didn't?" Amber said all of a sudden.

"Huh?" I looked at her confused.

"Think about it. He usually isn't like that, he must have seen somethi