“I like you very much, Bae Suzy.”

Tell me what, how do you respond when someone unexpectedly tells you that? I mean, he’s definitely drunk, I’d like to put it that way because I will really go insane if he’s not, but it still feels weird, especially it came from Myungsoo.

“Now you’re really getting it. If you don’t tell me what’s wrong, our friendship is over, Bae Suzy.”

I looked back at Sulli with a confused expression, “What?”

One eyebrow raised at me, “Look here, young woman. I, Choi Sulli, have known you since kindergarten. I know when something’s wrong with you, I know when you have your period and I also know it when your inner self is blushing all over with Soohyun oppa even if others don’t see it. So now tell me that I couldn’t notice it when you have that look in your face.”

I wanted to bark a laugh, but that’s the truth, if anyone knows me more than anyone it had to be her, maybe even more than I know myself. Sulli’s my best friend, how can I even have second thoughts about her loyalty to me?

A minute of long silence, I took a deep sigh while she patiently waited for me to speak, placing both her hands under her chin. She really knows what she’s doing.

“Last weekend, Myungsoo started acting really..... weird,” I started. I can’t miss that certain spark in her small, chinky eyes at the mention of his name. Have I ever mentioned Sulli has this crazy imagination of Myungsoo secretly having a huge crush on me and one day I’ll realize that I like him too and we’ll make a great pair? I can’t even imagine the two of us being close friends.

“..... He asked me to accompany him in shopping, and since he shared a really good breakfast with me, I agreed,” I skipped the part in the mall when he called me ‘babe’ because I still get goosebumps every time I remember that and I’m pretty sure that will leave Sulli back to her ideas again, “When we were about to go home, it started raining and we got soaked but he insisted that we play instead.”

Sulli looked like she was about to explode, “Go on.”

I cleared my throat and continued, “It was past midnight and I couldn’t sleep so I stayed in the veranda to get some air. It turns out he couldn’t sleep too, and I think he’s drunk coz’ I smelled alcohol then he----”

“Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! Was he a good kisser?” Sulli screamed all of a sudden and I reached across the table to cover her big mouth. A few people in the cafeteria looked our way and I bowed in apology.

“Nothing like that happened, okay?”

She promised to never interrupt again and covered .

I scoffed. “He.... He told me he likes me.”

                                                                                                               ***

Soohyun’s visits became often than usual. He drops by the house or picks me up at school two to three times a week and surprisingly we don’t run out of anything to do. It made me more confused, though I clearly told myself that maybe he just finds a bit of fresh air, away from all the stress in Seoul, here in our small town.

Today’s the twenty-first of December, I clung tighter to the blanket around me and closed my eyes. I want to sleep some more. The chilly weather made it a lot harder to get up. Winter is almost here.

“Sue, wake up!”

I fluttered my eyes open when the side of the bed dipped a little and hands started shaking my shoulders. “Wake up, sleepyhead.”

“Go away, Kim Myungsoo.”

That didn’t stop him from bothering me. “It’s snowing outside, Sue. Come on.”

Myungsoo pulled me out of the bed while I’m still in pajamas. I haven’t even washed my face nor brushed my teeth. He grabbed a thick coat lying beside my bed and threw it at me. “Let’s go!”

“Since when did we become friends?” I scoffed and placed my arm on each sleeve, trying to take away the stray hair covering my face before following him outside.

It’s freezing cold and I wished he grabbed a much thicker jacket, but I got distracted when he dashed out of the door like a little kid and literally slid down the garden which was now covered with thick snow. I tried to stifle my laugh by faking it to a cough.

A snowball landed right on my face and I turned to see Myungsoo laughing hysterically. “Kim Myungsoo one point, Bae Suzy zero!”

I rolled my eyes at him and spun around to go back inside. “Whatever.”

Another snowball hit the back of my head. “Kim Myungsoo two points, Bae Suzy still zero!” he shouted.

 “You’re really going to get it,” I threatened, crouching down to pick up a handful and shape it into a ball.

He grinned at me, “Oh. I’m so scared.”

I threw the snowball at him but it barely even reached his shoulder. Myungsoo’s laughter boomed throughout the neighborhood. “You haven’t changed a bit, Sue. Still the worst when it comes to snowball fight.” Today, I saw another different side of Kim Myungsoo.

                                                                                                               ***

I honestly can’t remember how that night ended. Maybe I just excused myself and forced to sleep, I don’t know. I never brought anything up since Myungsoo doesn’t seem to remember it anyway and that makes me feel a little relieved. At least, my mind would be already at ease that he’s certainly drunk that night and probably just babbling about non-sense things.

I handed him a huge mug of hot chocolate with whipped cream on top while we sat at the front porch, tired from our previous snowball fight. I took a sip, off the remnants of the cream above my upper lip after.

“What’s that?” He suddenly asked, looking at my mug.

“Cinnamon.”

Myungsoo nodded to himself. “Does it make the hot chocolate taste better?’

I scratched the back of my ear. “Well, for me, yes. It depends.”

He leaned forward and scooped the cream in my mug with his finger. “It does taste good.”

“You’re disgusting.” I only got a chuckle in return.

We didn’t talk anymore, just enjoying the warmth of silence both engulfing us despite the cold weather. Somehow, we managed to find a way and wander inside each other’s world. A world I have never imagined to be that lonely. Everyone misunderstood him, including me. I thought Myungsoo had everything any guy would ever wish for, loving parents, money, girls and good looks. Apparently, I was very wrong.

“Enjoying yourselves?”

There was a pair of black sneakers staring in front of me. I looked up. It was Soohyun. At that moment, I wish I was imagining things. I want to spend a little more time with Myungsoo, much to my surprise. Whenever his older brother comes to visit, his mood automatically drops and dismisses himself.

“Hyung,” he responded, more like a greeting and a goodbye at the same time. Myungsoo stood up, like what I expected, and looked back at me. “I’m sleepy.” Then, he went inside, leaving us alone.

Soohyun sat beside me. “So, how’s everything going, pretty lady?”

I would have blushed hard at that one, but I didn’t. I think I’m starting to be more comfortable around him. I glanced at his direction and smiled, “I’m fine. A bit busy with school, but all fine. You?”

His smile faded for a moment but he caught up easily. A deep sigh escaped his lips. “I’m, uh, okay. I guess.”

“I guess?” I repeated, sipping lightly from my mug, the hot liquid soothed my dry throat and I let out a sigh of contentment. I love winter the most of all the seasons.

“I’m worried, Suzy. I’m worried that the girl I like might be liking someone else already.”

He never told me anything about the status of his heart before so I didn’t know how to react. My chest swelled, it hurts to hear him saying this to me out loud. The only man that caught my attention likes someone else and there’s a possibility that that girl doesn’t like him back. How can the world be cruel like that?

I wrapped my arms tightly around my knees, doing my best to avoid his gaze. I like Soohyun, I really do, and if ever there’s a slightest chance that he will like me back, we still can’t be together.

“I’m curious, Suzy. Can I ask you a question?” Soohyun moved closer to me. Our shoulders touched and I didn’t flinch because I like the warmth it gives. He smells really good, a mix of musk and vanilla. The scent wasn’t too strong like other guys wear.

“What?”

“If someone confesses to you, what will you do?”

I looked at him with confusion but he just smiled at me. I’m not sure if this is a joke. “I-I don’t know. I might run or faint. Why are you suddenly asking me this?”

Soohyun grinned. “I told you I’m curious. I’m curious about a lot of things about you.”

I rubbed my hands together to create heat and patted my cold cheeks. “There’s nothing interesting about me. I’m a boring person, Myungsoo said so.”

“You’re not boring,just… quiet.” Soohyun lightly ruffled the thick fringe that covered my forehead. “I like coming here, you know, away from all the stress and pressure in work.”

I rested my head on my arms. Watching him talk is one of the things I can do all day. He looks so dignified yet gentle and loving. There’s always this fire burning in his eyes which contradicts the huge smile he never forgets to wear. Soohyun is like a good mix of coffee, not too bitter, not too sweet. Each ingredient was poured in the exact amount and blended carefully so it resulted to something close to perfection.

“And I like talking to you. You’re a good listener, Suzy. I feel like I can tell everything to you. Sometimes, people forget those simple things. We always go for the main event without paying attention to the minor ones, and that’s when we miss the small and valuable lessons in life. We forget that these small footsteps were the ones who first helped us to achieve whatever we want.”  He stared at me with a kind smile while I melted in my position.

I shifted uncomfortably beneath his gaze, fiddling with the strings dangling from my jacket. “Have you… H-How are you sure that she likes someone else already?” I felt like an idiot asking that. I promised myself I wouldn’t meddle in his personal life but I guess my mouth can’t take it anymore.

Soohyun shook his head. “I’m not sure, but I should be ready for possibilities. If that’s what makes her happy, then I’ll be happy.”

“You have to ask her,” I bit my lip hard. “It might be your last chance.”

“I have to, right?”

There was a tinge of pain in his voice. I think my heart’s going to explode. I don’t want to see Soohyun hurting like that. He’s a good man, he doesn’t deserve to be like this. “Yeah.”

Air escaped my lungs when he pulled me tight in his arms. My heart stopped for a moment then proceeded to beat rapidly. I want to pull back so he can’t hear it but I’m too overwhelmed in the situation, I can’t even move.

“Well then…..

…. do you like somebody else, Suzy?” His head rested on top of mine. “Because if you don’t, then I have something to tell you.”

“I’m not going to let you run or faint.” Soohyun’s arm wrapped tighter around me. “I like you, Suzy. Not as a friend, not as a sister, but as a woman. Will you let me take care of you?”