09: 

I could feel Jongdae’s judging eyes back at me as I stared at him for a few minutes now. It didn’t feel that weird actually, not really, since I had learned the fact that Jongdae has always been… different. The eye staring was tiring but a mere stare turned into the fieriest competition ever. When the sting in my eyes intensified from not blinking after a couple of minutes, he smirked.

“Give up, babe.” Jongdae challenged. I shook my head slightly so that I wouldn’t blink my eyes accidentally. Just as I was about to it, why am I doing this with the troll anyway, a hand swatted in front of Jongdae’s face and he flinched, eyes blinking and all. He and I both turned to the culprit—it was Luhan with a smug look on his face and he winked at me. I laughed at Jongdae’s high-pitched whine and pushed Luhan away. He was distracting the fair battle after all.

“Your man is trying so hard,” Jongdae commented in deep-accented Korean so that Luhan wouldn’t be able to catch his words. Well, I did and I immediately landed a kick on his legs. “I’m serious, Soo Ae! What did you do to our innocent Luhan?” He finished off with a cackling laughter and I pouted at his teasing. Poor Luhan couldn’t get his friend’s words and he merely blinked at the two of us.

“Luhan,” I called and he finally stopped being so out of place, “Jongdae is saying really weird things and I’m uncomfortable.” I was far from being uncomfortable really—I just really wanted Luhan to get into his creepy mode and then just watched in silence as the guy beat his friend.

“You’re enjoying that, aren’t you?” Minseok asked me when I moved to the living room and sat next to him. He was watching a Korean cooking show but the Chinese subtitles under the screen was . “Seriously they’re so loud.” Minseok hissed but his chuckle gave away his irritated act.

“Do you miss home?” I asked him. Minseok looked at me and smiled, nodding his head but pouting at the same time. He must be—I mean, I only got here a few months ago and I’ve been missing home so much compared to Minseok who had been here for quite a while now.

“I’m going home next week.” I told him. Minseok’s eyes widened and he tilted his head. He glanced at Luhan before looking back at me. “And no, I haven’t told him yet.”

“Why? Did something happen back in Korea?” Minseok asked, leaning closer. I quickly shook my head because no, that wasn’t the case. “Then why? Why didn’t you tell Lu yet?”

“I have my semester assessment test on next week.” I explained. “But it’s funny because I haven’t chosen a song and I, it’s been so long since I last touch my guitar.” I looked back at Minseok and noticed that he was so close to me. Minseok looked up as well before suddenly we were both ambushed by a ridiculous weight (read: Luhan).

“What’re you two talking about?” He asked, looking at the two of us from his sides. He had planted himself in the middle, separating me and Minseok.

“Something that doesn’t concern you, obviously,” Jongdae screamed in Chinese and I glanced at him. Poor boy looked like he had gone through a wrestling match but looking at them both, they did look like they were wrestling earlier. That explained why they were being so loud and irritating.

“So?” Luhan asked again, ignoring Jongdae’s whines and grunts because does Luhan weights a tan or what like seriously I can’t feel my bones. I got a bit distracted because isn’t that normal—not feeling your bones? Luhan and Minseok both stared at me thinking at the possibility and they laughed. Shaking his head, Minseok got up and patted my shoulder as if to say that you should talk to Luhan about going back to Korea. I nodded at him while Luhan continued looking at our interaction weirdly.

“What is it?” He finally asked after some beats of silence.

I heard the door closing and I’m guessing that Minseok and Jongdae were going back to their place. Tao had left earlier and so did Yixing. So now, we were left alone. Come to think of it, it had been a while since Luhan and I hang out together, with no one else around us.

“I have my semester assessment test next week.” I finally said. Luhan nodded at me before reaching for the remote control. Instead of going through the channels like I thought he would, Luhan switched the TV off. ‘We shouldn’t waste electricity’, I heard him making an excuse and I smiled at that. I’m guessing that Luhan hadn’t really notice that the assessment was not going to be held in China. “In Korea,” I continued and then Luhan snapped his head at me so fast that I thought his neck would crack.

“So you’re leaving?” He asked, changing our conversation to Chinese.

I got a sense of how Luhan works now that I spend most of my days with him. Like now, Luhan has the tendencies to argue in Chinese but he curses mostly in Korean. So I had to think about what to say and how to translate them to Chinese quickly because somehow I didn’t want Luhan to think wrongly of me.

“Yes, only for a while though. Three days at most.” I explained to him. “And I’m staying at my parents’ house back in Chuncheon. It probably takes a while to get to university but I can manage that.” Wow—seeing that I somehow need to ask permission or think too much about Luhan’s opinion started to freak me out. I cleared my throat and filtered away the unnecessary thoughts. “Think you won’t miss me that much?” Oh my God why the heck do I sound so flirty?!

“Okay then,” Luhan finally said something. “I’m glad that you tell me that.”

That’s all? I quickly washed the frown off of my face and smiled at Luhan. Why would there be more to say?

Luhan’s expression changed and he blinked at me, “Um what else then?” He asked. ing , I did not just ask that out loud.

“I don’t know, Soo Ae. I mean, you just, you’re going to be away for a few days, right? It’s… I don’t want to make this into a farewell session because I know that we still have a lifetime ahead of us. So I’m not going to say goodbye or anything. I refuse to do so actually. All I can do is hoping that you have a safe flight and wish you the best for your test. And then come back here.”

Come back here.

“Maybe I’ll ask Kris to watch over you or something.” Luhan shifted back to Korean to make it easier for me to converse with him. 

“Kris?” I asked him. That name sounded so familiar yet so strange. Luhan nodded his head and went back to his inner thoughts while I was still trying to refresh my memory. And then realization finally hit me, “Oh, that guy that—oh him. Right, I totally forgot that he’s one of your friends too.”

“Yeah,” Luhan shrugged, “Come to think of it, I kinda miss Kris. Should I come to Korea with you?”

“Just because you miss your friend, you’re willing to hop into a plane to Korea?” I rolled my eyes at his words while Luhan pouted in return.

“You don’t have to worry,” I reminded him. “I’m not going to... be distracted or anything. I’ll just go back home, meet my mom and dad, perform then wait until I return here again.”

Luhan somehow frowned at my words. He his lips and looked at me unsurely, “Don’t you think that you’re pushing yourself too hard? I mean,” He paused and I couldn’t understand him. And it must’ve shown right across my face. “Soo Ae, I think you’re…you’re being unfair to yourself. Don’t get me wrong, I do want you to be happy and I want you to move on but it’s like you’re trying to prove that you’re doing fine—”

“Luhan,” I called and he stopped, sighing as he knew that this conversation would lead to a fight. “I am fine.”

“No you’re not, Soo Ae.” He argued. Oh wow, now he knows me more than I know myself? “Look, everyone experiences a bad break up once or twice in their life. It’s something so normal and simple but you’re punishing yourself over this matter. I’m not saying that I don’t want you to be happy but I just… I actually care, Soo Ae. You can’t run from all of this.”

“I’m not trying to run from anything,” That came out as a mere whisper and I looked at him again. Luhan had his serious face on. “Why are you saying all of this stuff? Where does this even come from?”

“You know, ever since you got here, we never really talked.”

“We have never really talked before.” I reminded him. He helped me a lot over the past months, he gave me advices before we both came here to Beijing but never ever did we try to talk to each other. Like a real talk. I shook my head and sighed because Luhan is the last person I want to get mad at. And I didn’t know why he suddenly said about something like this. It drove me into thinking that Luhan was seeing me as a problem from Day One.

“It’s totally fine if you meet him while you’re at Korea.” Oh now we’re talking about him? “I’m not saying that you should get back together with him. But like I said before, running away won’t solve your problems. How many calls have you ignored ever since you come here? How many times did you talk to your mother on the phone? Did you ever once take the initiative to call and ask how they are doing? I can’t just keep quiet when I see you doing that to yourself, that’s why.” Luhan shook his head and leaned against the couch, “Please don’t get mad at me, Soo.”

“Please don’t get mad at me, Soo.”

“What are you talking about, Chanyeol?”

“You saw me with that girl, Soo. I could see that it’s giving you weird ideas.” He bit his lips. Chanyeol sighed and dropped his guitar on the floor against the foot of my bed, “And you’re not talking about it. You don’t even show any reactions and I’m worried. I don’t know what you’re thinking because I feel like you never talk to me about your feelings. I’m worried okay?”

“You two were talking about some school stuff,” I assured him, “I understand, Chanyeol and it’s not a big deal. I don’t think that it’s a big deal and neither should you.” I was jealous of course but I couldn’t admit that out loud. Chanyeol would be uncomfortable if I did and I didn’t want him to feel that way.

Chanyeol raised his brows at me but he didn’t say anything for the next couple of minutes. Seeing no sound emitted from him, I looked down at the song we were working on but my mind decided to think that every words sound wrong. I pushed Chanyeol’s notebook away and grabbed the guitar, strumming random chords.

Finally, finally, after periods of silence, Chanyeol smiled and grabbed my hand, making me stop plucking the strings. He was looking at me with that look in his eyes. That damn look that got me so ing whipped. He pulled me closer and instinctively, I closed my eyes. Before our lips could touch, he mumbled against my breath, “Yeah, it’s no big deal.”

“You’re trying to get rid of me too?” I didn’t know why I said that. It just came out and I regretted it already. Luhan seemed to be surprised too and he glared at me. Why was he the angry one now? “I’ve heard those words before, Luhan. I am not going to be mad over such matter so you don’t have to take care of my feelings. I am fine. I can manage myself.”

“Don’t compare me to that guy, Soo Ae.” Luhan hissed in his mother tongue. “He hurt you but I would never do that. You can’t just think that every word you hear have the same meanings. I am not like him.” I rolled my eyes at him and Luhan caught that. He stared at me in disbelief before getting up. “You know what, it’s nothing really. I’m sorry I said all of that. Let’s just, let’s just drop it.”

“Sure,” I said, staring emptily at the wall in front of me, “Because it’s no big deal, right?”

“It is a big deal to me, Soo Ae.” Luhan sighed. “I just don’t want to… I don’t want to argue with you. I don’t like the fact that you’re mad at me over something. So I’m going to be the adult here and you should act like one too.” With that, he walked over to the front door, slipped into his shoes and shut the door behind him loudly. After a millisecond, the door beeped reminding that it had been locked.

Apparently, ‘adult’ Luhan had sent me not one, but two bodyguards upon my visit to Korea. Jongdae rubbed his neck in grunts and he looked over at me, “Are you sure that you didn’t fight with Luhan?”

“They did?” Kris asked as he grabbed the bag I had in my hands. I was about to introduce myself to him because the previous encounters with Kris hadn’t been really nice in my opinion. But oh well, seeing him acting so nonchalant about us, I figured that we’d reintroduced ourselves some other times (when Jongdae isn’t around).

“They obviously did,” Jongdae rolled his eyes, “They didn’t talk to each other ever since a week ago. It was sizzling with ual frustration I tell you. And last night, at ing midnight, Luhan decided to knock on my door and switch on the light and shove the flight ticket to me. He even checked in for me online. That dude even knows my ID number and stuff,” He was replied with ‘I told you that Luhan is creepy’ by Kris. “He didn’t even say anything but ‘you miss your family so you have to fly to Seoul tomorrow the end’ and I had to pack my bag last minute and I think I forgot my toothbrush.”

“I think I still have yours in my apartment.” Kris shrugged.

“Eww dude like the last time I visited Korea was last winter and I’m sure it’s moldy and stuff and eww do you expect me to die?”

“Okay fine we’ll buy you a new one!” Kris pouted. “Anyway, back to the story?”

“I did not fight with Luhan.” I interrupted before they could get ahead of themselves. “And I don’t need you two to babysit me for the next three days I’m going to be here. Kris, thank you but I’m still awkward and uncomfortable around you so I’ll just grab my bag back,” He put up a fight but eventually handed my bag over to me, “And Jongdae, thank you as well but you can go from now. It has been a while since you’re at home and I’m really sorry for your lack of sleep because of Luhan.”

“But Yixing asked me to record your performance tomorrow!” Jongdae reminded me, waving a camera in his hands. “And I want to see you sing, baby!”

“Stop calling me names in public, please Kim Jongdae.” I hissed at him. “And it’s just a semester assessment for God’s sake. You don’t have to—”

“But I have to!” Jongdae whined and I immediately walked over to the two friends again because everyone was giving us weird looks.

“Alright, alright, I’ll text you where I’m heading for tomorrow’s test. We can meet up there or something. Thank you again but I have to go now.” With that, I quickly excused myself.