06:

I sighed out loud when I saw Sir Alex Ferguson’s face staring back at me. I rolled my eyes at Luhan and his crazy Manchester United posters. You don’t put the coach’s face in your room, it gets really awkward. But I guess, who was I to judge his preference?

“Feeling better?” A voice alarmed me. I put my head up and saw Luhan making his way towards me. I didn’t have to think about how I ended up in his room again. I was barely drunk yesterday, dizzy yes, but I was sober enough to know who I followed home. I even remembered how panicked Kris was last night. I shrugged. Nope, I’m feeling worse to be honest. 

“Do you have to put that up?” I asked him, pointing at the wall adjacent to me. Luhan looked at the poster and proudly smiled at it. I had to stifle my laugh at that sight.

Luhan turned around and he narrowed his eyes at me. “Do you always come to clubs and get wasted like this?” He sounded joking but the sarcasm hit me pretty bad. And now Luhan will think that I’m some kind of an alcoholic.

I gave him a weak smile, resting my back against the headboard. I should leave immediately, I decided. “And I’m always there whenever that happens,” He chuckled at his own words. But somehow that small laugh felt like a wakeup call. I realized that all these times, I was just a mere burden to Luhan. In fact, how can I rely on a stranger like this?

“Are you ok—”

“I think I should go now.” I mumbled silently. Luhan’s words stopped and he looked at me. His brows ceased in the middle but it was soon replaced with an understanding smile. I was still keeping my head down when I heard Luhan shuffling across the room. And slowly, I moved, standing uncomfortably awkward next to the bed.

“Here,” Luhan’s hand was stretched, handing me my purse. I nodded. “Um, is there anything else you need?” He scratched his head. Screw the sarcastic Luhan who’ve talked down to me before, this Luhan who was standing before me seemed different. I realized that I had drawn a line between us. Well, it is for the best. I shouldn’t cling unto a stranger. I didn’t even do so with Chanyeol.

“Thank you, Luhan.”

He smiled. I smiled back before keeping my head down again. I glanced at the mirror in his room and noticed my messy hair. I combed them using my hands before walking out of the room. I heard Luhan following behind me and I found no words to say anymore.

Did I say sorry yet? Did I thank him enough? Should I pay him or something?

“Hey,” He suddenly called. I turned around and looked up at his eyes. I couldn’t stand staring into those pair of genuine eyes so I looked away. “Soo Ae,” He called again. I never actually introduced myself to him properly. It just clicked so easily with the two of us. But I can’t do this to him, to myself.

I hummed, motioning him to continue his words. Luhan’s eyes smoothened and he walked closer to me. I didn’t flinch nor did I try to initiate anything. I just stood there. “Can you do me a favor?” Luhan stopped just a few inches away from me. My eyes blinked a few times—what kind of favor? What could I possibly do for him? Slowly, I nodded my head without myself realizing it.

I felt his hands patting my head, fixing a few strands. “You shouldn’t let anyone live your life for you. Eat healthily, manage school wisely—” I chuckled at that. He made himself sounding like a worried mother. He ignored my reaction and continued, “Don’t over think. Don’t overuse yourself. Don’t think of people’s stare, you shouldn’t let that get into you. They didn’t know what you’ve gone through. And lastly, if things were meant to be like this, then embrace that fact. He’ll know what he’s missing soon.”

“You think I can do that?” I didn’t know why I asked Luhan that. He didn’t even know me personally to give the answer to that. I didn’t know why but I felt like asking him that. I wasn’t confident that I could go through everything. I am scared. Scared to go to school, scared of what people talk behind my back, and most of all, I am scared that Chanyeol and I would walked out of each other’s path completely. He was after all, my best friend before the boyfriend he was. I shook my head. No—Luhan’s answer doesn’t matter. I need to make sure that I could live through it.

“Wait, no, you don’t have to answer that.” I shrugged.

“You’re cute, Soo Ae. It’s really nice knowing you.” Again, another goodbye—I smiled though, wanting to look as less despaired as possible. If this would make the last day of seeing Luhan then I should put the chance to a good use. I can’t forever remain as the heart-broken alcoholic who he had to carry around like a burden. “And yes, I think you can go through everything just fine.”

“Thanks Luhan,” I looked at him. He nodded and patted my head lightly before moving a step back. And with that, I spun the door knob. Before disappearing behind the door, I turned around and waved at him. Though it was just a brief meeting, I was happy. I’m glad that he was there for me. I was thankful that he had taken care of me despite not knowing me at all. “I’m sorry for everything. And thanks again. Thank you.”

That’s probably the last time I saw Luhan. Maybe there’d be opportunities for us to meet again but for now, I really need to start everything on a fresh page.

“Are you sure that you want to do this?” Yumi’s hand smacked against the paper I had in front of me. We were at the library and the sudden noise she made caused a few heads to turn at us. I nudged her before sliding the paper back inside my bag. Yumi’s eyes were still fixed on me as I started to pack my books.

“Yes, I do.” I breathed the answer to my friend. She seemed disappointed and still shocked with my determination. I looked at her for a while before getting up. I was putting back all the books we’ve used on the shelf when she finally snapped from her thoughts and got up to follow me around like a Jindo dog.

“Have you talked to your parents about this? What did they say? You can’t just quit everything and move to Beijing, Soo-ah! That’s a crazy thing to do.” I scoffed and returned to our previous table to take my bag before retrieving my student ID from the librarian. Yumi was about to follow me out but she had forgotten about her stuff on the table. I walked straightly out, didn’t want Yumi to shout at me anymore for deciding to go to China.

“This is because of Chanyeol, right?” Yumi asked as soon as she exited the library too.

“I talked to my family about this. They didn’t have anything to oppose. After all, I’m not quitting college dear. I’m just signing up for a transfer pass for a year. Being away from you guys for a year won’t change a thing. I’ll be back, that’s for sure. But for now, I have to do this.”

“No, you’re doing this because of Park Chanyeol, right?” Yumi stated that like it was some kind of a fact. I sighed before stopping, looking back at her. Seeing the look on my face, Yumi sighed as well, clipping her books closer to her chest. “It’s just that…this is too sudden, Soo. You can’t let a mere breakup do this to you. You have us here, your family, the other boys, and most importantly me. I’m here.”

“You don’t get it Yumi.” I stressed out. “I’m tired. I’m tired of pretending that I’m doing okay. People lost respect to me. In everyone’s eyes, I’m just a cheater. They are disgusted by the sole sight of me. Some even cringed at the sound of my name. I am no longer welcomed here, Yumi. Even you have doubts at me and my choice. I need to breathe. This whole thing is suffocating. I need to go away, everywhere but not here. I’m sorry.”

“Soo Ae—”

“Don’t start, Yumi.” I looked away when I felt myself tearing up. “Don’t look at me with those eyes.”

“It’s better to let everything out, Soo Ae. With you suppressing yourself like this; it’ll kill you sooner or later. Don’t run away from your troubles.”

“Yumi—”

“You’ve been planning this since a month ago. You’ve done everything you had to. And you didn’t tell me at all. How am I supposed to react to that? Don’t you even feel sorry for me?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. I just,” I choke on my tears. Damn it, after the breakup, I got so sensitive that even the slightest thing

I shook my head, avoiding any eye contact. There’s no turning back. I had signed the paper and I got my parents’ conscience, even the school’s approval now. I told everyone I needed to let know. I’m leaving to Beijing tomorrow.

“Um,” I tried calling the stewardess but she was still helping someone else. I put my bag on the seat while looking out, trying to make an eye contact with whoever that would help me. It was embarrassing really but I needed help to put away my bag. Sighing at her ignorance, once again, I tried to tip toe and stretched my hand to reach the—

The sudden lift of the weight alarmed me. My head turned to the side and saw a man closing the cabin after putting my bag inside. I was about to thank him when he finally looked down. Our eyes met and I blinked a few times before recognizing him.

“Lu—”

“Well, this is interesting.”