Jinki faced planted straight into the dorm couch. His head was pounding, his legs ached and all he wanted was food. He felt someone softly sit on the couch, after lifting his feet up and laying them on their lap. He turned to see Minho, a smile on his face and chicken in his hand.

"I thought you’d be hungry." Minho stated softly. As the older man ate the chicken, MInho reached over and pushed back his hood, which was threatening to interrupt Jinki’s chicken consumption. Jinki stopped eatting and looked over at the younger man. Heat rose to his cheeks, as Minho whispered, " You look tired Hyung."

Jinki merely nodded. Minho noticed the little piece of chicken on Jinki’s cheek, and laughed because only Jinki could manage to get something there while eating. Minho turned Jinki’s face toward his own, his leader’s eyes wide with curiosity and a little fear, slowly moving his thumb over the smooth surface. “You are so sloppy Hyung. You don’t want to waste your chicken do you?”

Their eyes were locked, Minho’s hand frozen on Jinki’s cheek. He began to lean in, eyes closing, but Jinki’s hands on his shoulders stopped him. He looked at the older man’s sad expression with shock as Jinki said softly, “Not here Minho. Not here.” His head slowly shaking as he said it. He then took his chicken and walked to the kitchen. He looked back once, to see Minho on the couch, head face first into the cushion.

                                                 XOXOXOXOX

(one month later)

Jinki!" The slowly receding figure stopped. Thinking he was just hearing things, he continued on his way. " Jinki stop." He turned toward the sound of foot steps pounding on the wet snow, the deep voice yelling his name, and the heart he just broke. "Jinki wait." He turned to see Minho, his dark hair a mess, cheeks and nose red from the cold, running toward him. The younger man stopped not even 5 feet away from him.

"What Minho?" It had come out a little more blunt and annoyed sounding than he had wanted, and the way Minho looked like he had just been punched in the gut made Jinki regret his tone. Then noticing that Minho was standing before him in just his pajama bottoms, slippers and a white t shirt, Jinki asked, "Why aren’t you wearing a coat?"

Minho just shook his head. ” I sat there on that damn floor with my head in my hands for too damn long, and when I realized I needed to get my up and come running out here to catch you, there was no time for a coat.”

"Not even proper shoes?" Jinki questioned. Minho nodded. Jinki slightly smiled.

"Take back what you said." Minho was out of breath, shivering to his very core, but his eyes never wavered from Jinki’s."This can’t be over. It hasn’t even properly begun." Jinki was taken back to moments before. When he and Minho had gotten caught kissing by Taemin, and after said band member nervously closed the door and walked out, he had told Minho that they couldn’t be. He then stormed out of the dorm, finding himself walking through this park in the middle of winter.

Jinki was the one who broke eye contact. ” I’ve told you we can’t happen for a reason Minho. This can’t happen.”

Minho closed the gap between them, grabbing the older man by the shoulders. ”Why Jinki? Don’t you still care for me?” Jinki refused to look up, knowing he couldn’t handle seeing the pain behind the younger man’s eyes. After some time Minho whispered,” Look at me, and tell me you hate me. Do that and I will stop trying.”

"I can’t do that." It was so quiet, Jinki’s lips hadn’t moved, and Minho barely heard it.

"Why not? Because if you cared for me you wouldn’t have just said everything you did." Minho’s words cut through Jinki like a knife. He shoved Jinki, not hard, but it still hurt. Not physically, but in his heart.

"Say you hate me Jinx. Say you regret all we did. The secret kisses when all the members were asleep, the late night massages when your back acted up. Tell me you were pretending."

"You want me to say all that?" Jinki’s emotions began to go haywire. Tears gathered in his eyes, threatning to spill over onto his cheeks. " Do you really want me to say I regretted you?" Minho gulped. "Because I won’t do that. I will never regret any kiss or touch we shared. I will never regret you, but that doesn’t change the fact we can’t be more then just bandmates, friends."

"Why not? Give me 3 reasons why we can’t be together Jinx?"

"Taemin, Jonghyun, and Key. Being together is making them keep our secret. Being together could ruin SHINee, their dreams. I’m the leader Minho. I have to think about all of you all the time, where you are and what we are going to do, and what our image is. It’s running through my head all the time, and I have no way of expressing my frustration, because I am alone. You or anybody doesn’t deserve to carry this burden with me." Tears streamed down his face, as Minho reached up and tried to wipe them all away.

"You are only alone because you want to be. I am standing in front of you, wanting to go through this life with you, through hell and high water and you keep pushing me away. Take back what you said. Please." Jinki looked into those big eyes, snowflakes scattered on those dark long lashes of his, and he saw everything he fell for. " Let me in." Minho whispered, as he lifted Jinki’s chin softly and kissed him. He tired to fight the urge to kiss him back, but the warm touch of Minho’s hands on his face and the feel of his soft lips against his own made the attempt futile. He wrapped his arms around Minho’s neck, as Minho wrapped his arms around him. Jinki was pulled against his lover, right into the place he was so familiar with, as Minho’s tongue begged for an entrance into Jinki’s mouth.

Jinki pushed Minho away, panting and confused before shaking his head. ” We can’t happen. I cannot allow it. Go back home Minho. You’ll become sick if you are out here much longer.” He turned and began to walk away, his path marked by his footprints in the snow.

"I love you." Jinki froze. Minho sighed before continuing, "I love you Lee Jinki. Your smile, and the way you laugh. How the group’s happiness comes before your own. How you do whatever comes to your mind and most of all the look in your eyes when I walk into the room. Like I am the only person in the world that could ever make your day better." Jinki looked back. Minho was standing there, arms to his side, stareing straight back at him. His eyes were watery, which never happened. " Are you telling me to forget all that? To ignore that I love you, every single ing day I see you and that damn smile of yours?"

Jinki wanted to say yes, his mind screamed at him to do just that, but his heart wouldn’t let him. “No.”

"Jinki."

"No… I don’t expect that." Jinki in a breath. "Just… we can’t happen… Now." Minho’s expression softened as he walked toward Jinki, brought him toward his chest, and pushed his head into the fabric of Jinki’s coat. Jinki hugged him back, pressing into him like his heart ached for. He then whispered, "I love you too."

Minho lifted his head up and asked, “Really?”

"I. Love. You." Each word slow and drawn out. Minho’s expression lifted, as he wiped the tears falling from Jinki’s eyes. "Now just isn’t the right time for us. Not here and not now, but we will be together, if you’ll wait for me."

"Always." Minho’s deep voice cracked as Jinki and him held each other with everything in them. Jinki pulled away, and kissed his nose before walking away. His slow footsteps fading into the night.  

                                                XOXOXOXOX

Minho hit his knees. The snow was soaking his pajama pants, and he was freezing, but he didn’t care. His heart had been broken and repaired slightly by the same man in the same night. He watched Jinki's receeding figure, watching the wind blow his footprints away, like everything that just happened could be blown away.

He was freezing, tears streamed down his face as he cried. He wouldn't be able to touch his lover again, make him giggle from the small sweet kisses they laid upon each other when everyone was asleep or out. He wouldn't be able to massage Jinki's back when it acted up, or even comfort the older man during a storm. His heart may have been placed where it should be, but he was now waiting on the man who broke his heart in the first place.

Minho brought himself to get up, and slowly walk away in his now wet freezing pajamas and slippers.When Jinki had stormed out he had slid to the floor, his head in his hands, not knowing what to do. Then he knew that he had to follow Jinki, because it was that moment that he knew he loved the other man. He had to show it, prove it to his Hyung. Make him see that they were meant to be, that this was happening or wait, could happen. 

Minho didn't care that he was freezing, and that he would probably catch some almost deadly virus from being out here. He walked back to the dorm, to see Taemin, Kibum and Jonghyun sitting on the front steps, all bundled up with worried expressions on their faces. 2 of them were happy and relieved to see Minho, but Kibum just swatted him with his gloved hand, yelling about how he was a stupid moron that needed to learn some sense. Minho just gave them a half smile, trying to hide the tears still on his face.

The other members never asked about what happened, or where Jinki was. They had Minho go dry off and change before wrapping a blanket around him and placing a hot chocalote in his hands. He looked over at the shining christmas tree, and the tiny box that sat underneath it. He had put it there, not even hours before, for Jinki. It was a promise ring, a ring to show that they were together, even if only they knew it. Minho squeezed his eyes shut, preventing the tears from spilling. The ring was pointless now, because Jinki had said that their secret romance was over for the time being. His heart shattered for the billionth time that night when he grabbed the tiny wrapped box, and put it in the back of his closet.

Where he also had to keep his feelings. Far, far away, locked up in the deepest part of his heart. Or well atleast attempt to.