Zitao stood nervously in the foreign building; he hadn't been there before, and as much as Sehun told him it was 'okay', he still didn't feel quite right. Especially with the way Sehun punched in the pin code for the door like he owned the place, and pushed it open to reveal someone else's apartment. There was no greeting or announcement of arrival; who's place was it? It suddenly crossed Zitao's mind that it might be a haunted apartment and Sehun was going to lock him in--stand on the other side and laugh as the ghosts ripped Zitao apart until his screams went silent. Not that Zitao would admit he was scared of ghosts. But not being scared of them wouldn't save him if he was being ripped apart.

Sehun had only woken him up a while before they left. It was the first weekend since school started, and Zitao had planned to study more. But he was given no options while a backpack was being put on his back and he was being told to 'come'. 

"Tao, come on," Sehun's order snapped Zitao out of his nightmare daydream.

"Why?" Zitao questioned as he inched back a little, and gazed past Sehun.

The lights had flickered on in the entrance, there were pairs of shoes and a cupboard. An edge of the couch, a carpet and the entrance of a kitchen. It looked ordinary enough, but still. No matter how much Sehun seemed nice enough, Zitao didn't have enough trust in the other to simply follow him into a foreign place. That's how bad memories were made.

"What do you mean, why? Why 'why'?" Sehun let out his annoyance; he was in pain after walking up the stairs and just wanted to sit down already.

A crinkle formed over Zitao's nose and he leaned forward to look further inside. 

"Just come in already," Sehun muttered as he stretched his hand out, and forcibly pulled Zitao over the threshold. The Korean male smiled in a sharp manner. "Look, you're in. I need to sit down."

Panic struck through Zitao's body at first, he twisted his body to look behind him in case anyone saw them and then back to see Sehun hobbling further into apartment. Sehun didn't like to be helped, he pushed Zitao away when he offered as the went up the stairs and now he was clearly in pain from his stubbornness. The Chinese male shook away the fear and followed Sehun in, managing to catch up to and help Sehun for the five seconds as he sat himself down on the couch. 

"Pain?" Zitao used one questioning word as he watched Sehun hold onto his side.

Sehun cringed, but still shook his head. "No."

"Liar," Tao muttered to himself in Chinese.

He'd started to see a pattern of lies from Sehun. The Korean male didn't like people to see his weakness, and he didn't like to ask for help. He'd suffer silently rather than admit that something was bothering him. And Zitao couldn't ignore it--as much as Sehun got mad at him and told him to stop--Zitao still persisted. His own stubbornness.

"The door, Zitao," Sehun pointed to the still open door.

Sehun watched as Tao moved back to close the door with a short, sharp thud, and then stood uneasily in the entrance. It had become apparent to Sehun that the Chinese student trusted him about as far as he could throw him. And usually, Sehun would have relished in making a good game of scaring the other male with various comments from how they were both criminals now to did Zitao mind if they shared a cell later on. But between the painful climb of the stairs and the frustration that came with communicating, Sehun dug out his phone instead.

When the voice came through the other end after a couple rings, Sehun sighed.

"Ahdul, tell Tao why we're in your apartment for today, he doesn't trust me," Sehun stated into the phone before he held it out. "Luhan-hyung." 

Once Tao's eyes fell on the held out phone, Sehun shook it.

"Take it," Sehun quickly added in uneven Chinese. "For you."

Zitao moved forward, taking the phone and placing it to his ear with a curious perk of his eyebrows. 

"Hello?"

There was excited voices in the background, and loud noises that sounded like screaming. 

"Sehun? Zitao?" Lu Han's questioning came over the background. "Who am I talking to?"

"Huang Zitao," the awkward use of his full name caused embarrassment to make it to Tao's senses.

"Ah, Tao," there was a sudden shift from Korean to Chinese as Lu Han continued. "Sehunnie said you didn't trust him. But you're at my apartment, aren't you? You got there fine, right?"

Slowly Zitao glanced around and nodded--Lu Han's apartment. "He didn't tell me anything. He just woke me up this morning and said to come. He--"

"Sehunnie's like that. But he'd never do anything to put you in danger or get in trouble," Lu Han spoke sincerely before he sounded like he was telling someone off on the other end. "But Zitao, Sehunnie and you are going to babysit the kittens. Sehunnie loves kittens. He named one Tao, after you. So don't think badly of him too much. He's only rough on the outside. I have to go. Ya, Yixing, wait a second. We'll be home later. Have fun. Ya, Xing Xing!"

The phone was hung up, and Tao furrowed his brow. What was he supposed to do with that? The phone was taken from his ear, before he looked around the apartment again. Lu Han's apartment. His eyes ran over the few pieces of clothing hung over the couch, and the Chinese-Korean books that were open over the coffee table. The pad of sticky-notes in bright colours. There was a decent television, and a gaming console. It was strange to be in a person's apartment without them there. Especially for the first time.

"Tao?" Sehun called the other name, his hand outstretched.

There was another few seconds before Zitao's eyes finally landed on Sehun who was waiting to get his phone back.

"Kittens?" Zitao questioned before he handed over the phone. "Where?"

"Bedroom. First door," Sehun answered, putting the phone next to him on the couch, before he pointed in the direction of Lu Han's bedroom. 

Zitao nodded as he turned his attention to where Sehun pointed, and unsurely began to move further into the apartment. He could trust Lu Han. Although, Tao couldn't exactly explain why he chose to trust Lu Han who he'd met twice, over Sehun who he'd known since he arrived in Korea. Perhaps it was because Lu Han and Zitao could communicate freely, and it left no room for misinterpretation, or trickery. Lu Han said they were babysitting kittens, that it was his apartment, that Sehun wasn't as bad as Tao thought--the latter was harder to believe, but belief required some faith. 

Maybe Sehun wasn't as bad as Tao imagined him to be. Sehun actually hadn't done one thing out of pure malice to him. The dinner date, had been a dinner date. The apartment had not been haunted and they had been invited in. Sehun had met him at the end of all his classes, and made sure he had someone to eat with. Even when Sehun was mad or frustrated, and even when Zitao had accidently injured him, Sehun hadn't done anything particularly cruel or mean.

Could the feeling of distrust be misguided?

Tao shook his head as he came to the first door, and found himself staring at a sticky-note. It had Korean and Chinese written on it; words neatly stacked in ink.

"Lulu's bedroom door," Zitao read it to himself, before he looked down the handle. It must have been the right one.

He pushed it open, and found the room was darkened, the curtains firmly shut. There was time lost fumbling around for the light switch, before everything came into sight. The room was cleaner than Sehun's, but there were still clothes hung over furniture and on the floor. There was a desk with a computer, and books over the surfaces, by the bed, in shelves. But what caught Zitao's eyes most was the one queen-sized bed and the kittens curled up in the unmade blankets. Two small gray bundles whose eyes were unwillingly opening and glaring at him as they did.

When movement caught the corner of Zitao's eyes, he turned his head just as Sehun leaned his weight into him and a bright smile came to his face.

"Cute," Sehun's voice was full of excitement. "Minnie, Tao!"

There was new energy in Sehun as he slipped past Zitao, and soon was on his knees at the side of the bed. Zitao watched as the blonde male immediately began patting the kitten's, and talking to them in childish tone. But it was as Zitao stood there, he realized that one of the kittens was called Tao. Lu Han had said Sehun named one of the kittens after him. This piece of information had taken it's time to sink in. Why had Sehun done that?

"Tao?" Zitao questioned his own name, and he got no reaction from Sehun.

He wanted to be angry about it, but instead Zitao found himself embarrassed and flustered. He found himself happy about it, and that was the worst of the three states. Sehun had thought of him. Had used his name. Had done it willingly. This all wrapped up Zitao into an agitated state, because he didn't want to feel that happy about it. Or embarrassed, or flustered. He wanted to be unaffected. 

Sehun the head of Min, the kitten that was actually happy to see him. Kitten Tao had reacted to him with disinterest and curled up asleep again. It was fitting. Carefully Sehun lifted up Min, cuddling her to his chest as he stood up and turned to see the expression on Zitao's face. It was a face Sehun saw often, and had secretly named the, 'something-is-bothering-me-but-I'm-not-going-to-say-and-instead-be-grumpy' face. That was one of the first faces that Sehun was able to decode, and only because it had slowly become the most obvious and regularly used expressions of Zitaos. 

"What's wrong?" 

Not once had Sehun asked what was wrong, so he didn't quite know what compelled him to ask.

The expectation of an answer was low, but still, it bothered Sehun when Zitao gave him a look of exasperation and then left. It might have been because Sehun felt he owned that look in their friendship; Zitao was far more of an illogical nuisance than Sehun could admit he was. Sehun placed the kitten back down on the bed, rubbing his sore side as he moved to follow the disgruntled Chinese student. Part of him was worried Zitao would leave completely--but he managed to find him in the kitchen, the backpack he'd had on, ped on the table as he began to take out the food. Sehun's mother had asked them to make sure Lu Han got it.

There was an uneasy moment, where Sehun contemplated trying to ask what was going on, but there were only so many rooms in the apartment where Zitao could run too. Sehun picked at the corner of the wood of the doorway, his fingers curled over it as he tried to pretend he didn't notice Zitao's mood.

When he started to do some damage to the door's frame, Sehun exhaled deeply and shrugged; glancing at Zitao to see the other had finished putting the containers in the refrigerator.

"Did you want to play a game?" Sehun drew out the words in an immature tone.

Zitao paused as he looked up at Sehun; the blonde boy's head was lowered, his shoulders were slumped, and he was focused solely on what he was picking at with his fingers. He'd seen Sehun talk like that with his mother, and on the phone with Lu Han. It was the voice he used when he wanted something, and he did seem to find success. Zitao had wondered how it worked, every time he saw it--and now, he understood. The word 'no' was physically impossible to say when every inch of his body squirmed with a mix of amusement and delight, dashed with sudden anxiety to make Sehun smile.

This was why his life was slowly becoming exasperating; he was fighting against himself.

- - - 

"Ya, ya, ya! Click the button!" Sehun's voice was urgent next to him, and Zitao felt pressured.

He was never good at games that involved any form of skill. And after Sehun had died earlier, it was left up to Zitao to save the day. His screen was flashing red, his controller was vibrating, and about the only thing he understood in the screen he was supposed to be playing in was that he was meant to do something of importance. There was a disgruntled noise next to him, and Zitao soon found Sehun's hand on his. The paler skin compared to his own, the fingers held over his and pushing the buttons on the controller. 

There was the forceful push of a button and Sehun's words landed on Zitao's shoulder.

"This one!"

Zitao glanced down at Sehun's second hand, which made an elbow awkwardly positioned into Zitao's chest.

"And then you have to--"

Sehun didn't finish the words, instead a noise was exhaled from his lips, and Zitao's gaze up to realize that Sehun was too close. He was close enough that Zitao could see his eyes flicker from the controller, to the screen, and back again. He was close enough that Zitao could see his teeth pull at the inside of his lip, and his jaw clench when he concentrated. He was close enough that Zitao could kiss him with little effort. A couple inches and a tilt of his head, and he would have Sehun's lips on his own.

It was when the other suddenly let go of the controller and turned his head, letting out a agitated hiss of Korean that Zitao flinched. He lowered his head, pulling away from Sehun and in the process, managing to connect his elbow to something soft and warm.

"Aish, watch what you're doing," Sehun snapped, his body filled with the pain that came when Zitao hit his sore side. "You already put me in plenty of pain, you don't have redo the job!"

When Zitao was suddenly on his feet, Sehun was surprised. Usually the other would have rattled apologies and been burdensome to the point of annoyance. But instead, he was on his feet and he was walking away. 

"Ya, Zitao! What are you doing?" Sehun called out after the other, but there was no response. He didn't even hear any doors close either. "This is worse than when you needlessly strip me."

With one hand over his aching side, Sehun climbed onto his own feet.

"Ya, Tao!"

The bedroom was checked first, Min was on the floor chasing something, and Tao was asleep on the bed still. Sehun glanced around slowly, but there was no sign of Zitao. The sound of a tap being turned and running water led Sehun to the bathroom, where he found Zitao washing his face with wet hands.

"Zitao, you don't just injure someone and walk away," Sehun snapped as he moved his fingers in circles over the pain that was still throbbing.

There was no response from Zitao. Was he pretending to not understand Korean again? Sehun let out an annoyed breath and moved forward enough to curled his fingers on Zitao's shirt. Zitao's eyes connected with his then, as if he'd only just realized that Sehun was there.

"Tao, you don't do that," Sehun repeated with less words, and more agitation. 

When the flood of Chinese rolled over Sehun's senses, he was startled. Zitao's tone was filled with an odd mix of emotions, it felt like he was angry, but then, it felt like that anger was more frustration, but it seemed empty underneath. If Sehun could understand what Zitao was saying, he would have felt better about the way Zitao's eyes landed on him, then moved away and the constant shake in his head. Sehun was filled with an overwhelming amount of loss and confusion.

"Tao, I don't understand. Talk to me in Korean."

Sehun noticed Zitao paused and his eyes flickered a little.

"Call Lu Han."

- - -

Sehun didn't quite know why he was doing what Zitao ordered. Or why he was sitting on Lu Han's bedroom floor playing with Min and Tao. It wasn't like he could understand Chinese enough to know what they were talking about, but Zitao had insisted once he was on the phone with Lu Han. There was a part of Sehun that was worried. As much as Zitao annoyed him, and made a mess of things, and had a personality of a prickly cactus, Sehun didn't particularly want to cause any harm. Actually, over the last couple days, Zitao had become someone Sehun had needed. Zitao helped him carry his bag, and when he was in pain, Zitao got the medicine or the ice pack. And not once had Sehun had to verbally ask for help, nor had Zitao given him a look of pity. Zitao did what he had to do without a word, and Sehun had slowly warmed up to that part. 

The last thing Sehun liked to do was admit he needed help, and the last look he wanted to receive was pity or sympathy. 

So the emotions in Zitao's voice in the bathroom made Sehun give in some of his stubbornness.

"It can't be that bad, can it?" Sehun asked the kitten that was attempting to claw at his hand as he held it out of reach. "I only told him to click buttons, and I only woke him up to come here, and I didn't do anything that bad."

Min and Tao's only response was to change their target to his other hand, and Sehun soon held both of them up above his head to save them from being caught.

"You guys are worse than I am," Sehun told the two kittens who were still eyeing his hands. 

The bedroom doorway was soon filled with a figure, and Sehun looked up from the kittens to Zitao. He seemed to have cooled off and was more calm than he was before. And Sehun saw the phone get held out to him.

"Lu Han," Zitao said the name, and Sehun was quick to take the phone.

"Lu Han-hyung, what's going on?" Sehun questioned without hesitation, and lowered his gaze just in time to stop a kitten from clawing through his jeans. He mouthed, 'don't' at the kitten, before he focused on Lu Han's voice.

"Zitao wanted me to tell you what's going on because he doesn't want to be misunderstood. He's really worried about being misunderstood and I'm passing that along to you, okay?" Lu Han seemed to hesitate and choose his words before he continued. "Remember your secret. The one you told me when you ran away from home and stayed at my place for three weeks? You said that I wasn't allowed to misunderstand, or get awkward, or stop being your friend, or tell anyone else, or you'd make me pay. Do you remember that secret?"

Sehun's eyes flickered up to Zitao who still stood in the doorway. "I remember, Ahdul."

"Sehunnie, I'm not bringing it up because I want to. I want you to understand Zitao. He's secret is the same. He's the same. And he didn't want to tell you for the same reasons you didn't want to tell me," Lu Han used the tone he always used when he was comforting someone, and Sehun lowered his gaze to the floor. "He wants you to know that. And I didn't tell him about you."

"Lu Han--"

"Sehun, you should tell Zitao. You two don't get along well, this could help," Lu Han cut Sehun off, and Sehun dropped his hand on kitten Tao's head.

That was true. They didn't get along. Zitao didn't trust him, and he didn't understand Zitao.

"But Lu Han--"

"Sehunnie, I won't make you and I won't tell him unless you want to," there was talking on the other end and Lu Han breathed heavily. "And I'm sorry, I have to go."

"Lu Han, he won't understand. He doesn't speak Korean," Sehun protested before Lu Han hung up.

"Send me a message with what you want to say, and I'll translate it and send it back. Okay? Okay. I really have to go. Or I'm going to lose Yixing," Lu Han's voice suddenly sounded urgent. "Okay, Sehunnie?"

Sehun nodded. "Okay."

The phone was hung up, and Sehun looked up at Zitao who seemed to be waiting for a response. Sehun didn't quite know what he was going to do. He didn't know if he wanted to tell Zitao. He'd only told Lu Han. There was no one else who knew. Not Sehun's parents, not his other friends. He much preferred his life to lack complications, and he felt that the truth would complicate the unnecessary. And he was scared, but it was much easier to pretend he wasn't.

There was shared anxious looks before Sehun in a shallow breath, he felt lightheaded at the thought of telling someone else. He'd felt lightheaded the first time.

"Wait," Sehun said to Zitao, before he lifted up his phone and began typing.

Sehun paused in front of Lu Han, he had his hands clenched at his sides and he waited for Lu Han to look up from his engineering book. The older Chinese male was seated on the couch in his apartment, and was reading the book in a casual, half-hearted fashion. When Lu Han finally raised his head, and looked up, Sehun exhaled deeply. He'd been staying in Lu Han's apartment for three weeks already, and Lu Han hadn't asked why once. He'd just let him in and made him up a space to sleep.

"Lu Han-hyung," Sehun faltered when he heard his own voice.

"Hyung?" Lu Han questioned the word with an odd expression of amusement.

"Ahdul, you can't misunderstand me. You can't become awkward around me, or ignore me. You can't stop talking to me or tell anyone else. You're not allowed to not be my friend anymore, and you're not allowed to tell anyone else. You can't because I said so," Sehun used the speech he'd practiced in his head a thousand times and he noticed Lu Han get confused.

"What? Sehunnie, what are you talking about?" Lu Han straightened his body up and concern flashed in his expression.

"I like boys. And I like girls. And I don't like you, so don't think this is what this is at all. Because it's not. I like someone else and it's not you. But you let me stay here, and you never asked why, and everyone else did. Everyone else wants me to talk and I don't want to tell them because... I just don't," Sehun felt the words tangle into one another; one sentence becoming another, like he couldn't stop talking. "And you have that friend, and you accepted him, and are still his friend. You're still my friend too. Okay? We're still friends and you can't tell anyone."

"Is it Donghae-hyung?"

Sehun faltered once more, and his eyes flickered. "What?"

"The boy you like, is it Donghae-hyung? Is it because he's moving away? Donghae-hyung told us three weeks ago that he was moving away so he can do his residency. And you've been here since then," Lu Han questioned the other. "He's been calling me because you're avoiding him."

There was no answer, and Lu Han closed the book in his hands.

"So you like girls and boys? Both? I guess, at least the girls won't all faint if they ever found out," Lu Han joked lightly and offered his friend a smile.