Chapter 4

As the bus chugged away with a puff of smoke escaping out of the exhaust pipe, I watched out of the clear window at a stunned face. It may have been an attractive face but I am not that easy. Slowly laying my head against the glass, the fatigue was building up inside me. Guessing the reason for that fatigue was the day’s never-ending problems.

 It was like I was a magnet and that I could simply attract any kind of problematic event so that it will evade the people around me.

I guess that it has its ups as well as downs. Because with the on-going events the peers around me have learnt that it is best to leave me alone, because I am a whole load of unwanted baggage.

I arrived at the restaurant around about 10 minutes later, I was now worried about being fired because I was more than 45 minutes late. But thinking about it, it doesn’t seem like such a bad thing. A part-time job as a dish washer. I could get a job doing anything that doesn’t require an overuse of social contact.

All I needed was something that could provide myself with a sustainable amount of money so I could survive in this cruel world.  How did we even get here, how did any of this happen? My number one wish would be that everything had an answer and that each individual could understand in their own way. I’m sick of people explaining everything with their own opinion.

I walked through the staff room doors to pull out my plastic apron that supposedly meant to stop the water from splashing back onto your clothes. Another thing to add to the list of things that don’t do what I want them to do when it comes to my life.

Just as I was finished I heard the creaking of the door hinges so I was aware that someone had entered.

“Sulli-ah, we can’t keep you hear. You are so hard to communicate with and no one knows what to do about it. We all really would like to help you but there is absolutely nothing we can do. You need to sort yourself out and find a way to come out of your shell if you are ever going to like in this world. We have to find someone who we can all work with and we can communicate with. I am sorry about this but we are letting you go.”

I heard those words come out of the team leader’s mouth while my back was still facing her. I stood absolutely still and let everything she had said sink in. Once I understood I slowly yet cautiously removed the apron. Reached down and grabbed my bag and walked out with my head held high. When really I was trying my hardest not to break down right in the middle of the street.

I made my way home and unlocked the door while switching on the lights. I can’t be in the dark, if I am, I see things. Things that I don’t understand and scare me till I scream.

I slide through the door and as soon and as I reach the inside of my apartment, I fall. Sliding to sit against the wall I lose all the protection I had to keep up in front of the public. I let everything hit me like a cannon ball. Every problem, everything that was said in that day were my cannon ball and with a slow pace, it worked its way towards my heart, and the impact hurt.

I could feel the teardrops trickling down my cheeks and dropping off of my chin. I also knew the tears were my way of processing all of it.

Today had been too much for me to handle, and I knew that if I sleep tonight that I would see those same dark images flash behind my closed eyelids. There was no winning in my situation. My only option would be to drink excessive amounts of caffeinated drinks to prolong my drooping eyelids.

For weeks this went on, the awkward social encounters, hard times finding a job and the suffering, but as the time went on the suffering died down and I could get some sleep at nights. Not as much as I would have liked, but enough for my mental state and body to get used to.

The only thing that didn’t go away was Minho’s face. It was like it had been burned into my mind and would be there forever. Although we didn’t speak and I still ignore him and refuse to let him know my name, he still seems to be there.

I didn’t know what was going on. Why was this happening now? Why to me? I still had no ‘friends’ but I had one acquaintance; it was Krystal from that horrible first day.

We did not talk. There was no verbal contact and Krystal had realised that I wouldn’t talk to her but every lecture we had together she was the only person kind enough to sit next to me and make it seem like I wasn’t such a loner.

I respected her and I guess in a way she respected me. That was the highlight of my days at Seoul University. The worst days at Seoul University were the ones where instead of just seeing Minho’s face in my mind I would see it right in front of me, in the hallway, outside a door, or walking past. It made it difficult to concentrate and without concentrating my grades were dropping.

I needed to pull myself together, and I was going to.

I arrived at school one morning and was going to head to the library and it seemed like majority of the freshman were talking about something, and it wasn’t just a few people it was every freshman I saw who was talking about it. To see what was going on I leaned in so that I could ‘accidentally’ overhear whatever was so important.

What I heard, I strangely didn’t like, and it made me feel like everything was going to go downhill again and I would relapse into my previous state. So with belief I thought that it couldn’t be true. That was when I was proved wrong. Coming in through the main entrance, holding hands. There they were. It was Minho and Krystal. 

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Hello Readers,

Sorry I was gone for a day, it was a massivley long day yesterday and I was just so exhausted. But that exhaustion gave me time to think about this chapter. It is the weekend. Yay. Not really I have to start thinking about assignment ideas and coming up with plans so that I can pass. I also need to get fit o_o Does anyone have any advice for me. Thanks for listening to my random babbling and a MASSIVE thank-you for suscribing and reading!

~SuperGenerati0n~