- when things get a little bit too much -

Seunghyun lit a cigarette. It was his fourth stick already for the evening, and despite how willing he was to rid of this deadly vice he can’t just seem to stop. And the slow descending sun in the horizon was doing nothing to help his mood. No one can blame him, though.

Twelve hours. That was how long the surgery took before the little girl’s heart finally gave up. Twelve ing hours, just to see the little girl wheeled back to her room, lifeless.

But it took only seconds for Seunghyun to break her family’s hearts. A few seconds of uttering the words, “Sorry for your loss” and “There was nothing else we could do.”  A few seconds before the mother breaks down and cries while the father stares at nothing, different reactions yet both equally as painful.

This was one of the things that separates this profession from the others. Once life has been taken, it cannot be taken back. But what mystery was that, people were expected to move on. Leave it all behind the walls of the hospital, people were expected to go home and back to work the next day.

But it was never easy for Seunghyun, being the head surgeon and all.

He was the captain of the ship. He led the operation and failed to do so in the end. The ship sunk and the treasure that they were supposed to protect sunk along with it. But what did his fellow mates do? They clapped him in the back and told him it was okay, that they did everything they could, that it was fine.

It was never fine.

Small, slim arms wrapped themselves tightly around Seunghyun’s body and a warm source of heat planted itself behind his back.

“Bad day at work, I guess?” Jiyong said gently as he could. There was a softness in his voice that made miracles for Seunghyun, it said things more than the actual words it conveyed. Like it was saying I understand you being like this and it’s okay.

Seunghyun flicked what was left of his cigarette and crumbled it on the ashtray. He breathed in a shaky breathe and leaned back towards Jiyong’s warmth like his life depended on it. Without his scrub suit on, Seunghyun was just a regular vulnerable guy and Jiyong knew that.

“Yeah, a little girl died today at the table. Everything was going fine. But then-“ Seunghyun closed his eyes, and images of what happened came right at him in an instance. The sudden hectic beeping of the monitors, the drastic increase in vital signs, the distress look of the trainees and nurses.

Jiyong held him a little tighter and Seunghyun felt the tears before he knew he was crying.

“Everything happened so fast, and we couldn’t find the source of the bleeding. And then she-“ Seunghyun shook his head, his mouth went dry and he felt a lump stuck in his throat. More tears followed after until Jiyong carefully turned him around to wipe the tears off his face with his thumb as he held his face.

Despite the whole avalanche of sad emotions, Seunghyun smiled, it was little but it was still a smile.

“I’m glad I’m not alone.” He whispered out. His head wanting to say more, he wanted to confess to Jiyong that he wouldn’t know what to do without him there. This was the worst death he had witnessed in the operating room and he was just glad Jiyong was there. Glad that he wouldn’t have to go home after that ordeal to an empty cold house but instead to a house filled with warmth and love.

But his mouth decided to clam up and let Jiyong decide what to do next. A gentler smile formed from Jiyong’s face.

“Come on, let’s go inside. We can cuddle up on the couch and watch those cooking shows that you secretly love.” Jiyong said smiling, eyes full of understanding and so much more.

Seunghyun could only mutter a little laugh. “You know me too well, don’t you?”

A skeptic look washed on Jiyong’s face as if mocking him as if saying You just realized it now? Then Seunghyun laughed some more, finally nodding his head as Jiyong pulled him towards the inside of their house.

Even people like Seunghyun need their happy pill from time to time. Good thing he has one that’ll last ‘till the end of time.