The Program | YifanForever

Title (2/5)

The title is pretty dull and simple. You can try adding in an adjective to bring some color to your title.

Appearance (3/5)

The poster and the background gives off a sort of ominous feeling and this can draw in readers so nice job on that.

Description/Foreword (11/15)

Good job with the description! Readers can know the background of the story and bring some anticipation.

I would revise:

Reveille, as she will be hereby known as, is a scientist, assigned to monitor Subject 607, also known as Earthshaker.

to

Reveille, a scientist, is assigned to monitor Subject 607, or Earthshaker.

You put in unnecessary words, making the sentence lengthy and it can slightly bore readers. Taking out the unnecessary words can deliver a punch to the sentence. I also advise to keep your writing in present tense since I do not think you want your readers to believe that the story is happening in the past.

I would also revise:

Especially when the situation involves a certain blonde haired man known as Mistbringer.

Again, the sentence is lengthy.

Especially when the situation involves Mistbringer.

The revised sentence can spark some questions (e.g. "Who is the Mistbringer?", "Is he a human?") among readers and that will make them go and read your story.

Going on to the foreword, you just need to revise "The subjects have been put into a maze" to "The subjects are put into a maze" to keep the present tense and "Until it comes, endangering them all" to "The threat will endanger them all" since there was no subject in the first sentence.

What you have written in the description and foreword is well-done! You just have to fix your grammar and keep writing in present tense.

Plot (17/25)

There are not many sci-fi stories out there and I am glad to see that you are taking a different road with your story. The setting is also intriguing where everyone is in this mysterious lab and the "Subjects" are in an oppressed facility with cold-hearted people watching over them.

But, I am not sure what the main plot is. Is the story about the Subjects with a love story on the side or vice versa? The story is not fully developed yet so I can not judge what the plot will be, but make sure to make the plot line clear to the readers.

Characters (13/15)

There are many stories with EXO having superpowers based off from one of their music videos and I see you do the same, but I think you gave each of the EXO characters a different power–I am not entirely sure–but, if you did, it was a nice try to make the characters your own.

Reveille is an interesting character where she has a task of observing the Subjects, but also has some sympathy in her which is a nice touch since that sympathy eventually leads to building a relationship with the Subjects.

The Teen Tops characters are a good addition to the story to show how cruel and corrupted the Lab/the Program is and to show that Reveille is a good person.

Writing (Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation) (13/20)

Great job with the hook in the first chapter!

Chapter 1

The man sitting next to me, coughed, as he inhaled the last bit of tobacco.

The man sitting next to me coughed as he inhaled the last bit of tobacco.

"You're on the road to a certain death if you keep up that habit." I commented.

"You're on the road to certain death if you continue that habit," I commented.