Author: Dhaniwoonie

Story Title: When You`re Too In Love To Let Go

Genre: Romance

Title: 5/5

I really liked your title. It`s rare that I find a title cute, but this one was one of them. It gave me the chills in a good way though, thinking how much the main roles actually love each other to not let go.

Description/Foreword: 5/10

The foreword could have been much shorter as you give too much unnecessary information about the story. Such as Jungkook`s member showing him support but then end up telling him to break up, having that part in the foreword wasn`t important. That`s information the readers can get on their own by reading the fic. Your foreword could have been;

‘Jungkook, the member of the new rookie group called Bangtan Boys is in a relationship, but it seems like after their debut the relationship goes downhill. They fight all of the time to the point where they hurt each other. The question is; is it possible to let go of the person you love so deeply?’

In this foreword there is no unnecessary information given but still it crosses the same message as your foreword. Try being better at thinking what`s important to tell and not to tell in your foreword next time.

Plot/Flow: 25/40

The plot isn`t rare to find here at AFF, and you didn`t do anything to make it different either. The idol, which is in your fic Jungkook is being accused of his girlfriend, Kyumi about various of things. Which is usual because the person who isn`t an idol always plays the jealous role in these stories. The pace of the story was way too fast and the chapters were too short. You could have filled them up more by putting in more of Kyumi`s POV. For example after they had fought on the phone and after Jungkook getting advice from his friends you could have changed the POV and let us know Kyumi`s side of story. How is she doing after arguing with her boyfriend and what does she say to her friends. The ending of this story was also quite predictable.

Language: 14/20

Your sentences aren`t bad at all, and you have some slightly errors here and there. But you can see clearly that it`s because of typing too fast or not checking on your chapter twice after updating it. But if there is one huge error it`s the letter Kyumi gives to Jungkook. At some places in the letter it`s supposed to stand in the past tense and not present, as what she`s explaining to him has already happened. Let me give an example:

Original: “After dinner all of us head home…”

Revised: “After dinner all of us headed home…”

The reason why this should be written in the past tense is because it has already happened, she`s not experiencing this right now.

Original: “We arrived at my house and I thank him. I was about to enter my house when he stops me and said he needs to tell me something”

Revised: “We arrived at my house and I thanked him. I was about to enter my house when he stopped me and said he needed to tell me something”

Still past tense.

Characters: 15/20

I really liked how you managed to make different personalities for the BTS members; Jin being the calm one, Suga the loud one and Jimin the laid back. Throughout the fic you kept their personalities and I really liked that. As for the main girl I didn`t seem to connect with her as you used too much time writing about the boys POV instead of hers and her friends.

Overall Enjoyment: 5/5

There are some errors in a couple of things in your fic, but I liked reading your fic anyways; because for some reason I have always had a thing for cliché stories.

Score: 69/100

*My Note: If you fix the errors I found, this fic can be an incredible one. Just because this story is a common one which you can find anywhere here at AFF doesn`t mean that it can`t be a good one. It`s all up to you how you display it.

Remember to credit this shop!

Thank you so much, JunhyungLuv for the review.