"My tears may come down not because I am weak

but because how grateful I am to God for letting me meet you

Or else I wouldn't have grown so couragous

Now I promise to you and I can swear to you

That for you I will learn to love myself more

And learn to become a better me that you are proud of

A better me that deserves your love."

Fiona Sit -'better me'

(omg seriously this song really gives me feels for my 2shin especially since donghos departure)

DONGHOS POV

     Several months passed and we became busy but Soohyun still found time for me. Though I saw him little and little as the time passed we were still happy. We even became more comfortable with ourselves around the rest of the members. Of course they gave us a hard at first but then I guess they got bored because the jokes stopped. We were lucky to have such understanding friends. I notice the light glinting off my ring Soohyun had given me several months earlier and I smile. But I am also sad. I touch the band twisting it around my finger.

     Just then my phone buzz's I don't even have to look, I know who it is. I know I've had so long to tell him but everytime he smiles at me or holds me it makes it that much more hard to tell him. I know he won't hate me or be mad at me but I know he will be sad. Just then there is a knock at my door. I turn my head to see him smiling back at me. "Everything ok Dongho-ah?" He asks as he makes his way to me and holding me by my waist. I nod my head yes and weakly smile at him. "Are you not feeling well, are you tired?" He asks placing his hand on my forehead.

     Lately I have been tired, and lately I have been in less than better health but still I try to lie to keep him from worrying. "I'm fine really hyung!" I push his hand away to make room for me to put my arms around his neck. He squeezes me back. "Mianhe, I can't help but think that its my fault since you know we did..."that" the other night. My cheeks catch fire from the embarressing memory of our first time. "Hyung! Don't talk about "it" like that!" He laughs at me and kisses me on my forehead. "I'm fine really."

     Truthfully He isn't the problem. The problem is our fame. Between being an idol and trying to keep my happiness with Soohyun a secret I've grown so weak and tired from it. The constant anxiety of someone finding out and trying to be perfect in the eyes of everyone has become too much for me to handle. I don't want this anymore. I wan't Soohyun but I know I will never get better if I stay here."Dongho-yah your phone is ringing." He says breaking me out of my thoughts. I scramble to my phone and answer it quickly, "Ah-sorry-I was....but...yes-yes...no...I will but-I..fine..." I hang up the phone and Soohyun is sitting on the bed waiting patiently. I think to myself is right now the right time?

SOOHYUNS POV

    Lately when Dongho get's off the phone with whoever he's talking to he doesn't look too happy. I ask him what is wrong but he tells me it is nothing. It's always "nothing" or "I'm fine" so I just gave up asking. He will tell me when he is ready. I lean back on our shared bed and motion for him to come sit next to me. He follows and I pull him down holding him tightly to me. He struggles to get out of my grip but then quickly gives up. "Hyung..." He protests and I roll us over so that I am now on top of him.

     He looks up at me half frowning half smiling. "You know what will happen next if you don't cheer up." I threaten him while smiling down at him. "Just let me pout hyung!" He says. "I warned you!" I say and start to tickle him until he is in a coughing fit. "Had enough?" I ask. Just then he grabs me quickly around my neck pulling close to his face, "It's never enough." He says and gives me an open mouth kiss.

     We slowly lower down while still kissing only pausing for a brief second for air and then we continue for what seems like eternity but is really just minutes. His cheeks are already flushed, hairline damp with little beads of sweat, and out of breath. He is so tempting but with his health currently I fight back with all my strength to controll myself. "Hyung..."He whispers, "Love me..."He whispers again pulling me down for another long kiss. Whatever self controll I had earlier it was gone. I simply can't deny him anything.

Several hours later...

     We layed in bed until it was time for dinner. His eyes were closed but he wasn't sleeping just resting calmly in my arms. I played with his hair moving it away from his eyes and carressing his face. I want to do this forever, being Donghos, more than I want to be Soohyun the leader of U-KISS. He moved within my grasp and looked up at me, "Are you ready to go?" He asks. "Are you?" He smiles, "I'm hungry lets go." He gets up and heads to the kitchen without me. He seems to be in a better mood but with Dongho I just never know anymore. I too then get up.

     Everyone was sitting around eating, Hoon and Eli laughing about something while an irritated Kevin reached across Hoon to hit Eli. Dongho was quiet just watching everyone and eating. Jaesop and Kiseop were strangely quiet too. Lately there has been a weird tension around them that I couldn't quite seem to figure out. They didn't fight or do anything bad that I know of but no one seemed to know what was up with those two. "Hey is everything ok between you two?" I asked blatantly.

     Both looked up with wide eyes. "Nothing, it's nothing!" They both shouted in unison which made it even more suspicious. "Did you guys go out and do something am I going to find out about it online or in a paper?" I continued. Just then Kiseop stands up quickly slamming his hands on the table and shouted, "JAESEOP AND I ARE NOT SLEEPING TOGETHER!" And then runs quickly to his room slamming the door behind him. By the looks of everyones faces we were all shocked by Kiseops less than convincing statement.

     AJ was left in shock he just bowed and follwed after Kiseop dispite Eli's and Kevin's millions of questions. Hoon looks at me shocked and I look to Dongho. "What you guys didn't know? It was only obvious." He scoffs and continues eating. "How did you know?" I ask wanting to know everything he knew. "Because the way AJ looks at Kiseop is the same way I looked at you when I was unsure of my feelings." He says while still eating. Everyone "awes" and I try to hush them as I blush. When he says it so cooly like that I forget that he is much younger than me and I blush again. "Oh by the way" I start to tell the rest of the members, "Manager wants to meet with us tomorrow he says there is something important he wants to discuss with us before schedules."

DONGHOS POV

     My blood freezes at Soohyun hyungs last statement. I know well what this meeting is for. I knew this would happen sooner or later but no matter what I will never be prepared for tomorrow. Suddenly I have lost my appetite and quickly excuse myself. As I go to my room I can hear 2seop in theirs. Kiseop is crying about something and I hear Jaeseop trying to console him but that is another story. I go to my room and Soohyun follows behind me. I didn't even notice he had left with me. "Hey what is wrong?" He asks worridly. I try not to cry but my eyes betray me. "I'm just tired." Is all I can say to him and he picks me up carrying me to our bed. Not asking me any further questions. We fall asleep just like this.

     My eyes are sore the next morning but I try not to concentrate on that but instead on what I'm going to tell Soohyun. I can't let him be completely in the dark. I need to have some reasurence that it's not going to turn bad. He comes out of the shower and my mind goes blank. All the rehearsing I did was for nothing because seeing him right now and imaging what he will be finding out soon is enough to make my stomach turn like I'm on stage. He smiles at me, "See something you like?" He says in a cocky manner.

     Any other day I would have some kind of response but today isn't the same. "Soohyun we need to talk." I say to him with no enthusiasm. "Ok what about?" He sits on the bed beside me. "Would you support me if I wanted to do soemthing else with my life?" I blurted out. "Yes of course, I'll support any decision you make in life as long as it's a healthy one. You know that." He says reasuringly. I nod my head in agreement and lean into him for comfort. "I know." I say to him.

      Everyone's ready so we head to our managers office. All the while everyone is laughing, joking, and gossiping they have no idea what is going to happen today. I sink into my seat. I should have sat with them and talked about it. I should have dropped hints at least too Soohyun but I was too weak. I love my hyungs but I just couldn't say this to them. Manager told me to not worry that he would explain everything I trust him to drop it on them easy but I still feel like it should have been me to do this. Soohyun is the first to notice my strange behavior. "You ok?" He asks and I tell him that I am just nervous about today. I know it's to late to start dropping hints but I thought I might as well. "Don't be nervous it's not like any of us are getting kicked out or something." He jokes to me and I just bury my face into his arm.

     The car stops at it's intended destination and we quickly scatter out of the van. I look up to the building and shiver. The time has finally arrived. I squeeze Soohyuns hand and I can feel his gaze fall on me. I try to gain strength in his presence as I always have, remembering what he had said to me earlier. Our manager is waiting for us inside and we all sit around everyone is looking anxious. I take my seat next to manager and the members kind of look at me funny. He starts by saying good morning and he then starts to speak formally. I hear him say "This may come as a shock to you guys but we have decided that it is in Dongho's best interest..." The rest I don't hear my ears are ringing as if a grenade had went off. I slowly look up and just realize they are talking to me all except Soohyun.

    He looks pale and confused but no sound is coming from him. No questions he doesn't even look at me. "You do understand you will have more responsibility now that Dongho is no longer a part of the group, right Soohyun?" The manager says to him. "What...oh, yes." He says to the manager. I hear only little peices of what my hyungs are saying to me, mostly just 'we will miss you', 'get healthy', etc. I try to answer them as best as possible but I think they understand that I am mostly concerned for Soohyun because they look knowingly at me and then too Soohyun who still hasn't acknowledged me.

     "Soohyun aren't you going to give your best wishes to Dongho-yah?" Kevin is the first to speak up. "Ah... yeah. I support any decision you decide on remember? Take care of yourself first." He says to me and smiles weakly. I have a feeling in my gut that part of him doesn't mean it the stubborn part that doesn't want me to go. "You still need to prepare for your last public appearance so you have to go to schedules too Dongho." The manager says to me. I nod and look at everyone. Hoon comes over and pats me on the head, "Lets make this a great last performance." He smiles at me and pulls me and Soohyun into a group hug.

SOOHYUNS POV

     We are finally home. All through out practive my mind was in another place so I left Hoon in charge and followed his lead. Dongho tried talking to me the whole time but I managed to blow him off in some way. I know I promised him that I would be ok with anything  he decides but I still wasn't ready for this. We get out of the van and I go straight for our room I know he will follow me and demand that we talk about this. I don't want to but I know I must. As I make my way to my room I can hear the concerned whispers of my friends but I continue on, I jsut don't feel like talking to anyone right now. I am just waiting for Dongho now to come into the room and confirm what I've been feeling all day.

     He enters the room a few minutes after me, I see he feels just as horrible as me and I feel guilty. "Dongho-yah I'm fine just give me some time." I say to him bluntly. "But hyung don't you have questions for me, don't you want to get a little upset at me?" He makes his way towards me. He's standing there waiting for a reply. "No...because I already know what is going to happen. I just wanted some time to accept it." I tell him.

     "What?" He says o me confused. "Dongho we both know whats happening here so just give the ring to me I've already accepted this." I look up at him and he is angry with me. "Are you trying to break up with me?" He says in an angry tone. "No! I was waiting for you to break up with me! Isn't that what this is about?" Was I wrong again? Donghos arms wrap around me and he squeazes me tightly. "No babo that's not what this is about. I wanted to tell you sooner so that you would understand but I was afraid you would get angry like this." He sobs into my chest.

     "Dongho I'm not angry...I'm just hurt a little inside. I'm hurting because there will be no more memories to make with you in U-kiss. No chances to have duets together, I won't be able to watch over you or watch you improve in your talents. There will be no more photoshoots with you or fan meetings or telling people how much I'm proud of our pet our little maknae. I won't be waking up to you, no more cranky mornings. I won't be able to see you stuff your face when there is food around. It's all these small things I won't be able to share with you for a long time and some not at all anymore." I finish explaining to him.

     He raises his head and looks up at me. "Really you aren't mad at me?" He says to me in between sniffles. "Yes." I squeeze him tighter. "What if it is a long time until we are able to be together will you wait for me?" I can hear it in his voice how nervous he is. "I will always wait for you." I tell him with as much confidence I can to make him believe me. "And what if we fall out of love after so long what then?" His question catches me off guard. So I answer him the best I can, "If that day ever comes and it's you who stops loving me then I will do my best to make you fall in love with me again. And if that is not possible I will find some way to keep you in my life and that is a promise." Just saying those words cause tears to fall from my eyes and I kiss him atop his head.

     "And now you promise me that you will take care of yourself. I want to see you grow into an amazing person. Don't ever doubt yourself and don't let your memories with me and U-kiss becomes sad ones. I want you to think about us and smile. I want you to make other friends and make more happy memories with them don't ever let us get in the way." I say to him. "I promise hyung." He raises up and kisses me strongly on the lips with all the passion his tired body can. "You better not ever give up on me." He says opening his eyes to look at me. "I love you Dongho." Is all that comes out of my mouth. And he kisses me one more time before saying, "For always."

Ok this is the final chapter. I hope it doesn't seem too rushed but I had such a hard time writing this emotionally because I am still being a big baby and crying over my maknae. ;u; I obviously have no idea what went on privately between the members when Dongho made his decision to leave so this is completely a work of fiction and is totally AU. I'm sorry if is really cheesy I did the best I could I promise. Hope you enjoyed it! Also there will be a follow up chapter that will be pretty short but I will do that after I am finished with the 2seop fic that is set in the same AU. Thank you! ^-^