I guess the company was pretty desperate to secure a partnership with JYP, because they turned my supposed album collaboration into a full-fledged, reality show that captures the behind-the-scenes of making an album from start to finish. Starting today, I would be filming the reality show for the rest of the year. To kick start the filming, I was given a thick envelope with a cue card and several low quality, pixelated pictures.

“To Victoria. Your journey with JYP starts today. Please prepare a first meeting gift before you meet your partners for the first time on 1 August.” I read from the pink cue card.

“Partners?” I looked at the director in surprise. “There is more than one person? Can you tell me who they are?” The director shook his head and laughed.

Quickly, I searched up a list of the idol groups from JYP. “Okay, so I know that this is definitely an idol group.” Rule number one of reality shows: you just have to keep talking to yourself and let the camera know what exactly you are doing. “Miss A, 2AM, 2PM… Oh no, if it is 2PM I would have to get so many gifts for all of them.” I remarked jokingly.

Gifting is something I took seriously, and I started planning on what to prepare for my future partners.

“Something uni, that everyone can use, and will enjoy.” I wrote in my notebook while I muttered to myself. “Should I cook? Get accessories?” I asked while making eye contact with the camera.

“Who do you think your partner will be?” The director asked me.

“I think it’s 2AM. Since they mostly sing ballads as well. But I think Miss A is super cool. I would love to work with them.”

I should have noticed the knowing smile on the director’s face when I made that statement.

---------

“Should I make kimbap? Or stew? Or both?” I muttered to myself for the benefit of the camera focusing on me from the corner of my eye.

After a rushed morning of greeting the camera crew and watching them set up in my home, I am currently seated in my living room, with a notepad and pen in my hands, as I pondered on what I should prepare for my upcoming meeting with my partners.

Yes. I decided to cook in the end. After wracking my brain, thinking of appropriate uni gifts of unknown quantities, I simply gave up and decided that the most direct way into people’s hearts is through their stomachs.

Hey, I like to eat. It definitely is the most direct way to my heart.

“I have a super strong feeling that my partners will be 2AM,” I spoke into the camera. “So I’m going to prepare enough food for more than four.”

“If a guy can eat two portions, should I prepare for eight people then?”

“Guys, unless you’re Asian, you will not understand how important it is to make sure that your guests leave on a full stomach with leftovers to bring home.”

“Should I make more food? Ahh it’s okay if there isn’t enough food, I’ll just order pizza.”

Part of being a celebrity is having the skill of talking to yourself nonstop. And verbalizing everything you do. When it is just you and the camera, the camera becomes your friend. A very silent and dumb friend.

I decided to make several dishes, including fried rice, kimchi stew, grilled steak and a no-bake cheesecake for dessert. I also dropped Appa a text, telling him to pick up some kimbap on the way here.

Looking at the list I’ve scribbled out, I took a deep breath and stared into the camera.

“Let’s do this!”

---------

Approximately five hours and a long, hot shower later, Appa and I have reached SM’s meeting room, arms loaded with bags of food.

“Are you sure this is enough, Vic?” Appa raised a questioning eyebrow at me.

“This isn’t enough?” A simple question like that was enough to set me off. A sinking feeling settled itself firmly in my stomach. I need to pee.

Bouncing around the table, I started arranging the food. The more I fidgeted with the food, the more inadequate it looked. Tapping my foot in quick succession, I debated for a while before I decided to pick my phone up,

“I’m ordering pizza now, because I honestly think I didn’t prepare enough food.” Ahh, my trusty old friend, Mr Camera, is here to listen to me again.

Maybe I should get a check-up. The last I heard, treating an inanimate object like a friend isn’t healthy. I silently laughed at my own joke as I waited for someone on the other end to pick up the phone.

“Hello, this is Pizza Space.”

“Hi! Can I get –” I rattled off my order to the very disinterested staff on the other end.

“Address?”

“SM Entertainment.”

“Name?”

“Victoria.”

“Wait. Victoria? As in Victoria Song?”

Oh. Someone knows me. I shrugged, before realizing that the person cannot see me. “Yes, it’s me.”

The next thing I know, my eardrum received an assault by the shrillest, most high-pitched scream I have ever heard. A ruckus, something close to metal striking the ground, could be heard in the background. With ears still ringing, I held the phone near the camera.

“I didn’t put them on speaker, everyone. But I think you can hear them as well right?” I whispered to the camera.

Someone picked the phone up again hurriedly. There was complete silence on the other end now, with the exception of the voice on the call. This time, it was someone different. “Hello Victoria, I apologize for the disturbance. Is there any way we may assist you?”

“No, it’s alright! Can I please have my pizza by 5pm?”

“Yes! We will make sure we are on time! See you then! Thank you for purchasing from Pizza Space!”

“Thank you! I’ll see you soon.” Before I could hang up, another round of screams blasted from the other end and I quickly ended the call before they burst another eardrum.

Popularity was something that I still struggled with. Knowing that there are complete strangers out there who know me is a strangely disengaging concept that I just couldn’t get used to. Somewhere, somehow, someone sees me as their role model, as someone they aspire to me.

And that scares the hell out of me.

I’m as imperfect as the next person. I struggle with insecurities, I pick at my flaws, my confidence wavers at the slightest pinprick of criticism.

Simply put, I am not someone people should look up to.

Before I could dwell on it any longer, the door of the meeting room opened.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

I know I dragged this out for wayyyyy too long but honestly, I created so many scenarios for their first meeting I don't even know which one to choose. This is my favourite out of all the choices, because it was inspired by an actual episode of their WGM.

Thank you for following so far, and for your lovely comments! I hope the next chapter comes to me soon.

Love you guys! See y'all soon!

Meanwhile, please stay safe and mask up everyone! And remember to wash your hands often.

Love,

Qing