“You guys!! Thank you so much for being so great and so supportive. Thank you for all the love! Thank you and I love you!!” Screams erupted as I blew kisses to the crowd, chants of encore accompanying me as I made my way backstage. I could have sworn I saw one of the girls beside the stage cry.

The moment I stepped backstage, I was engulfed in a flurry of motions. Earpiece and microphone returned, a bottle of water shoved in my hands, and a strong hand on my lower back guiding me back to my changing room before I could even get out a word of thanks to the crew who made the tour possible. I turned my head and saw my manager firmly marching us through the hustling crowd, and I raised my eyebrows at him. He caught the look and gave me a wink.

When the door of my changing room finally closed behind us, a sudden quietness engulfed the atmosphere around us. Immediately, I flopped onto the chair in front of the vanity and groaned.

“You alright?” I lifted my head and looked at my manager through half lidded eyes.

“I’m ready to hibernate, if that’s what you mean by okay. I’m sore all over from dancing , and honestly, my throat is starting to itch.”

My manager frowned. “You haven’t recovered from your flu? Have you been taking your flu medicine?” Gosh, he nags so much.

“Appa, those medicine makes me drowsy. I can’t perform drowsy.”

He shook his head and sighed, before whipping out his phone and tapping away. Probably to call my doctor for stronger dosage of medicine. 

Yes, we’re close. My manager, Kim Hyung Joon, is the closest thing I have to family. Probably closer than I am to my real family.

He’s the closest thing I have to a father anyway, and there is not a single day where I’m not grateful for him.

As he left the changing room to make some calls, I took my own phone out and checked my messages.

Unni! It’s my graduation party tonight! Wish you were here!

My baby sister attached a picture of her in her graduation gown and it was all I could do to stop the tears from falling. How many more of my sister’s milestones do I have to miss before she finally disowns me?

It did not take long those tears to disappear though, because of my sister’s next message:

Oh by the way, mum’s super pissed. Good luck dealing with her. Love ya!

You ungrateful brat. Not even a call for the last month. Do you want to drive me to my grave early? Call home!

I won’t lie, every time I receive something like that from mother dearest, my heart dies a little inside. I’m working my hardest, I’m tired all the time, I’m missing precious family time with my loved ones, and all I get are these stupid messages from my mother. 

Deep breaths Vic. Deep ing breaths. I squeezed my eyes shut and focused on my breathing and waited for the anger to subside. This was not my first rodeo with my mother, and it definitely would not be the last.

“Vic? Time to go.” My manager came in and broke my meditative trance, driving my frustration up another notch. It probably isn’t fair to lash out at him when he has done nothing wrong, but the combination of fatigue and anger does not go well, and I may have slammed the door too hard behind me by accident. 

Appa gave me a dark look but said nothing as he pulled his cap further over his face. I did the same with mine and screwed my face into a polite smile as I felt his hand on the small of my back while we pushed through the blinding flashes of the cameras and the throngs of screaming fans.

I got unceremoniously shoved into the car and heard the door slam shut before I could even right myself properly in my seat, which obviously worsened my mood. I know my manager was just doing his job, but did he really have to manhandle me like that? The flashes were dimmed through the tinted glass windows of the car, and the screams got more muted. This really isn’t what I need right now. It’s just too much, and I am barely suppressing the overwhelming emotions threatening to spill over.

“Young lady, is this the attitude you should be showing me? Keep yourself in check, because I won’t tolerate it the next time. You heard me?”

More! There’s more adding to my already messy state of mind. I wanted to scream, but that would just cost me additional training after my schedules, so I sulked and kept my mouth shut. My nails were digging into my palms so hard it distracted me from retorting. 

“Reflect on your actions Vic. I’ll leave you to yourself.” He sighed, and his face softened. “You must be tired. Good job today my dear. Have a good rest. I’ll wake you up when we reach home.” He then rolled up the separator between the front seat and the back seat, leaving me to my own thoughts.

I dug my nails further into my palms until it could no longer give me anymore relief, before the first tears started rolling down my cheeks. I bit my knuckles to stop myself from sobbing. Appa does not like hearing me cry. The silence in the backseat was deafening - it seemed to amplify every sound I made, every whimper that escaped me. 

Deep breaths Vic. Deep breaths.

When the pressure in my chest eased a little, I let out the breath I had been subconsciously holding, and in that moment, all the tension in my muscles were released and I felt so, so tired. All I could do was let the tears flow, and I made no attempts to stop them as I slowly slipped into darkness.

It’s lonely back here, and I hate it.

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Hi guys! Here's the first chapter up!! Hope you guys enjoy it and look forward to more!

Qing~