Do you have dreams?

Do you have dreams that are so insignificant that you have to catch yourself before you fully dive into them while you are in the middle of a meal? Dreams that casually flicker before your eyes when something you see hits you straight in the heart?

Or do you have dreams that are so wild, so crazy it makes your heart hammer in your chest? Does thinking about your dream make your days a little brighter, your mind and your body a little stronger, to get you through a particularly bad day?

“Victoria? You kind of zoned out there.”

“Hmm? Oh sorry, I was just thinking of my answer there.”

“Wow, that must be some deep thoughts you must have had.” I chuckled at the radio host good-naturedly. “What would be your dream in the upcoming year?”

“I wish for the best health and happiness for my family and friends, as well as all of my fans. I also wish that you would continue to support my future projects, as there would be more coming from me. I love you guys!”

“Let us thank Victoria for coming onto our show tonight! See you every Wednesday at 10pm!” I forced my cheeks to pull my face into a bright expression as I clapped my hands softly along to the outro played on the station. Only when I made eye contact with Appa through the glass panel on the wall and see the huge smile and a thumbs up he gave me did my lips relax into a more genuine smile.

It has been a very long day for the two of us and honestly, all I could think about was sinking into the deep recesses of my comforter back home. With the briefest handshakes, I quickly thanked the hosts of the radio program and before dismissing myself from the studio. I guess I must have done something wrong, because I was met with a frowning Appa when I stepped out to meet him.

“What? What did I do this time again?”

“Haven’t I drilled it enough into you yet? What were you supposed to do after a program?”

I sighed. Yes sure, I was supposed to socialize, rub elbows with important producers who can increase my exposure, make me more marketable. Blah blah blah. These were lessons taught to me ever since I was a trainee five years ago.

“I know. I will do better next time. Can we just go home now?”

Appa narrowed his eyes disapprovingly at me, but since there was nothing he could do to rectify the damaged socializing opportunity, he turned around sharply and made his way to the car. My heart sunk at his apparent disappointment and the weariness in my feet felt heavier than before.

Do I have dreams?

Trudging behind Appa as my shoulder ached from the handbag strap that dug into my flesh, I thought about the question the radio host sprung on me. It definitely was not in the script given to me beforehand.

For a few years, debuting has been my sole focus as I trained day and night. Hours of dance lessons, singing lessons, language and etiquette lessons with no rest in between. The struggle of standing in heels with an aching body. The pain sometimes experienced in my abdomen, developed from years of irregular eating patterns. The expectations of executives who demand progress and success from teenagers who can barely make decisions for themselves. Who would know of the blood, sweat and tears invested behind the glamour of my career?

Do I like it? It doesn’t matter. I have to do it. I have to succeed. There was so much at stake.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m sure everyone has a routine, or a habit that you commit to before major events, like exams, or important interviews.

For me, I like to coop myself up in small, enclosed spaces in complete darkness to prepare myself before any performance. Something about small spaces gives me a sense of security, allowing me to be vulnerable and to relax. In fifteen minutes, I would be in front of cameras, variety show hosts and fellow guests, and the huge production and backstage team that would be facilitating the show. What a way to complete drain my social battery.

Usually, I would sit in the small room, do some breathing exercises and run through possible social scenarios in my head, such as greetings and potential questions that might be thrown my way. It is my own rehearsal practice, something that has been drilled into me ever since my first fumble during a variety show right after I debuted. It might sound strange, but rehearsing my responses is a reassurance to myself that I would do okay on the show.

I went through the same routine – finding a utility closet, settling down in a corner, getting my eyes accustomed to the dark and focusing on my breathing as I spaced out into the complete darkness. What I was not expecting, was company.

I was startled when a sudden flash of bright light and the silhouette of a large shadow filled the small utility closet before the room melted into complete darkness once again. My heart raced as my eyes tried to refocus in the dark fumbling for something that I could protect myself with. Before I could refocus, I felt something light brush against my arm.

I screamed.

There were so many things running through my head the moment I registered that tactile sensory but screaming was the only thing that made sense to me in that moment. That, and repeated swiping at my arm to try and get that lingering creepy-crawly feeling running up and down my arm. Suddenly, the light flickered on and a flabbergasted man stood stared at me, and my own scream choked in the back of my throat.

Damn. This man is gorgeous. Even the ridiculous expression on his face from my outburst did nothing to taint his looks.

“I’m sorry! Please don’t scream anymore. I didn’t know someone was in here.”

My throat went dry as I struggled to reassemble my thoughts into something coherent. Suddenly, I heard some shouting and running footsteps coming down the hallway, and the man quickly locked the door.

“What–”

“Shhh. Help me out please.” His eyes twinkled mischievously, and he bit his lips in an attempt to hide his widening grin.

The footsteps got louder and a moment later, the utility closet door rattled as someone tried to open it.

“It’s locked. They’re not here. We better catch those idiots.” More footsteps, but this time, they’re heading away from us. He visibly relaxed and released the breath he was holding.

By now, I had mostly calmed down and I could feel the irritation seep in. I didn’t have much time left and my meditation just got disrupted. I snapped. “Why did you barge in like that? You nearly scared me half to death!”

Visibly taken aback, he raised his hand in mock surrender. “Sorry, I really didn’t know anyone was here. I was hiding from them.” He gestured to the door. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

Dear god, he really mastered the puppy eyes. With his dyed golden hair and his large brown eyes staring apologetically me, it’s hard to not simmer down.

“So why are you hiding?”

He grinned sheepishly and rubbed his ears. “I may have added several sachets of salt into my member’s water. It probably felt like his mouth was crying.”

I couldn’t help it, I burst out laughing. Everything about our encounter has been so unexpected. He chuckled along with me and held out a hand. “I’m Nichkhun. Sorry for intruding on you.”

“Victoria. And it’s okay, you’re forgiven.” I took his hand and shook it before my phone went off. It was Appa.

“Oops, I got to go. See you around!” I awkwardly maneuvered around him to get to the door before giving him a small wave.

“See you! Hopefully not like this again.” I laughed again before heading out of the utility closet, completely forgetting for a moment that my routine got broken for the first time in years.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y,all... I did something stupid.

I posted this as draft thinking that I posted something. Yikes. It's been sitting there for almost half a year.

I'm not a very good writer, so I hope you guys can overlook this tardiness and any errors spotted in the story. Hope y'all like this part where Khun meets Vic!!

See y'all soon (hopefully)!!

Qing~