Chapter 4

Daehyun hated funerals. Ever since the day his mother died, he despised such ritual. He knew the dead needed it but the living felt nothing but self-pity. Baekhyun’s parents came from the States to visit their son’s funeral. They looked like hell. Baekhyun had other brothers and sisters and came to accommodate the guests. Eunji stood near Baekhyun’s picture, hoping that everything was just a dream.

Daehyun also wanted it to be a dream as well. He wanted to wake up and probably have another cup of caffeine with his friend again, but he knew he was being delusional.

It was never going to be like that ever again. Baekhyun was gone, half of him was gone. Everything turned dark again.

Baekhyun was too kind, he was too gently, he was his light.

It wasn’t fair.

He sat beside Eunji and stared at Baekhyun’s portrait.

“Daehyun…” she started.

“Yeah?”

“How do you cope up with it? How do you get over this sort of pain?”

“I don’t know. After all these years, I’m still not used to it.”

Eunji leaned her head on his shoulder.

“Daehyun, is it ok if I died?” she asked.

Daehyun stood silent.

He didn’t hear the last thing Eunji said. He felt arms wrapping around him as he sat blankly, looking at his friend, wondering the possibility of him being in Baekhyun’s shoes instead. He took Baekhyun’s picture and hugged it close to his chest. He and Eunji held it close like it was treasure they could never let go.

The pillar they held on to was no longer with them, what they needed to do was to hold on to each other now.

Daehyun sat groggily on a seat near the bartender’s station. He couldn’t count how many shots of Soju he digested for the past hours. And truthfully, he didn’t care. He wanted to be numb at that very moment.

Girls would approach him like they always would, but as always, he would drive them away.

All that mattered was the alcohol and the pain that was still there.

The pain dragged him back to the darkness.

“Daehyun?” he turned and saw a figure standing in front of him. His vision was blurry due to intoxication but he could still make up that the person was a woman.

“Whaaa~” he muttered. “What do you want? Do you want a great time as well? I don’t care about you women! I want my best friend back! Get it? Byun Baek Hyun! Give him back to me! Just let me die! Let me go to where he is!”

He felt a familiar warmth holding him close. It felt like his mother’s as she whispered comforting words to him. The person caressed his back and said, “It’s ok Daehyun, everything’s going to be ok, you’re still alive Daehyun. Take care of what you have left. Take care of Eunji……”

Daehyun’s tears fell one more time as he held the stranger as tight as he could. He let out everything and finally let go of everything.

As he cried for the last time, he promised to do what his friend asked. He had to be strong for him. Yes, he wanted to be with Baekhyun but at that moment, when he heard the stranger mutter Eunji’s name, he remembered the promise he made to Baekhyun.

Baekhyun’s last wish.

Eunji.

Daehyun woke up the next morning with a huge hang over. He woke up and analyzed the unfamiliar room he was in. “Where am I?” he said to himself.

“Goodmorning sleepy head.” He found Hyosung smiling at him with her night gown on.

His clothes were still on so probably nothing happened. He sighed in relief and sat up, rubbing his head as he moaned.

“Noona, how-“

“You look depressed last night so I thought maybe before you do something stupid, I should come and intervene.”

“Why?”

“Because I owe you a lot, Daehyun.”

“What are you talking about?”

She changed the topic and said, “I’m sorry about your loss.”

Daehyun was as alert as ever when reality dawned on him. “You don’t need to be. I want to find the person who is responsible for his death and kill him.”

“After killing him, what will you do? Will you take care of your friend's girlfriend in jail? Reminisce about the past and never move on? What good will it bring to kill the person who killed Baekhyun? What good will it do to hold on to this? Do you want to live your life like this Daehyun? You’re capable of more than that.” She walked towards the bed and sat in front of him. She caressed his cheek and smiled with sincerity. “You deserve more than that.”

Daehyun looked at Hyosung, the noona he barely knew and yet, she looked like someone who already knew him. How did she know he deserved better? Did she know the bad things he’s done in the past? The people he’s beat up. The people he’s tortured. What information did she know that made her think he deserved a happy life?

Suddenly, his cellphone rang.

“Hello?”

“Daehyun….” It was Eunji’s grandmother. She sounded like she was frantic and crying from the other line. “It’s Eunji, she won’t come out of her room. She won’t eat. She won’t talk to me. I’m really worried.”

“I’ll be right there.”

Daehyun stood up and headed towards the door but before he left, he paused and said, “Thank you again noona.”

“At least live for her.” Hyosung told him. “Live on for that girl.”

Daehyun’s lips quirked a small smile and nodded.

Eunji sat alone in her room. The walls felt cold and empty. She covered her windows with curtains to hide the false hope that shone in her bitter darkness.

There was no reason to live anymore.

Her sun was gone.

She had nothing else to hold on to.

She stared blankly at the pills and knife that was placed in front of her.

She had two options. Both leading to Baekhyun.

“You said you would never leave me.” She said. “You promised.”

“This was the first time you lied to me………why would you lie about something like this? About something as important as this…..why Baekhyun?”

She heard loud banging sounds on her door which she tried to block out. Nothing else mattered. The world didn’t matter anymore.

She decided to use the knife since she also wanted to feel the pain Baekhyun suffered when he crashed. She wanted to be with him on that bus. She wanted to be part of that accident.

“Eunji!” it was Daehyun’s voice.

He had been calling her.

She blocked him out as well.

“Eunji!”

“I’m sorry Daehyun….”