Chapter 4

She stared blankly at the window of her ward. Although her eyes were looking at the blue sky scenery outside the window, her mind was drifting nowhere. She did remember indeliberately slicing the hand of Dr. Lee with a cutter before, but she was too tired bodily and mentally to say sorry to him. One thing she wanted so badly right now was her husband. He being here, still looking at her with the same smile she last saw on that day.

Or perhaps, just perhaps, she did want to kill herself back then.

Tilting her head to her right, she looked at a glass vase beside her bed. Another brilliant, yet totally crazy idea emerged on her mind. What if I broke the glass and cut my wrist with a piece of the broken vase?

Just as she was about to lift her hand to take the vase, Dr. Lee opened the curtain around her bed and greeted her with a smile. The idea vanished immediately as she looked at him and noticed his bandaged right hand. Now, she felt extremely guilty. He was none other than just another person who had really nothing to do with her dilemma right now, yet he had become the victim of her pain. Although she had not seemed to have any intention of apologizing, it was as if his bandaged right hand had accused her of such being an impolite person and absolutely, no one fond of being accused.

“How do you feel right now? Are you feeling dizzy or something?” He sat down next to her and looked at her with friendly eyes, still smiling. Through his soft tone towards her, despite her having hurt him physically, although not on purpose, made her felt even guiltier.

“I’m sorry.” Finally those words come out, but she did not dare to look at him in the eyes, just looking at her hands on her laps.

“It’s okay. It will heal soon, anyway.” His hospitable words finally assured her that there was no one being blamed at the moment.

It will heal soon, anyway. The words were repeated in her mind. She asked herself if the scar in her heart would ever heal. In the meantime, it would probably not.

His smile faded when he saw tears flow her eyes which later dropped on her blanket, wetting it little by little. Still bending her head over and her shoulders shuddering quite hard, she did not do anything to wipe them up or cover the sadness burdening her heart.

For a minute, an awkward silence almost deafened the room. He just looked at her, left speechless. Deep down in his heart, he definitely wanted to console her, but no words came out of his mouth, as he was too scared that any unintentional, yet not right words could make her become even more broken.

The awkward silence was broken by someone abruptly opening the door and shouted someone’s name quite loudly.

“Jin Ki-ah!” At her desperate condition like this, she finally got a common sense not to show any more tears to someone she barely even knew when the unknown woman approached Dr. Lee and examining at his right hand with a worried face. She was wiping off her tears, while giving a little attention to the conversation in front of her between the doctor and the woman. A conversation of her asking him what had happened that made his right hand be like that and all that jazz. Much more to Seungyeon’s surprise, the woman wore a cap and Seungyeon could see that beneath the cap, she had no hair.

Seungyeon could see that there was a special bond between these two people and she was now thinking of the consequences of her hurting this woman’s dearest person, although not on purpose. She expected a scolding, stare with full of hatred or even the worst thing could happen was her cheek would not be safe from someone’s strong slap, if the woman was an emotional person. On the contrary, she apparently looked at her with a friendly greeting.

“Hi. Sorry to disturb you.” Well, it was quite unforeseen.

“Han Seungyeon-shi, this is Go Seungyeon.” Jin Ki introduced the woman to her. The first person to respond of this same-name coincidence is the Go one. She giggled while handing her hand to the Han one.

“Nice to meet you, Seungyeon-ah.” Seungyeon was surprised enough to see this person. Well, she greeted her with such informality, yet her adorably cute face failed to make her be offended. Instead, Seungyeon shook her hand with the same friendly greeting.

“Me too.” It was as if had been ages that she had finally smiled and it was unexpected as she had been so gloomy for the past weeks that even the word ‘smile’ did not appear in her mind for a long time. Her smile was not from her heart, though.

“Ya, she is older than you. Where is your respect?” Despite his little remark, she did not show any face of guiltiness or something like that, but a shocking face came out, instead.

“Wow, you are older than me?! I thought you were a dongsaeng!” Her cheeriness had influenced Seungyeon a little bit. She could not help on tugging the corner of , forming a sweet, yet bitter smile as she hoped she could become this jolly, especially on this drastic breakdown of her life.

A second later, a nurse came in and talked to Go Seungyeon. The nurse told her that it was the time for her to take a rest, which she complied whole-heartedly. At the end, she bid goodbye to Jin Ki and her other twin-name person.

Go Seungyeon was not in the room anymore, but Jin Ki still looked at the door with a soft look. Yes, Seungyeon was now even surer that the woman had been located in a special place in his heart.

“She is my girlfriend. Perhaps you have noticed this. She had a cancer. Her time will not be long anymore.” He said that with a solemn and sad face which was quite rare for her to see. He looked at her for while and later tilting his head to look at the window, sighing after he finished the last sentence. However, she wondered why he could still be this tough, knowing that his darling one was going to leave him soon. Forever. Yes, not long after this, he would experience what she had been going through at the moment. He had received the fact with a well-matured point of view.

It was silent for a moment. She was unconsciously looking at Jin Ki’s face whose complexion was perfectly blended with the light of the afternoon sun a little bit. Well, it was undeniable that he had a faultless face which made her already-handsome face became even more attractive that any woman walking past him in the street would be left taking a glance at him even for just a second with such astonishment plastered on their faces. Go Seungyeon was definitely worth to be jealous at as she was lucky to have this perfect guy for herself, although the world knew she would not live any longer than him.

In some ways, they had the same destiny, although the time was not exactly the same. Being left by their soulmates.

“I am going to propose her, though.” Contradictory to his solemn and face back then, he was now smiling to her brightly. They were living the same destiny, but from the high spirit reflected from his eyes, Seungyeon could assume that this person would be able to go on and be strong when the time came. Ordinary people would absolutely mock him being dense for proposing someone who absolutely would not give him long-lasting happiness of a marriage life, left alone her wife bearing him little Lee Jin Kis. But for her, that was a gift for him to be this dense. Being dense in a good way. He could understand that he chose to live the valuable moments until they ultimately end rather than just by blaming everyone and everything able to be blamed until he finally regretted that he had missed the moments stupidly. There was no exceptional for his girlfriend as well, as she was overly cheerful for people who got the dreadful disease living in her body that the cancer viruses consuming her lifetime second by second mercilessly.

She was going to say sorry to him for his girlfriend’s condition, but it was not needed anymore because there really was nothing to be sorry about.

It was magical that only for the about-one-hour conversation, she had been injected with happiness and supports indirectly. God had sent Lee Jin Ki and his girlfriend to her. To represent Him to tell her that she had to stop being a child who would always sulk because her dearest doll had been taken away from her forever. What was the point of weeping all over and over again? Her husband would not come back anyway. How could she be such a selfish person like this? The lost had burdened everyone already and her running from the truth did not lighten the burden, yet she made it even heavier. Stupid she had become. Extremely and exaggeratedly stupid.

She finally realized that what she had been doing all this time was making the scar even bigger by not receiving the reality and definitely it should be stopped right here and right now. She was going to live hard out there, but her life would definitely go on. The scar in her heart would be difficult to be cured in the meantime. Yes, it would. However, soon it would be healed certainly. And she would get better soon.

The tears fell again from her eyes, but they were not tears of regret, grief or resentment. They were the tears of goodbye to her husband. The last ones. And she had wiped them off now. All. She sighed with relief.       

She had finally been able to welcome the reality. It had been a long time already also that she smiled from her heart which was replied by the same smile by him.      

Yes, she would definitely be okay.

TO BE CONTINUED

(Author’s note: So, what do you think about this so far? Any comments will still be hugely appreciated. Just feel free to tell me if anything’s got weird and did not make sense. Thx. GBU^^)