AAA, Diary Eight, Aera

Thursday, 29 August, 2013

Dear Diary,

Love , sometimes. As I’ve said, rumors spread like fire in a hay barn here, and news of Se Hun and a mysterious girlfriend has found its way to everyone’s ears. I’ve avoided Se Hun ever since, trying to sort out my bubbling emotions. Did I like him, truly, or not? And did he like me? Thinking back of how sour I had felt when Se Hu and his ex-girlfriend kissed before me, I probably do like him… And I’ve never known until my friends told me. How stupid am I?

Very, probably.

I ignore everyone else-except for maybe Kai and Cheyenne-by turning on the ‘invisible’ button. Even to Se Hun, I remain invisible. For the first time ever. He’ll only distract me more now that he is in the center of all my problems. I glare up at the grey sky, which rumbles. See, even the weather matches my mood. It’s pelting with raindrop the size of chicken eggs outside now, and the streaks of light flashes in the emo sky. Geez.

Se Hun is just opposite me, but he doesn’t know I’m here, and continues poking at his piece of meat lifelessly. I don’t dare to ask what is wrong with him. Cheyenne keeps firing stern looks at me as I turn my head aside. There’s hardly anyone surrounding us now. All the fans seem to have retreated.

And then, Cheyenne seems to be able to read my mind, for she spits out, “That rumored kiss of yours really worked, eh, Se Hun? Your way of getting rid of fans really works.”

My heart cracks. Right there on the spot. Getting rid of fans? Is that his intention... all along? I snap my head around to face Se Hun sharply, trying to gauge his reactions. He laughs. Laughs.

“Yeah, right,” he says.

Yeah, right. All along, he just wanted to shoo his fans away by having a fake ‘girlfriend’.

I stand up abruptly, wincing as my knee hit the metal legs of the table and I run. Anywhere my legs bring me to. I’m not even looking at where I’m heading. I just follow my mind’s decisions. I arrive at the park, panting, drenched with perspiration and tired. I slump down onto the edge of the stone fountain, bringing my legs up and wrapping my arms around them while I rest my head on my arms. I stare blankly into the blue water, listening to the comforting tune of falling raindrops as they meet the rippling water surface in the fountain. Water continues to spill from the statue of a…mermaid?

I ignore the rain that soak through my clothing as I clasp my hands together and pray. I am not going to continue this any longer. If I remain, I’ll never find out a way to solve this current mess, and I’ll just probably fall deeper for my y ward which I am somewhat forbidden to love. Not unless I pass, anyway. And I have to; the consequences are too great not to pass.

Lord, Father, I am ready to accept your judgment.

Something comforting and as warm as Se Hun’s touch-maybe even more-enters and fills me, and I feel myself floating upwards, like being into a vacuum cleaner, though I’ve never tried. I open my eyes, to find myself in the same cloudy room as before, the cloud walls and floor ultra-soft and ever so golden bright. I bow down low at the gleaming throne on the rostrum in front of me.

A hand touches my shoulder, gently, lightly, and I dare to look up right into His sparkling diamond-like eyes.

“Are you sure you’re ready to be judged, my Daughter?”

“Yes, my Lord, I believe I am.” I stare at the white, bouncy floor.

“Very well, but not immediately. You have one more day to say your last farewells.”

One more day, to take a final peek at Se Hun.

“Yes, Father. I shall come when you call tomorrow,” I reply. He nods, and for the second time, I feel myself dropping down below…

~~~

Cheyenne goggles at me when we meet later that night in the park. She takes a step closer to me and her eyes widen to ostrich eggs, like as if she can see something I cannot.

“What’s with your fervent stare?” I frown.

“You’ve met…Him?” she whispers, awed. Oh, Him. I nod sullenly.

“Oh my! What did He say? What did you tell Him?” Cheyenne asks, all of a sudden so hyper. I sigh.

“I told Him that I’m ready to be judged, and He said tomorrow is my last day as an angel. I have one more day to say my farewells and all that.” Cheyenne’s eyes are shiny under the moonlight, and she lunges for me, pulling me into a ferocious hug that nearly squeezed all the oxygen out of me.

“Oh, Aera! You have to pass. You have to! I’ll come find you if you’re back in your mortal body.” She sobs. “I promise you’ll be my BFF for life. I’ve had many, but you’re on special one.”

“Aw, Cheyenne. You’re…making me c-cry, too. I promise you I’ll find you someday.” I hug her back, equally hard. Cheyenne lets go of me finally, and hold me at arm’s length.

“Wait, are you going to leave Se Hun just like that? He likes you, you know? What are you going to tell him?” I sniffle.

“I’m not even planning to tell him. I think I’ll just leave silently-” I barely finish my sentence before Cheyenne gives me a violent shake that could have had my brains falling out.

“Aera! How could you?! You’re just going to disappear without a final goodbye to your crush? Won’t that break his heart?” Cheyenne cries.

“What can I do? I cannot fall for him, and anyway, I don’t even think he likes me as you’ve said!” I wail.

“Then what about you?” Cheyenne face is solemn, “won’t your heart break? You like him, don’t you? There’s no use denying.” I fall silent, everywhere around me dark, the park lit dimply by a few mere streetlights.

“I guess,” I whisper, tears starting to well in my eyes, threatening to surrender to gravity. “You’re right about that. I do… like him. Enough for a heartbreak if I leave him. But there’s nothing I can do.” I pull away from my BFF’s grasp on my shoulder and turn to face the quiet fountain, whose streaks of running water I can still clearly make out in the dark.

Just one more day…Before I leave.

I still have something to do before I can leave. I can’t leave him like that, hanging and broken. There’s something I think I should do…

Before I say goodbye to my first love forever…

AeRa

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A.N.

Ohhh...2nd last chapter...