When EXO Turn Into A Girl One by One (Rating PG 13 xD)

Suho

No one realises when he becomes a she because she just wears an extra baggy shirt and sticks a cap over her now-shoulder length hair and goes about pointing everyone in the right direction as always.

This is how Suho deals with stress - he pretends it doesn’t exist. He had woken up one morning and noticed that he had grown a pair, and instead of screaming like any normal person would, he had quietly and quickly made his way to the bathroom before anyone could discover it.

He doesn’t dare tell anyone - how would he explain this! He’s supposed to be responsible for this group and now he’s gone and become a, a girl! And they’ve just finally managed to settle into the dynamics of the group and become comfortable with each other and--. Yes, there’s no way he’s (she’s?!) going to tell anyone until absolutely necessary.

She almost gets through the day unnoticed until Baekhyun tries to reach around Suho for something on a high shelf, and he brushes his arm against a soft, pillowy chest that confuses him and causes him to stop for a moment. Putting down the bowl he’s retrieved, he drops his eyes to Suho’s chest region and his eyes grow wider until Suho realises what he’s doing and squawks, covering her chest with her arms.

Of course, Baekhyun starts shouting for Chanyeol, Kai, Sehun and their mothers, fathers and best friends, and soon Suho is surrounded by a crowd of curious boys poking at her cheeks which have rounded out and marvelling at how her red hair has long, natural curls. (They politely pretend they aren’t disappointed that Suho is only a 34A, max.)



Tao

No one expects Tao to turn next. But he does, and it's kind of unfair because his eyes which used to be murderous are now deliciously smoky and sit extremely alluringly on his face; under which rest his cheekbones which have sharpened out even more, enough to make a supermodel jealous.

She goes to the EXO-K dorm to complain. Baekhyun takes one look at her still in her pyjamas, panda slippers on her feet, and immediately drags her into his room which they don’t emerge from again until the next morning. Chanyeol is outraged, but also too scared to open the door.

When Tao comes back to the EXO-M dorm, he whispers, scandalised, to Lu Han and Xiumin. “He said I couldn’t call anyone but him ‘oppa’ again.”

Then he lowers his voice even more and says something in Mandarin. He has to repeat himself before Lu Han finally catches his meaning and then he’s leaping up, knocking over his chair.

“Wait, he wanted to what--??!?”

“Shhh!!!” Tao says. “Not so loud! I don’t want duizhang to hear! It was kind of, um, interesting actually.”

Xiumin decides he doesn’t want to ask after he catches the Mandarin words for what he’s pretty sure are ‘’ and ‘s’.



Lu Han

Lu Han is, of course, a breathtakingly beautiful girl. It’s not like he’s had a propensity to be girly, ever. He just looks that way, okay. He’s as manly as the next guy who wants to grow up to be Cristiano Ronald-- oh wait. We want to compare him to manly men, right.

But anyway, Lu Han has never been one to miss an opportunity. Or ten.

So when he hears of Suho’s incident, he leaves an outfit prepared in his closet for his first foray out into the world as a girl. When she emerges from her room in too-short shorts that just barely cover her asscheeks and an oversized sweater with a collar that is way too loose to be legal, she is gratified by stares all around.

And then Xiumin, Baekhyun and Jongin are all tripping over themselves to offer her a seat. Sehun’s jaw needs to be pried off the floor by an ever-helpful Suho. Kris rubs his temples and wonders how much it will take to convince Lu Han not to go out onto the streets and give random men hard-ons.

A lot, is the answer. It only takes breakfast, and Lu Han to lean over the counter multiple times, her arms pressed tight against the sides of her chest for maximum cleavage, to send Jongdae and Baekhyun scurrying for their rooms (an agitated Tao follows. Lu Han thinks she hears him mutter “shameless”).

By midday, she’s gotten Suho to buy her the new FIFA 13, made Chanyeol cry because she’s still able to beat him at it without batting her eyelashes too many times, and made Xiumin her personal slave. (“Oppa, can you pass me another Coke from the fridge please?”)

Possibly the most terrifying thing is the way Yixing sits at the side and takes notes, just in case.

It’s only when Lu Han clambers onto Kris’ lap, too-wide collar of her sweater falling over one shoulder and bangs getting to her eyes, to ask for “the Michalsky x MCM Fall/Winter 2012 edition sneakers” she wanted to check out today, that Sehun snaps.

He drags her off Kris’ lap and corners her, justifiably outraged. “You can’t just go flaunting your body at other men just because you’ve turned into a girl! It’s inappropriate and manipulative!”

Lu Han pouts. Sehun gulps.

“Oppa,” she goes. Lu Han twirls a curl of hair with a long, manicured finger (wait, where did she get the time to have them done?), and steps closer to Sehun, hooking a leg around his so that she is flush against him. Sehun can feel her pressed up against his entire front and to say he is uncomfortable is a major understatement.

“But oppa, I can’t go out in this state so I’m just asking if duizhang would like to help!”

“S-stop that,” Sehun goes. “You know that oppa doesn’t work on me, I prefer noonas!” Nice try. Sehun’s eyes are still glued to Lu Han’s not-unsubstantial chest.

Releasing him, she nimbly hops away towards Jongin. “Fine, I’ll ask Jongin instead.”

Turning to Jongin who has been standing at the side, unabashedly watching this exchange, she says, “oppa, I want to try the new bubble tea place door the road.”

Jongin smiles and backs her against the wall, caging her in with his arms braced against the wall. He leers and leans down very close to her face. “Do you now? What will oppa get in return for bubble tea though?”

Sehun has had enough. He huffs and pulls Lu Han into his bedroom, slamming the door. But not before Lu Han twists around and gives Jongin a wink and a grin. Everyone hears the decided click of the lock.



Kris

No one finds it weird when Kris doesn’t appear for breakfast. His morning beauty regime is long and complicated, and it’s too much effort to understand, although sometimes Jongdae is sweet and leaves him a dumpling for when he finally does emerge.

But when two in the afternoon rolls around, even Yixing starts to wonder if duizhang has finally drowned in his own toner and volunteers to check on him.

The door opens before he can knock, however, and Kris steps out from his room already dressed in an Alexander McQueen outfit, a pair of Louboutins on her feet. She’s kept her height, and looks impossibly gorgeous towering over Yixing with her heels and perfect proportions. Her eyebrows have been tweezed into shape, and while most normal people would look like they picked a potato sack to wear, Kris looks amazing in her stupid jumpsuit.

Lu Han’s hands itch to slap somethin