Lee Yunji's POV

“Yifan.”

I was in my kitchen mumbling the name over and over again to myself. I read it all the time in fanfics; in EXO profiles; but to call him by that name, was unnatural. What made him want me to call him by his real name? What was going on in his head?

The more I reflected on the previous night’s events, the more my face turned red. It was embarrassing. I had handled so many things so awkwardly. The EXO boys probably thought I was weird. And to make things worse, my second husband was driving me crazy.

“Yifan,” I said it again while rolling up my kimbap for lunch.

The more I thought about that person, the more shaken up I felt. Kris had always been attractive. He had never failed to make me feel small and clueless. But now it was getting to be so much worse. It wasn’t his looks or his idol image that was throwing me off balance, but rather it was him.

I hurriedly packed my food into a lunchbox and washed my hands. I was going to make it my mission to get over the blossoming feelings I was beginning to have for Kris, Yifan; whatever his name was. It was wrong to get hopeful over something he had clearly told me to not hope for from the start.

I fixed myself with a final glance in the mirror before grabbing my things and heading out the door.

It was a muggy Friday with a sky full of grey clouds and thick sticky air. I passed by familiar faces in the corridors of my apartment and then dived into a sea of everyday strangers outside on the street. As I walked to Black Pearls, I couldn’t help but wonder if Kris ever walked down the streets I walked down. Did he ever go to that department store? Had he ever sat down in that park? Was there ever a time that he stopped to grab a bite at that food stall?

There was a reason why I said I was going to make it a ‘mission’ to get over the small crush that was knocking on the door of my heart.

I shoved open the door of my café and promptly got straight to work. I the milk tea machines, made sure to send that email regarding plastic cups to my supplier, and the AC. I had an hour to finish up the pile of leftover paperwork on my desk before I would have to open for business, and I was not intending to waste it.

“And…” the girl with an awful straw-like haircut drooled, “the-” she stopped again, turning to her dad. “Can’t I just get a lemon cheesecake slice and a fudge brownie?”

The kid in front of me had been holding up the line for a good five minutes already and even I was starting to get impatient. Her dad was obviously tired and the poor people stuck behind them were definitely not amused.

“No Su-ah. I told you, one drink and one dessert only,” the father shook his head exasperatedly.

A pout formed on the little girl’s lips. “But I want both desserts Appa.”

Please just come to a decision already.

“No,” she was denied.

“But that’s what I want!” she raised her squeaky voice.

The dad pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed heavily. “We’ll get a fudge brownie to go, along with her cookies and cream milk tea,” he turned to me. He looked like he was ready to turn in for the night.

I nodded and placed the chosen dessert into a small box dotted with black pearls.

“Appa!” The girl named Su-ah shouted.

I bit the inside of my cheek and quickly tapped the extra purchase into the register. The little girl’s dad ignored her cries of protest that were drawing more and more stares to the counter as he swiped his credit card into the machine. Someone may have said that the word ‘demanding’ could be used to describe his daughter- the understatement of the year.

“Sorry for the trouble,” he muttered as he put his card back securely in the -pocket of his shirt.

“Not at all,” I replied with a polite smile. “Have a good night,” I handed him his receipt.

He nodded once and handed his fuming daughter her drink before taking the brownie box from the counter. “Likewise.”

It was as if the whole café sighed with relief as the father-daughter pair walked out of the café. The high pitched squeals of protest that had been tunelessly pouring out of the little girl’s mouth silenced by their absence. Those who were seated that had been staring turned their attention back to their food and drinks, and those in line moved up closer to the counter.

“Finally,” two teenage girls approached the front. They were twins sporting the same short, chin-length bobs, wearing school uniforms.

“Sorry for the delay. How can I help you two today?” I chirped friendlily.

“Two large coffee milk teas with pearls,” one lifted two fingers with a look of mild distaste on her face.

My small smile faded. I poured their drinks as fast as I possibly could, realizing these girls were in a sour mood and not wanting to worsen it.

“Why is there only one server here? Seriously,” one of them hissed when my back was turned to them. Maybe they thought they were being quiet. I did my best to hide the fact that I could hear them.

“I know right. The setup here is so stupid,” the other responded.

I frowned and sealed the drinks with a sigh. “That will be-” I started as I spun around to give them their orders.

“I know,” the one I had originally spoken with cut me off. She put the exact amount due on the counter, her twin snatching the drinks out of my hands. “Forget the receipt.”

They sauntered off after that, leaving me flabbergasted. I scoffed and ran a hand through my hair just before the next customer came up.

Were all kids as bratty as the ones I had been dealing with tonight? The lack of respect these kids had for their seniors was ridiculous. It made me want to grab some of them by the shoulders and scream some decency into them.

The last customer from the cue left just as the clock struck 8:30. I rubbed my temples and rolled my shoulders back and forth a couple of times before moving into the back. There were only ten pieces of paperwork remaining on my desk, so I decided to sort those out before going home. It only took a few extra minutes before I was ready to leave.

I pulled my hair out of the loose ponytail I had put it up in for the day and raked through my hair with my fingers. Reapplying lip balm to lips that were beginning to dry out, I grasped my clutch. I flicked off the lights and locked the front door to Black Pearls.

There were more people walking tonight than on others, after all, it was Friday. Groups of men in power suits could be seen coming in and out of restaurants together, couples could be spotted laughing intimately in the windows of coffee shops, and every 20 metres you could find a hoard of scantily clad girls and eager guys busting to get into a club.

It was a normal, noisy Friday night.

I didn’t have any plans for the night besides enjoying the company of my bed. I could have gone somewhere before returning home- my outfit wasn’t exactly restrictive. There was a small diamond shaped cut-out in the black dress that I was wearing just below the rise of my collar bones. It wasn’t far above the knee either. But I wasn’t in the mood to go out partying- I had too much on my mind.

I’d wait for Sora to drag me out again before hitting the clubs.

As my building came into sight I picked up my pace a bit, causing the clicking of the heels of my ankle boots to become louder. I wanted to eat reheated chicken stew and rice while curled up under a blanket watching some cheesy romantic Friday flick on TV. The promise of soon being able to bask in the comforts of home rushed me along.  

A hand gripped my elbow just as I was about to cross the road to get to my building. A jolt of shock and pain ran through me at the sudden rough grip stopping me in my tracks. My head snapped in the direction of the pain, my eyes first landing on the hand and then on the person whose hand it was. I came face to face with one of the many bouncers of the club that sat parallel from my building.  

“What the hell?!” I barked out of instinct.

The bouncer gave me a once over. “Visit the club tonight,” he said as if he had some sort of authority over me.

“No thanks. I have somewhere to be,” I declined.

“I’m giving you free entry. Go inside.”

This wasn’t an uncommon thing. Often girls were forced into clubs that weren’t doing so well if they were walking by themselves. It was a business strategy that some had devised in Hongdae a few years back, that had now spread throughout a good chunk of the clubbing scene. Relatively attractive girls were given free entry into clubs in order to attract more male patrons to the scene. Of course, only local girls were targeted. None of the bouncers in the business had the balls to try and grab foreign girls.

“I said no thanks,” I struggled to remove my arm from his grasp.

“Just get in,” he insisted.

I narrowed my eyes, and felt the fingers of my other hand curl tighter around my clutch. I was hungry, tired, and not in the mood to argue with anyone. “No.”

“Stop being stubborn and get inside,” he rolled his eyes and jerked me forward towards him.

Just as I was about to collide with the bouncer’s torso, I was yanked back by my other arm.

“I think you should let go of my girlfriend now.”

My jaw dropped at the sight of him. He looked like he had just come from a photo shoot. Though I couldn’t see past the dark tint of his sunglasses, I could tell from the rigid line of his lips that he was pissed. My heart began to beat faster, and silently prayed that he didn’t feel how my body temperature suddenly rose.

“Like, right now,” his smooth voice came out harsh-toned.

I looked back at the now surprised bouncer. Unsure of what to say, he slowly released my arm. His eyes flickered between the two of us briefly, before turning around and walking over to join his co-workers in squeezing out an entry fee from each person visiting the club. Not an apology uttered, not a bow made. I wanted to give him a piece of my mind.

But Kris hauled me away from the entrance of the club before I could even manage a greeting- let alone a lecture for the bouncer. His long fingers laced together with my shorter ones as he stormed further down the street. I couldn’t muster a sentence, as I tripped over my feet to keep up with his strides. When we finally came to a halt at the edge of a deserted alleyway, I was breathless.

Sirens wailed in my head as I tried to piece things together. Did he just call me his girlfriend? Why on earth was he there? Had he been meaning to speak to me? What on earth was going on? Mouth ajar, I stared at him completely confused.

He removed his glasses from his face, unveiling angry yet concerned eyes. “Don’t look at me like that. I only said you were my girlfriend so that he’d let you go,” he coldly said.

As always he had a logical explanation for everything.

“Are you okay?” He sighed, leaning down a little more to see me better.

I blinked twice, breaking out of my daze. “Uh, yeah,” I replied softly. “Thanks for saving me back there.”

“Just what exactly were you doing around this area?” He tilted his head to the side.

“Going home,” I answered, furrowing my eyebrows. What else would I have been doing?

He raised an eyebrow. “You live around here?” He asked, looking like he couldn’t really believe it.

“Yes,” I nodded, “I live right across from that club.”

“The one I found you being man-handled outside of?”

“What other club would I be referring to?”

He pursed his lips as if debating on whether to retort back with something or not. He must have decided not to though, as he remained silent for a while. I bit my lip, realizing I had been a bit rude with the way I had said what I had.

“Sorry, I’m just tired.”

“It’s okay,” he replied.

I looked down at the ground and noticed that our hands were still linked together. Just like in the café the other night, he continued on holding my hand long after he needed to. I blushed and cleared my throat.

“Uhh, Kris?” I attempted to keep my voice even.

When I got no response, I looked up at the tall man. A frown was painted on his face, along with a glimmer of confusion and irritation in his eyes. He was staring right at me, which made me wonder if he had actually heard me or if he was spacing out.

“Kris?”

I knew he heard me though he was mute, because the lines on his forehead grew deeper. What was his problem?

The epiphany struck me rather hard, when I became conscious of the mistake I had made.

“Yifan?” I tried.

“Took you long enough,” he grumbled like an old man. “What?”

I swallowed and awkwardly gestured with a movement of my head towards our hands, too embarrassed to actually say anything.

He looked down and then looked back up at me in his calm and collected way of doing things. A quirk of a smile played on his lips and danced in his eyes. Unlike the previous night where he had gingerly let go and apologized, his hand remained locked with mine.

“You get flustered so easily,” he whispered. Untangling our fingers in a criminally slow manner, as if he wanted to provoke my cheeks to transform into the definition of red.

When we were no longer touching, I could breathe easier. “Aren’t I allowed to get flustered?” I held my wrist with my now free hand.

“You are,” he admitted, “because you’re a fan.” A step was taken away from me as he lowered his glasses back onto the bridge of his nose. “But you shouldn’t be, because you’re my friend.”

“Friends like us don’t hold hands,” I shot back.

“They did in kindergarten,” he made his way to the edge of the alleyway where the sidewalk waited.

“We’re not in kindergarten,” I bluntly took a stab at what he said. His argument didn’t make sense. How old did he think we were? Was it normal for guys and girls to hold hands in the West if they were just friends?

“True,” he nodded, “but we once were.”

I didn’t have time to comprehend what he was getting at as he left the alleyway opening. I ran to catch up to him, only to find that he was waiting for me just out of sight by the wall.

“Worried that I had left you?” He leisurely raised an eyebrow.

“No,” I lied, “just excited to go home.”

I crossed the road by myself, knowing that he would follow me. I knew he would want to make sure I got home easily after he saved me from that bouncer. Surely enough, Kris’ steps fell in line with mine a moment later. Silently we walked up the street towards my building. A good 8 inches separated us throughout the whole duration of the walk. My hands remained stiff by my sides, paranoid that he may just take one to get a reaction out of me.

When we reached my building, I stopped and waited for him to say bid me farewell.

But he kind of just stared at me instead, as if he too were waiting for something.

Eventually he spoke. “Aren’t you going to go inside?”

“Aren’t you going to say goodbye?” I retorted.

“I was actually planning to walk you to your door,” he replied, “you may get yourself into trouble on the way up.”

“I’m not that helpless,” I narrowed my eyes.

“After tonight’s events I wouldn’t say that so boldly.”

“Ugh,” I groaned, a hand smacked against my face. “You’re annoying.”

“If you’re going to be like this every time I try to act gentlemanly we’re going to have problems Yunji.”

His gentlemanly behaviour and lack of honorifics were already problems of mine, they fanned the flames of the feelings I didn’t want to have.  

“I’m sorry if I seem rude and ungrateful right now Kr-” I stopped myself, “Yifan.” I paused. “But I don’t think I need you to me to my door.”

“You know, you’re acting really weird,” he frowned, “most fangirls would kill for the night that you’re having.”

“But I’m your friend too…Yifan,” I ran a hand through my hair, “and friends know when to stop.”

“Stop what?” He questioned.

I was confused and I just wanted to hide in my apartment away from him. He was the source of the confusion that was clouding my mind. I didn’t know what I was saying, or what I was trying to get at now either. My logic was becoming scrambled, undecipherable- just like Kris’ at times, I couldn’t follow it.

I struggled to come up with an answer to his question, giving up quickly. “Goodnight Yifan,” I mumbled and spun on my heels to make a beeline for the elevator.

I would have felt bad about my change of behaviour, if not for the fact that he followed me into the elevator- just slipping through the doors as they closed. I stared at him emotionlessly as my head swelled with thoughts.

Why can’t you just leave me alone tonight Kris!? I can’t think! Stop being so…you. Ugh. I can’t do this. Why are we friends? I don’t want to be anymore, I want out. It’s too tiring to suppress these stupid feelings. Well actually, it’s not your fault. Stupid heart, why do you have to do this me? Why can’t you just stay still?

“Yunji, are you okay?”

Maybe my face reflected my internal turmoil. I blinked and sighed. We reached my floor with a ding of the elevator bell. Yet again, I didn’t answer his question and just walked. He followed.

“You know I was just teasing you earlier right? I didn’t mean to insinuate that you couldn’t handle yourself. I know you can most of the time,” he started as he trailed behind me.

I listened, but didn’t respond.

We reached my door. “I just wanted to walk you to this door.”

“Why?” I found myself say. I turned around to look at him, tearing my eyes away from my door handle. Our eyes met.

“I don’t know. Do I really need a reason why?” He looked down at the ground.

I wanted a reason. What reason, I didn’t know.

“I’m sorry for whatever I’ve done to make you like this,” his sincerity jabbed at my conscious, slapping a guilt stamp on my forehead with a pang.

I softened and sighed once more. I opened the door to my apartment and clutched at the handle tightly.

“I’m sorry too,” I left it at that, not elaborating any further on the subject. “Have you eaten?”

As if answering for itself, a low rumble echoed throughout the corridor from Kris’ stomach. His head snapped up from the ground and I swore a slight blush coloured his cheeks.

A semblance of a smile cracked onto my face. “I’ll take that as a no,” I said. I went inside and opened the door wider. But he didn’t seem to take the hint and remained on the spot.

I bit the inside of my cheek. “Do you want to come in?” I awkwardly rocked back and forth on the heels of my boots.

“You don’t have to feel obligated to do anything Yunji-” he began to protest.

“Are you hungry or not?” I cut him off.

He grimaced, but reluctantly gave me a single nod.

“Then come inside.”

I excused myself from eating with Kris to use the bathroom. Even though the food I served him was leftovers from another night, he ate a lot and said it was good.

I locked the door behind me and splashed cold water onto my face above the sink. My heart was back at it again, beating irritatingly fast. And I was feeling hot- clammy even.

I pulled my dress and sat down on the toilet, only to quietly gasp.

Everything all of a sudden made sense; why I had been so moody all day.

I took a deep breath and a string of curses left my mouth as I reached over to grab a sanitary napkin from a drawer close by. My period had arrived a whopping 17 days late. I didn’t think too much of it originally because I knew I hadn’t been doing anything that I shouldn’t have been doing. But for it to arrive today, or all days, was just pure bad luck.

“No wonder,” I hissed, as I took care of what needed to be done.

I hate pms. 

Writer's Notes:

First of all, I'd like to say thank you for all of the kind comments full of words of encouragement from you all. I really appreciate all of your concern. It really made me smile to read each and every one of your comments after I posted that notice. Thanks for being so understanding everyone!

As for the story, I know this chapter is weird. But it's not that much of an importnat chapter. There are some aspects within the chapter that are important, but lots of it is just to space out the story- if you catch my drift. So sorry if it disappointed any of you. I'll do better next time.

Thanks for reading/subscribing/commenting/supporting/upvoting/being such great readers ^^

Lots of love,
xoxoxo,
HEARTACHES <3