CHAPTER 5.0 (Final)

Jinki’s POV

          I felt a teardrop roll down my temple—I was awake again. Finally, I was out of that sad memory. I tardily opened my eyes to look at the sky—it was already near sunset. The orange rays coming from the sun engulfed my whole body, calming me down. I’ve had enough. I was always crying; always hurt. Why did it have to be like this? I closed my eyes again trying to remember what I did after that last scene from my dream. Forgotten images from my past gushed back, and I smiled to myself,

          “That was the most painful memory I had.”

          Before I drifted off to sleep, I could hear the same song that was playing a while ago. I must’ve put the playlist to ‘repeat one’ mode, that’s why IF was the music that lulled me back to sleep, again.

          Maybe I am a fool, I could only look at you from a distance.
          Because I am scared you might turn away from my feelings,
          And you and I might drift further apart.

--

          “Yes. Of course, I would help you. After all, you ARE the most important person in my life.”

          After I said those words, Jonghyun gave me his 100 watts smile—it was gleaming with happiness, more than any of his smiles before. “Gomawo,” he said, as he hugged me tightly like he was about to break my bones. I smiled back and patted his back—Yeah, seeing him that delighted was enough to make me feel better, or was it?
 

          Just like how I planned it, Gwiboon and I were supposed to meet at the rooftop of the school building during our club session that day, so I waited patiently, until she arrived. As usual, she was smiling, no, grinning at me; but, as for me, I just stared blankly at her; but she was too happy to even have noticed it.

 

          “Hey! Yesterday, you said that there’s something you want to say to me. What is it?” Her eyes sparkled, like she was expecting some good news from me. I could even see her blush a little as she snuggled closer to me, who was sitting at that time.
 

          There was dead silence for a minute, until I started my acting—yes, my acting as the bad guy.

 

          “I want you to forget about me,” I coldly said to her.
 

          She was still smiling, but her lips slightly curved down when I mouthed those words.

          “Huh? What?” She furrowed her eyebrows, reassuring herself whether she heard the right words or not.

          “Didn’t you hear it, woman? I said I want you to forget about me. Let’s stop this. Everything we’ve been doing for the past weeks, I want it to end…here,” I straightforwardly told her those harsh words. Liar. Everything you’re saying is a lie, Lee Jinki. You know it. Stop lying to yourself. I was cursing myself.

          “W-what are you saying? I-I can’t understand… why now… w-why is… h-how… W-why are you doing this, Jinki!?” Her eyes were b with tears, but she kept holding it in, maybe because she didn’t want to look weak in front of me.Stubborn girl.

          I didn’t respond and just sneered at her. Seeing that, she flinched a little. She tried to open to say something, but closed it right away when she found herself at a loss for words. And then, finally, what I’ve selfishly been waiting to see—tears. Soft crystals flowed endlessly from her chocolate orbs, crashing harshly onto her lap. She silently let her tears trail down her cheeks as she glared at me with that confused look, still unable to believe what just happened. As for me, my smirk was slowly disappearing from my lips; I was also breaking. Fool. You did this and now you pity her? You’re such an . Each tear that dropped from those eyes was like a thorn that stung my heart and shattered it into pieces. It hurt—so much, that I could only bite my lips in despair. I dug my own grave. I wanted to cry, seriously; no, even more, I wanted to kill myself. I wanted to murder myself for making the person I least wanted hurt, bawl her eyes out. I felt my eyes b with tears, so I stood up and made my way to the door out of the rooftop; out of this hell, wherein the devil was me.

          As I was taking my first step, she halted me with a loud cry.

          “JINKI!” she was still crying hard, but tried her hardest not to slur with her words. “Why? W-why are you doing this? Why so sudden?! It’s like yesterday we’re just—”
 

          My back was facing her, so she couldn’t see how pain flooded my eyes. “Sorry. I’ve just recently realized how much I didn’t like you. No, rather, “HATE” you. So, please, stop loving me. I find it as a nuisance. It’s annoying.” My face was already wet with tears.

 

          “Stop it! I’m confused. And, even if you don’t like me, I don’t care! Asking me to stop loving you all of a sudden? That’s sick! I can’t do that! Loving you was my choice. So, please don’t ask me to do such things, which are against my will.”

 

          “Can’t you see?! I can’t make you happy!” I was already shouting at her. God, why don’t you just give up Gwiboon!? I don’t want to hurt you any more than this.

 

          “You… You don’t need to make me happy. J-just being with you is enough… to make me smile.”
 

          Such painful words struck my heart. I was trembling in pain. I didn’t want to do that, but I had to. I had to hurt her, so she would leave me alone; and be happy with another man, who I know deserves her better.

 

          Yeah, just ruin your life Jinki. You’ve gone through so much pain in the past. What makes this different from those tragic memories you have had? You already ARE a wretched man.

 

          “Are you done?” I said.

 

          “Mmmm?” She murmured.

 

          “I asked you if you’re done. ‘Cause, if you’re done with your lame speeches, then I guess, I can leave now.”

          “Why are you saying all these, Jinki?! This isn’t you. I know it. You don’t mean everything you’ve just said. It just isn’t you.”

 

          “You know nothing about me. So don’t act as if you do.” I told her in a cold unyielding tone.

 

          “I do.”
 

          Her words made me widen my eyes.

 

          “I know the real Lee Jinki… And I’m very sure, that he isn’t this person in front of me right now. He… he’s… the prince that saved me during that summer night. That cold night, when I was feeling alone. When I needed someone to talk to and make me feel better; make me feel whole again—after my heart was crushed by the news of my brother’s death.”
 

          So, she remembers our rendezvous that night after all? So, I wasn’t the only who does. But wait,what did she just say?

 

          “Brother?” It was all I could say, because my mind was still in shock.

 

          “Yes. My BROTHER. When I told you it was my dog that died, I lied—to you; and to myself. It hurt so much to accept that my brother just left me, so I tried my hardest not to think about it. I tried to smile and erase everything that had to do with his death. But I failed. So rather than seeing his cold ‘sleeping’ figure inside that lonely four-cornered vessel, I ran away to a place where I could be alone. Where I know I could cry my eyes out, even if it had to go on forever; a place where I could be like a Cinderella waiting for my prince to save me from being eaten completely by loneliness. And right there, that night, you came; and FOUND ME.”
 

          My mind was a complete blank. My brain was processing on what I should think about first. Should I feel sorry for her? Should I comfort her? Should I stay nonchalant? Or should I just go on with my acting? –But, seriously, what I wanted most was to hug her, and tell her I’m sorry for wounding her heart, and making her suffer again.
 

          The atmosphere turned totally downhearted. Sniffles filled the air—both hers and mine; though, mine were muffled by my gritted teeth. Mustering up every ounce of confidence, I decided to speak again.

 

          “S-s… So—“ –Sorry. SORRY! I’m so sorry! That’s what I really wanted to say; but instead, the wrong words stumbled pass my lips.

 

          “S—so, are you finished? When will you stop crying?! You’re not a kid anymore. Cheh, why are you telling me all this? Did you think I’d change my mind and console you instead? Did you think I was that kind of person? Hah… Sorry to ruin your fantasies but I AM NOT.”
 

          I wanted everything to end there. I needed to stop. Stop hurting her; stop making her cry; stop wounding her—stop all this bad-guy acting—yeah, what I needed the most was the ‘curtain call’. So, I had to say it.

 

          “Just like the story you told me that night…”
 

          The last dialogue to end this screwed up ‘SHOW’.

 

          “Everything I showed you… Everything you’ve seen…”
 

          I roughly wiped off the wet trails left on my cheeks with my jacket’s sleeve, and turned around to face her with a forced smirk playing on my lips.

 

          “EVERYTHING WAS A LIE.”
 

          I couldn’t hold back my tears so I ran out of the door, slamming it harshly.
 

        I didn’t know how long I was sitting on the ground behind the door, stifling my sobs while listening to other person, who was crying her eyes out that moment because of me.
 

          After a while, I found myself dialing Jonghyun’s number on my phone.
 

          He abruptly answered, “Hello? Yah, Jinki?”

          I tried my hardest not to garble my words, “H-Hyun… C-c… Come to the roof top… NOW!!!”

 

          “Haaaah?! W-why!?”

 

          “JUST DO IT!” I was already demanding him in a bossy tone.

 

          “…..”
 

          I lost all my energy on crying, so I spoke in a gentle and calm voice.

 

          “…She needs you… more than anything right now… She needs someone to calm her down…”

 

          “…her?”

 

          “…Jonghyun… BE HER PRINCE.”
 

          After I spoke those last three words, I clicked the ‘end call’ button and my phone slipped off my grasp. I grabbed my fallen phone from the floor and made my way to some empty room I found down the hallway. I laid my back on a pile of gym floor mats, closed my eyes and let my tears fall freely.

 

          Nightmare. Yeah, this is all just a nightmare. Close your eyes. And soon, you’ll wake up from this horrible dream.
 

          The next day, I found myself inside the gym closet, in an uncomfortable position and lying face first on a pile of mats. For a moment back there, I was surprised to have found myself like that. But then, I remembered everything—the whole reason why I woke up finding myself in a room which was anything but my bedroom. Yeah. After all, everything was reality.

--

          Just like a fool, I can’t even say that I love you
          Because I am afraid that the wall that comes upon us
          After we meet will be painful and sad.
 

          I opened my eyes in time for the music player to stop. The whole place was, once again, clouded by the deafening sound of silence. The sunset has already ended by then, so the whole place was dark. No sign of any one around was in sight. –I WAS ALONE. I stood up on my feet and finally slowly walked out of the school and back to the place I used to think was my “home sweet home”—but now, another place where I WAS always ALONE.

--

           If I were to leave,
          What would you think?

          The next day, without saying his farewells to his best friend and the girl he (still) loves,

          Jinki left.

END.

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Author's Note: I'll leave it to your imagination guys, on what you think the last sentence meant. :)))) Aww. So, there you go. I posted the last part. Sorry I didn't even warn you that I was about to post the last chapter. I was quite surprised, too, that I didn't have to cut this one into halves. :D Ah, what do you guys think? I NEED FEEDBACKS! D; This was the first story I wrote, for a friend actually, so it's not... Good. Fail. But, but. NVM. :| Kekeke. The next story I'll be posting will be Onew/Key again. But this time, it's not so Angst. Maybe just a bit? :p