Jessica surprised with Taeyeon’s words. She pulled down her hand and put it on Taeyeon’s chest right on her beating heart. “Is it because of yesterday incident? I don’t like it if you become my girlfriend because of pity or responsibility. I want you to be my lover because you love me. Can you say to me sincerely that you love me with all your heart? That’s the basic things to do to become a lover. You do know that, right?”

Taeyeon hugged Jessica tighter and kiss her forehead. “I didn’t did all of it out of pity. I did felt responsible but that’s because you are different from other girls that have one night stands with me. I don’t want to categorized you with them. I like you very very much that it scares me but I don’t think I could say I love you to you yet. I’m afraid if I made you waited for a long time, you would tired or bored and leave me. I’m a woman with many secrets and most of them are bad. Could you promise me to stay even after you know about all of my ugly side?” Taeyeon asked Jessica anxiously. She could feel he heart pounding loudly waiting for Jessica’s answer.

Jessica smile gently and circling her hands on Taeyeon’s waist. “Even if all the people in the world leave you, I won’t. Just tell me your secrets one by one. I won’t leave you except if you throw me away, Taeyeon. I will wait until the day you could said I love you to me from the buttom of your heart. I will waited until the day you could love me just as much as I love you.”

Taeyeon touched by Jessica’s words but she didn’t want to put her hopes too high. Her fragile hearts can’t take it if she believed in Jessica’s promise one hundred precent but in the end Jessica break the promise.

“Thank you but don’t promise me anything, Sica. We don’t know what will happened in the future. Just promise me that if you want to leave me, please tell me. I’d rather knew you can’t take it anymore and end it peacefully than you pretend to be alright but we keep hurting each other.” Taeyeon said to Jessica.

Jessica wanted to insisted that she won’t leave Taeyeon but decided to keep silence because she knew Taeyeon won’t believe her. Jessica could only nodded her head and look at Taeyeon sincerely.

“I will started telling you my secrets.” Taeyeon said and closed her eyes for a second. She composed her self then exhale loudly. Taeyeon could feel Jessica caressed her cheek so she open her eyes to look at Jessica. Jessica give her a smile as a support signed. Taeyeon felt warm inside her heart. She return the smile and reassured her self Jessica would be different than other.

“My family and relatives are  messed up ones. Husband wife fighting everyday, parents hit their children everytime they are angry, and divorced happened all the time. Honestly I never felt loved by my parents. They asked me to do what they want and i relented all my life until my rebel recently. They abused me when I made a mistake. As I grew up, I saw people divorced, an unhappy marriage, I never saw a real love like what people talk about. A love that parents would give the best for their children and expect nothing, how husband loves his wife with all his heart and vice versa, I never saw it.”

Taeyeon smile bitterly at Jessica and sighed. Reminiscing her childhood memory is always brought back the sad feeling.

“All that I knew is when you don’t have money or power, when you are small and young, you would be the victim. You can’t show your weakness even for a second because there is someone out there would wait for that chance and crushed you. There’s no love and you could get happiness as long as you have money and power.”

Jessica bite her lip when she saw Taeyeon’s sad expression. She felt sad for all the harsh experience that Taeyeon had when she was a child. Jessica snuggled closer to Taeyeon and hug her to give her warmth to Taeyeon.

“That experience made me  stubborn, temperamental, cold, and didn’t believe in love. I keep distance to other people. I believe that nothing is last. When I enter college, I met my members. They taught me that there are people that would care about me, that love is exist, that it is better to be together with other people that love them than keep distance and stay alone. Even if I ignored them, they didn’t give up and keep bugging me. That persistant people.”

Taeyeon remembering her members and chuckled slightly. She loved her members with all her heart and she would do anything for them. Jessica reminiscing the members prank on her and chuckled too. They really are persistant but lovely.

“I’ve became warmer, I smile and laughed more when I was with them. I felt the love that my family never gave. But no mater how hard they tried, my feared of love between lover is still linger. I’ve been in relationship two times but I never loved all of them and in the end I broke their heart because I neglected them. I always thought that this relationship would broke in the end so why would I put my heart in that relationship.”

Jessica hit Taeyeon softly and glared at her playfully. “You playgirl, poor ex-boyfriends to be broken hearted.” Taeyeon laughed at Jessica’s tease then continue her story.

“That’s right. I’m a bad woman. One day I fallen in love to my friend’s brother.” Jessica snapped her head at Taeyeon and raised her brows. “Brother? You like man too?” Taeyeon smile sadly and said,” I used to like man but with all the sad memories and he broke my heart, I can’t trusted them and trusted love anymore.” Jessica interwined their fingers and asked softly,” Why?”

“I fallen in love with him and we have a great time together. I enjoyed being with him and my heart beat loudly everytime we were together. I have my first love that time but didn't realized it. When I realized it, I retreated my self and began creating a distance. I’m afraid with love. I said to him that I don’t want to keep doing this because I can’t be with him. I asked him to just be friend with me.”

Jessica hit Taeyeon gently and said,” Babo!” Taeyeon hold Jessica’s hand that hit her and put it on her face. She looked at Jessica with a painful expression and said,” Yes, I am a stupid person. You know is it more stupid that I do? Inside my heart I hoped he would keep pursuing me and assuring me that he would love me and only me. His love won’t change until the end. But the next two days he asked me to help him to court another girl instead of trying to get me back. He said there are other woman in this world so if I rejected him, he would get another one and because I am his friend and I am a woman, I should helped him.”

Jessica sit staright angrily and gritted her teeth. “Bad man! If I met him, I would beat him in to pulp! How could he did that to you!” Taeyeon Jessica’s back gently and hugged her to calmed Jessica.

“No, it’s alright. It’s my fault. That’s the least I could do after what I did to him. I heard he would get married this year. Although the pain still linger a little, I’m happy he finally found his happiness. But, my fear of love get severed. I can’t say I loved someone even if I love them. So, if you wanted to heard I said it, you would need all the patient that you have to waited for me. I’m sorry you have to fallen in love with me.” Taeyeon said apologetically.

“Now that you knew my story, you could took back your confession if you wanted to. I won’t blame you.” Taeyeon said while smile gently. “If you thought you could give up in the end, please stop now because I can’t bear another hurt like the last time.”

Jessica understand now why Taeyeon did all of it. She scooted out from Taeyeon’s hug. She wanted to change her position so that she is the one that hugged Taeyeon but Taeyeon thought otherwise. She thought Jessica finally give up. Taeyeon chuckled sadly and trying to keep her tears from falling out. She stand up and trying to walk out to composed her self when Jessica hold her hand.

“Where are you going? You don’t think I’m giving up now, don’t you? I’m just doing it to change our position. I want to hug you because you looks like you need one.” Jessica said firmly and her hold getting tighter.

Taeyeon look at Jessica timidly and mumble,” Really? Because once you are in, you can’t get out.”

Jessica sighed and yanked Taeyeon near her. She put Taeyeon in between her open legs and hug her. She put Taeyeon’s head on her chest and she patted Taeyeon’s back lightly. “I won’t back down on my word even if you told me all you secrets.”

Taeyeon heard this and felt relief. She snuggled closer to Jessica and hug her waist tightly. She wanted to erased all the bitter memories and hoping Jessica’s hug would give her protection. After a while she could feel her heart calmed and felt warmed. Jessica always had this effect on her. “I will tell you the rest of my secret when you healed. Right now I just want you to hold me tightly and don’t let this world hurt me.” Taeyeon pleaded Jessica.

Jessica relented and hug Taeyeon tight. “I won’t let other people hurt you.” Then Jessica kissed Taeyeon’s forehead and they cuddled until the night come. They have fallen a sleep on the couch.