Chapter 3: Living with the Memory
APPA HYUNG (Contest Entry to AFF Summer Fic Writing Contest)
Chapter 3: Living with the Memory
When Dongho was eight, he had to stay at the hospital.
"How is he?" Their Omma asked Jaejoong. They were standing by the window with his father.
Dongho was sleeping in the bed, with dextrose in his arm, and a humidifier on.
"The same, same old thing."
"No change?"
"Nothing."
Silence.
The mother placed her hand on his shoulder, "Just look after your brother."
The older son bowed his head, "Yes, Omma."
"Son," their father placed an arm around his back and squeezed and held his arm, "It is not your fault."
Head bowed, he looked at the ground, "Aboji," he muttered. Jaejoong felt guilty.
He patted his back, "It is not your fault, son, don't blame yourself. Just, look after your brother. It could have been any one of us, who was there with him at that time, and we don't know, if we could have prevented it even if we were there, it just so happen, that it was you, who was with him when it happened."
He bowed his head lower, "Yes, Aboji."
"You’re good, son. You’re good," his Omma said to him, "You saved your brother."
Silence. He could not say anything, he felt guilty about the whole thing. He kept thinking, what he could have done to have avoided this from happening in the first place, 'This should not had happened. Why did she do it? I don't understand.'
Someone, who said she was a fan gave Dongho food that had been poisoned. And Dongho, who often received gifts of food from fans, did not think anything was wrong with it. He had received it shyly with a smile, "Thank you, Ma'am, thank you for this food. Thank you for always thinking of me. Please, continue to look after me," he even said, bowing his head, and smiling at the woman.
Jaejoong was with his brother at that time because their parents were not available, he did not think anything was wrong either, and even thanked the fan, "Thank you, for looking after my brother. Thank you for your gift. Please, continue to look after him," he had said.
Jaejoong had taken the food from Dongho and placed it among their things. When, Dongho was hungry, during one of their breaks, he took the food and ate it. After a few minutes, he started to have a stomachache and was not feeling well, and he told his brother. When he saw the look on his younger brother, Jaejoong asked for help. Dongho was getting worse by the second, so everyone decided to bring him to the hospital.
"Son, perhaps, you can talk to him. And, he might open up to you," their Omma sadly said, "We have to do something, he has to start eating. It's . . " she choked on her word. "I'm sorry," and, was silent.
"I . . I . . don't know what to do." Silence again. She felt guilty, and was worried about his younger son, who has not eaten for days, and not talked much, as well.
It was a big news, a hot item, and reporters, photographers and the media, were haunting them. Even the fans were all over their place and here in the hospital. The family had to stop answering their phones at home. The old news of his failed kidnapping, when he was three, resurfaced as well. Everyone was talking about Dongho, and he was the most searched on the Internet.
The news of him being rushed to the hospital, from a film set, suffering from food poisining, spread like wildfire. And, the news of him, almost dying was another. There were so many speculations that came. The fans, were frantic, many were on the Internet, many were crying, asking, ‘What was the truth, how was he doing.’ Some fans, even came to the hospital were he was brought, and stayed in the lobby. Friends of the family were shocked with the news as well, the phone of the family members were busy, and many of the co-actors and co-actresses came to the hospital as well, asking how he was doing. Even, members of the crew and the staff of the film were inquiring how he was doing. But, other people, Dongho had worked with were also inquiring of his condition.
When, the failed kidnapping happened, Dongho did not return at once to the entertainment world, and stopped for a whole year with his activities. So, when he returned, people were happy, but they noticed the changed in him. He became less talkative and became shy. So, people were more protective of him, and those that worked with him were more concerned, careful, and watchful around him. Even the fans, were the same.
Ever since the failed kidnapping incident, Dongho became afraid of people, specially a big crowd. He did not want to be in close contact with any other people beside his family. He panicked, became very frightened, he cowered away or embraced a member of his family and won't let go, and would started crying. Most significantly, he did not wish to go out from their home.
When Dongho was eight, he had to stay at the hospital.
"How is he?" Their Omma asked Jaejoong. They were standing by the window with his father.
Dongho was sleeping in the bed, with dextrose in his arm, and a humidifier on.
"The same, same old thing."
"No change?"
"Nothing."
Silence.
The mother placed her hand on his shoulder, "Just look after your brother."
The older son bowed his head, "Yes, Omma."
"Son," their father placed an arm around his back and squeezed and held his arm, "It is not your fault."
Head bowed, he looked at the ground, "Aboji," he muttered. Jaejoong felt guilty.
He patted his back, "It is not your fault, son, don't blame yourself. Just, look after your brother. It could have been any one of us, who was there with him at that time, and we don't know, if we could have prevented it even if we were there, it just so happen, that it was you, who was with him when it happened."
He bowed his head lower, "Yes, Aboji."
"You’re good, son. You’re good," his Omma said to him, "You saved your brother."
Silence. He could not say anything, he felt guilty about the whole thing. He kept thinking, what he could have done to have avoided this from happening in the first place, 'This should not had happened. Why did she do it? I don't understand.'
Someone, who said she was a fan gave Dongho food that had been poisoned. And Dongho, who often received gifts of food from fans, did not think anything was wrong with it. He had received it shyly with a smile, "Thank you, Ma'am, thank you for this food. Thank you for always thinking of me. Please, continue to look after me," he even said, bowing his head, and smiling at the woman.
Jaejoong was with his brother at that time because their parents were not available, he did not think anything was wrong either, and even thanked the fan, "Thank you, for looking after my brother. Thank you for your gift. Please, continue to look after him," he had said.
Jaejoong had taken the food from Dongho and placed it among their things. When, Dongho was hungry, during one of their breaks, he took the food and ate it. After a few minutes, he started to have a stomachache and was not feeling well, and he told his brother. When he saw the look on his younger brother, Jaejoong asked for help. Dongho was getting worse by the second, so everyone decided to bring him to the hospital.
"Son, perhaps, you can talk to him. And, he might open up to you," their Omma sadly said, "We have to do something, he has to start eating. It's . . " she choked on her word. "I'm sorry," and, was silent.
"I . . I . . don't know what to do." Silence again. She felt guilty, and was worried about his younger son, who has not eaten for days, and not talked much, as well.
It was a big news, a hot item, and reporters, photographers and the media, were haunting them. Even the fans were all over their place and here in the hospital. The family had to stop answering their phones at home. The old news of his failed kidnapping, when he was three, resurfaced as well. Everyone was talking about Dongho, and he was the most searched on the Internet.
The news of him being rushed to the hospital, from a film set, suffering from food poisining, spread like wildfire. And, the news of him, almost dying was another. There were so many speculations that came. The fans, were frantic, many were on the Internet, many were crying, asking, ‘What was the truth, how was he doing.’ Some fans, even came to the hospital were he was brought, and stayed in the lobby. Friends of the family were shocked with the news as well, the phone of the family members were busy, and many of the co-actors and co-actresses came to the hospital as well, asking how he was doing. Even, members of the crew and the staff of the film were inquiring how he was doing. But, other people, Dongho had worked with were also inquiring of his condition.
When, the failed kidnapping happened, Dongho did not return at once to the entertainment world, and stopped for a whole year with his activities. So, when he returned, people were happy, but they noticed the changed in him. He became less talkative and became shy. So, people were more protective of him, and those that worked with him were more concerned, careful, and watchful around him. Even the fans, were the same.
Ever since the failed kidnapping incident, Dongho became afraid of people, specially a big crowd. He did not want to be in close contact with any other people beside his family. He panicked, became very frightened, he cowered away or embraced a member of his family and won't let go, and would started crying. Most significantly, he did not wish to go out from their home.
No one could calm him down, but a member of his family, most specially Jaejoong, who can eased his fright or cajoled him, was able to do what their parents could not.
"I don't want to go!" Dongho was crying, huddled in a corner.
"It's alright, you don't have to go, we won't leave." Jaejoong tried to calm him down, he went to him and sat beside him.
"I don't want to go." Dongho, looked at him, and was trying to see, if he was telling the truth.
"We are not going anywhere."
Dongho was sniffling, crawled to him and sat on his thigh and placed an arm on his shoulder.
"We are not going?"
"Yes, we are just staying right here," Jaejoong had his hand on his thigh, and on his arm.
"Okay," he placed his head on his shoulder.
"It's alright, you don't have to go, we won't leave." Jaejoong tried to calm him down, he went to him and sat beside him.
"I don't want to go." Dongho, looked at him, and was trying to see, if he was telling the truth.
"We are not going anywhere."
Dongho was sniffling, crawled to him and sat on his thigh and placed an arm on his shoulder.
"We are not going?"
"Yes, we are just staying right here," Jaejoong had his hand on his thigh, and on his arm.
"Okay," he placed his head on his shoulder.
One time, Jaejoong was studying by his table in his room, with a sleeping Dongho in his arm and on his lap.
Their mother came in to looked in on them, and saw the two brothers, and whispered to catch his attention, "Jaejoong."
He turned his head, when he heard his mother's voice called his name, "Omma?"
"Why do you have your brother in your arms? Why don't you just let him lie down on the bed?"
"We both feel better this way, Omma, he can sleep more, and not have nightmares, and I can concentrate more in my studies. And, if he still have a nightmare, even if he is already in my arms, I can just talk to him, or hum to him, or maybe sing to him. He calms down faster. And, right now, he is sleeping peacefully, Omma, so, I rather not move him."
"Are you sure, you are alright like that?"
"Yes, Omma, don't worry about me, I'm fine."
"Alright then, but, in case you do get tired, let him lie down on the bed."
"Yes, Omma." Their mother left the room, and he returned to his studies.
Dongho had nightmares, and often, he slept in the middle of his parents or he slept with Jaejoong, but never alone. And, when he slept with his older brother, their mother often looked in on them, before going to sleep, and, if the other way around, Jaejoong would do the same thing as their mother had done.
One time, when Jaejoong was about to go out to buy some things, Dongho would cling hard onto him.
"Hyung, don't go!" Dongho was holding on to his pant leg, his chin was trembling, eyes b with tears, and was looking up at Jaejoong imploringly, "Don't leave me."
He knelt down, faced and embraced him, and Dongho embraced him back, "I'll be gone just for a little while, I am only going to buy something. What would you like me to bring back for you?"
"No! Don't go! Don't leave!' Dongho's face on his chest, and was holding on tightly.
"Omma, needs me to buy some things from the market, and I need to buy some things for school, too. Or, you can come with me, if you like."
"No!"
"Promise, I won't be long, I'll come back as soon as I finished my shopping. Now, what would you like me to bring back for you? hmmm Some toys? Ice cream? Rice cakes? Sausage? Rice noodles? Peaches? What would you like to have hmm? And, we'll eat when I get back, alright?"
"Promise, you won't be long?"
"Yes, I promise."
"Hurry back."
Jaejoong kissed him on the forehead, "I'll hurry back, and bring back something, and we'll eat when I get back."
He had to be replaced by another child actor in the movie he was doing. All activities had to be postponed or cancelled. He was not in any state to be with other people. He was but a child, who had not recovered mentally and emotionally, to what happened to him. His young mind, did not understood what happened to him. It took weeks, even before he would allow them to take him out, with a member of the family, to go out of their home, and go to a nearby park.
One time, in those days, in the park, his Aboji carried him in his arms both looking forward to the direction where they were going, they were walking to a nearby park. Dongho, had his arms around the neck of his Aboji, his head right beside his. Eyes, looking around in different directions.
"It is alright, Dongho, it is safe." His father, knew, he was afraid.
"See, there are not so many people here, right now. And, there are so many trees and birds flying."
They would sit by the bench, with Dongho on his lap. He did not want to be far from him, not even to sit beside him. They would stay there, talking.
"Aboji, can I have some ice cream?"
"Of course."They would walk to a nearby store and buy. And then return, to the bench to enjoy the ice cream.
"It's good. Sweet. Is yours sweet, too Aboji?"
"It is alright, Dongho, it is safe." His father, knew, he was afraid.
"See, there are not so many people here, right now. And, there are so many trees and birds flying."
They would sit by the bench, with Dongho on his lap. He did not want to be far from him, not even to sit beside him. They would stay there, talking.
"Aboji, can I have some ice cream?"
"Of course."They would walk to a nearby store and buy. And then return, to the bench to enjoy the ice cream.
"It's good. Sweet. Is yours sweet, too Aboji?"
"Yes, delicious."
"Maybe, we should buy some for Omma and Jaejoong-hyung."
"When, we go back home, we'll buy some more. And, take it home."
"Can I have some more, too?"
"Of course."
Their parents, asked the media and the fans to stay away from Dongho and from their family. That there should not be any filming of any kind, and that they will not be crowding their home or neighborhood. They asked everyone, for the sake of Dongho. And, the media understood the situation and honored the wishes of his parents. And, the fans, were willing to stay away for the sake of Dongho.
The fans, who were his undying supporters, stayed with him for that whole year, even if he did not do any project and was out of circulation, had sent him letters, and gifts of toys, clothes, shoes, and food. There was always something a fan would sent to their home. Many wanted to visit him, but stayed away, and instead sent gifts.
Only after awhile, with the permission of the parents, and Dongho was willing enough, that fans came to meet him. There were conditions set by the parents, and the fans were all willing to abide with their wishes. Dongho will only meet them in places where there were other kids around, so Dongho will feel safer, because he felt less frightened if there were other kids, rather than room full of adults. Some fans, brought with them, their kids, grandchildren, their neighbors kids, brothers or sisters, young fans asked their parents to bring them, this was all done so he would feel safe. And, Dongho, though very tentative in the beginning, end up playing with them. They often, would meet in the park, and fans would bring food with them. And, it became regular for Dongho to meet fans in those circumstances, without the media or photographers, and it helped him overcome his fright of people.
Now, another incident happened, and this time, it was almost fatal. Dongho was not eating. His face in a perpetual frown, questioned every food that was being placed in front of him. He won't eat a morsel, he refused to eat. He won't say a word, often would turn his head on the side and waved his hand, to have the food removed in front of him.
The parents asked the hospital management to have no one be allowed in the room or be in front of their son's room, except for family members. The media was not allowed in that floor of the hospital. And, the media, was understanding enough to comply with the parents wishes. And the fans, did not go up to the floor, as well, but remained in the waiting area in the first floor. Guests or visitors were not allowed in the room, as well, but a member of the family, or member of his agency, would talk to them in the visitor's lounge in the same floor.
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