The thundering orchestra of Mama boomed along the walls of the practice room, vibration felt under the feet of anyone within range. 

Twelve boys, hard at work, stared intensely into their reflection as their body moved accordingly with the song. 

The dance routine was like a memory as if the company had overworked them to the point of becoming robots.

Kyungsoo felt nervous as he danced amongst the other boys, whom seemed to be performing effortlessly. 

It was a regular routine that was practiced everyday, but even with this excuse, nothing could get Kyungsoo out of his unfocused concentration, his only reasoning being the lack of strength and coordination. 

With this implied in mind, they swiftly changed rotations. Kyungsoo misplaced his steps and got bombard over as the beat continued, causing most to ignore the mistake, mostly because they had to act like professionals, their manager once said.

Heat flamed in his cheeks with shame but no one seems too affected, except for one particular guy who he tried to ignore. Dismissing the glare he knew was directed at him, they continued the rest of the song as if nothing happened.

Few mistakes were seen here and there, most major ones deriving from Kyungsoo. 

As the song ended, the members grew out of formation and hurried for water.

Suho clapped his hand and smiled, showcasing bright rows of whiteness.

“I think that’s enough for today, yeah?”

“Hyung, we barely did anything different from yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that day, and the day before that day before that day, and the day before that-”

“We get it, Sehun.” Kris interrupted, palming the back of the youngest. The younger cheekily smiled before stepping beside Luhan.

Kyungsoo moved away, drifting further from the group as conversations began to emerge.

He pulled himself into a dusty corner and hoped no one was going to bother his presence. The last thing he wanted was a lecture on his dancing, or his presence for all it mattered.

He shuddered at the thought of a certain member criticizing him. There had been many instances that reminded Kyungsoo well enough that yes, a member liked to overly, and rather harshly, chastise him. 

The room started to get noisy, mostly because of Baekhyun’s yapping with Chen.

He hated ruckus, but it was something he had grown accustomed to over the past few years.

So even through all the commotion, the singer found himself facing the bronzed dancer. He was muscular on the chest, yet skinny enough to be perfect.

Jongin frowned displeasingly and stepped forward with pride, causing shivers to run along the elder’s spine. 

“You’re not up to our standards.” Jongin bluntly stated while wiping away his sweat, as if to shove it Kyungsoo' face. 

Kyungsoo bit his lip, quivering at the straightforwardness of the dancer. “S-sorry?”

Jongin stared at him for a moment. “That’s all you have to say?” 

Kyungsoo doesn’t answer to this odd question.

“You’re not even going to defend yourself? Or give excuses as to why you’ve been lacking in skills these past months? You’re failing as a member and we can’t debut unless you fix yourself, and if you’re the cause of postponing anything, I would be beyond piss.”

Kyungsoo’s thoughts became a jumble of mess from the awful demeanor. 

Was something wrong with him?

Jongin was always a ruckus back when they first entered the entertainment. But now that days had become lesser, seriousness had overtook him and more than often, he had bullied and pressured Kyungsoo into a pit of dying particles.

As Jongin waited for an answer or response to his statement, Kyungsoo looked anywhere behind the younger boy and sought for help. 

He felt defenseless and weak against someone like Jongin.

Sehun, much to Kyungsoo‘s assurance, stepped beside Jongin, tugging his sleeves to get the dancer’s attention. He formed a cute pout that could definitely lure any girl into loving him. Too bad he had his eyes set for one person only.

“Let’s hurry. Baekhyun and Chen will beat us to the showers if we don’t leave now.” Sehun said, giving Kyungsoo an acknowledgement before gesturing back to Jongin. 

Jongin rolled his eyes at the disturbance. Nonetheless, he turned and walked away. The duo was soon joined by Luhan and they leave the practice room together.

Like Sehun had predict, Baekhyun and Chen were already gone off to fight for showers at the dorm. Kris and Tao were walking behind them slowly, much to Xiumin and Lay’s annoyance. Chanyeol was gone, probably off with another schedule, thus leaving Suho and Kyungsoo alone in the now quiet room.

Suho offered a genuine smile and led the way. Kyungsoo reluctantly followed. Being alone would have been better.

“You’ve been quiet lately?” Suho tried to make small-talk but the younger knew it was a pointless conversation. One that involved much sympathy for the anti-social boy.

“I’ve always been quiet.” Kyungsoo mumbled, leaning farther away from the touchy leader and paced his steps to avoid useless conversations.

“Yeah,” Suho agreed. “But you’ve been too quiet. It’s like you’re not even there anymore.”

Kyungsoo had a sudden urge to yell at the leader. Reminding Kyungsoo that his presence is greatly over-looked only deepened the sorrow in his heart.

Thanks Hyung, for worsening the mood.

After getting no reply, the leader sighed out of distress. 

“Kyungsoo.” He stopped outside, where the cold air punched them hard. Neither of them had a jacket either.

Kyungsoo didn’t want to, but he forced himself to stop in order to maintain his position and respect for the elder.

“Yes?”

“Is it Jongin?”

He became surprised with the sudden name. What about Jongin?

“What do you mean?” Curiously, he replied. Suho lent a soothing hand on his shoulder.

“I know Jongin’s been up on your tail everyday. I see it. Everyone sees it.”

Eyes widening, Kyungsoo spoke a little too soon, revealing nervousness. “He’s just pestering me about silly things.” His answer was very short yet it left Suho worried.

“It’s not just that.”

Kyungsoo tried his best to ignore him and ended up walking away. However, Suho was high up in his end and already bothering him about unnecessary things.

“If you call bullying silly, then your parents didn’t teach you very well about moral lessons.”

Kyungsoo halted. Suho had no right to bring up his parents. In wrath, he lifted his eyebrows and jittered his teeth. 

“My parents didn’t teach me well but that’s beside the point.” His words were bitter, but the topic itself had been way beyond sour. “Mine and Jongin’s relations have nothing to do with you, so don’t bother with-”

“I am your leader, Kyungsoo!” Suho stated with authority. “Anything about my band mates have everything to do with me.”

“Not when you know nothing about me.”

“Exactly.” Suho and Kyungsoo arrived at the dorm location, having only been two blocks away. 

“I’m trying to get to know you better but you’ve become really easy to pity on. I worry for your wellbeing and status within the group.”

Pity.

The word had hit Kyungsoo like a dagger grazing his heart.

He was being pitied on. Disbelief crossed his mind. The last thing he’d want to be was pitied on. 

***

Kyungsoo lay in bed. He moved around, yet he was not asleep.

Many members still stay awake, the brightly dimmed lights of the living room peeked inside the crack, revealing a portion of Kyungsoo’s shared room.

His conversation with Suho earlier was still on his mind, the sad revelation taunting him like some ghost.  

Was he really pitied on?

He wasn’t like the others, that much he knew. His voice wasn’t as strong as Baekhyun‘s, nor can his vocals reach high notes like Chen‘s. Luhan has the beauty, however he still had a manly feel to him. Lay was a musical genius, along with Chanyeol who can also showcase his rap skills like it was nothing. Kris had so much authority and he was best at being a leader. Suho was innocent like an angel. Tao, Sehun, and Jongin seemed to grow everyday, being the youngest in the group.

What did Kyungsoo have that was distinctive?

He had pity. 

Jongin was right. He was not up to any of their standards and it pained him to see s moving on, leaving a weakling like himself behind. It hurt, but self-loathing oneself would only cause more distress.

Becoming selfish wasn’t the ideal way and Kyungsoo hated flattery.

In the midst of deep thoughts, the door creaked open and a figure blocked the view of light.

Instantly, Kyungsoo knew who the broad man was.

Without a word, Jongin entered his bed and lazily made himself comfortable.

Baekhyun shared a bunk with Kyungsoo but he was already in dreamland, having drained all his energy out earlier playing a game with the rest. The second youngest boy of the group had his own bed, claiming that he deserved it.

Baekhyun’s snores were the only sounds that could keep the atmosphere from getting anymore awkward. It was like this every night and all three boys have grown accustomed to it.

As the night drifted on, Kyungsoo’s mind became dizzy with darkness. Sleep, finally, took a toll on him and sooner than later, he found himself sleeping through a chilly night.

***

The sound of shouting and rapidly talked conversations woke Kyungsoo from his deep slumber. His eyes opened groggily, a worrisome face threatening to paste itself on him. 

Baekhyun and Jongin were already gone.

The door suddenly opened, a frantic Luhan displaying himself to the now alert male.

“What’s going on?” He asked, walking along to see what all the fuss was about.

Luhan shook his head. “It’s a disaster Kyungsoo!”

“Wha-” Before he was able to comprehend anything, Luhan dragged him out of the room where the blindly, scorching light hit him hard. He was rubbing his eyes, trying to adjust to the sudden change of scenery but Luhan’s persistent hands kept Kyungsoo looking at the view before him.

There was food everywhere. 

Burnt food… he might add.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun were laughing while throwing something… syrup… at one another. 

Go figure. Kyungsoo would have ignored the scene, seeing as to how it was only the two of them. But the fact that Suho and Kris were literally prying Chen and Lay off of each other, Xiumin yelping from being caught between a monkey-in-the-middle syrup game with Baekhyun and Chanyeol, Sehun laughing manically at Xiumin, and the rest, Jongin and Tao, just staring, caught Kyungsoo’s attention.

“Lay and Chen were cooking for breakfast. But they had an argument over the food and ended up burning all of it, then they blamed each other and started to beat one another with skillets.” Luhan informed the latter.

“Baekhyun and Chanyeol found it amusing and so they made a game out of syrup, forcing Xiumin to be there victim. Now… it’s all a mess…”

Kyungsoo shrugged his shoulders. “Typical whenever twelve boys are living together.”

Luhan, in disbelief, dropped his jaw. “You’re not going to do anything about it?”

“Am I suppose to?”

“Well,” Luhan started. “You stay in the kitchen the most. So I volunteer you to take that away,” he paused to point at the syrup bottle, currently in the air, and the other one in Chanyeol’s hand, “from those two.”

Kyungsoo coughed out of disgust, seeing Xiumin, doing what Luhan had suggested but failing, getting shot in the eye with a force of syrup instead.

“You want me to take care of that?!”

“Nah, he wants you to clean all of that too.” Sehun interrupted

“W-what?!” It was Kyungsoo’s turn to drop his jaws.

Luhan nodded his head like a puppy following his owner.

Huffing a sigh, Kyungsoo took a look at the kitchen, questioning why he’s even obeying their orders.

An hour later, with scrubbing and mopping, the kitchen looked almost completely spotless. Kris had managed to steal Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s syrup weapon away, ordering the two to help Kyungsoo clean. Lay and Chen had eventually calmed down from tiredness and went to go fix themselves from the messy food. 

But three still wasn’t enough to clean. So with rock papers scissors, they found a fourth cleaner and much to Kyungsoo’s astonishment, the chosen person was Jongin. 

All four were adding the finishing touches to a spotless kitchen. 

Kyungsoo, once again, found. himself being cornered by none other than Jongin. 

He tried his best to avoid any eye contact with the latter, finding the floor much more interesting.

“Sometimes I wonder, what you’re doing here.” The younger said, creating a short distance between the two.

Kyungsoo huffed a breath from the closeness, scrunching himself up against the wall. It was just like yesterday.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun were playing a game in the corner, oblivious to the situation beforehand.

“To clean?” Kyungsoo innocently said.

Jongin scoffed. “You know what I mean.”

Not wanting any trouble, Kyungsoo tried to move away, sliding his back along the wall as he sidestepped the younger male.

That was a bad idea.

Jongin grabbed his wrist, twisting his body to the side, and pushed him against the wall grimly. 

Kyungsoo groaned. 

“I’m talking,” he leans forward, lips meeting Kyungsoo’s ears. “to you.”

A sudden pain was felt behind his head. That's when Kyungsoo realized the younger was holding onto his hair, tugging it away from his scalp, as if a baby playing with one’s own hair.

S-stop it.

He wanted to say something back, but it would only worsen the mood.

“You’re useless. You’re only getting in the way.” He snarled while pushing away. 

Useless. Getting in the way.

Those words repeat in Kyungsoo’s mind. It wasn’t the first he’s heard them. Memories flood his head but Kyungsoo willed himself not to cry in front of Jongin. 

“I’m a singer.” The shaky voice came out, much like a whisper, but Jongin hadn’t missed it.

“You’ve got nothing to sing for.” He said with an amused face. 

“I…” He trailed off not knowing what to say.

The whimpering boy looked away, desperate for escape.

Baekhyun and Chanyeol were no longer in the kitchen, probably having fun in their own room. 

He silently pleaded Jongin to go away, to leave him alone, leave him in his own insecurities.

Kyungsoo felt small and only shrunk more whenever Jongin sent him an annoyed expression, showcasing his distaste.

Luhan suddenly walked out of his room, eyes locked on his phone, followed by the members who gradually stretch their way out. It was as if the gods heard his desperate attempts and sent angels for the rescue.

“What are you guys doing?” Luhan said. He slipped on his shoe and like the kind person he was, he offered Kyungsoo a hand.

“We’re going to be late if we don’t get going.” Sehun slapped Jongin on the back.

Once again, Kyungsoo hurriedly made a get-away, taking his chance with Luhan’s warm hands.

He couldn’t hear anything but his heart as the band scurry out of the dorm. Kyungsoo exhales out of fear.

The searing memories resurfacing.