A/N: Here's to a new year, a new start, a new chapter (14 16 pages long on MS), a new advancement of the story and some proper taeckhun fluffy moments. Enjoy & comments are greatly appreciated!!    ///// Proofreading would be done tomorrow!

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Timestamp: the next morning

 

(Taec)

 

I looked at myself in the mirror, half my face was covered with shaving cream. I picked up the razor and gently dragged them across my skin.

‘Eh Ok Taecyeon!’ I jumped a little as my sister, Jihyen barged into the toilet.

I put down my razor and turned to look at her, half-annoyed at the morning scare.

‘Why can’t you make it a habit to knock the door Noona?’ I grumbled.

‘Oh, then why can’t you get used to the habit of the door not being knocked?’ she rebutted.

I sighed and looked at her, ‘do you need something?’

She strode into the bathroom, and flung her hand around signalling me to continue with my shaving as she sat down on the toilet seat. ‘You stayed out last night, didn’t you?’

I picked up my razor yet again and started shaving, ‘mhmm yeah why?’

‘In a new relationship?’ she quizzed teasingly.

I stopped shaving and thought about it. Was I really in relationship? ‘Actually I don’t consider myself being in a relationship, though.’

‘Do you love him?’

I left the question unanswered, simply because I didn’t know.

 

*

Sitting in the staff lounge while enjoying my break, the wise words of Jihyen sounded in my ears as I pondered if I should text Woo.

 ‘Let me tell you something baby brother,’ Jihyen started, ‘without love, nothing will work out.’ ‘One day, if I come to know that a man is being with me because he thinks that I’m simply ‘not bad’ and not because he loves me, I would definitely bash him up.’ ‘If you really don’t love him at all, then do him a favour and let him know. It’ll be good for you, and it’ll be even better for him, Taec.’

 

Recipient: Wooyoung

Are you free tonight? There’s something I need to tell you.

 

‘Taecyeon hyung! Taecyeon hyung!’ Woo’s urgent voice pierced through the peaceful atmosphere. I stood up immediately, frowning about the sudden outburst.

‘Taecyeon hyung! My mom got into an accident. She’s in the hospital right now. What do I do?’ He choked between frantic sobs.

My eyes widened, ‘hurry and go to the hospital!’

‘But… but I have to open the counter! What do I do! What do I do!?’

‘Hey, hey. It’s okay, I’m here. Just hurry to the hospital!’

‘What about the form for a leave?’ he started to hyperventilate.

‘You can always come back and do it later.’

‘But… but… I don’t know how did it happened. And it seems like she’s in a very serious condition. I- I…’

‘Woo, woo.’ I calmly said his name and pulled him in for hug.

‘Woo, don’t worry okay? Don’t be scared, I’m here for you. You need to calm down and go to the hospital right now. Call me if there’s anything okay?’

‘Okay.’

‘Okay, now go quickly. Call me okay?’ and he dashed off.

‘Hey, what happened?’ Minjun walked over.

‘Nothing. Wooyoung’s mom got into a car accident.’ I said, as I picked up my phone only seeing an unsent text to him.

‘Omg… how come?’ I shrugged, mind still worrying about Woo and the text.

 

 

*

(Khun)

 

‘Morning chef!’

‘Morning chef!’

‘Morning everyone~’ I greeted my kitchen crew.

As I stepped into my office, I saw my big boss sitting there, looking rather surprise.

‘Morning boss, what’s with the face?’ I looked at him bemused while putting my bag in my locker.

‘Your… office… is… neat eh?’

‘Mhmm yeah. Tiff reorganized it for me.’ I replied nonchalantly.

‘Tiff huh?’ Rolling my eyes at his response, I could literally see the infamous smirk on his face.

‘Chef Tiffany, I mean.’ I corrected myself, turning my body to him while leaning against the armrest of the couch.

‘So what’s up? You said you needed to see me for something?’

‘Ah yes. I need you to head down to Busan to do a check on one of the restaurants. The sales there ain’t ideal especially since the location is in the heart of Busan so yes, it’s a business trip, and…’

‘And….?’ I looked up from my fingers.

‘You can bring ‘Tiff’ along with you since she needs some exposure,’ he winked at me.

‘No.’ I replied him a little too fast. ‘I mean, I’ll rather leave her here in Seoul so that she can manage the restaurant with Junho.’

‘Suit yourself, just bring someone along. You’re leaving tomorrow and email me the report in a week’s time, then we’ll set up another meeting to discuss the measurements we need to take, alright?’

I nodded and ushered him out of the office before heading to the washroom. As I strolled, I pondered. Should I bring Tiffany along? Just before I was about to enter the washroom, I could hear two other male chefs inside gossiping.

‘When I went to the convenient store the other time, that cashier actually thought I was my girlfriend’s older brother!’ one of the chefs complained.

‘That’s too much!’

‘I know! And it’s so frustrating!’

‘Have you heard about Khun and Tiffany?’

‘No what about them?’ I raised my eyebrows and took a step back, subtly leaning against the wall, interested in what they had to gossip about me.

‘Khun’s hitting on Tiffany!’

‘Are you serious?! I thought he was gay? It’s such a pity though, Tiffany’s really pretty though. Does she know that he’s not straight?’

‘He’s biual you bastard. Anyway let’s go, we still have to prep for our work station.’

As they both pushed open the door, they both jumped at the sight of me.

‘Chef Khun! Er you’re gonna use the washroom too?’

I glared at them, ‘what else?’

The two chefs glanced at each other and scurried off, leaving me behind. Walking into the washroom, I gripped the sides of the basin and stared into the mirror. Thank you gentlemen. You’ve finally stirred up my fighting spirit.

 

I stormed back into the kitchen and called out for Tiffany.

‘Yes Chef Khun?’ I looked around making sure that the other chefs were listening to our conversation.

‘For the next two days you would be going on a business trip with me to Busan. Kindly book the high speed train tickets and hotel rooms, I preferably hope to arrive in Busan before 10am. And also, text me your home address, I’ll pick you up and send us both to the train station.’

She beamed and nodded, as though she understood me, ‘yep sure no problem.’

 

*

Dumping in the facial products I needed into my luggage, I felt as though I might have forgotten something. Running my fingers through, I suddenly sat up and thought, maybe I should bring some condoms…..

‘Your imagination is running wild, Nichkhun Buck Horvejkul!’ I reprimanded myself. I shook my head trying to get rid of all the thoughts that I was having, and my phone rang.

‘What?’ I said to the caller.

-‘Can I come over?’

 

*

‘Here’ I passed Taec a can of beer as we sat near the edge of the hill which was near my house, overlooking the extraodinary night view of the busy city of Seoul.

‘Thanks.’ He mumbled, before proceeding to open the can and gulped down half of its content.

‘You’re right you know. Love is a matter of ‘the moment’.’

I looked at him, giving him the ‘I told you so’ look.

‘It could be because of this moment, you fall in love with a person. And also it could also be that you missed a moment of rejection as well and you have to fall in love with that person.’

My eyes widened, ‘you both really slept together already?!’

Taec spat out his beer from his mouth.

‘So?’

‘Oh my gawd, no. I’m just saying that… I wanted to tell you…’ ‘I…’ ‘Am…’ ‘Going…’ ‘To start…’ ‘Being in a relationship.’ He chuckled awkwardly.

My heart sank. Don’t ask me why, but it just sank. It was like an ‘oh okay’ moment, where I couldn’t do anything but felt some sort of inflicted hurt. A type of hurt I couldn’t comprehend. I scoffed at Taec to cover up the emotions I was feeling inside.

‘It was because there was a burglar in his neighbour’s house, that’s why I was…’

‘Look, I don’t want to listen to your details,’ I said, cutting Taec off.

‘Then, don’t think of me as some rotten guy please.’

Whatever I think of you, does it even matter anymore?’

‘Of course it does matter.’ Taec looked at me, amused at my words.

‘At the end, both of you have already done ‘that’.’ I sneered and looked away from him. Taec sighed in defeat, only making me feel even worse than I already was.

‘Okay, okay. You’re not rotten okay? You just thought that the time was right so that’s why you slept with him. Will this do?’

‘Wow, Nichkhun Buck Horvejkul, you are really….’

‘Whatever. Look, I’ll be catching up soon enough.’ I smiled not so innocently.

His eyes widened, ‘there’s new progress?’

‘I’m leaving tomorrow on a business trip to Busan with her.’ I smirked.

‘So… what are you gonna do there?’

‘What business is that of yours huh?’

‘Being your best friend, that makes it my business, Khun.’ He smiled at me, encouragingly.

‘Frankly speaking,’ I paused, resting my chin in my palm, ‘I don’t really know what I’m gonna do there.’ ‘I’m just really very nervous that’s all.’ ‘What if….’

‘What if she comes knocking at your door?’ he continued, completing my sentence.

 I turned my head to look at him and laughed. ‘If she doesn’t come knocking at my door, shouldn’t I be anxious instead?’

He looked at me, and cracked a smile. ‘You couldn’t have been making some sort of preparations for that, like condoms or perfume, those kind of stuff have you?’

‘With my charm, I don’t need to use all these kind of things, okay?’ I rebutted.

‘Alright alright, I was just joking,’ he pouted and looked back down at his can of beer.

‘Not funny.’ An awkward silence fell over us, before hearing some shuffling noise only to find Taec’s full body facing me.

‘Nichkhun.’

‘What?’

‘Remember this. You have to make sure that… ‘She’s the one’.’

‘What do you mean?’ I turned my head to look at him.

‘What I mean is that don’t let him think that just because you’re ‘not too bad’ and accepted you. Which isn’t fair to you, so…’

‘What do you mean by I’m ‘not too bad’ huh?’ I scoffed, as my blood level rose.

‘Let me finish saying what I want to say, okay?’ Taec looked at me with pleading eyes.

‘No!’ I exclaimed angrily, ‘Ok Taecyeon, you didn’t fall for me is because you simply had no taste okay? So you can’t see that I’m lovable. I’m more than ‘not too bad’ alright!! I’m definitely winning this bet, so please get your to the ATM machine and withdraw that 100 million won!’ ‘I’m going home to sleep,’ I scorned at him and stormed off home.

 

‘I…’ ‘Am…’ ‘Going…’ ‘To start…’ ‘Being in a relationship.’

Taec’s words sounded in my head as I reached home. Staring at the box of condoms at the side of my bed, I picked it up swiftly and threw it into my luggage. I am definitely win this bet.

 

*

-Busan-

 

Looking at the sales report, I almost coughed out blood. There was barely anyone coming in to dine in the restaurant. The food was of standards, my spy had already dined and gave me a full report about it, which just leaves the management.

‘Ugh, did you see that ’s face? She honestly had a ing attitude when she asked about the menu. Bet she wasn’t even interested at all.’ One of the restaurant managers ranted to another manager. I arched my eyebrow and looked at them. I held onto the report and approached them.

‘Could someone kindly explain why the sales are so terrible?’ The two managers looked at me and shrugged.

‘Tiffany, put up the notice that the restaurant’s having a promotion.’

‘But… but the prices are already so cheap,’ one of the managers blurted out.

I looked at them and squinted. ‘If a customer even bothers to ask you about the prices, means that they are most likely interested in the menu that we have. Until you learn how to treat my customers with care, the promotion will go on. And even with the promotion, the sales are as terrible then this time I’ll be removing the promotion and you guys as well.’

‘Tiffany you done? Let’s go.’ I rolled my eyes are the two managers, seems like there was a need to get new and more passionate floor managers for the restaurant, otherwise I would have to close the restaurant down.

 

*

‘You wanna know something?’ Tiffany asked, as she slid her hand into mine while we walked down the streets of Busan.

‘Hmm?’

‘You’re really attractive and masculine when you’re aggressive,’ she giggled and laid her head on my upper arm.

I let out a low chuckle and looked down at her, ‘was that meant to be a compliment?’

‘Mhmm!’ she nodded and grinned. ‘Anyway, have we ended our work?’

I looked at her and halted. ‘Uh well, if you have any plans this evening you can go off first you know.’

Tiffany laughed and pinched my cheek, ‘no silly. I was asking if we ended work already, because I really want to bring you somewhere to eat some really nice Busan delicacies~’

‘Oh,’ I smiled awkwardly, as my free hand scratched my head.

‘So I’ll take that as a yes okay Khunnie?’ with that she ran ahead pulling me along with her.

 

 

‘Khunnie!! You need to try this!’

‘Oh my gawd you need to try that!’

‘We should totally order the grilled oysters!’

 

As the night went out, Tiffany stuffed, literally stuffed me with tons of Busan’s exotic seafood and meat. Throughout the entire night, her fingers was always in between mine. It was exactly what they always say, our fingers did fit perfectly in between each other’s and… it was a kind of feeling that I thought I couldn’t get back. My heart was fluttering, my hands and feet were somewhat clammy, and I had butterflies in my stomach. I was like a teenager, falling in love all over again. Gazing upon the sky, I was struck by the darkness of the night, darker than smeared charcoal, small splashes of gold glittering here and there as if an artist had brazenly attempted to light it without aim; smoky grey clouds deteriorate under the fluorescent silver beams of the moon, as if they were shadows to be banished. But the night sky didn’t steal my breath away, the lady next to me did.

‘Khunnie…’ her voice broke my thoughts, as I brought myself back down onto the earth and turned to look at her.

‘Yeah?’

‘Hehehe nothing~’ she sang.

‘Why… never mind.’ I stopped, at the same time letting go of her hand.

‘Go on, ask me!’

‘Why are you… so happy today? Wasn’t it a tiring day at work?’

‘Hmmm…’ she hummed, ‘I guess… it’s because… I don’t know how to describe what I’m feeling right now. But in the simplest way, you make me feel like that. Whenever I’m with you… I feel what they call ‘happiness’?’

Happiness.

I looked at her. Happiness. Did she honestly just said that when she is with me, she felt happy? I couldn’t help but smile at her, at how honest she was about her feelings and by some luck, my feelings were going to be reciprocated because I felt the same way about her.

‘Let’s go back to the hotel and treat ourselves to a glass of red wine, how ‘bout that?’ she asked, interlocking our hands again, simple innocent touches that were driving me crazy.

‘Okay,’ I grinned, letting her lead me.

 

Good thing I stuffed a packet of condoms into my wallet.

 

*

 

Swirling the red liquid in the icy cold wine glass, the words that left Tiffany’s mouth kept replaying in my head. Happiness. It was something so abstract and to think she said she felt it when she was with me.

‘Khunnieeeee…’

‘Hmmm?’ I looked up from my glass, staring into her hazelnut brown eyes.

‘What are you thinking about?’ she asked while getting up from the chair, planting herself next to me on the bed.

‘Nothing much…’ I mumbled, not really wanting to let her know that my mind was still going on and on about what just happened.

‘Tell me,’ she urged as she placed her warm palm on my thigh. A sudden swell of warmth overcame my cheeks, I knew I was blushing. ‘Was it about just now?’ she whispered seductively into my ears, leaning her body against mine. My breathing became uneven, adrenaline shot through my body, it was practically on fire. Passionate kind of fire. I slowly turned my head to look at her. Her rosy lips were just millimetres away from mine. Was this it? We could make out, have and who knows what was gonna happen next. But was this what I wanted? Unconsciously my body moved towards her. Tiffany closed her eyes, approving of what I was doing. Before I could even have my lips touched hers, an urgent knock on the door broke the heated silence between us. I abruptly sat back and ran my fingers through my hair in utter awkwardness as Tiffany giggled before making her way to open the door.

 

‘What the was I doing?’ I mentally cursed myself.

‘YA! Why aren’t you replying your text or my phone calls?’ a girl’s voice, that didn’t belong to Tiffany’s shouted.

‘I’m working Tae!’ Tiffany argued back. I looked up and saw a shorter girl outside the door.

‘Who is…’ before I could even continue the girl ‘Tae’ interrupted me.

‘Working?!?! You’re working?!!? More like seducing your boss again aren’t you?’ she turned to me, ‘look Mr Head chef, your beloved all-perfect sous chef Tiffany here isn’t straight. She’s together with me okay? And I know she made you feel all so special and fluttery like you’re falling in love but news flash, she’s doing that to get your position. So stop whatever you’re doing because she’s not interested in your AT ALL.’

‘Taeyeon! Why are you doing this to me!?’ Tiffany grabbed her arm, trying to stop her from making matters worse.

‘I-… I’m sorry,’ I managed to cough out from the shock I just received.

‘Khunnie I-… let me explain!’ Tiffany begged me, as she grabbed my arm.

‘Save it for someone who bothers!’ I roared, flinging her arm away as though she had some sort of a disease and I dashed straight towards my room. I slammed my door loudly, not giving any considerations to the other hotel stayers who were staying on the same floor as me. Leaning against it, I slid down. I wrapped my arms around my knees and pulled them close to my chest, trying to find comfort. Embarrassment, shame came crashing all over me. Before I knew it, hot burning frustrated tears rolled down my cheeks. I instantly cupped my eyes with my hands that were balled into a fist. I sobbed, wailed and cried my heart out. I couldn’t even put into words as to how I was feeling.

I felt cheated. ing. Goddamn. Cheated.

Why didn’t I see it coming? Why couldn’t I see that she wasn’t even interested in me? Why didn’t my gaydar work? Why must I be the one that feels this indignant? Why must it be me getting all the shame and hurt? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?

 

Why does it feel like the other time when I got hurt? Will someone ever love me again?

 

‘Someone please help me…’ I managed to whisper.

 

 

*

(Taec)

 

The cold wind blew furiously as I waited for Woo to come home from his visit to the hospital. I wanted to give this a try. I wanted to give Woo a chance. I wanted to give myself a chance to finally love someone who would love me back.

‘Taecyeon hyung?’ Woo muttered in shock as he stepped out of the cab.

‘Hey,’ I smiled at him. Woo then ran up to me and crashed right straight into my chest, engulfing himself with my body. ‘You alright?’ I murmured into his hair, while rubbing his back gently.

‘I’m fine after seeing you~’

I let out a low chuckle. ‘Oh… so I’m a pain-killer now?’

Woo giggled at my joke and continued, ‘you’re my walking stick. Tricycle. Telescope. And gas station heh.’

I couldn’t help but smile wider at how adorable he was, ‘have you eaten?’ He grinned and shook his head, ‘do you want to be my chef?’  

‘Then… I’ll let you try my specialty, rabbokki okay?’

‘Yay! I really love to eat rabbokki~’ he cheered.

‘Mm okay let’s go in then.’ Just then my phone rang.

 

 ‘Hello?’

-‘I finally understood it already.’ Khun croaked.

‘Are you okay?’ I asked in worry.

-‘No… I…’ he stopped and sniffed.

‘Are you crying?’ A small tug at my shirt reminded me of Woo’s presence, I mouthed to him to give me a second so that I could talk to Khun.

-‘SHE WAS JUST USING ME!’ he bawled.

-‘I’m not even as good as ‘not too bad’ I am totally out of her league. And yet she still played with me. I’m just her ING stepping stone. Why am I so gullible? Tell me why am I so stupid? Why Taec why?’ Khun shrieked into the phone. I glanced at Woo, who looked pretty annoyed. I dragged the phone away from my ear and cupped the speaker, and turned to Woo.

‘Woobaby, can I… can I cook for you another day? There’s something up with Khun and I need to talk to him. Could you be understanding? I promise I’ll make it up to you okay?’ And without even hearing his reply, I rushed out towards the main road and drove off in my car.

After all, bros over hoes right?

 

~2 hours passed~

 

-‘I’m an utter joke. What the hell did I do in my past life to get this right now?’ ‘What being taken care of? Heart fluttering? I’m simply just an extremely stupid pig who exaggerates his -appeal.’ ‘No wonder you said you’ll never love me back then!’ Khun wailed and poured out his heart and soul to me non-stop.

-‘I really don’t want to let anyone find me anymore! I’m so ed up tired right now! I want to go to place where nobody can find me! I want to resign Taec, I can’t do this anymore. I want to hide! I might as well leave home too!’ he screamed between sobs.

-‘So there must be something really wrong with me right now. If you’re my best friend, don’t bother to comfort me, tell me the truth. Tell me what’s wrong with me? It’s okay, I can definitely bear it. Tell me.’ He coughed out, obviously exhausted from the constant sobbing.

‘Okay, I will. But, can you first open the door.’ I finally spoke after two hours of listening to him.

-‘Door?’ ‘What door?’

I knocked the door lightly, only to find a confused Khun staring blankly right back at me when the door of his hotel room finally opened.

‘What are you doing in Busan…?’ Khun look fixedly at me, his eyes were bloodshot red. His stunning porcelain face had unwiped tears stained over it.

‘You asked me to tell you what’s wrong with you and so I’m here.’ I spoke as a matter of fact, stepping into the room and closing the door behind me.

‘You could’ve just said it over the phone you didn’t have to make a special trip down.’

‘I’m here to show you the real Nichkhun Buck Horvejkul,’ I declared, putting down the plastic bag of soju I managed to buy before grabbing the nearest mirror to show him his reflection.

‘I have no face to see the real him.’  Khun pushed me away and jumped onto the bed facing down. ‘I’m such a disgrace right now.’

I sighed and crouched down by the bedside. ‘Why?’ I asked warmly. ‘Because you… kept talking bad about him?’ ‘Or are you angry at yourself for letting him fall into someone’s trap?’

‘I’m just such a disgrace right now,’ Khun declared into the pillow, not wanting me to see his face.

‘Mmm you’re right actually… the mirror can’t reflect your beautiful side. Because that side of you, is only revealed to me.’

Khun slowly lifted his head and looked at me not really understanding what I was saying. I smiled a little and leaned forward, resting my crossed arms on the bed. ‘Even if he’s so busy, or that he’s in a terrible shape, he will still leave aside everything and comfort his friends first. Even if his parents, brothers and sisters take somewhat of an advantage of him, yet he still feels that being needed by them is a kind of simple happiness. Even if someone hurts him, he would still praise that person’s strong points.’ I paused for a while, letting the jumble words inside my head form the sincere sentences I wanted to say next, ‘in this whole world, I would never be able to find another Nichkhun Horvejkul that is like that.’ ‘One whose worthy of the two hours I spent to get here from Seoul.’

I turned around and sat down, now back facing Khun and the bed. ‘But then… Nichkhun does have many weak points too. Among them, his weakest point is that he doesn’t like to trouble others even though he always makes himself go that extra mile. Why do you hate yourself or see yourself negatively, because of others’ ill intentions? You definitely have to change this weak point of yours.’

The shuffling of the sheets told me that Khun sat up. I turned my head slightly to see him biting his lips, still trembling. I got up and sat on the bed next to him. ‘You have to believe that you’re someone who’s worthy of everyone’s love including that guy or girl who has yet to appear in your life.’

I patted his head, gently pushing him to cry on my shoulder. ‘Stop crying okay silly?’

 

*

 

As the night went on and as the number of empty soju bottles increased, Khun and I ended talking about our old school days.

‘Why do you always opposed my opinions huh?’ I asked Khun, looking at him sitting cross-legged on the bed while I was on the arm chair.

‘I don’t know either man, but hey we agree on one thing – Victoria was one right?’

I scoffed, ‘correction Khunnie, I knew Victoria was a before you even started dating her and you thought she was one after she broke up with you.’ ‘Anyway, I don’t want to talk about her, you know how you get when I say things about her.’

‘Oh? Do tell. I’m half-drunk anyway, don’t think I’ll remember when I wake up.’

‘I…’ I had been holding it in me for so long, ‘The period where I disliked you the most, Nichkhun Buck Horvejkul, was when you were in a relationship with that Victoria. Because you suddenly became a man of no opinions at all, you just simply followed and accepted what she said.’

‘Well, that’s love isn’t it Taec?’ Khun slurred. ‘Because of love, we compromise and be considerate towards the other in the relationship.’

‘That’s absolutely wrong Khunnie boo. When one falls for another, you fall for that person for who he or she is, and not because they are willing to compromise and do things for them.’ ‘And to put it simply, your taste in both men and women big time.’

‘Excuse you!’ he gasped pretentiously, ‘it’s not like you were all so wonderful as well okay! If you were so great, why did your past boyfriends break up with you huh?’

‘Because they couldn’t accept the relationship between us Khunnie…’ I said. It was true, no boyfriend of mine could understand the connection or relationship I had with Khun. I could forgo dates just to comfort him, or pick up a phone in the middle of a meal or love making session just to answer him. Bros over hoes. But then again maybe Khun wasn’t so much of a bro.

‘Alright so what’s the ‘right person’?’ Khun patted at the empty space next to him, signalling me to sit next to him. I got up again and laid next to him, ‘hmm someone who you can be comfortable with.’

Khun laughed out loud as he laid down as well. ‘Isn’t that a friend?’

I turned my body to face him, supporting my head on my arms, ‘but you can’t sleep with a friend Khun.’ Khun swiftly turned his head and glared at me.

‘We’re actually just a bunch of bastards Khun.’

‘Oh yeah? I have never took advantage of you before Ok Taecyeon!’

‘Go on, try me!’ I dared Khun. He then rolled into my chest, leg intertwined with mine. His arms slid up my body to the back of my head, tightly gripping my hair. His hot breath, his thumping heart. My pounding heart and a thorough adrenaline rush swept through my body. Khun tilted my head downwards towards him, our lips barely a heartbeat away from each other. Staring straight into his soul, I wanted to just devour him right then, letting him know how much I loved him, how much I wanted to be the ‘right person’ for him. We all accept a love we think deserve, this prefect angel in front of me deserved so much more than he does now. Khun’s straight face broke into a cheeky grin, I could only grin back as he rolled away, shaking in laughter.

‘Why can’t there be platonic friendship between two men?’ Khun sat up, finally done with his laughing fit.

‘Hmm… because half the world is gay right now?’

‘Did you ever see me that way?’ Khun asked softly.

‘Of course I did,’ I wanted to say but instead, ‘did you ever see me that way?’

‘Why did you say that it’s not possible for you to fall for me?’ He pouted. Obviously Khun was half-drunk, there was certainly no way that he would ask me such things continuously if he was sober.

‘I-…’ and my phone rang. Woo’s name flashed.

‘Go on, answer it before he gets the wrong idea.’

I simply nodded and sat up as Khun left for the washroom.

‘Hey…’

-‘Taecyeon hyung!’

‘Sorry about just now, I really had to rush off. Have you eaten?’

-‘Yeah I’m about to eat now. Will you be coming back?’

‘Er… I doubt I will. I’m in Busan right now and it’s a pretty long ride back to Seoul. Sorry Woo.’

-‘Oh… okay.’ I could mentally hear his pout, that boy was forever pouting.

‘Hey, I’ll talk to you tomorrow alright? Quickly go eat and head to bed soon. Goodnight.’ I greeted before ending the call.

‘Done talking to him?’ Khun strolled out of the washroom.

‘Mhmm…’ I nodded.

 

The night long conversations went on as the night grew darker and colder. Laughter and tears, glares and pouts. An innocent friendship between two boys, a selfish request I simply couldn’t bring myself to want. Before I knew it, Khun’s soft snoring could be heard.

‘You’re finally asleep,’ I whispered, brushing his soft hair away from his face. I pulled him closer against me, taking a good look at his angelic sleeping face. Engulfing him with my embrace. My fingers ran through his soft luscious hair as I tucked his face into my neck, his warm steady breath against my cold skin, I inhaled his smell - his favourite shampoo and musky scent of perspiration. I gently pressed my lips against his forehead because I wasn’t a man who was going to take advantage of him when he was asleep. I refused to do so.

Khun ah, although it had been a couple of years since Victoria dumped you, the pain inside your eyes have always been there, and you think I couldn’t see it? Don’t blame yourself for feeling this way – about Vic and what happened today, it wasn’t and will never be your fault. If only I could always be the one to remind what is it like to smile. If only I could show what true love could really do. If only you let me love you, until you learn to appreciate and love yourself. If only you knew how I felt about you.

 

If only you knew…