Khun and Woo stood there in awkward silence, waiting for Taec, who was settling the bill. Someone said awkward was a state of mind, but it wasn’t a state of one’s mind, but the state of both minds.

 

(Taec)

 

I rushed out of the restaurant knowing that the both of them were waiting for me. And also knowing that with Khun and his reaction just now over dinner, he didn’t really like him.

‘Sorry for the long wait!’ I said as I stood in between the both of them.

‘Then…’

‘Was it very expensive?’ Woo interrupted, latching himself onto me.

‘Er… about 500,000 won?’

‘Huh…’ Woo gasped at the price.

‘Thanks.’ Khun thanked.

I looked at Khun and smiled.

‘Then… the next time I’ll treat you!’ Woo suggested, making me turn to answer him with a nod. ‘But today, the yam noodles was really delicious!’

I looked at Khun, wanting to lighten his mood (and as well), and agreed ‘yeah, I thought so too.’

‘Really?’ Woo asked in a cutesy voice and placed his head over my shoulder again.

‘Really.’ I reassured him. ‘Then… I’ll send Woo home first. Then I’ll send you home?’

‘There’s no need to trouble yourself, you can just send Woo back.’ Khun declined.

‘It’s not a problem,’ I said, ‘plus it’s towards the same direction.’

‘You really don’t need to trouble yourself, Taec!’ Khun insisted, ‘there’s someone I need to meet before heading back.’

‘Oh look, she’s here,’ Khun announced, pointing at someone behind Woo and myself.

‘Khunnie~’ a young lady, with an exceptionally alluring pair of eyes, approached us. ‘Sorry to keep you waiting~’

My jaws tightened, my palms almost curled into a fist due to the sudden boiling of my blood. Don’t tell me she’s…

‘No it’s alright!’ Khun smiled at her. ‘Oh right, this is Taec and Woo, while this is Tiffany!’

She reached her palm out for a handshake. Glancing down at it, I was reluctant to shake her hand, actually I didn’t even want to shake her hand but I stealthily gripped her hand and shook it in the end.

‘Hello.’ She pressed a smile, there was an unexplainable tension between the both of us.

‘Hello.’

‘Hmmm… we’ll be leaving first alright?’ ‘Tiff and I have some work-related stuff to talk about.’

Looking at how… adorable they looked together, I gathered my emotions and swallowed down the chunk of jealousy that was stuck in my throat. ‘Let’s eat together someday.’

‘Of course,’ Tiffany agreed without much hesitation.

Khun and Tiffany then left together, seeing their back views didn’t help much with unexpected rejection. I always sent Khun home, always, but maybe this time he had found someone better, someone that might cherish and not break his heart.

 

*

‘Why are there so many police…?’ Woo mumbled worriedly, as he looked out of the window of the taxi that halted outside his apartment.

Holding the bill in my hand, I reassured him ‘I’ll accompany you, don’t worry too much.’

Alighting from the cab, while walking towards the crowd, Woo became more and more nervous. ‘Excuse me, but what just happened?’

‘There was a burglar in our house! Even the iron gate had been taken down! It was an utter mess inside the house. Do you want to go upstairs and take a look at your place? See if there’s anything missing.’ Woo’s neighbour suggested.

‘Yes I will, thank you,’ and he rushed up.

As we reached the floor he was staying on, he looked at me unsure of what to do.

‘Open the door, I’ll go in first kay?’ I held his clammy hands, trying my best to give him some sort of security and assurance.

Once unlocked, Woo switched on the first set of lights, as I slowly walked into the apartment. His sudden grip on my arm, caused me to turn sharply and glared at him, but only to soften my gaze after seeing his anxious face. Walking in, from the hallway to his living room, seemed like everything was intact.

‘Hey, seems like everything’s alright,’ I said in relief. ‘Want to go check your room to see if anything’s missing?’

Woo nodded and heading straight to his bedroom while I stayed in his living room.

‘Before sleeping tonight,’ I started to instruct, ‘remember to lock up everything and lock your windows too. Got it?’

‘Mhmm okay.’ Woo replied still checking his room.

‘Remember to keep your phone at your bedside, and call me if there’s anything.’

‘Ok!’

I checked my watch, it was pretty late already. ‘If there’s nothing else, I’m leaving first okay?’

‘Huh… you’re leaving already?’ Woo rushed out of his room, biting his lips, still looking pretty shaken by what just happened.

 

*

As I laid on the floor next to Woo’s bed, feeling pretty awkward about the whole situation we were in, which was that Woo asked him to stay until he fell asleep.

‘Are… you asleep?’ Woo whispered, breaking the silence that overwhelmed the room.

I sighed, ‘no.’

‘You have to wait until I sleep then you can sleep alright?’

‘Mmm.’ I replied curtly and took another glance at my watch.

‘It seems like you’re already falling asleep,’ Woo mumbled.

‘Don’t worry, in an uncomfortable place, I won’t be able to sleep that easily.’ I stated, looking up at the ceiling from the floor.

‘Then….’ Woo started, ‘do you want to… sleep on the bed?’

My eyes widened at what Woo just initiated. ‘It doesn’t matter. Quickly go sleep.’

‘I don’t mind… actually,’ Woo stuttered.

‘Thank you for not minding, but once I lie down, I’ll feel lazy to move.’

‘Taecyeon hyung…’ ‘Could it be that… you’re straight? And not gay?’

My eyes widened for a second time, this was getting out of hand. I sat up from the floor, legs stretched out and saw Woo at the edge of the bed, pouting at me.

‘You know that I’m gay from the start, Woo.’ I looked at him in the eye.

‘Then why do you have to let me… take the initiative in everything?’ he crawled closer, leaning off the edge of the bed, facing me. ‘Took the initiative to invite you out, took the initiative to hold your hand. Could it be that… even kissing… I have to take the initiative too?’

I held my breath. Kissing. Wasn’t it a bit too early to talk about kissing? I turned my head away from Woo’s stare. ‘I’m not straight, and maybe it’s because when it comes to a relationship or these sort of things, I have the tendency to think a lot.’

‘Then…’ ‘Can I know what you’re thinking about?’

‘I’m thinking about ‘Moment’, ‘taking initiatives’, being passive’ and everything else related to love. As a result, the more I think, the more confused I get.’

Woo then got off the bed, and straddled me. I stared into his eyes, utterly confused and unsure of what he was going to do.

‘Woo…?’

‘Then don’t think about anything,’ and he leaned in, gently pressing his lips onto mine.

As Woo broke the kiss, he blushed and climbed back up onto the bed, leaving me on the cold hard floor, with thoughts swirling in my head.

‘So, should I or shouldn’t I accept a ‘not too bad’ initiative? Is ‘being passive’ as kind of courtesy, or is it wandering on the borderline of the rules of love? Right now, the world inside my brain is even more confused than ever. What am I going to do? Someone please save me!’

As the words ‘save me’ spelt out in my head, my mobile rang. I reached for it in my pocket, only to have Woo looking at me again, this time with a set of begging eyes, ‘can you not pick that up?’ left his lips.

I picked up my phone anyways and stood up at the same time, leaving the room with Woo inside.

‘Hello? What’s up?’ as I walked out to the balcony, closing the sliding glass door.

-‘You’re quite calm huh?’ Khun’s voice teased over the phone.

‘About what?’

-‘Shouldn’t you have called and asked me, what are my thoughts about ‘Taecyeon hyung’ already?’

‘Oh. What do you think then?’ I replied.

He paused for a while, as though he was hesitating, -‘not bad. Very… yam-like.’

‘Very yam-like?’ I chuckled. ‘Yam-like is an adjective now?’

-‘Ay, you like yam so much, you should understand.’

‘So what you’re trying to say is to tell me to take advantage of this opportunity?’

-‘What?!? Isn’t it a bit too late to be thinking about this right now?’ Khun asked me back, in disbelief.

‘Oh? It’s already too late?’ I replied nonchalantly.

-‘Duh right?’

‘Then, when is it considered not too late to be thinking about this?’

-‘Before you decided to chase after someone, you should have already thought about it Taec. I thought this was common sense!’

‘Excuse you, but I didn’t chase him.’ I said as a matter of fact.

-‘Kay. Correction. Before you decided to let someone chase after you, you should have already thought about this.’

I sighed, ‘the whole point is that he didn’t even give me any time in the first place to think about this whole thing.’

-‘Yah. Ok Taecyeon.’

‘What.’

-‘Are you trying to show off right now? Or are you just getting more arrogant as you get older?’

‘Hey, don’t say that. I’m pouring out my heart and soul to you right now okay, Khunnie.’

-‘Okay. Then, may I ask your heart and soul, what do they think about my sous chef?’

I looked up at the starry night sky, ‘she’s very beautiful, mesmerising. Just like how you described her.’

-‘So, say something else?’ Khun scoffed.

‘I can’t think of anything else, really.’

-‘Why?’

‘I only talked to her for like barely 3 sentences, what else do you want me to say?’

-‘Um, that’s true.’

-‘Then, what’s the progress between you and ‘Taecyeon hyung’?’

After hearing ‘progress’, my mind wandered to the moment where Woo… kissed me.

‘We held hands.’ I lied.

The shuffling of feet behind me, got me to turn my back. Woo stood there with a blanket in his hand, asking me silently if I was cold and if I needed it.

‘I’m not cold,’ I told him.

-‘Who’s that? Who are you talking to? Aren’t you home?’ Khun’s voice asked suspiciously.

‘Erm… I’m at Woo’s home.’

-‘Ok Taecyeon! Your mind’s already filled with lust and yet, you’re still discussing with me about whether you should seize the opportunity or not?!’ ‘Sorry to have interrupted you both!’

‘Hey, it’s not what you think it is.’ I immediately explained, not wanting Khun to get the wrong idea.

‘I… hello? Nichkhun?’ I removed the phone from my ear, only to see that Khun hung up on me. Great, just great.  

 

*

(Khun)

 

‘Then, what’s the progress between you and ‘Taecyeon hyung’?’ I asked playfully.

A temporary silence filled the line, before Taec replied with - ‘We held hands.’

I rolled my eyes at his answer, shouldn’t he have already went past that stage? They held hands? That’s all?

-‘I’m not cold,’ Taec said softly, definitely to someone else.  

‘Who’s that? Who are you talking to? Aren’t you home?’ I asked with much suspicion. Taec wasn’t the kind that would stay out late unless he had work, or he was chatting with me.  

-‘Erm… I’m at Woo’s home.’

My eyes widened, and suddenly there was a surge of the same emotions I felt at the restaurant. ‘Ok Taecyeon! Your mind’s already filled with lust and yet, you’re still discussing with me about whether you should seize the opportunity or not?!’ ‘Sorry to have interrupted you both!’ I shouted into the phone.

-‘Hey, it’s not what you think it is.’ He tried to explain, but right now I didn’t need his explanation. I looked at my phone, his faint muffled voice could still be heard, and me, being all pissed and whatnot, I ended the call, hanging up on Taec.

I flung open the sliding door to my personal balcony. Clutching tightly onto the railing, I took in a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. I looked up at the night sky, filled with stars that were light-years away from me. A sudden wave of sadness accompanied with loneliness enveloped me. Why does my heart feel so sad? Why do I feel so unhappy about Taec being at Woo’s house?

‘Of course, it’s because I’m afraid that my progress would fall way behind Ok Taecyeon’s.’ I reasoned with myself out loud.

I took another glance at my phone, contemplating if I should send him a text. Which I did, in the end.

 

Recipient: Taec

‘My recent advancements: holding hands too.’

 

And I clicked send. Staring at the phone again, I bit my lips. Why did I have to lie to Taec? Why am I so upset and frustrated over what he told me? Why did it feel as though the text I send him was to spite him, hoping to make him feel the emptiness, or that mixed set of emotions I was feeling right now.

 

Why?

 

 

 

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A/N: The title and chapter are self-explanatory. So comments? (: