January's 20

Dear Diary,

Here I am. At the airport. I won't lie, I'm frightened. The train had the most awful images that I've ever saw. Children crying, holding their moms who had cold look on their face. Not knowing what to say because "Everything will be alright" wouldn't work or be certain. She would just hold her daughter and sing her a lullaby and I have to tell you I would swing to the lullaby, as it would make me feel more calm as well. After all just like the little one, I was still a kid. At the train I saw other stuff. I saw men with their dreams lost, teenagers who would anxious try to run away and women who were afraid to leave their beloved ones at the city. My heart it trembled. It hurts now. How is my mom? How is my father? Even how is my brother, is he still alive? All this questions would pop out in my head as my blood keeps trying to run away from the veins, just so I can finally lay down and fall asleep. I just want to sleep. Something I haven't done for awhile now. The guys from the airport are calling me, I am wearing this funny outfit. I'm in the army now, and my name is Kai. The moment I get in that airplane Jongin will stay.

I will be no longer Jongin. Now I'm Kai.

January's 28

Dear Diary,

I met someone. His name is Kyungsoo. He is not as tall as me, actually he's smaller. He's older than me and he is quite nice. I talked to him and I remember how for the first time I said my name was Kyungsoo. He told me his story how he was running away as well to meet his girlfriend who ran away 1 year ago. They've been talking through letters and he told me all about her while we were on the plane and I listened to him but then again I was lost in my own thoughts.

What's love?

Is it really real?

Or is just something that they built because they were both desperate and trying to ran away from the pain? Founding comfort in what they call "love"

Won't their passion die?

I don't believe in love. 

We will meet her once we are out of the bus. The trip was fine and Kyungsoo asked me to sleep in their place. I had to say yes because otherwise I wouldn't know what to do. We are in America after all and that's a country that I don't know about.

I wonder how my life will be from now on. 

Kyungsoo is calling me.

I have to go.

Kai.